Yes, we got our dream Waffles/Les Frogs matchup. And the peoples rejoiced. Now, it is time for the back-alley abortion side of the bracket. Join us, won’t you? It still beats goddamned baseball.
England (-115) v. Sweden (+385; draw +220) (10:00 EST, Fox)
Merry ole England has Evertonian Keeper Jordan Pickford to thank for its continued life in the tournament. It glosses over how flaccid the Cuck Liouns’ attack was against a slow-footed Coca Bros. defense. Sweden…will be a stout test, especially if they are resting on their laurels and expecting to coast into the final and meet their destiny against the rival French. Spoiler alert: They will be.
Wild Ass Guess: Everyone’s favourite angry touchline Grandpa and his Swedes advance, 1-nil (normal time)
Litre_Cola : First of all I would like to thank Hippo for the spelling of favoUrite. I will not be lining up at 6 am for the 8 am kickoff for this. When you read this I will be very hungover with a toddler most likely screaming at me. Anywhooo why are the English playing Alli when they should be playing Loftus-Cheek? This is thus far the only error that I can say Southgate has made. Apart from being English that is. Do I think that England will advance past this?
Prediction: England 1- 1 Sweden, England advances on penalties because of course they do.
Balls: I’m looking at those odds and I’m thinking that if I still had my online sportsbook account, I’d put a tenner on Sweden to win in regular time.
I’ve been listening to Sirius XM FC a lot as I’ve been driving for work a lot recently and the overwhelming sensation I get from the mostly English hosts is cautious optimism in the Charlie Brown-Lucy sense. Maybe this time she won’t pull the football away?
I don’t like either team. That’s not fair actually. I do like the English players and I like how Southgate has made the team likable. It’s the “It’s Coming Home” bit that bothers me. Yes, you invented the game a hundred years ago.
Thank you.
That, however, doesn’t entitle you to shit and if you were to somehow win this tourney, it wouldn’t mean you play the best football.
Prediction: I don’t have to worry as it won’t happen. Sweden 2 England 1.
Wakezilla: Sweden, the 2017-2018 giant killers, continue to get overlooked by everyone in the lesser footy world. It’s hard to believe England is the favorite when Sweden has defeated Portugal, France, Italy,Mexico, Switzerland and other tough teams since 2016. In terms of watchability, they are boring as shit and completely bad for the game. However, they are incredibly difficult to beat.
As for England, I will be cheering for them as they play an entertaining style of lesser footy. Admittedly, their media and their right wing fans are really, really making it hard for me to support them this game. I’ve already said my piece during the round table about the hypocrisy of these right wing scumbags, so I’ll just skip this part.
The stars seem to be aligning for the Limies to reach the Finals. (More on this in the second preview) They beat a tough Colombian side on penalty kicks. Psychologically, that PK win was huge for their confidence. As long as England plays their style of game and not play down to Sweden’s diarrhea gameplan, they should emerge victorious. Or at the very least, Kane will likely be rewarded with another penalty kick.
Prediction: The lesser footy gods will reward England for being the more aggressive side. As a result, England will beat Sweden 1-0, on a Harry Kane penalty kick late in the first half. Fuck Sweden’s bullshit style of play.
Croatia (+115) v. Russia (+295; draw +200) (14:00 EST, Fox)
It’s been a fun ride for the hosts, but the Murder Checkerboards won’t be having any of it. His name is Luka, he lives on the second floor, and he will pick the lock all day long and then some. Putin will claim this match violates Rooskie anti-sodomy laws.
Wild Ass Guess: 4-nil to the good (which really is the former Yugoslavia for once)
Litre_Cola: Russia has loaded up on PED’s so I think I will leave this one to the cat.
Proricanje: Croatia 2- Russia 0, problem is that the Croats take too many yellows and many lads will be absent for the English semifinal. Of course they will be. England has had the cakeiest of fucking cakewalks this tourney and it will continue.
Balls: I will be proudly wearing my Murder Checkerboard jersey at the dentist’s office as this game kicks off. I hope that’s a good omen for the Croatians.
It’s just a teeth cleaning, so there should not be any pain. Which is what I expect this game to be for Croatia. On paper, this is a game they should win. The last time I wrote the words “on paper”, though, we got a nice upset.
In Thursday’s roundtable discussion, I went out on a limb and said that Russia would make the World Cup final. If they get past Croatia, I will wire Hippo $100 to bet on that outcome.
Prediction: Croatia 2 Russia 2. It goes to penalties and Russia advances. Yes, I said it.
Wakezilla: I’m not sure what to think anymore. Overnight, Russia went from being a lesser footy backwater over the past decade, to being 3 wins away from being World Cup champs. Huh?
The key matchup for Russia is if Dzyuba can overcome Croatian defender, Lovren. If he can win that battle, Russia has a shot at winning this game. However, they have managed just two shots over the past two games, which isn’t going to cut it against this Croatian side.
Croatia narrowly escaped defeat against Denmark. It’s not too concerning as they controlled a lot of the play and they had to overcome a wall, also known as Kasper Schmeichal. If Russia didn’t have home field advantage and World Cup host friendly refs, I’d say Croatia would easily defeat Russia. This is not the case, so it’s going to be a super close game.
Proricanje:
Russia has been a good story, but it’s time for them to go away. Croatia will beat Russia 1-0 in a very close game. Modric will score on a free kick in the second half. One huge reason why this game will be close is because Croatia might avoid being physical, thus veering from their game.
The big concern for Croatia is yellow cards. They’re playing the host, which means they’ll likely receive yellow cards. This is bad because Sime Vrsaljko, Marcelo Brozovic, Vedran Corluka, Ivan Rakitic, Ante Rebic, Mario Mandzukic, Tin Jedvaj and Marko Pjaca all have yellow cards, meaning they would miss the semis if they were to receive a card today. Hopefully they escape card free, but if they don’t, Croatia will be ripe for the pickings by (hopefully) England.
Wait, not only is it not sudden death for a sport that considers 5 or 6 scores, total bananacakes? But they will play both halves of OT?
Yeah, back when it was sudden death, OT was horrendous because both teams were terrified to make a mistake.
Unlike now.
Did I just see a Budweiser ad on one of those sideline boards? At the World Cup? In Russia?
Not as odd as the “Wanda” ads. Stupid idiots spelled Wakanda wrong
Croatiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
[reads script]
“This is all kinds of wrong. Who did the re-write? Have his head on my desk first thing tomorrow.”
-Putin
Even Putin knows Russia in the semis at this tournament is too much
WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pony-tail guy
/does not help me personally but fuck the Rooskies
//watch them get a dodgy penno and still go through
alright, #BFIB. Console mah suicidal ass.
Ron Howard voice redux…
Suicidal you say?
Start drinking now, the Russians are going to make the semi-finals.
“If she wanted to have men pay attention to her, she should have worn a bright red top.”
-Clinical psychologist, after pushing his glasses up his nose
another funny:
you: hey that looks like updog
me: (wrongly assuming that people will like me more if i agree with them than if i ask them questions when im confused about something) wow it really does
found a funny:
how much would it cost?
“the guy who does our estimates isn’t here right now”
around what time will he be back?
“did you not just hear me?”
I’m guessing that plane blew at least .23 on the breathalyzer.
pilots are usually more about the beak
hahahah ….oh shit
wait………is Russia actually win this?
Croatia’s pointless crosses are their varietal of Spain’s empty possession and practice session passing back and forth.
“This game needs more whistling.”
-No one, ever
I hope this propels Croatia to play for the goal
Ron Howard voice…
Subbing in a guy who plays for Real Madrid? That’s good depth. . .
Oh. fuck.
“An ineffective Croatian cross. Who could have seen that coming?”
–Someone who hasn’t watched the first 86 minutes–
“Crochetia needs to knit together a bolder strategy.”
-Cotton
they took mah shins!!
Modric is slumped over and gasping for air. That’s not good
just LOUSY, this is Saudi quality play
#3 on Russia with some excellent blocking. The Seahawks or Browns should sign him
Taking Strinic out? Yellow card or not, that’s not a wise move.
Inconsistent reffing starting to happen. Ruh Roh.
All things considered, the reffing has been decent.
Another great tune and video, and it reminds me of better footy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN-xVSlnWKQ
/checked the beer to make sure there was no more fridge in there
Okay. Fine. One more can of freon and that’s it for today!
Croatia seems to really want to win this. /s
I think we all know that a Ruski victory on penalties is coming.
I think–well, hope–Modric or the Bro is going to get a late one. Like the 92nd minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmzsWxPLIOo
yup!!!!!!
Modric in the playoffs is beginning to remind me of Lebron James in the Heat era when they’d lose. It’s like, dude, you’re their best player by a lot. Stop passing and shoot the fucking ball!
aka, pulling a Larry Johnson
/will go to my grave hating that motherfucker, launching Duke into the media fluffer-sphere, then ruining the Charlotte Hornets when I gave a tin shit about them (big Zo was awesome)
Good tune/video for this crock of shit match:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGDQOECShw8
Croatia: Let’s keep doing the same shite that hasn’t worked for 60+ minutes! Brilliant!!
Though it runs against common sense, they need some sort of Cisse coaching them at this point.
yes, a muscular black fella giving them crazy eyes from the touchline would do wonders!
Brozovic is coming at Russia now. This is good. (Please don’t get a yellow)
How the fuck did he miss that?
see comment below, also God giving me a hint
these shots are nowhere close. PAID. OFF.
Don’t know if PFTCommenter put these two images together but his twitter is were I saw it.
Should have shot that, Modric.
“I thought about, but bribe less messy. So many reporters.” – Vladdy
Right in front of the ref and not a yellow? Blown call.
Croatia needs to change up their offensive style. The cross in the box isn’t really working.
“Worked for me.”
L. BLAIR
Ha!!!! I was going to make the same reference.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Some are sicker than others.
Croatia tighter than a West Virginian sheep that’s been kept in a locked barn.
“I call her ‘Major Harris’ when I’m pokin’ her ’cause I’m sentimental like that.”
-An Iraq War veteran, off his meds
whew, no yellow on Modric
?itemid=4710107
It’s like the plane is deliberately rubbing its crotch on the tarmac. What did the tarmac ever do to that plane? smgdh
– P. Manning
His rapping pseudonym is T-Bag.
I may have also put $50 on 4-2 at high odds. Just pray FOAR bananacakes if you wants Hippo Thoughts in the autumn. 😀
Only if it means a Croatian win
well, of course. I ain’t betting no money on the goddamned Russians to win.
/liked them MUCH better as the CCCP
As a snake handler, I will be handling my snake so its venom falls in your favour.
– Gennadi Bystrov
(this is a The Americans joke, fwiw…3 episodes to go)
((still hoping for a Nina Krilova flashback))
To drink more scotch. To eat more cottage cheese and cucumbers. I’m so drunk that this conundrum is giving me pause.
Christ, your gas must be amazeballs. Is your wife already nominated for sainthood?
She’s halfway there; that gas is going to make a martyr out of her before the day is out.
Mrs. scotchnaut is the patron saint of Dutch ovens. Unlike Lukaku, she’s a keeper.
FUCK YOU, faux-Murder Checkerboards. You ain’t hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuJ0sP57ywU
Jim from ‘The Office’ as an action hero is not something I saw coming.
What’s he starring in now?
He’s Jack Ryan on some new streaming show.
Cool.
I could actually see him as a Green Lantern
after the whole Andy Dwyer re-boot…America will surprise me NO MOAR
Someone didn’t see Threat Level Midnight
These shoddy passes back to Croatia’s goalkeeper are really, really making me nervous for the second half.
At 14 secs. Clyde has said for years that steal was open all series. He was just saving it for a back breaker.
https://youtu.be/OThnha8XWTM
I think this was an issue against Denmark as well.
“Two minutes extra time?”
-every frustrated girlfriend ever
“extra?”
“Two minutes!?”-Rick Pitino
“Two minutes?”
MY LOWER BACK WAS CRAMPING UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!
you can’t be content to go in level against these fucking cunts!!
they win the half, then win the game by a final of 3-1, 4-1, or 5-whatevs…I just might reconsider
/will draw 2-2 and lose in pennos like Balls predicted
Croatia’s President can get. it.
CRO?
GET A SECOND you fucking dildoes
Wow, I’m glad you ordered the words in that sentence correctly.
I only just now popped my 2nd pill 😀