Completing the Lesser Final Four – Sabado Open Thread

Yes, we got our dream Waffles/Les Frogs matchup.  And the peoples rejoiced.  Now, it is time for the back-alley abortion side of the bracket.  Join us, won’t you?  It still beats goddamned baseball.

England (-115) v. Sweden (+385; draw +220) (10:00 EST, Fox)

Merry ole England has Evertonian Keeper Jordan Pickford to thank for its continued life in the tournament.  It glosses over how flaccid the Cuck Liouns’ attack was against a slow-footed Coca Bros. defense.  Sweden…will be a stout test, especially if they are resting on their laurels and expecting to coast into the final and meet their destiny against the rival French.  Spoiler alert: They will be.

Wild Ass Guess: Everyone’s favourite angry touchline Grandpa and his Swedes advance, 1-nil (normal time)

Litre_Cola : First of all I would like to thank Hippo for the spelling of favoUrite. I will not be lining up at 6 am for the 8 am kickoff for this. When you read this I will be very hungover with a toddler most likely screaming at me. Anywhooo why are the English playing Alli when they should be playing Loftus-Cheek? This is thus far the only error that I can say Southgate has made. Apart from being English that is. Do I think that England will advance past this?

Prediction: England 1- 1 Sweden, England advances on penalties because of course they do.

Balls: I’m looking at those odds and I’m thinking that if I still had my online sportsbook account,  I’d put a tenner on Sweden to win in regular time.

I’ve been listening to Sirius XM FC a lot as I’ve been driving for work a lot recently and the overwhelming sensation I get from the mostly English hosts is cautious optimism in the Charlie Brown-Lucy sense. Maybe this time she won’t pull the football away?

I don’t like either team.  That’s not fair actually.  I do like the English players and I like how Southgate has made the team likable. It’s the “It’s Coming Home” bit that bothers me.  Yes,  you invented the game a hundred years ago.

Thank you.

That,  however,  doesn’t entitle you to shit and if you were to somehow win this tourney,  it wouldn’t mean you play the best football.

Prediction: I don’t have to worry as it won’t happen.  Sweden 2 England 1.

I can’t believe I have to cheer for the Limies today

Wakezilla: Sweden, the 2017-2018 giant killers, continue to get overlooked by everyone in the lesser footy world. It’s hard to believe England is the favorite when Sweden has defeated Portugal, France, Italy,Mexico, Switzerland and other tough teams since 2016. In terms of watchability, they are boring as shit and completely bad for the game. However, they are incredibly difficult to beat.

As for England, I will be cheering for them as they play an entertaining style of lesser footy. Admittedly, their media and their right wing fans are really, really making it hard for me to support them this game. I’ve already said my piece during the round table about the hypocrisy of these right wing scumbags, so I’ll just skip this part.

The stars seem to be aligning for the Limies to reach the Finals. (More on this in the second preview) They beat a tough Colombian side on penalty kicks. Psychologically, that PK win was huge for their confidence. As long as England plays their style of game and not play down to Sweden’s diarrhea gameplan, they should emerge victorious. Or at the very least, Kane will likely be rewarded with another penalty kick.

Prediction: The lesser footy gods will reward England for being the more aggressive side. As a result, England will beat Sweden 1-0, on a Harry Kane penalty kick late in the first half. Fuck Sweden’s bullshit style of play.

Croatia (+115) v. Russia (+295; draw +200) (14:00 EST, Fox)

It’s been a fun ride for the hosts, but the Murder Checkerboards won’t be having any of it.  His name is Luka, he lives on the second floor, and he will pick the lock all day long and then some.  Putin will claim this match violates Rooskie anti-sodomy laws.

Wild Ass Guess: 4-nil to the good (which really is the former Yugoslavia for once)

Litre_Cola: Russia has loaded up on PED’s so I think I will leave this one to the cat.

Proricanje: Croatia 2- Russia 0, problem is that the Croats take too many yellows and many lads will be absent for the English semifinal. Of course they will be. England has had the cakeiest of fucking cakewalks this tourney and it will continue. 

Balls: I will be proudly wearing my Murder Checkerboard jersey at the dentist’s office as this game kicks off. I hope that’s a good omen for the Croatians.

It’s just a teeth cleaning,  so there should not be any pain. Which is what I expect this game to be for Croatia.  On paper,  this is a game they should win.  The last time I wrote the words “on paper”, though,  we got a nice upset.

In Thursday’s roundtable discussion,  I went out on a limb and said that Russia would make the World Cup final.  If they get past Croatia,  I will wire Hippo $100 to bet on that outcome.

Prediction: Croatia 2 Russia 2. It goes to penalties and Russia advances.  Yes,  I said it.

Wakezilla: I’m not sure what to think anymore. Overnight, Russia went from being a lesser footy backwater over the past decade, to being 3 wins away from being World Cup champs. Huh?

The key matchup for Russia is if Dzyuba can overcome Croatian defender, Lovren. If he can win that battle, Russia has a shot at winning this game. However, they have managed just two shots over the past two games, which isn’t going to cut it against this Croatian side.

Croatia narrowly escaped defeat against Denmark. It’s not too concerning as they controlled a lot of the play and they had to overcome a wall, also known as Kasper Schmeichal. If Russia didn’t have home field advantage and World Cup host friendly refs, I’d say Croatia would easily defeat Russia. This is not the case, so it’s going to be a super close game.

Proricanje:

Russia has been a good story, but it’s time for them to go away. Croatia will beat Russia 1-0 in a very close game. Modric will score on a free kick in the second half. One huge reason why this game will be close is because Croatia might avoid being physical, thus veering from their game.

The big concern for Croatia is yellow cards. They’re playing the host, which means they’ll likely receive yellow cards. This is bad because Sime Vrsaljko, Marcelo Brozovic, Vedran Corluka, Ivan Rakitic, Ante Rebic, Mario Mandzukic, Tin Jedvaj and Marko Pjaca all have yellow cards, meaning they would miss the semis if they were to receive a card today. Hopefully they escape card free, but if they don’t, Croatia will be ripe for the pickings by (hopefully) England.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Horatio Cornblower

England through the to semis. God save the Queen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvMxqcgBhWQ

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Someone already edited the wikipedia page.

Horatio Cornblower

Dare I say that the Swedes have met their Waterloo?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj_9CiNkkn4

scotchnaut

Knowing me, knowing you…uh huh.

Spur

English politeness extends to the field

Spur

So, whoever wins France vs Belgium will be World Cup Champion right?

Horatio Cornblower

Let’s hope.

ArmedandHammered

Nope, Russia will beat Croatia, because Putin will show the Croat team pictures of their homes with bomb sights superimposed for when he invades as the stick and as the carrot they get to be leaders of the “cleansing” squads after he invades.

Wakezilla

If Croatia can survive unscathed today, maybe not

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, I’ll presume everyone hates England even more now?
I can get on board with that I suppose.

Wakezilla

Nah.They were the lesser of two lesser footy evils

herodotus450

Is Whitey Ford on the field cause heeeere come the flops.

Spur

Stupid sexy Swedes.

scotchnaut

The girls aren’t bad either.

scotchnaut

Anyone seen any Swedish strikers?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WDly1Oc_P4

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d rather see some Swedish streakers.

herodotus450
Don T

Not since workers’ safety measures were enforced on the ennui mines.

scotchnaut

True Fact: August Strindberg discovered the first mine-ready vein of ennui 30 kilometers north of Uppsala.

Horatio Cornblower

You can tell the one second from your left is the smart one, because she’s the only one wearing sensible shoes.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: the sensible one is NOT the one you want to hit on, if you are me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She will not sing fairy tales, she will not bring fairy tales.

Horatio Cornblower

Sad Swedish fan is sad. Also hot.

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scotchnaut

Her lingonberry milkshake brings all the Bjorn’s to the yard.

/edit

Horatio Cornblower

Jah.

scotchnaut

Too bad you can’t grow bananas in Sweden, otherwise they’d have a chance.

Don T

That’s Hulk-quality! “Brazil still in spirit in Russia 2018.” -Univision (probably)
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Don T

Reply fail. Pickford’s ass is mesmerizing.

scotchnaut

Sweden definitely The Urine Troubles right now.

herodotus450

How many babies do we have to sacrifice to prevent the budweiser ad team from seeing that goal or gaining knowledge of Dele Alli?

tomsellecksmoustache

Hard to say, we’ve been killing babies for months to get the dilly dilly thing to end with no luck.

scotchnaut

“All the female ones?”

-Nigeria

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey!” – China

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes…yes…get those English hopes up!

herodotus450

I haven’t seen an attacking force so offsides since 1939

Horatio Cornblower

I was more than a little surprised that VAR wasn’t at least consulted there.

herodotus450

I haven’t seen a global force of peacekeeping overseers so complacent since 1939!

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen Sweden treated this badly since the Peace of Westphalia…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-WO73Dh7rY

litre_cola

During shower mrs Cola comes in to vomit due to “ryeflys” basically rye and coke races. Chugging whisky is a thing here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

litre_cola household (artist’s conception):

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

litre_cola household (conception by the artist who does those Dogs Playing Poker paintings):

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tomsellecksmoustache

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Nice save by Thickford

Horatio Cornblower

Absolute unit, that lad.
/obligatory

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Never mind.

Horatio Cornblower

Remember when some people were questioning why Joe Hart didn’t at least get a roster spot?

Wakezilla

Honestly, Hart was typically bad whenever he played for England and I’d argue he was over-rated when he played for City.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This announcer on Telemundo sounds contemptuous every time he says “Ma-GUIRE”.

Don T

¡Lo es! Lots of gritted teeth and forced smiles from the Telemundo crew.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Damned sneaky underhanded English press…” – Bill Parcells

Wakezilla

Not hungover today, but definitely suffering from dehydration/heat exhaustion. Not looking forward to leaving for work in 5 minutes? Ah shit!

/Isn’t even dressed

litre_cola

Just tried to smother myself with my pillow due to rye hangover. Did not work. Would not recommend.

Wakezilla

May Deciliter not torture you today

Horatio Cornblower

Does Decilitre have any Pedialyte, or Pedialyte-like products? That stuff is magic on hangovers.

litre_cola

No. Noted though

Spur

The British Fans are Fired Up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8D7IZMRupM

Horatio Cornblower

The English announcers’ reaction to the English goal makes me feel much better. Mostly because a white woman leaped into the arms of a black man and I’m pretty sure that’ll give Farage an aneurysm.

Apologies to you British types. “Aneuuuuurysm”

Don T
Don T

Though both Radio and Sterling could’ve been better at finishes smh..,

scotchnaut

If you see a dashing young gent sporting an Eddie Bauer cap at your alcohol-purchasing place in the next few minutes, say hello to me.

Horatio Cornblower

Every Swedish player’s name sounds like a different variation of cheese.

herodotus450

Stirling shut down so hard he’s gonna have to change his name to Pounds.

herodotus450

Pickford looks spooked, like he just watched a Chaplin film.

Spur

What are the English singing?

scotchnaut
clint greasewood
scotchnaut

“Habit?”

-a nun

Horatio Cornblower

Weak prostate?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Duh, because it’s time for breakfast.” – Andy Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Cause the monster underneath it is finally gone now that the sun is up?” – Eli Manning

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Cause smoking in bed is dangerous? There’s no vaccine for a house fire.” – Jay Cutler

Don T

Suicide equipment?
-Alan Vega

Horatio Cornblower

I’m rooting for England but, goddamn, every time they do a good I’m forced to recall that Nigel Farage is happy and I just want to hang myself.

clint greasewood

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scotchnaut

You know what this needs? The world’s most expensive cheese. Moose cheese from Sweden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Wk6aIoATwA&list=PLAhMtjfsQsERCijGLID8abm-19oSQe63A

Spur
scotchnaut

The first Spiderman with the score!

Spur

what smells worse an English Football Fan or Surstromming?

Fronkenshteen

Great no call

Fronkenshteen

What’re we calling Sweden, anyway. Meatballs? Futons? IKEAs?

clint greasewood

Björn Borgs

scotchnaut

Sverigeia?

Spur

Abba

scotchnaut

“The Urine Troubles”?

/yellow jerseys, you see

clint greasewood

Volvos?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like Fightin’ IKEAs because it reminds me of what my wife and I do when we go furniture shopping.

Horatio Cornblower

The Neutrals

Spur

Shopping at IKEA is more entertaining than this…

herodotus450

“Well shackled so far.”
Who knew soccer and dominatrixes had so much in common

Senor Weaselo

Have we gotten “entire team PED odds” on the hosts yet?
/Dies of three self-inflicted shots to the chest, then I turned over or something, then two to the back of the head

scotchnaut

In my experience, guys that play with just one ball are usually on some kind of PED.

Fronkenshteen

I would love to bet Russia today. They are pure evil.

Spur

Folks

scotchnaut

Horse torturer.

herodotus450

Irresponsible Space Explorer.

scotchnaut

Iffy Historian

Fronkenshteen

Moment component

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why, but for some reason I hate Tripper’s stupid face.

scotchnaut

“I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding on your part.”

-Chrissie

scotchnaut

The upside of this tilt is that there shouldn’t be very much rolling around on the ground and moaning. (Unless you’re into that)

Fronkenshteen

Please let the Engloids score quickly so Sweden has to attack. Thank you.

herodotus450

Swedes usually stop in Normandy for a few hundred years before attacking Enlgand

Fronkenshteen

Deep cuts, baby!

scotchnaut

[takes off monocle]

“Boffo preview lads!”

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