Your “I Think Baseball Is A Gateway Drug” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Notes:

  • OOOHHH – BEEF!
    • Pete Carroll had things to say about Richard Sherman & Michael Bennett having things to say on their way out of the Emerald City.
      • The money quote from the interview is Carroll claiming “sometimes guys can’t hang with what’s expected.”
      • Oh, and about any malcontents?
        • “And the best thing I can tell you is, that they’re not here.”
  • SHOCKING! Gronk says he’ll be back for the Patriots in 2018.
    • HOWEVER!, in a conspiracy theory devised via a media 69 you don’t ever want to picture, Florio is reporting that Peter King has it on good authority (the purser in the Acela Quiet Car) that if Gronk wasn’t committed to this season, the Patriots were going to trade his rights to someone else.
      • So Gronk had to make his call if he wanted Gisele to keep feeding him models.
  • DELIGHTFUL! Saquon Barkley & his girlfriend had a baby girl yesterday.
    • If the Bengals picked first, I would say it might affect his draft stock, because “character issues” and “Mike Brown is a stupid, stupid man”.
    • On the “character issues” topic, Deadspin is saying that ESPN is claiming Baker Mayfield is one, and coincidentally Mayfield is refusing to do live shots during the Draft.

   

How DARE he have a mind of his own. He’ll never survive in the NFL if he doesn’t realize his time is a precious commodity that must be sold to the highest bidder. Did the NCAA teach him nothing? What was he there for – a degree?!


I have a shameful secret to share.

I’m addicted to cricket.

More directly, I can’t start my morning without watching the opening overs of the Indian T-20 tournament going on right now.

The games are live; they start at 8:00PM India time, which is 7:30AM in Vancouver, so it’s a perfect 45 minute watch before I get in the car & head to school. Plus, they are being called by the most Australian & New Zealander of people, guys who make the AFL broadcasters sound like Jim Ross.

There’s eight teams, a salary cap, and from what I gather they can each have eight imported players (with maximum four active in any game), who are usually pretty easy to spot because they are either the white guy (English), the whiter guy (Australian), the whiterer guy (New Zealand), the whiterest guy (South African), or the black guy (West Indies).

I can’t explain why I find it so intriguing. Maybe it’s because of how foreign it is, and yet a modern take on a colonial export. Every weekend, there’s a group of West Indians that gather at the field near my house & play a T-20 style match. They’re there for four hours, and never seem to get bored watching each other.

The IPL does have cheerleaders, who I don’t think count against their import restrictions.

  

  

It also seems like they threw away the boring parts of baseball & traditional cricket & just made the game go faster. Or it could be that it’s a welcome break from the repeats of last night’s highlight shows.

Finally, Vancouver has a large Indian & Sikh population, and there are a few kids who also watch it, so we can have some common talking points, which is a BIG bonus when working with 16-18 year-olds you otherwise want to beat to death for their overwhelming ignorance.

For you GAMBLOR devotees, there are odds sites and there is daily betting. Plus, two teams were suspended for two seasons after the 2015 season for a match-fixing & betting scandal, and one of the captains of those teams – Steve Smith of Australia – was also recently implicated in a ball-tampering incident during an international test between Australia & South Africa and banned from national & international play for one year.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Bruins – 7:30PM | NBCSN / CBC – GAME 7 BAY-BAY!

  • NBA:
    • Pacers at Cavaliers – 7:00PM | TNT (Game 5; series tied 2-2)
    • Wizards at Raptors – 7:00PM | NBA TV / TSN (Game 5; series tied 2-2)
    • Timberwolves at Rockets – 9:30PM | TNT / TSN (Game 5; Rockets lead 3-1)
    • Jazz at OKC – 9:30PM | NBA TV / (Game 5; Jazz lead 3-1)
  • MLB:
    • Cubs at Indians – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
    • Red Sox at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Futbol:
    • 2018 CONCACAF Champions League:
      • Final – Leg #2: Chivas vs. Toronto FC – 9:30PM | TSN2 / Univision Deportes
        • Chivas leads 2-1 on away goals

Horatio’s got you tomorrow for the Draft. FIVE BUCKS SAYS THE BROWNS PICK A DEAD GUY!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
77 Comment threads
95 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
27 Comment authors
UnsurprisedALXMACBrettFavresColonoscopyWakezillaBrocky Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Brocky
Spur
Spur

litre_cola

Hey balls it is tres-tres right now!

ballsofsteelandfury

Crazyballs!!

Spur
Spur

Brocky

holy shit i’m confused on this archer episode.

for a bit there I thought the parrot had the voice of ray, so I just assumed there was some sort of chucky style body switch going on.

then ray shows up. and I realized its kreiger’s voice

and i’m still not convinced the red haired woman isn’t actually Cheryl, andthis isn’t some weird alternate timeline.

WCS

Kracker Krieger is my new favorite parrot. Sorry, macaw.

King Hippo

Man, on top of being full-on ginger, this keeper asshole has this 3rd period to live with. He’s never getting laid in Canadia again, eh?

Spur
Spur

Atlanta picks winners

WCS

Boston should be forced to eat a a literal tonne of dynamite.

Fronkenshteen

Is this the original Boston Garden with corporate naming or a new building?

WCS

Newish.

Horatio Cornblower

No, the original exploded in a hail of piss and rat organs.

I believe they built this one across the street.

Horatio Cornblower

THIS TORONTO TEAM I CALL IT YORK, BECAUSE IT’S GETTING BURNED BY A BUNCH OF AMERICANS!!!
/War of 1812 humor rules.
//$5 Jack Edwards will say something like this by the end of the game

Brocky

So i’ve gone the entirety of my life without knowing the actual definition of buggery. I googled it, and my assumption was completely off.

ballsofsteelandfury

Consensual buggery

Spur
Spur

new James Joyce novel?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Snake Rat.

Spur
Spur

Spur
Spur

Jazz vs OKC is the mayo slapfest.

Sharkbait

I saw more than a few “Fuck this game/Cant watch anymore/horrible game/its over” posts on FB from my Bruins fan friends. My guess is those posts are all deleted now

Horatio Cornblower

WE NEVAH GAVE UP!!!! BAWSTAHN STRAWNG!!!!
/Red Sox drop 3 straight after starting 17-2
FAHK THAT PUERTO RICAN CAWRAH!!! HE DON’T KNOW SHIT!!!!

Spur
Spur

Carmelo and Worstbrook being singled out is the best. PG13 going to LA means Kawhi rumors are bunk.

Brocky

So did archer become a cyclops last season or is that some tarintino shit?

I must have missed most of last season

Spur
Spur

hey Gratliff, i got all my PC parts ordered today for a Ryzen 7. i ordered the new series one and MB. 7 is more then 5.

Gratliff

Like pearls before Cowboy fans

Spur
Spur

do you have a Win10 key, I can have? Also, Vander Esch is going to be a STAR!

Gratliff

I have literally thousands of keys. Hooray Windows Volume Licensing!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time foar Archer. If the meteor magically hits Boston, somebody call me.

Sharkbait

Since I’ll be dead in that scenario, I’ll haunt you. That way you’ll know

Brocky

a worthy sacrifice.

Brocky

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Awesome!!!
/Psst. Guys. Who is this?

Brocky

comment image

Spur
Spur

Folks

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that was a beautiful Chivas goal.

Toronto gonna be double sad tonight…

Gratliff

oh leafies

ballsofsteelandfury

The Toronto forward line is WAAY too separated from the mids.

Yes, that’s soccer talk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was a helluva one timer.

litre_cola

Deflected off D man keeper had 0 chance.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh shit I missed that even on replay. In my defence, I have the sound muted, music blasting, and also might be slightly baked.

Nope, check that. I’m extremely baked.

litre_cola

Acceptable answer IMO.

Sharkbait

New Archer Tonight. Missed last season. Was it decent?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

me: [offers to pay for date like a gentleman] just one check please
drive-thru intercom: ok

rockingdog
rockingdog

wonder what vegas is thinking of this Bruins vs Leafs game….

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I know Vegas (and I do) they’re not even watching this game. They’re watching which side the money is coming in on and adjusting accordingly. No time to watch the games themselves at this stage.

scotchnaut

I’ve gotta go for a snoozie. If the Leafs win, I’m the primary suspect for the multi-province BB gun shooting spree that will decimate your local squirrel population.

litre_cola

That’s good eatin.

Horatio Cornblower

I have good friends who are rabid Bruins fan, and this collapse would kill them if it holds, but my God, anything that makes Jack Edwards miserable is something that I am all for.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

As I say about weekly, I’ll be at the Denver airport in a few hours if anyone needs a ride home.

scotchnaut

The Leafs are stupid and I don’t like them.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am personally offended that it is only Wednesday.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Conan The Destroyer is on something called Ovation…that’s a metric shit-load of bad acting captured on celluloid.

scotchnaut

“Jay Leno-The Destroyer of Conan” is now playing on the Thumbs Down, Fuck You, Jay Network.

scotchnaut

BLOBSTON!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Apparently there’s some sort of NYC sports radio fuckery going on. Mike Francesa’s apparently pulling a Leno to push the Chris Carlin, Maggie Gray, and Bart Scott (yes, Bart Scott’s a talk radio guy now!) show on WFAN to the midday slot after like 3 months on the air. There was even a Chris Russo sighting as a result!

Horatio Cornblower

I got the run down from a friend this morning. Apparently Mike was going to go to some local competitor station because he “missed radio*”, (*he can’t just push the dump button on his wife and she isn’t putting up with his shit), so he’s going to come back and take an hour from the mid-afternoon guys and two from the drive-time guys.

In doing so he’s fucking over the mid-afternoon guys, who already loathe him, the drive-time guys, (who will loathe him, but who are unlistenable), and apparently Chris Russo, because they were going to do something on satellite radio, until Mike found out he’d basically be talking to himself because no one listens to satellite radio.

litre_cola

Melbourne 2004, My aussie buddies from the bar I work at say we are going to the boxing day test. Paulie brings a 2L jug of sunscreen with us. When questioned by the ticket taker he said “You have to be prepared mate.” We walk in.

It had vodka inside it, was one of the best days of my life. 8 hours of sun, a lot of women like cricket in Oz, free vodka. Best Boxing Day ever.

litre_cola

I stepped outside to burn one and it is now 2-2. How is the defensin?

scotchnaut

Ron Tugnutt makes 73 saves

scotchnaut

Okay, maybe it was ‘just’ 70.

nomonkeyfun

I always like to tug nut before I score with a chick. Up top bro.

scotchnaut

This goes out to all the goalies out there…

scotchnaut

Scoreeee Score Score for the Bruins!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey!!!! Hippo???? What was the o/u on total goals in this one?

scotchnaut

GOOOAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scotchnaut

Me? I hate them Leafs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hate ’em both. But losing would hurt Bawhstun moar.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m a secret cricket aficionado myself. I got into it watching the World Cup. The T-20 format seems cool but my bucket list includes going to a 5 day Test and drinking the week away.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Da Fuq language are you talking? I got “drinking”, however.

scotchnaut

Leafs score first!*

* like the god-awful fuckheads they are

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh Bruins, hehehehe.

If you do succeed in choking this series away tonight, it will nourish the empty hole where my soul used to be.

ballsofsteelandfury

Gronk: Man, I don’t know about this year…
DARTH HOODY:grumble grumble trade to Cleveland grumble grumble
Gronk: I’m committed!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought 45 minutes of cricket was the sports equivalent of just the tip

litre_cola

Test matches can last 5 days, one day internationals is what I like personally.

scotchnaut

The sports media up here is currently previewing the Bruins/Leafs tilt. If-like all the Toronto-centric talking heads-you’ve got a strong gag reflex, tune in.

Game Time Decision

Fuck Toronto sport media with a rusty chainsaw

litre_cola

I want TFC to win and that is all thank you.

ballsofsteelandfury

I want a blow job from Christy Canyon. It’s nice to have dreams.

scotchnaut

“You’ve obviously not seen Loni Sanders in action.”

-Loni Sanders