NFL News:
- Mark Davis ‘enjoyed’ Game 1 of the Stanley Cup finals last night, which is a “big deal” because OMG the Raiders are moving there soon.
- It’s so hard to tell, because he looks like one of Jeff Dunham’s puppets taking a break.
- By the power of BOLTMAN!, San Diego has secured the 6th AAF franchise.
- To ensure their mediocrity, they have already secured Mike Martz as head coach.
- Odell Beckham Jr. expects to be medically cleared to return by June 12.
- About the time Mandatory mini-camp opens.
- The Steelers are trying out George Kenneth “Trey” Griffey III out at WR.
- Yes – he’s Ken Griffey Junior’s kid. He was signed to a reserves/futures contract in January.
- If that fails, he can always go into the family business, because he was drafted in the 24th round of the MLB draft by the Mariners.
John Elway (pictured) failed to qualify for the US Senior Open, being held at the Broadmoor Country Club in Colorado Springs.
- He shot a 10-over 80, placing him 18th.
- Placing 15th would’ve meant Tebow was coming back.
- He is honorary chairman for the event.
- As a 1.4 handicap golfer, he fit into the amateur qualification bracket for play-in entry to the tournament.
- He shot a 10-over 80, placing him 18th.
Finally, many sites are agog at Laurent Duvernay-Tardif graduating from McGill medical school yesterday.
- I’m not sure if it’s because he actually did it, or because they believe he’ll eventually have to treat himself for CTE.
- He has spent every offseason since being drafted in 2014 working towards this end, so it shouldn’t be shocking.
- He wants to pursue a residency in emergency medicine.
- Considering how many players now have “III” or “Sr.” or “Jr.” on their jersey, I’d love for him to wear “M.D.” or be able to sport this look:
This is it! Today I become a doctor! It also marks the beginning of a great new adventure for all 2018 graduates of @mcgillu Faculty of Medicine. #LDTMD #graduation #passion #nfl #chiefs pic.twitter.com/j4oD1BCuXJ
— Laurent D. Tardif (@LaurentDTardif) May 29, 2018
- Fun fact: Andy Reid’s mother also graduated from McGill medical school.
- Because they accepted women, at a time when most US schools did not.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: Game 2 Wednesday
- NBA: Game 1 Thursday
- MLB:
- no national US broadcasts
- Blue Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Today was the start of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. The preliminary rounds are on ESPN3 from 8-11:00 AM & 2-5:00 PM ET on Tuesday & Wednesday, with the finale in prime-time on Thursday. USE THAT IN A SENTENCE, PLEASE!
Seriously, I’m glad you and your family are okay. Sheet metal can be fixed.
That deer is pretty fucked though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ydpSVvXE9k
Alright, you’ve made your point. What an extensive library they have.
Redundant Warning indeed.
thought I was joking dint ya?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eebfMFzJHNs
Impressive. Green Day could never do this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4c7EE8_IX0
OMG!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgL3puDfuRg
OH COME ON!!!!!!!!
Just for that, I’m linking every fucking Green Day video ever made.
You did this, not me!!!!!!!
lol
STOP THAT!!!!!!!
Should have titled it
“How 10 songs would sound if Green Day had the wherewithal to write and perform them”
Padre Weaselo had me write out the keyboard solo. I’m pretty sure it and the ending lick to Rosanna are stuck in my head for all eternity.
Cats R Dicks
She’s gonna love sexy friday this week.
Wait, what lodge?!?!
You got lodged?
The important thing is that the cycle of stupidity remains unbtokent
Bruce Lee: Cha-Cha Champion
How come everyone in Santa Monica says they never need A/C. Fuck you, I’m fat and sweaty.
WHAT? It’s like 50° out with full marine layer and probably fogging in! I went outside and almost died.
It barely got above 72 degrees the whole time I was out there, and yet I still had that A/C pinned down.
I want icicles on my nipples!!!!!
Shit, did I say that out loud?
It’s 60, I’m a little inland, and regardless, fuck these people for not owning fans.
By the way, I’d like to congratulate Fronkenshteen for making it into Brick’s “all man book”. That’s rarefied company!
I believe there is more than one way to earn an entry.
Just don’t ask how you get into the back of the book.
If you can murder an innocent animal like that in front of your family you’re a tough guy no doubt.
Yeah, real tough. I was listening to Billy Joel’s “Summer, Highland Falls” when I accidentally exploded the poor animal into a cloud of pink meat.
That is a LOT better than the other way around.
Is it, though?
Innocent animals can’t rat ya out.
Well, true, maybe even Steven.
*If Steven is dead.
Hey that looks just like me! Except I usually wear two monocles.
https://singleusemonocles.com
Two things….
“Unlubricated”
“Dr. Weinersmith”
Something tells me this is a comedy site.
He and his wife write SMBC, a very funny and smart webcomic. Worth checking out. I mentioned their well researched and still funny book, Soonish, the other day in connection with lower cost rockets.
Hit a goddamn motherfucking deer on I-81 tonight and totally destroyified the front end of my Subaru Outback. FUCK!!!
Woah, I didn’t know you were a lesbian.
Also, sucks about your car.
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I’M LESBIAN WHEN I SHAVE??
Holy Shit! Glad you’re ok!
Also, what kind of fucking cockbiting sword-swallower drives an Outback?
But mostly…glad you’re ok!!!
Scared little man pretty bad, but he’s ok now. I’m glad it wasn’t worse. Bride of Fronkenshteen is 9 weeks pregnant today. I don’t think I’ve mentioned that to you guys yet.
Wait, you had a kid and a full term wife on board? You’re my hero! Well done sir.
THIS GUY MR. AYO I CALL HIM DR. KEVORKIAN BECAUSE HE MIXES UP WEEKS AND MONTHS
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTmNq4NrPL6zV9qMzYRkhPv2JJDjjwv_cWj_5zq3xIkUtCTdt0
Congrats! On the fetus and the venison.
Thanks man!
Don’t listen to these guys Fronkenshteen. You just killed the shit out of a deer. You’re all man in my book.
And he did it using a Subaru Outback. That’s practically like using his bare hands!
LMFAO
I didn’t swerve. I’d always heard, “don’t swerve”, but I always thought I’d panic and try to avoid the collision. It was like slow-motion, and I instantly knew I was going to hit the dumb fucker. But I didn’t swerve. Thank god.
As one who has murdered* (*allegedly…you can’t prove nothing) many deer over the years on backwater country roads….I agree with your methods.
Don’t swerve, brake lightly, hope for the best, call a good body shop tomorrow.
Does Dave have deer decals like fighter pilots have for planes they’ve shot down?
Evening, degenerates
HEY! That’s…accurate.
Hey! When I told you the details of my quantum state, that was in confidence!
SMRT. I mean SMART.
Dodgers game color guy (Orel Hershiser!) just mentioned how Scioscia just passed LaSorda for all-time managerial wins. Then the camera panned to LaSorda sitting in the crowd, and…well, Trent Green thinks he looks confused.
Holy shit. LaSorda isn’t dead yet?
“I know, right?”
–Tommy Lasorda
Two things:
1) Maybe?
2) I think it’s just Lasorda with no capital “S” – I should know that as his neighbor (by about 5 miles)
You did it first!!!!!!!!!
Yes, and I feel bad. It’s definitely wrong. That’s on me, not you.
Everything else is on you.
Yeah…yeah. True.
.
Ladies gettin wet ever-where.
Alleged proof of life….
Ron Howard: This proves nothing.
MLB Fantasy Team Name, stolen from/compiled with my best friend: Anel Hershiser.
This aggression will not stand, man.
Update: Senor got dollar pizza, because fuck it.
I’m curious how much pizza one can really get for $1 in the big city.
Throw a wadded-up dollar at Pizza Rat and go from there.
Same value as a dollar poncho.
Probably tastes about the same too.
I did not say dollar pizza is good pizza. But they’re open until 4 and the place was mildly packed as I forgot it is currently Ramadan.
I said nothing about dollar pizza being good pizza. But they close at 4, it was midnight, nothing else was open, and I forgot it was Ramadan so people were actually there.
Plus at that point I was in Astoria to pick up my car because fuck driving into Manhattan.
The Not-Quite-Village-People…The Trailer Park People?
From the big budget blockbuster
That’s probably not a great movie
/sittin out on a limb
If it was on I’d watch it; I bet it is hilarious.
Just saw a commercial for Estrella Jalisco beer. Anyone had that? And, as a follow up, is that available nationally, or should I just call ICE to be safe?
MS-13 lager.
Of note, watching the Klan turn on trey gowdy is beautiful. These people would eat their young to show their commitment to trump’s innocence*.
Yeah, I mean, Gowdy’s a cock (Benghazi!!!1!1!) but he seems to be a non-Russian. So for him to be hated by the MAGA crowd is quite something.
If Molson Ice, yes. That’ guarantees buzz (in my experience).
Jesus, I had hundreds of ice beer-related headaches in the 90s.
“It’s cheaper AND stronger? Sign my broke ass up!”
Greatest SNL ad ever? Or Colon Blow? Or…there’s a lot.
Little Chocolate Donuts?
.
Lit cigarette smoldering during commercial as well
.
Winner
A dance off? Well done wwe
I give the celebration a 2.
Two berries…..one branch?
Two nards, no cup.
Ben-Hur 2: The Miracle
These are amazing! It really shows you the power of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior and The One True God.
Jesus saves, but he’s gotta stop allowing the juicy rebounds.
The power of GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……..
The one true scoring play.
Fuck it – I AM attending a game in OAK this year. I see vs CLE has tix available….
You just want one last chance to go wild in a black hole.
It’s a bucketish list item
I’ve only been there for an A’s game, which seems really sad now that I type it.
Jimmy Stewart trying to work a “rear window” joke that’ll get him some anal.
I caught a colleague today doing something very fishy and he tried to wriggle out with a joke about at my integrity. I called him out on it and he said “I’m sorry if you were offended”. “That’s a non-apology apology. I thought you were above that” was my response. And he quit the shit he was doing and I gotthe last word.
I got ZERO satisfaction outta that.
What the hell is wrong with me.
Like fishy fishy, illegal fishy, unethical fishy, or you gonna get us sued you fucking asshole fishy?
Shit, now I want sushi.
Like “I’m gonna leave this electronic device inside my briefcase plugged in while all of us, your adversaries, leave with our papers and bags while you and your people have a confidential discussion with a mediator” fishy.
I am glad you busted that fucking asshole.
I just know a lot more people are dead than our gov’t said in our tropical commonwealth, so how can I believe a word of what you say?
Also, take satisfaction where you can get it, because people are terrible. Many of them are even more terrible than I am.
It was OUR govt. who insisted on only 64 dead, instead of 4000+.
I tell ya: a life of nationalism without nuance must be bliss.
Sorta like ignorance.
I swear when I win the lottery (any day now) I will fix things. SOMEHOW.
Okay maybe this has been discussed elsewhere here, but . . .
Am I to understand that the Stanley Cup Finals game 1 was last night, and there is no game 2 tonight? Huh? It’s bad enough that every game is on a different channel, and the playoffs have been going on for six months now, but this is just . . . strange.
It’s as if they don’t want me to watch it.
That would mean that the playoffs don’t take a bajillion years and who wants that?
I have eaten a Snickers, a thing of lozenges, and one of those Body Armor drinks today. Clearly I am giving my body the nutrients it needs to fight this cold.
What I’m saying is, how the fuck you doing, boys? And girls?
Listen, I am not going all the way to Bryant Park from (checks where on the bus I am) Harlem at 11:30 PM for Wafels and Dinges!
Shit though, the pulled pork wafel would be good right now. Except no coleslaw. I don’t like coleslaw okay?
Yes you can because their wafels are fan-fucking-tastic.
But what about rain jokes?
Joel Embiid setting up to have himself a night on Twitter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7izgjRJThds
McGill is criminally underrated.
What can you do?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxMS59sxwxs
And lest we forget from the same episode
Whoa.
Hey, Craig Gentry. When you’re that far behind on a 93mph 2 seam fastball….twice….I mean like the ump had already called the strike before you swung….twice….well it might be time to retire.
Holy shit.
“Stripes” is on, but I’m sleepy.
God its sucks getting old.
Maybe it’s all the cough syrup you had this morning?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMZHrXtPUUc
And then…..depression set in….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbhGCCOpxWM
Lighten up, Francis.
Remember a few weeks ago when I was making fun of Oakland for doing some stupid Promo/Giveaway of a Harvey the Rabbit Backpack? Yeah, never mind.
June 25, Baltimore: Buck “Snow” alter snowglobe giveaway.
Fuck you, Baltimore.
So you’re saying they’ll fire him June 24th even though he can’t pitch?
Ubaldo Jimenez likes this +1
Is it good or bad a two-year-old gets excited whenever Bob’s Burgers comes on?
Very good. You’re doing your job right, Dad.
you ever watch a dirty movie, and in the middle of the action, The girl suddenly topless? Like its not an effect in the film, they just cut the shot of her removing whatever top she was wearing. Who’s directing this garbage?
How ya doing folks?
Not a lot in the budget for continuity editing?
The script supervisor was busy getting his dick sucked.
That’s a distant cousin to the Mercy Nude Scene that directors put in as a “Thank You” for men/women sitting with their wives/girlfriends through a Romance Movie.
For example, feel free to watch Kate Winslet in “Titanic”. Even if you don’t need or want an example, feel free to watch Kate Winslet in “Titanic”.
What device/appliance do you use in your home that probably utterly loathes you? My toilet definitely isn’t pleased with me after what I’ve done to it over the years.
Washing machine.
Do mirrors count as appliances?
Umm…
My bathroom scales quake in terror as I approach.
.
It’s goddamn sleepy time yet again. (EVERY GODDAMN NIGHT ROUND THIS TIME!). Love all you silly bananas.
night
Ahem…. Yes, I just did a spit take all over my monitor.
That was funny.
Spitting on monitors is so amateur. – Houston, of 500 fame, not the city because that wouldn’t make any sense.
On the bright side, I just finished cleaning off my monitor. Which was months overdue.
(don’t say it)
When did Al Pacino embrace being an over the top parody of himself?
Me? I think it’s when he did that whole, “I’m out of order? You’re out of order!” schtick.
Oh, and Roseanne… BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Soooo,
This weekend I turned down an explicit and repeated offer of NSA sex with an attractive 23 year old woman.
We were even sitting on a bed when the offer occurred. Instead we cuddled.
I think Trumpistas would call me a Betacuck.
Your handle checks out big time.
I’ve no idea of the relevance of this gif but I can’t help but give her the old +1.
Are you married?
Did you give her my number?
/Don’t actually give her my number.
//Maybe give her my number? I don’t know anymore man.
Why would you turn down National Security Administration sex? Susan Rice is a FREEK.
(watching Force Awakens)
Finn: “They charge their main weapon with the power of the sun. When the sun goes dark, its fully charged.”
Leia: “Oh, good. That means that best case, the star will go supernova killing them. Worst case, the loss of the sun will throw the planet into space and they will all freeze to death.”
(cue credits – Star Wars theme)
You either suspend your disbelief or turn your TV off, mister.
He’s a conservative in 2018 America. You’d think that ‘suspension of disbelief’ was part of the basic package.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0yoPV3tgG8
I’m an Anti-Trump Conservative. So I’m more like Seven of Nine in “Star Trek: Voyager” when she was first separated from the Collective. Scared and angry.
Sadly I will not turn into Jeri Ryan when I’m finished.
You bring up a great point. Jeri Ryan was actually a Ten of Nine.
Re-watched The Last Jedi with the Jello family and I was hoping for a Rogue One-esque alternate ending for everyone on the screen.
Yeah. That was both the best and the worst Star Wars movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCB8DUGpYQQ
Hot Fuzz is on TV…
And on my monitor…
With what happened when Ken Griffey Jr. returned home to play for his father’s team, his son beating the Bengals in the Playoffs wearing black and gold would be the most Cincinnati thing ever to happen.
Shapovalov vs. Millman in tennis
Replay of the CFL West Final from last year
Boob Jays down early against the Red Sox
“Bull Riding”
So many choices…
Sharapova is on! Oh wait no, Shapavolov…
Edit: Anyone else drinking?
Not with this drinking problem…
