We arrive at Day 2 of the Knockout Stage with France and Uruguay safely through to the Quarterfinals. Who will join them today?
LET’S WATCH!
Game The First
Spain v Russia
7 AM Pacific, Luzhniki Stadium, Moscow
Balls: On paper, this should be a breeze for Spain to advance. Russia is just not that talented and showed it in an embarrassing loss to Uruguay. Spain has not hit its stride yet and may start scaring people after this one.
Predicción: España 3 Rusia 0
Hippo: Hopefully, this is kind of an ass whoopin, and probably will be. That said, Spain has underwhelmed, and FIFA will want to tickle the host’s balls a little bit, because that’s how FIFA roll.
Predicción: Spain limps on, 2-1.
Litre_Cola: Ok, enough dicking around. Spain will pass around these guys and not be intimidated in the least with having to play in Russia. Russia was the lowest ranked team coming in. Russia had their moment in the sun winning those 2 games. They are done. If they wouldn’t mind taking out Ramos while they are busy getting passed around that would be just great.
Predicción: España 4 – 1 Russiya It has been fun Russia, but goodbye. When do we hear about the PED tests?
Wakezilla: Like most favorites in this tournament, Spain struggled in the group stage, but ultimately managed to clinch first. Most importantly for Spain, is that Costa and Isco are starting to play well. If they can build on their group stage performances, Spain is going to be a scary team to play. Moreover, what a lot of people are not talking about right now is the fact that while David de Gea gave up a softy that cost Spain three points against Portugal, he has been perfectly cromulent the rest of the way. What is concerning for Spain, however, is their defense. I just watched the Spain/Morocco highlights and holy shit, they made a lot of costly turnovers and De Gea bailed them out. Neither of the two goals he gave up were his fault. While Russia aren’t known for their deadly strikers, if Spain keeps turning the ball over, Golovin or Cheryshev will eventually burn them.
As for Russia, they’re just happy to be in the round of 16. They have home field advantage and if what we saw with Ronaldo is any indication, Russian fans are likely going to be hanging outside of Spain’s hotel, making lots of noise to ensure they don’t get a lot of sleep.
Predicción: As we saw yesterday, we’re at the phase of the tournament where things get a little more predictable. Russia having home field advantage will likely keep this game close. Factor in Golovin now expected to sign with Chelski and I suspect this will be a spirited affair. However, Spain is too talented and this is a type of game that could really propel them into finding their top form. In a score that will flatter the Rooskies, Spain will win 2-1. Lets say Isco and Costa will score for Spain, while Cheryshev capitalizes on a Spanish turnover.
Game The Second
Croatia v Denmark
11 AM Pacific, Nizhny Novgorod Stadium, Nizhny Novgorod
Balls: Of all the teams that could bother the Croatians, Denmark is one of the most dangerous. That’s not to say the Danes play well or pretty football. They don’t.
What they do is effectively kill the opposing offense’s creativity and score on the counterattack. Sweden does the same thing and Sweden is also in the Round of 16.
Croatia will need to play an almost perfect game and have a moment or two of genius to overcome the Danes. Ideally, the Croats will score first and then laugh as the Danes can’t create on offense.
Prediction: This game ends one of two ways: Either a tight and tense 1-0 win for Croatia or a 0-0 tie that goes to penalties in which Denmark goes through.
Hippo: There’s no doubt that Croatia, along with the Waffles, played the most flawless Lesser Footy in the Group stages. But I am also a yuuuuuuggggge Christian Eriksen fan, and he has elevated this Denmark side significantly. There’s a combination of precision, creativity, and discipline that is very dangerous – especially if the Murder Checkerboards (h/t Balls, methinks) are caught looking ahead.
Predicción: 1-1 Draw (Denmark advances on PKs)
Wakezilla: On paper, Denmark being unbeaten in their last 16 games is impressive. But the truth is, they’re everything that’s wrong with international lesser footy. They’re unbeaten in 16 because they play—albeit really well—a boring, systematic defensive game. It’s not like they don’t have talented players, because they do (see: Eriksen, Christian). Don’t get me wrong, I love it when non-traditional lesser footy powers have success–just not when they play an “I-rather-watch-paint-dry” boring type of game. Even how they advanced to the round of 16 is boring because they tied 2 games, won one, and scored a whopping 2 goals. In all honesty, Denmark didn’t deserve to beat Peru. Fuck Denmark and their shit lesser footy.
Before the tournament began, I picked Croatia as my darkhorse to win the World Cup. So far, they are the only team that has made me look good. They are a well-balanced team that is currently rolling. They played tougher opponents than Denmark and I think playing Iceland gave them a preview of what to expect from the Danes.
Proricanje: Croatia is one of the most consistent teams in this tournament and have the talent and patience to wait out Denmark’s bullshit defensive system. Consequently, Croatia is going to win an incredibly boring 1-0 match, with Rakitic scoring in the 88th minute.
Litre_Cola: For me this game basically comes down to Eriksen vs Modric. Who can take over the game and run the offense. Both players are adept passers and lethal when given space. I think that this is an even matchup. They have only met 5 times in the past so there is not a history there. I think that this will be a boring 1st half and then it will open up in the 2nd half.
Forudsigelse: Denmark 1 – Hrvatska 0 the ole Twbs, with 5 of 8 minutes of injury time added on.
That check to FIFA must have been YUUUUGE.
Wow
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEST!
NYET!
Noting but…
Cheeky
According to that graphic, ESP wins 4-3
“I Knew It!”
-a psychic
That graphic lied to me!
Nah, you just read it wrong :p
Watch both teams miss everything.
Both deserve to lose for this embarrassing display of lesser footed ball.
Unbelievable
One of these teams would be wise to sub in P.K. Subban right at the end of extra time.
Refs don’t want polonium-infused tea tomorrow morning
Bish,please … if they gave that non-penalty, they wouldn’t have lasted 3 minutes in that stadium, let alone till mornin’ tea 😀
Please win this in PK España. Russia will have to play this way against any team.
Tavares to Tronno would be the darkest timeline
I’d hear the ‘Sploosh’ all the way over here from T.O.
Russia rushin it?
Folks
Bone outgrowth.
Unrelated to the game – show of hands – how many of you lot knew that Nokia are making decent to good phones again? And also WHY NOONE TOLD ME THAT?!
1029 passes!? By one team!?
“(cums)”
-Bill Walsh
“1,000 passes, only one score.”
-me, first year of university
Jeebus, can’t they just do a shootout and end this already?
Folks, I don’t think he’s talking about penalty kicks.
Hehehehe
Millions of Russians just peed their pants a little.
I honestly wish both these teams could lose. They both can suck it.
And I need to be drunk before the next match begins.
Slacker. I started at 7am.
Yeah, but that’s 10am to us folks in normal time zone.
Remember to eat!
Mate, you should probably get on with the getting drunk thing, ’cause you’re acting somewhat cunt-y and genocide-y when you’re sober(ish)
I will choose not to respond to this.
But thank you for solidifying my recent decision.
You could have gotten the trifecta if you’d called me racist-y, btw.
Is there stoppage time at the end of extra time?
-Soccer Knowerer
sometimes!
So many times!
I want a big gigantic clock to carry around like the FIFA official has.
“I can hook you up.”
-Flavor Flav
“Thanks, but I’m good.”
– Brigitte Nielsen
“Back in the 80’s, maybe.”
-Sylvester Stallone
Russians unwilling to cross The Thin White Line.
The Politburo does not look happy.
I thought that was the Gulag commissioners scouting for talent.
Four shots on goal this whole match.
I rest my case.
There’s another one!
Yeah, they’re really piling up now, huh?
OK, I already knew soccer was boring. It’s not as if I’ve been mute on that point recently.
But these assholes are just trying to prove it can be mind numbing. Holy shit.
There should be a guy in a crow’s nest with a rifle, and the next asshole from either side who delays this game should get a head shot. Maybe that’ll motivate these fucknuts.
They’re running the Russians ragged. See the way they’re cramping up? Spain is going to start hammering away here soon now that Russia is starting to get gassed.
They should all be gassed for this performance.
For the life of me, I will never understand why I’m held to a different standard around here than everyone else.
But, I don’t need to understand.
Later taters.
That’ll never happen. Nuts shooting people is a US thing. Go take yer gripes to the USMNT.
I get it now! Brilliant strategy…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba_i6wBatDI
Wait, why did Spain bring on Karl Pilkington?
“I’ll just use me
feethands, they’ll never see it coming.”It’s not because he travels well.
[Russian manager makes another substitution]
“We Will Choke Them With Our Dead!”
Player: [looks up] “Coach?”
Very few fouls in this match. Surprising considering what’s at stake.
Extended trips to Siberia to the losing side?
Kid was up from 3 to 6 am. Went back to sleep and so did I. Missed the 1st half is it collusioney?
Own goal by Russia. Deserved PK for the equalizer. Amazing atmosphere. Iberian Peninsula may be breached.
Also, there may or may not be submarines randomly hinting at what the score ought to be by poking their periscopes in Barcelona’s harbour 😀
is terrible match, my prediccion looks pretty good. May take extra time, at this pace.
Hippo haz moneys on Russia here, right?
Kate Abdo is hot
You are not wrong.
And that accent is just about perfect.
True Fact: Her favourite alloy is bronze.
It’s like the female version of ARod
Holy shit you’re right! Can’t unsee that now forevah!
Dude? Why’d ya have to go and say that?
Late to this par-tay:
Have the two of them ever been seen in the same place at the same time?
[does some math-ing]
This tilt is twice as good as a tWBS game already!
Of all the events to record on your shitty camera phone camera, the World Cup. Not like any other footage of the event will survive the years. But you’ll have your phone forever.
“Plenty of aggression, but not a great deal of penetration”
Are we still talking about soccer here?
Sounds more like bunch of fledgling PUA’s going to the club for a training session.
“What?”
-Louis CK
The Spanish defender Pique (artist’s conception):
“The referee has spotted the hand ball.”
[runs through google translate, Russian to English]
“The referee has been informed that if he doesn’t call a hand ball, his family will get a nice dose of Polonium tea.”
A little home cooking, an extra scoop of borscht for that ref.
A little extra vodka in the pudding if you know what I mean.
In the NBA that would be a highly regarded play.
the Rooskie check cleared!
The Spanish have the ball control of a young Kay Parker.
Kay Parker is the answer to the question, “What if Rhea Perlman did porn?”
(yes, I did have to look her up)
I can live with it as long as Danny Devito doesn’t do porn.
Oh, good, the fans are doing the wave.
Nuke everything.
“BATTEN THE HATCHES! WE’RE IN FOR A ROUGH RIDE!”
-Captain of a Polish submarine
“And fasten the screen doors!”
Russia’s strategy here seems to be to drag this game into the winter and hope the Spanish offense stalls.
Did the Spaniards Naz-i this coming?
Joke’s on them, thanks to climate change winter isn’t a thing anymore.
Joke’s on them; the Spanish are already stalling.
Both teams appear very motivated here.
Wait, no they don’t.
It’s like a prom date-they’re feeling each other out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWVMXLSS1cA
Russia is going to win this game, and in two months, in a totally unrelated move, Russia is going to cede Crimea to Spain.
Crimea would actually be a really nice place if not for all of the crime.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/292/922/14f.jpg
Own goal, baby!
so his family will have to pay for the bullet after all?
Did you ever read the Stephen King story “Quitters, Inc.”? They charged him for the electricity they used to shock his wife when he cheated and smoked a cigarette.
I did nae. SOUNDS FAIR!
Ya know how in college basketball when you don’t know which team is which and you have to wait until one team scores to figure it out? That fucking sucks in soccer.
If a player’s name ends in a ‘v’ or an ‘ich’, it’s most likely a Russkie.
/you’re welcome
Guy on Spain is named Nacho; what happens wheen they play Mexico?
Complete and utter chaos.
nicely done, fuck off Putins
So I don’t follow pftc/barstool closely. I understand barstool seems a tad trashy (which makes total sense) and pftc is funnier than any of them by a mile (also makes perfect sense) but — and this is where i am not sure if I have it right — there is a debate about if pftc is like held back by barstool and like should he leave?
Anyways, I saw these responses on a tweet by pftc where he basically looks to be making a joke a thinly veiled sexual harassment joke and it made me laugh
From my sleuthing it looks like some barstool guy called a barstool girl ugly, and they got a whole lot of content out of it.
So what’s the deal? Am I supposed to be buying other people cigars when my son is born? Am I supposed to smoke them right there when I have them out? Who all makes the list of getting a cigar? How nice do the cigars need to be?
I did not. It was a 48 hour laboUr and she had to stay in the hospital so I came home and had a reeeaaal expensive bottle of wine and smoked a joint.
[shrugs]
– Monica Lewinsky
I didn’t do it; I think it’s a throwback to the times when the father made a cameo at the hospital and then was back at work the next day.
That said, some of my friends have done it, and they’re generally novelty cigars with “it’s a boy/girl” written on the wrapper. I suspect they’re pretty low quality stuff.
We once sold them-they’re cheap for a reason.
That’s antiquated. Now it’s blunt wrappers: menthol for a boy, piña colada for girl.