Is this thing done yet? – World Cup Tuesday Open thread

Photo is of Ottmar-Hitzfeld Stadium in Switzerland 2000 m above sea level. taken from sportskeeda.com

This truly has been quite the remarkable World Cup thus far. The thing that is frustrating me the most is the fact that England has to go through Colombia, then the winner of the 1st game today followed by the winner of Croatia v Russia. Murderers row it is not. I do think that other than the final our biggest hope for their defeat is today with the Cocaine boys. COME ON COCAINE BOYS! DO IT FOR CARLOS!!!!!

I actually like the majority of the English team this year and I think that Southgate was cagey with how he played against the Belgians. He lost on purpose and looked good doing it. It is their awful, deplorable, brutal media. God they are just the worst. They currently are building them up as kings and just waiting to bring the knives out should they lose.

 

Sweden v Switzerland @ Christianmingle.com Saint Petersburg Stadium ,St. Petersburg

Litre_Cola: Have a tough time sleeping last night? We do I have the fixture for you! I have a dilemma. In order to get a seat at the pub for the England game I will have to go down there to watch this snoozer then have a 2 hour break. Dilemma is that I have to pick up Decilitre and cannot get bombed like I enjoying getting. I guess I will head down there and watch this inevitable snooze fest as both sides are not known for their high powered offenses. That being said the Swiss look most likely to play attacking football and could pressure the Swedes in to mistake off the flanks.

Prediction: Suisse 1- Sverige 0, I truly hope it is more entertaining than this. Probably from the guy that totally is on PED’s, some mysterious Albanian PED’s you have never heard of before.

Balls: As I mentioned in the Sunday preview,  the Scandinavian teams (Denmark and Sweden) don’t necessarily play well or attractive fútbol. They stifle offenses and counterattack.

The Swiss tend to play in a similar style. Their pre-tournament #6 ranking was a shock to me as I had not seen them stand out in any of their games.

So,  when you have the Unmovable Force v the Immovable Force, what happens?

Prediction: A dull and dreary 0-0 tie that goes to penalties unless one of the teams makes a fatal mistake.  On the bright side,  at least one of these two will be eliminated.

Hippo: Watch this fucker end up 5-4, with multiple, 5’9″ blonde streakers.  Fuck you, it could so happen.  I watched the 2nd half of Waffles/Kamikazes yesterday.

Wild Ass Guess: Swedes win 3-1 because reasons

Don T:  I hated Sweden: their passive game, the lack of attacks, the overall lulling a team into boredom. Then they played Germany and Kroos made the free kick and two Germans punked the Sweden bench. The Swedes got mad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQkl84uuKgM

Via FFSTV / YouTube

The bush league taunt. The cowardly running, then followed by the confrontation and shoving. Someone even squirted water out of anger! It’s great, but if Germans try that shit with South Americans, somebody’s getting shivved #JustSayin

But Sweden awoke. They beat México 3-0, back when El Tri was hot. Hope they bring some edge to today’s game. Then again, the Swedish captain’s wife is set to give birth today. Seems like he’ll play, though: “I’m fully focused on the game tomorrow and my wife is very strong.” Since he’s the fourth player in Russia 2018 in that situation, it’s official: qualifying-for-the-World Cup sex is a First World Problem.

I hated Switzerland. What I remember from previous World Cups was a lot of tedious 1-nils with a lotta sitting back. Not this Swiss team: they took it to Brazil and Serbia, attacking quickly and without fear. Lichtensteiner is a world-class prick, but I liked watching this Swiss team all the same.

Predicción: Suecia 1 : 0 Suiza. Both teams revert to overly cautious mode in a very physical game in which a Swiss will get a red card.

Wakezilla: Remember when I made a plea to not cheer for teams like Iceland, Denmark, Sweden or Switzerland because they play a painfully boring defensive style and the more success they acquire, the more teams are going to copy them, resulting in nothing but garbage lesser footy? Well, get ready for this shit show!

Sweden is the giant killer, as they played a role in knocking out Germany. This is also in addition to eliminating Italy and Holland along the way. They’re good at what they do: Playing boring, defensive lesser footy.

Switzerland is currently unbeaten in 22 games because they have mastered their “I rather watch paint dry than watch this shit” style of play. Midfielder Steven Zuber is out with an illness. Switzerland might struggle on defense because Stephan Lichtsteiner, and Fabian Schär are out of for the match (Yellow card bans). This will put pressure on Ricardo Rodriguez to hold the fort. He also has financial incentive to play well because Milan is going to sell him off, after they received harsh financial sanctions from FIFA for breaking economic rules.

Prediction: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Switzerland wins 0-0 (3-2) in penalty kicks.

Ron Howard voice: Switzerland won 4-3 and this game went down as the greatest round of 16 match in FIFA history.

 

England v Colombia @ Trumpdate Spartak Stadium, Moscow

Litre_Cola: Please let this be the game where the English get their hearts broken. I can see them running the train on the rest of the teams in this side of the bracket which is awful. The Cocaine boys have to be the ones who put them t the sword. I just read that James will not be playing which is a huge blow to the Colombians. Heh, blow, Colombians.  We know Rodallega ain’t walkin through that door either.

I also cannot handle Harry Kane getting the golden boot, no sirree, no thank you. I have no issues with the lad at Tottenham but one of the bigger clubs will buy him if he has a tournament to remember.

The pub will be packed and I hope they leave sad because I can’t see anyone else stack up against them the way that the Colombians do. Very shrewd Southgate, very shrewd.

Prediction: England 2 – Colombia 1, we will endure the English media for another week.

Balls: My distaste for all things English football is well-known around here.  Why would you expect it to stop here? I do think that Colombia has finally recovered from the early red card in the first game and is now ready to truly get the tourney going.

England lost to Belgium in a weird game last time out.  They could have gone top of the group and faced Japan.  That will come back and bite them in the ass.

Predicción: Colombia 2 Inglaterra 1

Hippo: If there is any semblance of a Lesser Footy God(dess?) out there, then Coca Bros. simply have to win this one.  For onesies, Fuck England.  For twosies, the Waffles somehow survived and advanced, so we need to keep the Hippo Vision progressing.  For thirdies, cocaine is absolutely glorious, and you should NEVAR do it, because it is just that glorious.

Predicción: Colombia bags one each half, to LOLEngland’s wet fart, 2-nil

Don T: Coach José Pékerman said James is a game time decision. The Poland 3-0 showed how much James brings to Los Cafeteros. But they got talent; Cuadrado and Falcao are able, and Juan Quintero may not be very fast, but the guy is SMRT:

Via FIFATV / YouTube

I really like this England team. But it’s Senegal all over again: you play Colombia, I wanna see you lose.

There’s plenty of incentives to want the Tri-Loins stumble, of course. For one, there’s the generalized “We’re going to win the World Cup!” jokey optimism by the Englen fans and media. It’s fucking grating. Hey, Nigel: that cheeky detachment ain’t fooling anyone. Quit your emotional hedging and own up to your convictions, you condescending toffs.

Predicción: England 1 : 2 Colombia. I trust José Néstor Pékerman Krimen. Guy could pull off a win against England as smoothly as wearing a suit with Vans.

Via zimbio.com / postimages.com

Colombia has one of the nicer kits out there

Wakezilla: This is a really hard game to figure out because this World Cup has been absolutely unpredictable. Colombia has better goaltending, better defense, the midfield is a wash and England has better strikers. James is most likely out of this match, which most likely means England gets the edge in midfielders playing. Colombia’s CB, Mina, has scored twice in two games and is definitely useful at set pieces. Quintero has a goal and two assists and will have to keep up his excellent play. I think it comes down to Falcao and if he can have a good match. He’s been rather ordinary this tournament with one goal. He is going to have to produce.

As anticipated, England’s media is already planning the World Cup parade, despite the Brits not having won a playoffs game in 10 years. Classic British media. Just a reminder, they’re thinking World Cup title win because the three headed LioUns defeated Tunisia and Panama and are conveniently overlooking the fact they lost to Belgium.  While England likely tanked the third game, they still haven’t beaten a legit World Cup tender. Also, championship teams don’t tank. When a team tanks, I think they’re inviting negative karma to bite them in the ass. Anyone remember Sweden in the 2002 Olympics Hockey tournament? They tanked so they could play Belarus. They lost the game and were eliminated.

Predicción:

When I first started to write this preview, I had this inkling in my stomach that England was going to win tomorrow. I think I have talked myself out of that. Colombia has better goaltending and defense and scoring is harder to come by in the playoffs. As a result, I think Colombia has the edge, and will defeat England 2-1.

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litre_cola
- A pugs best friend. - Wine drinker. - Loves to use the letter U behind O. - Iggles fan, Fulham FC (Mighty Whitey) supporter, Cavalry FC Ultra. - One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse.
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Don T

TAKE OUT THE RED U FACK

SonOfSpam

¿Dónde está la tarjeta roja? La tarjeta roja no está aquí.

SonOfSpam

¿Donde está la biblioteca? La biblioteca no está aquí.

King Hippo

nah, white guys just get a stern talking to

Sharkbait

So while we’re in a break, It looks like I’ll be going to England in December. I would like to go to a lesser footy match. Who should I support?

Edit: By England I mean London

King Hippo

Everton, godamnit!!

/or newly promoted Fulham

SonOfSpam

Manchester United could use more fans.

(I would support Crystal Palace because they sound elegant.)

Mr. Ayo

Oops.

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SonOfSpam

That may have been..premature.

“SHUT UP”

– R. Pitino

scotchnaut

Oh. Danny Boy. Oh Danny Boy. The hot takes, the hot takes are playing….

King Hippo

Voice of “lessons” guy from Arrested Development:

And THAT is why you always try FOAR a 2nd

Don T

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Wakezilla

Your meme game has been amazing Esta tourneo

King Hippo

he is most excelente

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I still want to see a replay of that shot from Mars that set up that corner.

King Hippo

will get lost in the shuffle, but Pickford was about to get bitched at from me for an Evertonian knocking my side out with a blinder of a save

King Hippo

go get another! Momentum, y’all

LemonJello

Should someone tell them that the game isn’t over?

scotchnaut

They be living in the moment.

tomsellecksmoustache

It like you have no idea about the momentary euphoria cocaine gives you. No tomorrow mother fuckers!

Petronel

Well, this got interesting all of a sudden.

Wakezilla

Fuck yes!!!!!!

ArmedandHammered

Ha, ha, ha. Now if it goes to PKs, I want Kane to miss his or give up an own goal in extra time.

King Hippo

Defender was in Pickford’s way, can’t blame the Everton man at all!

Don T

YERRY MINA CABRONEEEEEEEEE
/ coughs, hacks
EEEEEEEEES

Sharkbait

Holy. Shit.

King Hippo

up yours, time wasting cunts

King Hippo

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cocaine FOAR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scotchnaut

Bubble and squeak for no one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scotchnaut

I FUCKING CALLED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo

The Fightin’ Eight Balls delivered!

bk109

FUCKYEAH

tomsellecksmoustache

Leave it to England to give us the worst round of 16 match.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was about to say “and win it”.

tomsellecksmoustache

This take aged well.

scotchnaut

You’re honest. I like that.

Senor Weaselo

Hooray for stalling!

King Hippo

should have been 7

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This is really important, so I’d better give it EVERYTHING I’VE GOT!”

[sails the cross thirty feet over everyone’s head]

Sharkbait

Foxy Soccer represent!

scotchnaut

This World Cup demands a goal in extra cocaine time.

Senor Weaselo

“Extra cocaine time is my favorite!” -Maradona

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Coming back to retroactively star this.

Senor Weaselo

Aqib Talib and Plaxico Burress think the Coca Bros are shooting themself in the legs too much.

Senor Weaselo

Themselves Senor, I don’t care if you’re on your phone, get it right.

LemonJello

Coca Bros need to stop the flopping bullshit and play fuckin’ futbol.

scotchnaut

Columbia now officially in Dier Straits.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well that guy just signed his own death warrant.

Wakezilla

Nice kick, Baggio

King Hippo

Hope there is room for a second Lesser Footy grave. What a bunch of chokers.

ArmedandHammered

Kane spends so much time with his face in the grass, I think he wants to be the G.O.A.T., but doesn’t understand the concept of acronyms.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Literally two hours after I changed the banner…

Wakezilla

OMG, give this guy a yellow card for wasting time. FIFA seriously needs to crackdown on this sub wasting time nonsense.

Wakezilla

Uribe? Bringing in a shortstop to play lesser footy? Bold move, Cotton

Petronel

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Sharkbait

Out of the meetings. How did the Limeys score?

scotchnaut

[nods]

-P.K. Subban

Wakezilla

With how flat they’re playing, I’m starting to wonder if these ladies played the Coca boys a visit last night

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scotchnaut

Sorry Lingard, you guys can’t get ALL the penalties.

scotchnaut

Given how badly they’re spiraling out of control, you’d think Columbia’s manager was a young Igor Sikorsky.

King Hippo

It’s like Coca Bros. are down 3 or 4 and have given up trying to score.

tomsellecksmoustache

Colombia just will not stop shooting at their dick. Pretty soon they’ll stop missing.

King Hippo

How about some laundry for the diving British cunts?

Wakezilla

THIS COLOMBIA TEAM, I CALL MY BROTHERS IN LAW BECAUSE WHENEVER THEY’RE CLOSE TO MAKING SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES, THEY SELF-SABOTAGE AND EITHER DECALRE BANKRUPTCY OR GO TO JAIL

Don T

The way COL’s playing, they should get extradited to Egypt.

Senor Weaselo

You get a yellow! You get a yellow! YOU ALL GET A YELLOW!

Don T

From his movement, I’m gonna guess Quintero dined two pork sandwiches and a large Ambien milkshake.

King Hippo

COL will finish with 9 on the pitch.

scotchnaut

Does Carlos Sanchez win The Golden Boob?

King Hippo

comes with a beautiful, platinum bullet!

Wakezilla

If only Ronaldo won. You’re our only hope, Lukaku

King Hippo

England has baited Coca Bros. all match, and they kept biting.

Wakezilla

They are masterbaiters

scotchnaut

Yeah, Columbia is all wound up. It’s like they’re on something.

Wakezilla

iVamos Ospina!

tomsellecksmoustache

Sadly this is a huge moment for Tottenham fans. Their best player just scored on the Arsenal back up keeper. Truly a high water mark.

Senor Weaselo

This is going to go from soccer fight to baseball fight to… hockey line brawl? Right?