Yes, we got our dream Waffles/Les Frogs matchup. And the peoples rejoiced. Now, it is time for the back-alley abortion side of the bracket. Join us, won’t you? It still beats goddamned baseball.
England (-115) v. Sweden (+385; draw +220) (10:00 EST, Fox)
Merry ole England has Evertonian Keeper Jordan Pickford to thank for its continued life in the tournament. It glosses over how flaccid the Cuck Liouns’ attack was against a slow-footed Coca Bros. defense. Sweden…will be a stout test, especially if they are resting on their laurels and expecting to coast into the final and meet their destiny against the rival French. Spoiler alert: They will be.
Wild Ass Guess: Everyone’s favourite angry touchline Grandpa and his Swedes advance, 1-nil (normal time)
Litre_Cola : First of all I would like to thank Hippo for the spelling of favoUrite. I will not be lining up at 6 am for the 8 am kickoff for this. When you read this I will be very hungover with a toddler most likely screaming at me. Anywhooo why are the English playing Alli when they should be playing Loftus-Cheek? This is thus far the only error that I can say Southgate has made. Apart from being English that is. Do I think that England will advance past this?
Prediction: England 1- 1 Sweden, England advances on penalties because of course they do.
Balls: I’m looking at those odds and I’m thinking that if I still had my online sportsbook account, I’d put a tenner on Sweden to win in regular time.
I’ve been listening to Sirius XM FC a lot as I’ve been driving for work a lot recently and the overwhelming sensation I get from the mostly English hosts is cautious optimism in the Charlie Brown-Lucy sense. Maybe this time she won’t pull the football away?
I don’t like either team. That’s not fair actually. I do like the English players and I like how Southgate has made the team likable. It’s the “It’s Coming Home” bit that bothers me. Yes, you invented the game a hundred years ago.
Thank you.
That, however, doesn’t entitle you to shit and if you were to somehow win this tourney, it wouldn’t mean you play the best football.
Prediction: I don’t have to worry as it won’t happen. Sweden 2 England 1.
Wakezilla: Sweden, the 2017-2018 giant killers, continue to get overlooked by everyone in the lesser footy world. It’s hard to believe England is the favorite when Sweden has defeated Portugal, France, Italy,Mexico, Switzerland and other tough teams since 2016. In terms of watchability, they are boring as shit and completely bad for the game. However, they are incredibly difficult to beat.
As for England, I will be cheering for them as they play an entertaining style of lesser footy. Admittedly, their media and their right wing fans are really, really making it hard for me to support them this game. I’ve already said my piece during the round table about the hypocrisy of these right wing scumbags, so I’ll just skip this part.
The stars seem to be aligning for the Limies to reach the Finals. (More on this in the second preview) They beat a tough Colombian side on penalty kicks. Psychologically, that PK win was huge for their confidence. As long as England plays their style of game and not play down to Sweden’s diarrhea gameplan, they should emerge victorious. Or at the very least, Kane will likely be rewarded with another penalty kick.
Prediction: The lesser footy gods will reward England for being the more aggressive side. As a result, England will beat Sweden 1-0, on a Harry Kane penalty kick late in the first half. Fuck Sweden’s bullshit style of play.
Croatia (+115) v. Russia (+295; draw +200) (14:00 EST, Fox)
It’s been a fun ride for the hosts, but the Murder Checkerboards won’t be having any of it. His name is Luka, he lives on the second floor, and he will pick the lock all day long and then some. Putin will claim this match violates Rooskie anti-sodomy laws.
Wild Ass Guess: 4-nil to the good (which really is the former Yugoslavia for once)
Litre_Cola: Russia has loaded up on PED’s so I think I will leave this one to the cat.
Proricanje: Croatia 2- Russia 0, problem is that the Croats take too many yellows and many lads will be absent for the English semifinal. Of course they will be. England has had the cakeiest of fucking cakewalks this tourney and it will continue.
Balls: I will be proudly wearing my Murder Checkerboard jersey at the dentist’s office as this game kicks off. I hope that’s a good omen for the Croatians.
It’s just a teeth cleaning, so there should not be any pain. Which is what I expect this game to be for Croatia. On paper, this is a game they should win. The last time I wrote the words “on paper”, though, we got a nice upset.
In Thursday’s roundtable discussion, I went out on a limb and said that Russia would make the World Cup final. If they get past Croatia, I will wire Hippo $100 to bet on that outcome.
Prediction: Croatia 2 Russia 2. It goes to penalties and Russia advances. Yes, I said it.
Wakezilla: I’m not sure what to think anymore. Overnight, Russia went from being a lesser footy backwater over the past decade, to being 3 wins away from being World Cup champs. Huh?
The key matchup for Russia is if Dzyuba can overcome Croatian defender, Lovren. If he can win that battle, Russia has a shot at winning this game. However, they have managed just two shots over the past two games, which isn’t going to cut it against this Croatian side.
Croatia narrowly escaped defeat against Denmark. It’s not too concerning as they controlled a lot of the play and they had to overcome a wall, also known as Kasper Schmeichal. If Russia didn’t have home field advantage and World Cup host friendly refs, I’d say Croatia would easily defeat Russia. This is not the case, so it’s going to be a super close game.
Proricanje:
Russia has been a good story, but it’s time for them to go away. Croatia will beat Russia 1-0 in a very close game. Modric will score on a free kick in the second half. One huge reason why this game will be close is because Croatia might avoid being physical, thus veering from their game.
The big concern for Croatia is yellow cards. They’re playing the host, which means they’ll likely receive yellow cards. This is bad because Sime Vrsaljko, Marcelo Brozovic, Vedran Corluka, Ivan Rakitic, Ante Rebic, Mario Mandzukic, Tin Jedvaj and Marko Pjaca all have yellow cards, meaning they would miss the semis if they were to receive a card today. Hopefully they escape card free, but if they don’t, Croatia will be ripe for the pickings by (hopefully) England.
Great pass. He knew the lane would be full of sliding legs, and he got it high enough at a bitch of an angle.
Live lok at Hippo’s bookie right now
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Hippo!
CROW OF ATIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK YEAH!
?itemid=5530394
A Crosby gif is perfect for this tournament, given all the diving going on.
A late flurry of goals at the end of the 1st half and Hippo turns off the gas stove!
In his excitement, Hippo forgets to re-light the pilot.
Oh, one way or another, there’s no way this is ending well.
Vida might as well get a poop tattoo between his shoulder blades, because that haircut makes his head look like a horse’s ass.
He could make a living off of being a villain in just about every movie ever.
Their first actual shot on target since Uruguay. . . .
It was a hell of a shot, I’ll grant that.
“This is a player who was fringe at best…”
Seriously, how long are the announcers going to keep doing this? “Wow, how did the Russians get so good, so fast? Why, it boggles the mind! Must be all of them coming together and thriving off the home crowds!”
The only place the Russian team is coming together is a goddamn lab.
B-but, no athletes competing under the Russian flag at the last olympics tested positive!
One of their curlers tested positive for Christ’s sake. That’s like me ‘roiding it up before going over to my friend’s house to throw horseshoes.
That was just some damn 14th dimensional chess. Throwing doubt on all the other positives, because why the fuck would a curler dope.
But he was a “Olympic Athlete from Russia.” TOTALLY unrelated to Russia, the country that was banned from competing because of all their steroids. Completely unrelated.
I am ashamed to say that I did not originally see what you did there.
How long did everyone massage Armstrong’s ball?
A cyclist friend of mine named her dog Lance b/c she loved Armstrong. I tried to warn her.
Anyway, Lance got caught and the dog died*. Really no winners in that one.
*Of very old age. Spoiled rotten, that one.
KAK SENSATSYA!
How many Croatians were paid off, ya reckon?
PRO TIP: NEVAR bet against teh mob.
Lots of Lettuce
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0n9bS4cZJQ
RUH ROH CRO!
Well shit, that was one hell of a shot
Halftime Seppuku looking MOAR and MOAR likely. Anybody want any of my shit? Obvs, will ingest all mah pills first ,, smh.
‘Don’t do it, Hippo, think of the children!”
Hippo’s bookie, thinking of his own children.
Their “breakup” with Yugoslavia is right up there with Japan’s “date that didn’t go well with Nanking”
Oof!!!
At least ‘Murica still has its Warren Jeffs’ extry wife, Puerto Rico.
That is totally a “marriage” of partners.
So, the failure to convert early, fairly easy chances, has given the Rooskies confidence and made the Murder Checkerboards’ assholes pucker up tight.
That part, they’re fine. They can tell each other to stay the course and good things will happen. I think their assholes are puckering up because they’re sweating profusely and slowing down while the Rooskies look like they have been playing lesser footy for a minute.
methinks scoring early was an important part of their plan. It was in MINE.
Russia players are probably wondering why their best player, Putin, isn’t on the
tablefieldpitch. I heard he scored 14 goals in an exhibition match against the top national players.shirtless, wowing everyone with his masculinity and obviously enormous horse cock! Strong Leader!
TBF, that was in hockey against Russian legends
Croatia, stop passing it back to your goalie. Each time you do that, the pass is garbage and it looks like it’s on the verge of getting intercepted.
Get it together, Rakitic.
I know we’ve said it already, but it’s weird how Russia seems to be really fast and has endless endurance.
It’s really not that weird; they’re cheating.
Look at the Croatians, they’re drenched in sweat. Goldovin looks fresh as a daisy!
It’s the new Russian anti-perspirant, EPO.
The last time one of the former Yugoslav republics brought “the big bodies forward” The Hague was involved.
This should be a bloodbath.
-Elizabeth Bathory
How does Mario Fernandes play for the Stalins, anyway? He’s Brazilian, right?
He is Brazilian, but in FIFA citizenship is very, uh, “flexible”, shall we say.
I miss my old Croat neighbors in my old town of San Pedro. Now I want a Pavich pizza and a side order of chevap.
Hope your old neighbors never have to deal with this guy:
https://www.google.com/amp/amp.foxla.com/news/local-news/video-man-goes-on-racist-rant-against-trespassing-skateboarders-in-san-pedro
Great pace to the game
Croats should already have 2.
Putin out loud: “Heh, suckers, we’ve got two CCCP teams playing each other, it doesn’t matter who wins!”
Putin thinking: “Can’t wait to see some a great game by these two teams from independent nations.”
[Putin looking around]
Putin out loud: “Crap, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud, didn’t I?”
“And at least no blacks!” – Herr Fuhrer, via text
fuck, how’d he screw that up so badly?
“Me? I Miss Croatia.”
-Yugoslavia
show your tits!!!
gotta convert these early chances
Death by Carbs! Death by Carbs!
– Jameis Winston
(see it’s funny because I really think Jameis can’t read)
blatant pen, ref sees nyet
The blatant bear hug? Yeah, that was bullshit. The refs are going to make this nice and close
Not the start ah needed.
Announcer: “What do you miss most about Yugoslavia?”
Miss Croatia: “Huh?”
Announcer: “What?”
Miss Croatia: “Zagreb.”
Announcer: “Who?”
Miss Croatia: “Billy. Billy Zagreb.”
Announcer: “What?”
Miss Croatia: “What?”
5 goals = $3300 off a $50 bet. Just sayin…
Russia has taken 2 shots in 2 games and I don’t think Croatia will score 3. I’d pass.
they’ll have to chase if they get down early, though. Is what I expect.
/am always wrong
Here’s Bootsy Collins just kicking some fuckkng ass:
https://youtu.be/GJoHuXCy-Dc
NO FUCKING MERCY, Murder Checkerboards!
Blood makes the grass grow!
Easy Cobra Kai.
I see another match on the near horizon…..
/i’m ready. You?
Playing in traffic seems like a sweet release.
There is a reason I don’t drink rye.
But do you really want to go to Shanghai at this time of year?
“Tell me about it.”
-Steve Winwood
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqPNf_13Kb4
I am embarrassed I did not make a Sábado Gigante joke in my preview.
Don Francisco is disappointed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBB2OS4IoTs
Man it’s hot outside. I tried to do that crossword but this kept emanating from my sound garden.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eHfEHc7On4
From Emmanuel Macron’s twitter:
“Steve Jobs’ father was a Syrian refugee. It would seem that nationality has nothing to do with the ability to succeed. If you think that being an Nigerian means you can’t succeed then you won’t. If you fight and you do succeed you will be a role model!”
That’s some mighty fine casual racism.
Wasn’t Jobs adopted? So his immigrant father dumped his son on our freeloading welfare system!?
Yeah, he was adopted & raised by white Americans and did not know of his Syrian ancestry
This photograph was posted last night by the Mayor of Brussels. That’s a pretty good dunk.
I’ma gonna go do a crossword-what’s a 10-letter word for ‘drunk before the second tilt”?
Commentist?
Brilliantly done.
Hey tWBS, Sexy Friday is dead, but, you’re still doing the Friday evening post, right? Got any teasers/previews of what to expect going forward?
No real plans yet. For a little while at least, probably just a regular boring ol’ open thread type thingy.
But I’m open to any suggestions anyone might have.
BRING BACK TWIDFO!
/Toots own horn
//Not a euphemism… at this moment
You mean going thru a rundown of all the posts from the past week, I presume?
You could just post “Jet Set,” I’d be fine with that.
https://youtu.be/vJq_rMx9sTs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re7O5q3xuTg
BTW, your Habaneros are getting big now.
/also not a euphemism…at this moment
What to do now? Perhaps a wee swim in the River Styx?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFP3uD_gXsQ
I thought that was the real James Young there for a sec.
Oh shit, it just dawned on me that we have two Harry’s on the Limies’ squad, and it’s likely that they were named after Prince Harry.
Dele Alli’s girlfriend is very easy on the eyes
?r=1530687059100
“She’s not easy on us.”
-Eyebrow Stylists
Egh, that’s a fair point. I’ll let it slide with her though, as she comes across as really cool.
I’m just making jokes. If she tried to engage me in conversation I’d probably shart on the spot.
Like a young Bobbi Flekman.
So long, Fightin’ Dantes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yoyz3qlMZjM
This is my favourite Ingemar Bergman scene..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PA5ryowAyLk
So for weeks I’ve been trying to figure out who Harry Kane looks like, and today if finally dawned on me.
He looks like 10 yr old Haley Joel Osment. If 10 yr old Haley Joel Osment could sort of grow a beard, that is.
He always reminded me of Ryan Gosling if Gosling’s parents were siblings, or Matthew Lewis/Tom Felton.
Damn…yours is funnier.