NFL News:
Julian Edelman is apologizing for his failed test, but no one is certain what he tested positive for.
- The League is having the sample retested, as the positive came as a result of a substance that wasn’t immediately recognizable, and there are scientists analyzing it.
- Meanwhile, he can still practice with the team, but – pending appeal – won’t be able to play until Week 5.
- Thing I didn’t know:
- offseason use of stimulants falls under the substances of abuse policy, rather than the PED policy.
- Earl Thomas is not going to attend Seattle’s minicamp.
- He wants a contract extension first.
- Stealing from Crimeneat!
- CJ2K was arrested in Tampa for punching a valet outside a club in Tampa & is facing battery charges.
- The argument was over keys; the effect will likely keep him from getting signed for 2018 until it’s resolved.
- CJ2K was arrested in Tampa for punching a valet outside a club in Tampa & is facing battery charges.
Tonight might be light content-wise from us here at DFO, and just baseball-wise from the networks, but we’ve got a big week planned. Aside from our usual series of continuing serials,
- WCS will anchor our US Open coverage with open threads starting Thursday & running through the weekend.
- Yes? Through the weekend, so Beerguy can get time-off from the Content Mines?
- A rotating coterie of experts will host our World Cup Open Threads.
- Don’t forget that we have a World Cup pool, with an alleged prize for the winner.
- Join the fun here. The password is “balls”.
- Don’t forget that we have a World Cup pool, with an alleged prize for the winner.
So there’s fun galore at your favourite football & dick joke site this week, despite the fact that there’s almost nothing on.
DFO – delivering cromulence & embiggening the masses since…2015?
Tonight’s sports:
- Beisbol:
- MLB:
- Jays at Rays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Cubs at Brewers – 8:00PM | MLBN
- NCAA Tournament:
- Game 3: South Carolina at Arkansas – 7:00PM | ESPN2
- Game 3: Auburn at Florida – 8:30PM | ESPN
- MLB:
- WWE:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- the RAW “go-home” show before “Money In The Bank” this Sunday from Chicago.
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- Random shit stolen from the Japanese:
- American Ninja Warrior – 8:00PM | NBC (East & West)
- All-Stars Special: The fastest, strongest and most impressive athletes from the show compete head-to-head on the National Finals course.
- American Ninja Warrior – 8:00PM | NBC (East & West)
- Food Porn:
- Best Baker in America – 9:00PM | Food Network
- Old-School Classics – The four remaining bakers have to make Mont Blanc cakes during the skills challenge, which are tarts topped with a tower of chestnut paste. Then, the bakers have to make a Charlotte Royale cake, including peanut butter as the featured flavor.
- Best Baker in America – 9:00PM | Food Network
Oh, I apologize. There isn’t just shit on tonight, IT’S MANUFACTURED SHIT!
To put it into perspective how bad the Orioles have been…they could go on a 27 game winning streak to reach .500, and they’d still likely be 10-12 GB.
I hope Buck Showalter has invested wisely.
We know who’s really to blame…
.
Oddly arousing.
Today I used a wrench to fix a violin. More specifically I used it to hammer a broken peg loose. I am apparently the Engineer from Team Fortress 2.
19-46. 2-12 in their last 14. But at least we try hard. Wait, no we don’t.
This has been your Baltimore Orioles update.
It’s like shitty FPS aiming!
“I fuckin’ lagged”
Just got done watching two bloodthirsty dictator-types rampage through a blood-soaked landscape in a desperate attempt to save what they regard as their “people.”
Yes, that’s right; I finished episode 8 of Westworld. Now, what’s all this nonsense about a summit?
No Spoilers…that is my post beisbol viewing tonight, Sir.
Hope you like Ghost Nation, because motherfucker do they get some screen time in this one.
My favorite episode of the entire series so far. Guessing it’s gonna be a divisive one.
That ending was fantastic. Right in the feels.
Spoiler alert Seamus; the ending is really well done.
THE MAGICIANS WERE TWINS THE WHOLE TIME!!!
LOVED it. Fantastic performance by a random character actor, classic HBO.
Injuns killing whitey…what’s not to like?
also, I repeat that Craig Kimbrel is a piece of merde
you’ll feel differently when Adam Jones GiDP here.
Never mind…he k’d swinging. Which is amazingly probably the best outcome I could have hoped for.
It’s all on you, Danny Valencia!!!! We all believe you can do it and….
Ah shit, never mind. Time foar Vodka. Congrats on yo’ moneh, Hippo!!!!
THANKS! Jedd got me some #BFIB breathing room (always the Padre Killa), though I expect Bud to still fuck with me quite a bit.
4-2 in #BFIB-land, where Bud Norris is closer. NO SMIRE.
If the Baltimore Orioles had a military unit….
AKA: WCS’ Air Force career
So, Givens still trying to be “Given” this one away I see.
At least Hippo will make some scrilla. So that’s good.
I won’t believe it until “2” graces my ESPN tracker
2 sac flies in the 12th.
Fucking A. That’s just like….really shitty.
Borrowing The Cardinal Way FOAR Hippo. Nice!
Is it just me or does it seem like the Sawx play the Orioles every goddamn week?
Does Hippo like this wackily unbalanced schedule and these teeny divisions? No Other Hippo, he does not!
Gimme 4 goddamned 8-team divisions or fuck off.
/yes this requires moderate expansion
#BFIB made things very itchy in the 7th, but Brebs pulled through. I have even MOAR on that fixture.
/fuck you, you have a problem
//and hey, I late bet the fucking Small Bears to come back yet again (great odds) and looky-loo
So my day has been hot garbage, but I have been waiting years for THIS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btmN-bWwv0A
The Last of Us Part TWO ? Next you’re going to tell me they made a second Final Fantasy!
I didn’t get to play til I tried PS Now on PC a few years ago. This may be what finally makes me buckle and buy the PS4.
Naughty Dog is the main reason to own a Sony gaming console of any kind. Now, just give me a release date so that I can release.
And in this one she’s not like 12, so at least you don’t have to feel guilty this time!
Marc Trestman just canceled his preorder.
Oh yeah.
First one was just terrific.
Hopefully, this one includes boobs.
C’mon Trout, make this shitty day better and hit a first inning home run…
Cool. Thanks.
Oh, and it’s totally ok if Poo-Holes wants to do likewise and hit #624.
Neat. Thanks, guys!
Ok, now just don’t blow the lead by giving up a 2 run homer to Nelson Cruz…
Aw, dammit.
Whoever the hell decided to put apple in potato salad should be sent to a gulag and fed only pineapple pizza, extra sauce.
I support this.
I would eat all the pineapple pizza, but I support your apple-in-potato-salad hatred.
I demand an accounting of everyone’s pizza preferences, so that you all may be judged a la the great Samoa vs Thin Mint Battle of 2000 and whatever
My favorite pizza is Samoa and barbecue sauce
Favorite is all the meats plus black olives.
I’m a purist. Just pepperoni. Possibly on a Sicilian slice. Or margherita.
I like the simple shit: just a completely unreasonable amount of cheese and pepperoni.
White pizza, sausage, eggplant, mushroom.
It’s delicious.
come on, Mah-TEEN-ez!!
See…I fucking knew it.
@Hippo, I can hear you rooting for the Bahstahn RBI double from here.
Stop that.
ur rite, I feel 2 runs needed to be safe, plus Kimbrel kind of sucks
Givens apparently means I’m “Given” you a run right here.
Wow, if I was Moreland, I’d feel like a real chump right now.
And vs Baltimore, that’s saying something.
UGH!!!
Wait, Larry Kudlow is being treated at Walter Reed? Shouldn’t he let the free market decide if that heart attack kills him?
I’d be doubly worried if I were him cause Peter Navarro already gave away that special place in hell they had reserved for him to Justin Trudeau. If he dies now he’ll end up in regular hell with all the peasants!
Sometimes you read something from a “professional” sportswriter and it takes all the restraint in the world not to bash your head against a wall
The unknown on the Bears defense will be at outside linebacker. Gone are Lamarr Houston, Willie Young and Pernell McPhee. The veteran of the group now is Sam Acho, who has been a part-time starter in the past. The Bears are seeking more athletic at the position, and Acho has much more athleticism than the departed trio.
The knock on Acho is that if the opposing quarterback just says “God bless you” in his cadence Acho is easily contained.
These Gatorade “Real smooth” commercials make me irrationally angry.
I temper my rage at them by reminding myself that it’s a nice paycheck for those young players, who I bear no ill will towards.
There is no way there were 20 made shots in that game.
Both teams?
1st grade?
Yeah, probably not; guy is bragging.
Jesus in an engagement photo. More or less white than the “We’ve been naughty” baby announcement meme?
Is he claiming rite of prima nocta?
Great minds or what have you.
Does Jesus claim “primae noctis” (j/k he totally does)
He does (doth?) have a “no fatties” rule, obvs
/does not apply to Black Jeebus
Is he packing a strap? This really is full-blown Republican Jeebus, as the truck mudflaps foretold.
Recently rewatched Mr Show again and was pleased to be reminded of this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrGwjgK2jrM
“An emotional Dennis Rodman tells CNN: ‘Today is a great day'”
Ok, this shit isn’t funny any more.
dictators staging shit for dictators. Autocrats pushing out all remaining remnants of western liberal (small “l” – principled conservatives should be equally terrified) democracy.
lol at “principled conservatives”
Welp, I just popped into a priority pass lounge after landing. So that’s a dinner I probably wasn’t supposed to have.
We need a “pimpled pussy” in that first sentence for alliterative purposes.
Throw in some “prancing through the pepper patch” then we got us an alliterative story!
That’s gonna leave a mark.
Yeesh. That could cause one to die and stuff.
“Wwwweeeeeee!”
“Wait…just clear the corner…”
It’s that goddamn time again….
/the sleep monkey beckons me with her cursed paws
//I can’t not obey
///In the Afterlife, I’ll be the one selling fitted sheets for your bed at discounted prices
– Some shitty baseball team from Baltimore which is about to lose in 10 innings
OK, so it might take 11.
YOU GUYS THEY SHOOK HANDS
I fucking hate everything.
Whose were smaller, I wonder?
Combined penis length is 3.5 inches at most. Majority of that is Kim.
Why are you justifying this nonsense by watching?
NBC.com front page. Stupid for even looking there, I know.
Just waiting 20 minutes for Jeopardy, then Angels-Seattle.
This is why DDP should be president
Of North Korea
I am not ashamed to say that I watched that happen live, on TV
Not even a little ashamed? Really?
Nor should you be. It was amazing. DDP was fucking fire for a few years there. Fucker didn’t even start wrestling til he was 35. Now he’s doing handstand pushups and all sorts of hacker bullshit. Maybe he’s got some weird Benjamin Button thing going.
The ashamed part was the raging boner.
Ok, I get the rest, but what’s the first “D” stand for?
*HISTORICALLY shook hands.
So close….
“Nailed it!”
-Abdallah Walsh
I hope he’s OK…
”T’is a mere flesh wound I believe. Minor bandaging needed.
Something’s wrong with the World Cup Pool.
I can’t find the US anywhere.
I think I was the 99th person to make that joke, so congratulations on being the 100th!
That’ll be the only thing I win in this pool.
If you squint, you’ll see them just below Canada.
Just over the Falls?
Diet Update:
I rocked that goddamn cottage cheese! The cucumbers? They never knew what hit them! This is what it’s like to lose half a pound every other day, fuckers!
It sounds like you’re challenging me to a weight gain competition but the only thing I can eat is cottage cheese and cucumbers. Challenge Accepted!
I just had a piece of celery. What a bunch of bullshit.
Madre Weaselo: “It’s Nixon in China.”
Name me another movie that satirized Fredrick W. Taylor’s Theory of Scientific Management so brilliantly. You can’t!
Except both parties are immature simps.
Remind her that Bill Clinton did it first, and that he even brought home a pair of hostages.
I think it was partially in reference to the other stuff Nixon did
Justin Trudeau REALLY pissed him off…
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2018/06/11/larry-kudlow-trump-economic-adviser-suffers-heart-attack/693065002/?csp=chromepush
god damn it that was funny
…..err, I mean I hope he’s OK.
No, you were right the first time.
I’ll be damned. A person in the Trump White House has a heart?
It’s more cocaine than heart now.
This will only convince the likes of Stephen Miller and Scott Pruitt that hearts are for the weak.
Really bad timing for him to have made that “special place in hell” comment.
/I hope he dies, I really do.
as long as it’s not too painless, fucking dickhole
To be fair, Kudlow was the “stabbed us in the back” guy and Navarro was the “special place in hell” guy. But if he dies, he dies.
YOU’VE BEEN DRAGO’D
By my calculations, he’ll have to have sex with trump 14 times to pay for his medical bills.
Alright its 9:00. Trump and Kim are talking. We should be at war in about 5 minutes.
Exclusive footage of the North Korea Summit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qLzQ4uOvio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qLzQ4uOvio
READY!!!!!
Look, we get it. Sometimes it’s a supersoaker. Sometimes it’s a leaky faucet. Nothing to run away from.
At least it was just your arm and you were trying to help.
You should have seen the way those cows were dressed!!!!! They were asking for it!!!!!
Stupid Sexy Cow.
“Hey, Tom Arnold – I didn’t know you were a farmer!”
“Farmer???”
Counter-battery!
Q: How do you know Hippo has moneys on the Dirt P*ts?
A: They are scoreless through SEVEN against the goddamned Dirt Ravens
Punishment fits the crime.
the odds I was getting, should have suspected a Satan trap ,, smh
Give it time. Your bet is sound.
They’re really struggling to find more Avengers for the next movie.
I snorfed.
Hoo boy, it’s very purple here.
Also, what the fuck is going on in the bible belt? I always thought it was more centralized in the northern midwest area.
Tri-State (OH-KY-IN) is flawed data. We buy ours off the street!
I never knew Hippo vacationed in North East New Mexico.
“I’m fuckin’ this train!”
-Ben the Giant Robot
“The subway won’t put out. I’m not made of stone!”
Now that’s what I call running a train…
[wipes sweat from brow]
“Man, that was a close one!”
-Greyhound Bus Lines
Cars would be pedophilia.
OOOF; nice!!
I’ll be moving this week, so if the tradition of last year is an indicator then I’ll have a big friggin snake crawl out in front of me and make me whiz my shorts, followed by fascination of said creature once I get over the thought that he’s not going to eat me
It took me years to get over the fear of the goddamn garter snake. Yeah, I might be working thru a hangup.
In South Africa we had a housekeeper who would tell us every snake she saw was a green mamba. A few poor green house snakes had to give their lives before I realized that she had no idea what she was talking about.
I had heard rumors there was a black rat snake that hung out nearby, but assumed it was a few buildings down. To this day I’m thankful I didn’t realize he hung out at a bush 3 feet from my front door until the day I was moving my crap.
During my tenure I had a frog who would jump in when I opened the door and my first act was to kick him out without thought. Had I done this to snakey I would have screamed like a little girl and run out the back window.
Grandma?
“Abuela!” – Rikki, taking every opportunity to practice his spanish.
She’s aloof and distant yet everyone thinks she’s the answer to everything?
I’ll go back to my Corner of Shame.
I sometimes wonder if I’m the only person whose grandmothers were both psychopaths that everyone side eyed until the day they died.
Nobody but the absolute faithful ever said that that, in fact most said she was just better than the alternative. But The Strawman is you best go, so carry on.
To be fair, there’s a couple diehards here. I remember getting a lot of pushback when I casually mentioned that yes, she absolutely deserved to get convicted on the server shit, and I would vote for her corpse whose will stated only “Make the poor suffer” before voting for the man who beat her.
…and now ~half the cabinet and Trump use unsecured communications and data storage.
I’m still holding out hope that its November 7, 2016 and I’m having a fever dream.
I also believe they should all be in jail.
Even the other half. I bet they did some shit too.
???? What’s next? “5 mannerism that make Pence just like your closeted tío”
One of my abuelas didn’t get higher ed. to go to work and pay her lil’ brother’s engineering degree. Their mom (my great grandma) was widowed very young and supported them delivering newspapers and cleaning houses.
Just like the Rodhams!
You had me at the ashtray. Sigh
/ coughs
Greenland was next.
“If I am an advocate for anything, it is to move” – Draymond Green, setting a screen
He introduced the world/his viewership to Martin Picard. For that alone he should be saluted.
/kinda a joke but not really
//he sought out the folks around the world that were doing great shit
///he found one in Montreal
[is on very strict self-imposed diet of only two beers per evening]
[cracks open a third beer]
Me: “Goddamn it, Beer! You know the (recently imposed) rules.”
Diet: “It’s not my fault! Beer was screaming in my ear! I had no choice.”
Beer: [wiggles hips] “I’m gonna do what I want, when I want.”
Me: “Fucker.”
Beer: “Fuck who now?”
Me: “GAH!”
Diet: “Check out these totally delicious celery sticks.”
Me/Beer: “NERD!”
Only two beers on a diet. But why? Calories or something?
The solution is simple: whiskey.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/twitter-ceo-slammed-for-chick-fil-a-tweet-during-pride-month/ar-AAyvJ6F
(knocks over empty beer bottles from soapbox, steps on soapbox)
This has been festering for all day, and I’m sugared up so bear with me…
This is one reason why I don’t turn Democrat. Some Liberals are so preachy; telling everyone how they should live their lives.
This isn’t some baker refusing service because their customers are gay (Okay, I respect that he believes Homosexuality is a Sin, but maybe God sent them to your store so you can Witness to them. You may not be able to convince them not to be gay, but you set them on path to be Saved by Jesus Christ. All Sin are forgiven through Christ, but not if they don’t know Him), or some power-tripped bureaucrat (You’re not there to fix the law or ignore the parts you don’t like; you’re there to enforce and enact the law. If you don’t like it, resign! If you feel the Supreme Court went too far, they’re a Check and Balance on them: its called a Constitutional Amendment or if you want the slow path, its called the Presidential and Senate Elections)…
(rant over, back on point)
…this is someone stopping at a fast food place that serves great chicken sandwiches. And getting reamed for it.
The owner of Chick-Fil-A may not support may not support homosexuality, but that is their right and they don’t refuse service to gay people because of it. Also, their reasons are not due to hatred, but do to their interpretation of the Bible. And their beliefs is so strong, they keep all stores closed on Sunday, reducing their profits by at least 14%.
And on rare occasions, some stores serve food on a Sunday during times of tragedy or to help people stranded during travel. Because that’s what the Bible says. If your help is needed on a Sunday, you don’t rest or worship God; you go out and help and that will be more than enough worship for Him.
They don’t support anti-gay because they have hate in their hearts. They do it because they feel that’s what they believe. No one knows the answers. Only God does, but he’ll let us know what how we did when we get our Final Exam grade back to see if we’re going up to Eternal Summer Vacation or down to Eternal Summer School.
But that doesn’t matter. Chick-Fil-A is anti-gay, so they’re monsters. And so is everyone who goes their apparently.
Some Liberals are so preachy; telling everyone how they should live their lives
/quoted without comment
Mostly celebrities.
*MOST rebublicans/ conservatives are so preachy; telling everyone how they should live their lives. They just tell people to do things you are in favor of.
Their beliefs ARE born of hatred towards a segment of the population or as you’d put it “God’s children.” because the they think the bible says so.
“And on rare occasions, some stores serve food on a Sunday during times of tragedy or to help people stranded during travel. Because that’s what the Bible says. ” If you need a book to tell you to be empathetic, you aren’t.
https://www.forbes.com/forbes/2007/0723/080.html#4a8cf2e15971
Except for Trump; they don’t give a shit what he does.
I was talking about Liberals because they chimed in. Conservativism by definition should be the opposite, but not in this mutated form. That’s why we’re in this shit. Both sides are screaming and no ones listening.
I’m a Christian, but up to 10 years ago I was against Homosexuality. I didn’t hate them, I just considered them lost. Eventually I came to the conclusion that I can’t judge them for their sin because I’ve also sinned. I won’t become gay, because I believe it to be a sin. But I shouldn’t impose my beliefs into another person.
You won’t become gay because you are not, people are gay or not, they don’t switch sides, some just realize it after kidding themselves.
I’ll agree to disagree, but I concede I probably don’t know what I’m talking about.
Its probably a little of both. But after this point, I’ll probably be speaking out of my ass even more than I usually do.
When I was taking my lumber grading course, there was a former Amish kid who laughed when the instructor pulled out a piece of wood and said it was over 10,000 years old because, “Everyone knows the Earth is only 5000 years old.” That’s the last time I felt this way.
Yerp.
I think American Dad of all shows had a decent take on this – they had Stan try to choose to be homosexual.
At time American Dad’s open mindedness seems like an apology for how preachy Family Guy gets. At least in the past. I think Family Guy is sort of mellowing out.
I don’t really think that this incident is a “liberal” thing, I think it’s that people LOVE a good pile-on. Plenty of LGBT folks eat at Chick Fil A, plenty of straight people eat wieners and fish tacos even though those make you gay and lesbian, respectively.
Fuck Jack Dorsey, though. Not for the Chick Fil A thing, though, just for being a douchebag.
That is probably a huge part of it. Somebody famous puts something on twitter now days should expect this. Even those who don’t get blasted for being who they are. Like Kelly Marie Tran or Leslie Jones.
Chic-Fil-A making that quote didn’t bother me, it was the mass publicity whores who jumped on this cause while spouting many easily refuted facts that annoyed me *Looks at older brother who swore many restaurants changed their signs to support said cause*. He claimed all it accomplished was making a rich man richer, I told him all it accomplished was exposing the idiocracy of our society.
Getting back to my point, that’s why I didn’t visit him last week.
Sanctimonious pricks are everywhere in the TRAITR – PATRET spectrum. Boycotting and outcry seem like an appropriate response to bigoted merchants. I think. And it’s in line with the market / capital crap I had to take in school.
Everybody is a fucking hypocrite because the owners of the NFL are horrible horrible people and yet we still watch the games.
If we could only have a free kick an NFL owner in the balls day.
Redshirt, I love you, but fuck right off. It’s not even my religion but, you shall know them by their fruit. The works of the party that has abandoned you are downright unamerican, and far too often the conservative talking point is “but look at what the libruls said.” My party isn’t perfect, and some sanctimonious assholes are not the homogeneous representation of the party. In the meantime, Democrats are trying to help people, even if you might do it another way. All the while Republicans are tearing down the very fundamentals of what this country stands for, both through words and actions. But tell me again why they’re to be ruled out when a handful of people online get angry.
Lost me at “I can’t judge them for their sin.” It’s not a sin and it’s none of your business.
Counterpoint: Fuck Chik-Fil-A
ah hate myself for needing a SAWX win…but HAIL ALMIGHTY GAMBLOR
So a few minutes ago I hunted down and murdered a few inchworms in the garden (because the little fuckers weren’t satisfied with eating my lettuce and have moved on to my tomato plants). Most people would be upset at discovering an inchworm crawling around near their armpit once they were back inside, but not me. I was delighted. This must be what it feels like to be a serial killer who thought their prey successfully got away but then comes back inside and discovers that instead of running the victim was actually hiding.
as someone who has been setting out little coffee cup death ovens for fruit flies the last week or so, I nod approvingly
I’m actually a fan of the fruit fly ecosystem here – they gather around my compost piles, the lizards eat them, and then my cat hunts the lizards. She doesn’t kill them, so it’s cool. Just about ten minutes of complete mortal terror and then they get away.
NCAA Baseball is to me what curling is to NASCAR fans. It just ain’t right!
NASCAR fans dislike curling? Why? Is it because the game includes too much exercise?
Oh, duh, it’s cause they see men sweeping and it reminds them of that segment they saw on Fox News about the War on Masculinity and how the feminists and transsexuals are winning.
Speaking of transsexuals, I wish the ones that lived in my neighborhood would stop having such sexy legs.
It’s like RTD channeled the spastic logic behind Trump’s tweets. #prayforrikki
I must be the unicorniest of the unicorns as I love NASCAR, fútbol, AND curling.
I hope to satisfy your golf #content. Both Lil’ WCS and Lil’er WCS are sick, so… hurrah.
That eventually stops. Then, they just turn in fake sick notes and cut class to go smoke pot with their friends and/sketchy boys who live in motels. So, hang in there!
Manufactured shit you say?
