Your “Easing Into The Week” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Today marked the start of the far-less sexy Undrafted Free-Agent signing window.
    • Anyone not picked over the weekend can sign with whichever team offers them the most money (Dallas), magic beans (Bengals), or acres & a mule (Carolina).
  • Still with the draft, apparently Vegas had a number of bets available on when players would go, and they got wrecked by some of the selections.
    • The Westgate and William Hill sports books both lost money on a draft that turned out to be unpredictable, according to ESPN.
      • In particular, whether Saquon Barkley or Josh Rosen would go first.
        • Vegas bet on Rosen & lost large.
          • “I thought there was no way a team with a 37-year-old quarterback (Eli Manning) would be dumb enough to draft a running back,” Ed Salmons, the Westgate Las Vegas Superbook’s head football oddsmaker, told ESPN.
          • “We tried to look at eight mock drafts of guys we trust,” Salmons said of posting the betting lines 11 days in advance of draft night. “It’s hard to do your everyday job and then also read up on draft stuff when you have a certain group of bettors that are tracking this nonstop.”
            • They’d have been better off asking this question:
“Who the hell is Mel Kiper?
  • Oh, and the Vegas win predictions for each team were released today.
    • The Patriots are highest at 11, followed by the Eagles & Steelers at 10.5, with the Packers & Vikings rounding out the top-5 at 10 predicted wins.
    • They expect each conference’s playoff teams to be:
      • AFC: Patriots (1), Steelers (2), Jaguars (3), Chargers (4), Texans (5), Chiefs (6)
      • NFC: Eagles (1), Packers (2), Rams (3), Saints (4), Vikings (5), Falcons (6)

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Lightning – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
    • Vegas at Sharks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • 76ers at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Rockies at Cubs – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Blue Jays at Twins – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

A reminder for all the Canadian commentists & lurkers – TAXES ARE DUE AT MIDNIGHT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Vegas…don’t fuck this up.

blaxabbath

What’s good to do in Minneapolis, considering this will be the only visit there for my entire life?

WCS

My cousin lives there. Of course, she’s probably asleep, and that’s about all I know about the entire city. Maybe visit the Minnesota Vikings Hall of Agony?

theeWeeBabySeamus

All you know about the area is that your cousin is asleep?

Bill Cosby…is that you?

ALXMAC
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have to plan a bachelor party there so please report back.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good night everyone!

[waits five minutes for someone to return the sentiment]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aadEYipDw8

ALXMAC
Brick Meathook

Look at the suggestions at the end of the video (for me): a bulldozer pushing a boulder, a tractor plowing with gas jets (I think), a Boeing Stratocruiser film from the 50’s, a B-29, a TV factory in the 70’s, and MONSTERS OF MEGAPHONE!
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Unsurprised
WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus

OK knights, don’t fuck up this PP plz, K thx.

Mr. Ayo

The good news is a 2 goal lead is never a problem in hockey games

Senor Weaselo

Totally safe, right?

Brick Meathook

It’s when you get a 3 goal lead you gotta worry

WCS

Especially before the halfway mark of regulation.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If Knights had found a way to score just once in the first, I’d be up $2500 right now. As it is, I’m up $1500.

ALXMAC
Senor Weaselo

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously…Martin Jones should be the name of my CPA.

I think it might be.

King Hippo

tis a PI law firm around these here parts

ALXMAC

This roster is made up of players that other teams said “Nah, we’re good”. How’s that for the proverbial chip on yer shoulder.

blaxabbath

How’s that work as far as salaries go? Did Vegas have to pick up all the contracts, as is? Or does being an expansion team pick mean you’re a minimum wage guy anyways?

Mr. Ayo

All contracts had to be honoured.

WCS

Well, hello Knights.

litre_cola

I have to get up at 245 AM to try to buy Iggle tickets in London. I am sure everything will go smoothly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There…that’s better.

Stupid Sexy David Perron with your assists and your cuteness.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Vegas.

Senor Weaselo

It’s okay, because, and I quote, “They score… on the back door!”

ALXMAC
rockingdog

GOOOO SHARKS!!!!!

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litre_cola

I need it to be Winnipeg v Sharks. I should buy futures in white track suits sold in Winnipeg for the return of Kane. You would make a mint.

King Hippo

Los Dodgeros are, like, totes boned, eh?

litre_cola

It is delicioso.

Mr. Ayo

The curse of parking lot magnate Frank McCourt continues.

Senor Weaselo

Good. Fuck them for firing Donnie and fuck Dave Roberts for eternity.
/2004 never happened, an anomaly in the calendar made everything go from 2003 to 2005

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn Vegas…how’d you fuck up that 2 on 1?

Fine. I’m still profitable if you don’t complete fuck up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Martin Jones is not the name of a goalie.
Well, it shouldn’t be.

Unsurprised

Hmm. LinkedIn notified me about this job: Government Affairs Coordinator (3521)

… With the San Francisco 49ers.

I wonder if Doc Zymm wants a roommate because my guess is that it pays just enough to let me live in a tent like I was a Tesla factory worker (several of whom are actually living in a park because rent is so fucking expensive and Elon Musk is a cheap-ass anti-labor shithead).

King Hippo

I really had no idea who this fuckface was before y’all started discussing him here, but I knew he was a fuckface because his name was Elon Fucking Musk.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dick won’t return my calls.

I wanna go to Mars dammit.

Unsurprised

Good call.

Senor Weaselo

Beware of Scorpio?

Unsurprised

Hank Scorpio was a genius who got shit done.

Mr. Ayo

Bloomberg speculated they’ll burn their cash funds before the end of this year! Yikes!

https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2018-tesla-burns-cash/

Plus their credit rating is now rated as junk by Moody’s. They’re in serious trouble IMO.

Senor Weaselo

Haven’t they yet to turn a profit?

Unsurprised

Not even remotely.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit Vegas. Score a fucking goal.

THIS ISN’T SOCCER!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I’ve got dough on Vegas for 1st period win, regulation win, and overall win.

King Hippo

Lesser. Footy.

blaxabbath

Man it’s nice out. I’ve just been laying on my back porch for like two hours.

ballsofsteelandfury

I was in Palm Springs this morning. The weather east of LA was gorgeous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that place.

ballsofsteelandfury

I got dates for the office at Shields… pretty tasty

JustStopDude

You know what movie is really creepy in hindsight?

Ghost Dad…

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Actually everything Bill Cosby has ever done is creepy now…

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

This just in: The Dirt 500s have a really good pitching staff. Charlie Morton’s one-hitting the Yanks through 7.

Senor Weaselo

(Obviously I mean STILL have a really good pitching staff.)

King Hippo

I traded for Morton in my replay-based sim League this past off-season. Very pleased.

Senor Weaselo

I have Cole and Devenski on one team.

King Hippo

That same team also has Devenski, but traded Cole (not so smart on that’un, but was a larger deal to get the #1 rookie pick which turned into Correa, so can’t really complain).

JustStopDude

Every once in a while, I wonder if I should have just done 20 years in the navy and gotten my pension. Then I run into someone that did that through work and I realize I would have gone nuts dealing with the lifers full time.

I had a customer in for a project. He was an electrician. I was doing training and he asked me to explain my tats. When he found out I did six years, he started talking about doing 20.

The next 30 minutes was him talking about shit that is pretty much blanket hazing, like all the negative shit people have about being in the military, and him whining that the “kids” can’t be hazed anymore, because they are snowflakes and shit, and now the gays are allowed in.

Completely lost on him was how homoerotic his hazing was back in the day.

JustStopDude

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Senor Weaselo
theeWeeBabySeamus

So yeah, for “someone” who “doesn’t bet on baseball or hockey”….

Ahem….

I might have put a buttload down on various bets in favour of Vegas tonight.

“Might Have”.

No, you shut up.

Mr. Ayo

As long as there’s not a music festival scheduled in San Jose tonight, you should be good!

Fronkenshteen

When are the 2nd legs of the Champions League semifinals?

ICE BUCS!

ballsofsteelandfury

Tomorrow and Wednesday!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank God. What would I do without talking about 90 minutes of running around in the grass and not scoring ? (probably).

ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t think anyone here wants to hear about your sex life.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tough shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Again, enough about your sex life… ??

theeWeeBabySeamus

😛

Senor Weaselo

I’m not making the backchannel joke again, no matter how good it was!

Gratliff

Boston dropping threes all over the place tonight as a tribute to Tom Brady dropping things all over the place in Super Bowl LII, a game he lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, I’ve been told.

WCS

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Gratliff

*Sound of Silence in Masshole*

WCS

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Unsurprised

/Cums. HARD.
— All of America except for some shitty mutants in Massachusetts and Connecticut.

Brick Meathook

Is today tax day? I’m a dual citizen of the United States and Canada, and I get an occasional letter from Revenue Canada asking me to file missing tax returns. So occasionally I send back the requested returns filled in with all zeroes, which is correct and accurate and then everyone is happy for a while.

litre_cola

Thank you for your service.

Fronkenshteen

What a save! Rask is on point tonight.

Spur

Folks

King Hippo

They don’t even see Bearistocrats! in the playoffs? Heresy.

Fronkenshteen

You really believe, huh? How was their draft? What’s the WR corp looking like this year?

King Hippo

A lot of it depends on Allen Robinson’s health. But it sounds like they plan to use folk singer Leonard Cohen in the slot quite a bit, and I LOVE that idea.

Their draft was an A-, I’d say.

Fronkenshteen

Sleeper fantasy picks (linebackers included)?

King Hippo

crikey, ain’t thought that through yet. Think there will be lots of volume value in the Bearistocrats! pass catchers, Cohen and whoever emerges as the pass-catching TE.

blaxabbath

Man, I gotta cook dinner. Pregnant Mrs still not feeling much in the meat department and I just want this to be quick and easy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pregnant Mrs still not feeling much in the meat department…

Really? I heard different. Cause of all the hormones and stuff, I thought.

Mr. Ayo

I just want this to be quick and easy

Isn’t that an ongoing complaint of hers?

Fronkenshteen

Pasta alfredo?

Unsurprised

acres & a mule (Carolina)

Who actually gets the 40 acres and the mule?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can you pay your taxes entirely in loonies?

Unsurprised

But none of us DFOers want to go to Ottawa.

King Hippo

But it’s easy! Just follow the only road…

Mr. Ayo

Beaver pelts and maple syrup, eh?

Unsurprised

I thought there was no way a team with a 37-year-old quarterback (Eli Manning) would be dumb enough to …

Famous last words.

herodotus450

Penishaed Magee, immediately after saying how he won every faceoff on the pk:
“Callahan so tough out there; there’s no analytic for ‘heart’.”

Senor Weaselo

Sabermetgritians?

herodotus450

Meanwhile Marchand with the illegal stick touching, no call of course.

herodotus450

THAT was a penalty on Johnson?

scotchnaut

Somebody was up at 5, did a 6 mile jog, made a meal, did a crossword, got some sun and is now ready for bed.

/Well done yeah right, well done [smiley face]

theeWeeBabySeamus

This might not be what BeerBongRon meant, but still…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqhRK_g7WJc

scotchnaut

/”Today, On The Cooking Channel

400 lb. Man with heart disease: “I make the best ribs!”

Woman With Stage 2 Diabetes: “You kidding me? Yer goin’ down!”

What’s Left of ObamaCare: “It’s a Tie!”

Wakezilla

Here’s my non spoiler review for Infinity War:

It was a decent movie that could have been great had they made it 30-45 minutes shorter. The movie itself should only be one film long, not two or three. But that’s an another argument for another day.

The stones’ powers were inconsistent, as were the Hench villains. Luckily, that’ll likely slip by you because you’ll be too busy thinking why Thanos doesn’t just create more homes, food and planets to accomodate the overpopulated cosmos.

TL/DR: They’re going to have to bring in a lot of incredible cameos from popular characters to redeem themselves.

herodotus450

The stones’ powers were inconsistent…

They’ve got an uncanny resistance to drugs and the ability to mine their aging fanbase for decades on the merits of old work. What’s so inconsistent about that?

Senor Weaselo

Luckily, that’ll likely slip by you because you’ll be too busy thinking why Thanos doesn’t just create more homes, food and planets to accomodate the overpopulated cosmos.

Hasn’t that been the question they’ve asked of Thanos and the Infinity Gems since whenever though?

Wakezilla

This is true. Honestly, Thanos should have had a love interest (death) who motivated him to do the killings

Unsurprised

These dipshits had Killmonger be 99% more heroic than T’Challa but then made him a megalomaniacal idiot at the end in order to justify maintaining the status quo.

Wakezilla

Yeah, that’s also where this movie isn’t going to age well. The status quo ain’t changing, which is why this movie should only be one film in length

Unsurprised

No. Because Thanos doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself and Death.

blaxabbath

I got a sneaky suspicion that 2018 is going to be like 2015 where parity was basically non-existent.

Then again, 2017 didn’t offer much in that department anyways so maybe that isn’t such a HOT TAEK.

scotchnaut

“DFO turned into a gambling site so slowly that everyone should shut the fuck up if they know what’s good for them.”

-Big Vinnie

Senor Weaselo

Come on, we just got a new banner, can we space it out a bit?

Senor Weaselo

Is it me or does it seem like everyone says “Who’s brought stripes…” etc. DICTION, PEOPLE!

herodotus450

“‘Over the land of Dupree’, but whos Dupree?”
-E. Smith

herodotus450

(Also, Ima let you finish, but I think that’s elocution or enunciation. Use your diction, person!)