By the time this post comes live, they’ll be into hour 3 of the Belmont pre-race coverage. So there’ll be plenty of time to still get your bets in. HAIL GAMBLOR!
Tonight’s sports:
- Horse racing: The Belmont – 4:00PM | NBC
- AHL:
- 2018 Calder Cup Finals: Marlies vs. Stars – Game 5 – 8:00PM | TSN2
- Beisbol:
- MLB:
- Yankees at Mets – 7:00PM | FOX / Sportsnet
- NCAA Baseball Tournament: Super Regionals
- Game 1: South Carolina at Arkansas – 6:30PM | ESPN
- Game 2: Washington at Cal State (Fullerton) – 6:30PM | ESPNU
- Game 2: Mississippi State at Vanderbilt – 9:30PM | ESPN
- Game 2: Minnesota at Oregon State – 9:30PM | ESPNU
- MLB:
- Futbol:
- MLS: Whitecaps vs. Orlando – 7:00PM | TSN
- Autocars:
- Texas Indy 600 – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
- UFC 225:
- Prelims: Whittaker vs. Romero 2: From Chicago – 8:00PM | FS1
- the first fight of the main card is CM Punk vs. some dude who will kill him
- Prelims: Whittaker vs. Romero 2: From Chicago – 8:00PM | FS1
Somehow, I’ve ended up watching X-Files reruns tonight. Which is funny, because I’ve got the entire season from a few months ago unwatched on the DVR.
But there’s just something about Walter Skinner with a beard which unnerves me.
Evening
Airport?
Tomorrow night
You poor bastard. I honestly have no idea how you’re still (mostly) sane.
Hang in there.
This week is even worse than last. I’m flying Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.
Jeebus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WMY-n9MF6o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=5&v=KkgAwQadSHI
something different to watch. It’s game 3 of a best of 3 for the championship.
https://t.co/ge9jQNNbA2
A championship series going to the decisive game? Is that legal?
yes, but it’s lacrosse, so may not count.
All right, I’m in the mood for rum so I’m going to run out and buy a litre of cola. Don’t you ingrates burn the place down while I’m gone.
Do they sell Litre Cola?
Everyone has a price.
They do! It was on sale, even.
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
TTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEESSSSSS
Raymond Chandler
“There is no bad whiskey – there are only some whiskeys that aren’t as good as others.” Treating the stuff like a modern day blogger would Red Bull, Raymond Chandler would have been the first to admit that he didn’t control his drink, it controlled him. When he was commissioned to whip up the screenplay for The Blue Dahlia in 1945, he got writer’s block, forcing him to tell his new studio employers that the only way he could finish the script was to do so while blind drunk, which he duly did. The story goes that Paramount honcho John Houseman, who was earlier invited over for a lunch by Chandler (and by lunch we mean a small meal which involved three double martinis, three brandies and a crème de menthe), was the one who found Chandlder passed out at his desk having finished the script, all neatly stacked next to some empty bottles.
Drink of choice – Gimlet
“Half gin and half Rose’s lime juice and nothing else”, as described in Chandler’s 1953 classic The Long Goodbye.
_________________________________________________________
Apparently TO has had enough of everyone’s shit
The fatty he’s referring to is Jason Whitlock btw
Damn, that powdered donuts bit was savage.
I know I am high but this thread is great.
https://twitter.com/bibliophileq/status/1005339119000674304
Cobra Chicken is awesome.
Listening to music rewatching the Super Bowl. AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA suck it Tahhhmy
I did that about a month ago. It was delightful.
Is tonight one of those evenings when I get fall-down drunk and watch The Expanse or one of those evenings when I get fall-down drunk and watch Westworld?
Actually I shouldn’t get too drunk tonight I have a “salon” I’m going to tomorrow that is just fancy talk for a fundraiser.
Win or lose, I hope CM Punk never ever does this again. It’s so much more enjoyable watching him do literally anything he’s actually good at.
Went to the Korean market again today, bought more stoner food. I have shrimp and garlic chips which I am very much looking forward to. Bought the weird caramel/peanut butter puffs again, they are eerily addictive. Anyone else have a thing for foreign snacks? I bee-line it for them any time I see a foreign grocery.
Yeah other countries always have weird chip flavors. I heard Japan has used panty flavored pringles.
You get those after you fuck the vending machine.
Foreign snacks are all I eat.
I had to stop calling women “snacks” years ago.
Honestly if they let Ovetchkin take the Stanley Cup to Russia do you think Putin would ever let Canada have it back?
It would be like Simpsons Castro and the trillion dollar bill.
“Ok Vlad, give it back.”
“Give what back?”
I’s headed to Sleepy Town, Ontario. We’ll be dreaming about that certain hostess with the remarkable ass. Join me, won’t you?
In her ass? I mean, thanks for the offer, but I’m concerned about logistics.
Yeah man, when I said I was down for DP, I meant standard formation only.
Ovi looks like he died of liver failure 3 hours ago and is being kept alive solely by his desire to keep ahold of the Cup
This looks like the start of a few videos I’ve seen.
Jared’s gonna be the cameraman.
How many Russian agents can you count? I spotted 2.
Oh wait Kushner’s there too that’s 3. He was hard to spot all cucked away down there.
For reference:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlGhWS2D8tU
Put Decilitre to bed, wife is out getting drunk with my best friend (she is female), just smoked a joint and poured a glass of wine. How in the fuck are you doing boys?
Doc Holliday is really sick, Litre. It’s not looking good man.
I am pretty high, but I am sure he crashed his plane.
That sounds remarkably similar to my evening thus far except the part about the kid and the joint and also I haven’t started drinking yet.
Just cracked open beer #1. It will not be the last.
Dana Delaney doesn’t have double DD tits. For me, it’s like rain on her wedding day.
Ovechkin’s partying with Ivanka now. Scrap the Cup. It’s been tainted.
“If it wasn’t made of silver-plated nickel alloy, I’d probably be dating the Stanley Cup.”
-D.T.
If Ovie is half the Russian I hope he is, it’s not the cup which will be getting tainted later.
Freshly cracked black pepper and cottage cheese go together like Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday. Prove me wrong.
/You Can’t!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=firgcoOLSSs&ab_channel=FrankReynolds%28BestofItsAlwaysSunnyinPhiladelphia%29
FWIW, Kyle Reese was WAAAYYYYYYY more likeable in Terminator .
If someone rides his horse into a barbershop, you gotta know he means business.
What? Maybe the horse needed a shave.
Just might be true. Horses are very stringent with respect to shaving their genitalia.
I suspect I’m the only one here who has ever actually shaved horse (or any other animal for that matter) genitalia, so Imma shut up about this now.
I guess that means they’re not that stringent 😉
I have run wet clippers over soapy hog balls prior to castration. But ‘shaving’ nah, not really.
Well yeah, I took advantage of semantics there for the joke.
Oh Ike. Of all the Clantons, you are my favorite.
Oooh, the Dirt Cowboys are on big-boy Fox because the Lesser Ice Cowboys are on regional Fox playing (and loosing) for the Calder Cup. Feel the excite!
Earlier:
“Havoc!”
-Lesser Stars
/Don’t judge me, being a pedant is all I have
Yeah, I could have read through the 70 or so previous comments … key word here being “could”.
/not a good commentist
Is The Walking Dead still a thing? If so, why?
It is. Mostly because idiots like myself refuse to let it die.
Hehehehe….that’s funny. Refuse to let it die…because it’s a zombie show.
Get it?
You lost me.
They’re not dead yet!
Honestly, the current season of FtWD has kinda rebooted itself and actually isn’t terrible.
They’ve yet to write themselves into a corner like the other abortion has.
Plus Ruben Blades is allegedly returning next season.
Padre Weaselo: Oh good, game’ll be tied. *goes outside with radio and smokes cigar* What’d I just say?
Senor: Dunno, it’s on delay *Andujar goes yard, ties game at 3* Ah, yeah.
Hey Morgan, I’ve got a great idea. Let’s go play some pool later?
“Of course. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
-Morgan
“Welllll, shit. Never mind.”
-Morgan
That table is gonna need new felt, methinks.
“I don’t think I’ll let you arrest us, Behan.”
Wyatt is such a sassy monkey!
He done fucked up with Laudanum wifey tho. Meh, just as well.
Tombstone. AMC. Right. Now. Join me, won’t you?
I have it on the dvr and I can watch it anytime I want!!!
Yet, yes….I will join you.
I’m your dingleberry.
DON’T SHOOT DANA DELANEY SHE’S HOT!!!!!!!
“Join me and maybe you can help solve a mystery.”
If you go to a restaurant spot that features “Whiskey River BBQ Sauce” in their TV ads, you’ve made a grave error.
“Be a shame if someone dropped a match in your… Whiskey River. That’s our thing.”
-Cleveland Chamber of Commerce
[drinks river water]
“I’m all dizzy and nauseous, but where’s the inflated sense of self-esteem?”
[pens 500 word op-ed on how LeBron James let the city of Cleveland down]
“Ah, there it is!”
Don’t think any good BBQ is advertised on the tv.
“Horatio has a crush on Georgia Ellenwod? I remember the good old days….”
-Alison Stokke
Must be League Night.
Were ASS and POO taken?
“Heh heh…’poo'”
– Carl Carlson
Flipped over to ESPN and whoever Wisconsin has running the 800 is goddamn adorable.
I heard that at the weigh-in she tipped the scales at a mere 650. Is that true?
Georgia Ellenwood. Just won the heptathalon, or however-the-fuck-you-spell-it.
Pretty sure she’s a tad under 650.
I’d be happy to have her a tad under 210.
/steps on scales
//weighs 210
I get this joke.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/000/681/what-you-did-there-i-see-it.thumbnail.jpg
The guy winning the fight might lose it when the massive heart attack he’s clearly overdue for finally kicks in.
Order a clubhouse with fries or make cottage cheese with cucumbers? It’s more difficult than you might think.
Fries vs. Nachos, the Scotchnaut story
I haven’t seen a fat white guy beat on a black guy in Chicago like this since the last time I watched ‘Cops’
This UFC heaveyweight fight on the prelim card is the closest I’ve ever come to watching gay porn.
Never mind; now it’s a gay snuff film.
“We’re listening…”
-49% of American voters
Apparently your rock-hard boner can’t tell the difference.
/put that thing away, would you?
The Norm bit on gay porn is a favorite.
Did you think I went home? No! Here I am in Torrance, which is just south of Carson, in case you are keeping track of my progress with various colored pins on a map taped to your wall. I’m at the Costco gas station and this is my view of Zamperini Field airport next door, and the hills of pricey and spooky Palos Verdes beyond that. I loaded on about 110 pounds of fuel.
[learns that Simona Halep had breast reduction surgery]
[pulls sponsorship]
-Russ Meyer Industries
My neighbor who gave me an 8 GB memory stick and when I asked how to get it back to him told me “eh, keep it” is pretty high up on my Greatest Heroes list right now.
[Note to self: create fake “investment company,” something like “Madoff Industries;” approach RTD for investment capital; use these business cards:
https://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/cheap-promotional-gift-2-0-business_60126691278.html?spm=a2700.7724857.4.6.1461745a8GQCCo&s=p
to impress his simplistic lizard brain; profit]
Hey man 8 GB is four times the size of any of the other ones I have kicking around. I have a 128 MB one I still use sometimes!
“No one will ever need a usb drive larger than 128 MB.”
-RTD
The only Marlie I care about
… How much do you think a certain president would pay to have sex with her?
Bill Clinton? He could probably put it together for free, to be honest.
“I’d prefer a more experienced mouth.”
-William C.
“Marlie And Me” is the title of my very depressing fanfic story about Ms. Matlin and the loss of her other senses.
[tap tap tap]
Is this mic on?
Oh yeah, right.
Expect a C&D letter from me, on account of MY “Marlie and Me” fanfic set in Germany about a girl who really loves her dog.
You might be really gross.
Personally, I think she’d be the perfect gf. She’s hot, seems fun more or less….and when she pissed you off all you have to do is wait for her to turn around and then talk shit about her.
Oh shit, I forgot about the mirror.
-Medusa
Plus, she was on The West Wing so you know she’s got that Sorkin coke hookup.
Aaaaaaand….just like that we’re back to the mirror.
WHAT???
Cause I kinda think she looks like a certain Daniels lady.
Folks, Ovechkin has reached “snow angels and push ups in a fountain” levels of inebriation
Are we talking Japanese Businessman level or U.S.S.R. Factory Worker level?
/switches to The French Open
Huh. Simona Halep is a screamer.
She had a reduction. Some people forget that.
Oh shit that was her! I totally forgot.
They say that Mike Smith is 52 but in Oompa Loompa years he’s only 24.
Costas doesn’t look right without pinkeye.
Only baseball for 2.5 months
Soc-cer?
Suit yourself.
-The rest of the world
Justify won? Let’s go to the live reaction by Senor Weaselo from scenic a couple miles away!
https://youtu.be/eb1viD56zkM
More importantly, what will the Triple Crown Diner have as its Justify sandwich, and will it have the same effect on me as the Whirlaway?
/The Whirlaway’s a BLT with a giant fucking chicken cutlet on it. It was the last thing I ate before the gallbladder ragequit.