Raging Lesser Semi #2 Open Thread (Croatia v. England)

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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Yes, I am re-using pictures that I deem good luck for certain “most favoured nation” sides.  Wanna fight about it?

Croatia (+250) v. England (+130; draw +205) (14:00 EST, Fox)

As usual throughout their charmed tourney lives, the Cuck Liouns are favoured, despite not really being one of even the five or six best sides in the field.  Plus, with Les Frogs winning yesterday, the “written in the stars” shite will be unbearable.  I shall watch the match, but only the match and only on mute.  Fuck right off, world.  Except all hail Jordan Pickford’s badonkadonk.  Too bad the one man Army that is Luka Modric will be ded-ass tired in this one, especially once it goes to extra time (sorry FOAR the spoiler, but FUCK OFF, I am angry Hippo).

Wild Ass Guess: 1-1 Draw (England advance on pennos)

Balls: Croatia has an unbelievable midfield with Rakitic and Modric but the rest of the team should not be discounted.  Those guys NEVER give up.  You saw it in the Russia game and you saw it in the Denmark game.

It didn’t matter that things didn’t go their way. They stuck to their gameplan,  didn’t panic,  and came through in penalties.

On the other side,  you have the England team that has admittedly played pretty well albeit against light competition. Their toughest game so far was against Belgium and they promptly lost that one.

I feel England have taken full advantage of the opportunities that other teams have given them.  Will Croatia provide any? They certainly did to Russia and Denmark.

Prediction: This will be a tight game with a possible Croatia mistake leading to an England goal and Croatian brilliance leading to a Croatia goal.  1-1 after 90. Then,  Croatia scores the decider in Extra Time.  Croatia 2 England 1 after 120.

Litre_Cola: So what are we looking for here? The best schadenfreude is the English getting curbed stomped in the finals.  I am not sure I want to take that chance. Modric and Rakitic are world class and have more experience than the young midfield of the English. Modric looks to control the midfield and he wont shrink on the big stage. He has won eleventy hundred Champions League titles with the Madridistas. Up front Mandzukic looks like he works at the rent a car desk in Zagreb but is an effective finisher. Can the back four of Croatia keep up with the English pace down the flanks? That is the only flaw that I see going into this one for the murder checkerboards.

Here is a reason I want the English to lose. The betting houses have lowered the odds that Harry Kane, and Gareth Southgate get knighted if they win. Also, Twitter is deplorable right now and when I hear the “It’s coming home song” I instantly fly into a rage. I will admit I do like the viewing parties in England, when they score the beer showers are fantastic. The problem for me is that I really like this team. There is no Rooney, Terry, Lampard, Ferdinand, Or the two Coles. These guys are likable as is their manager who has brought waistcoat fashion back to England. It pleases me that so many Tottenham players are on this team instead of the usual United arrogant asses.

There is a Turkish referee for this match and I really don’t know who that helps.

Prediction: England 1- 1 Croatia, and it goes to kicks and England goes through and makes the local pub have a line up at 5 am on Sunday for a 9 am kickoff.

Croatia’s President Kolinda Grabar can screw me out of my money in the name of taxes, if you know what I mean.

Wakezilla: As much as FIFA wants to deny that Lesser Footy and politics don’t go together, the truth is, sports and politics have gone together like peanut butter and jelly since time immemorial. Even with lesser footy being a multi-billion dollar industry, it’s still political. You cannot have players, representing a country, where their respective national anthem is played, playing against another team representing a country and then be shocked that politicians back home are using their success as a vehicle to promote their own bullshit.

I start off with this preface because England’s right wing/centre right has been the most vocal and benefited the most from The Crumpets’ success. Yes, most right wing parties in Europe have benefited, but, for the sake of length, and the fact I am currently very drunk, we’re only talking about England. While UKIP is mostly just cannon fodder at this point because the Tories—or should I say Theresa May—embraced their right wing populism, which has resulted in a blending of voters and party members. The blend in ideology is most evident in her policies towards immigration, despite  over 90%  of the masses in favoUr of immigration. Her hostile environment towards these people has resulted in decades long residents of Britain being denied access to healthcare, housing and jobs. That’s fucked up.

The truth is, not only do I actually like a lot of the players on the Crumpets’ side, but also enjoy the style of lesser footy that they play. I also think it’s pretty cool that 7 of their starting 11 players are immigrants or first generation players. But for political reasons, I can’t have England win. Not when it’s going to benefit a more intolerant side of society. Especially with whatever is going on in America right now (breastmilk is bullshit and any country who disagrees faces severe sanctions, America? Really?), we need a major power to not be so got damn nutty. This nutty right wing side, is the same side that talks about “Football coming home.” Pakistan is the capital of making balls for lesser footy. These same people wouldn’t even let football in, let alone play lesser footy in 2018. Fuck them with a rusty spoon.

Anyway, England definitely has an advantage as they are running on house money and they have not played over 240 minutes of lesser footy over the past two games. They have played 30 fewer minutes, and those minutes were not nearly as physical or as intense as the Croatia vs Russia match. Most importantly, their entire roster is intact.

President Grabar doing a celebratory dunk dance on Russia’s PM, who is just trying to hide his erection. Imagine her doing this to Elton John in drag, Queen Elizabeth!

On the other side, Croatia became the first team to win consecutive penalty kicks in a World Cup since Argentina in 1990.It should be noted that Argentian lost the third game. Psychologically, going to penalties once is incredibly draining. Doing it consecutively almost makes it seem inevitable that the team will pull up lame for the third match. Add in the fact that Croatia had to fire their assistant coach on Monday for praising the Ukraine while in Russia—in order to ensure Vida wasn’t suspended—and all of a sudden, laying an egg seems the likely scenario for Croatia, especially since they are also battling the injury bug. Right back Sime Vrsaljko, a guy whom led many attacks this tournament, is likely out. Danijel Subasic is going to be a game time decision. I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with him, but, Marcelo “Come at me” Brozovic is still smarting from an injury. He may have to be a sub, again.

Prediction:

Gotta post this pic for good luck

Just like France vs Belgium, there’s a result I want and a result I think will happen. Since I’ve been banging the Croatia drum since before the tournament, I’d like them to prove me right and beat England. Unfortunately, I think they’re going to show up fatigued, resulting in an uninspiring 2-1 victory for England. Kane will score the game winner on a penalty kick in the second half of extra time.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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Petronel
Petronel

Check’d

nomonkeyfun

Cheka’d
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scotchnaut

“Croatia needed that.”

-Mr. Obvious

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

“That is were the sun don’t shine”? Obviously she has never been to a European beach.

Wakezilla

Croatia, stop. with. The. Ineffective. Crosses. Please and thank you.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Ineffective crosses? Not if you shop Pontius Pilate’s Crucifixion Emporium!”

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Well, Pontius did sell at least one ineffective cross, the user was only slightly damaged after 3 days of rest.

scotchnaut

The Croatian wrestling team showed up to play.

Wakezilla

Croatia should target Walker more. He looks like he’s gon’ fuck up

Wakezilla

7 Croatian players around the ball at midfield. Christ, they’re screwed.

theeWeeBabySeamus

When old people get together (and I presume this will happen to all of us eventually if we live long enough) they talk about the most mind-numbing shit imaginable. But the worst of it is that they talk about the exact same mind-numbing shit every single time. There is currently a meeting of the elderly going on downstairs.

Them: Hey tWBS, there you are!!! Sit and talk with us.
Me: Ummmm….I’ve got a thing about a thing I need to attend to.
Them: But you’ve never heard the story about…
Me (to myself but not aloud, and now sitting down): Trust me, yes I have. At least a dozen times. Hopefully someone will show up soon and kill me.

And yes, I’d heard that particular story at least a dozen times. Also, who wants to know what the weather did early this week and may or may not do for the rest of the week? I’ve got the inside scoop. Old folks like to talk about the weather.

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Wakezilla

Jesus, I can’t stand that shit.

scotchnaut

Or they fixate on one thing because their world has shrunk so much.

Over a period of two months my mother would ask me every time she called, “Scotch, your dish rag doesn’t have holes in it, does it? If it does you should just toss it out.”

It ended when I said, “STOP TALKING ABOUT GODDAMNED DISH RAGS FOR GOD’s SAKE!”

/then I get to feel briefly guilty about yelling at her over fucking dish rags GAH!

theeWeeBabySeamus

THIS.

Wakezilla

Jesus, it’s a good thing#6 on England is a decent lesser footy player because this guy is ugly as sin

Fronkenshteen

Maguire? Yeah, he’s like a beefed up Crispin Glover.

nomonkeyfun

He’s England’s density.

Wakezilla

I feel like Croatia has about 10-15 minutes of good lesser footy left in them. Let’s hope it can result in a goal

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Halftime is the perfect time to go read the latest installment in the Summer of Maturity!

https://doorfliesopen.com/2018/07/11/dak-prescott-summer-of-maturity-chapter-2/

Beerguyrob

It was, and I did!

Wakezilla

I am shocked that Croatia has had the ball 51% of the time. It doesn’t feel like that

scotchnaut

I’ve had my hand on my balls 100% of the time and I’m losing feeling. That’s kinda the same, right?

LemonJello
LemonJello

/scribbles notes
“Losing feeling in your hand, or your balls?”
/again, nawt a doctor

Wakezilla

Exactly!

scotchnaut

Croatia more like the Aggravated Assault Hungry, Hungry Hippos, amirite?

Fronkenshteen

Kane selfish.

scotchnaut

“Mr. Welles, can you sum up your latest project in two words?”

Fronkenshteen

This is why I love this place.

Wakezilla

What a great defensive play

Wakezilla

Kane missed! If there’s a chance for a change in momentum, this is it!

Wakezilla

We switched the Croatian squad with the last 11 quarterbacks of the Cleveland Browns. Let’s see if anyone notices a difference in passing

scotchnaut

Spergon for the Wynn!

litre_cola

He, like Akili Smith was great up here in the CFL.

Petronel
Petronel

For those of us in need of a refresher (yeah, this one’s out of date):

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scotchnaut

Scott Stevens liked that ‘check’ at midfield.

scotchnaut

Is there a third-place game on Saturday?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hate to admit that I know this answer.

Yes.

scotchnaut

I hope the game goes to extra innings… For your sake.

Hehe.

theeWeeBabySeamus

😛

Wakezilla

That goal is the equivalent of an opening kickoff return for a TD. Lots of time, he says with denial in his voice

scotchnaut

A goal? I hadn’t even stuck my hand down my pants yet!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Why are you wearing pants?

LemonJello
LemonJello

He’s a witch?

theeWeeBabySeamus

To be fair, he didn’t say he hadn’t stuck his hand down someone else’s pants yet.

scotchnaut

It was either my pants or my brother-in-law’s.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Holy damn what a ball

Wakezilla

What’s a professional way of saying, if you constantly disturb me during this match, I will end your shit, so fuck off?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

All,

THE FOOTY IS ON SO FUCK RIGHT OFF

–Wakezilla.

litre_cola

What a shot

litre_cola

If you are listening to the nawt fox broadcast he brought up the knighting of Southgate again. I want all these knights that are “Sir” to put on armor and battle to the death.
Sir Elton John v Sir Alex Ferguson, who ya got?

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Sir Elton. No way that armour isnt flashy and distracting as hell.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ll take Sir Alex as Sir Elton is widely known for his penchant to swallow swords.

nomonkeyfun

I think Sir Elton will get Sir Alex in the end.

My favorite moment of BBC news was when a reporter was talking about the then Chief of the Defence Staff. Sir Jock Stirrup. After the first time, she kept referring to him as Sir Jock, Sir Jock, Sir Jock.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Checkerboard Tablecloth kit nowhere to be seen. Boo!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

IT’S LIME TIME BABY!

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

I forgot who asked a while ago, but the England chant that sounds like “Dancing in September” has been deciphered:

https://twitter.com/MenInBlazers/status/1017095382063570945

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I went out of my way to finish my errands/chores early today so I could watch soccer. And now I’m watching the clock waiting for it to start.
WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?????????????????????????
OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(I blame you, Baltimore Orioles)

litre_cola

I got hooked in the 90’s because I would get stoned and there would be no commercials. Then I went to games over there. Hook it to my veins.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The waiting is the hardest part . . .
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Sharkbait
Sharkbait
scotchnaut

Can’t help thinking his life would have turned out better if his mom and dad had named him ‘Tetris’ or ‘Frogger’ instead.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish my parents had named me “Pole Position”.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

HELLO MY NAME IS PONG HOW DO YOU DO MA’AM

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Wow Wakezilla really hates England.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Must be Irish

blaxabbath

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“Watch out, Itchy! He’s Irish!”

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Wakezilla

Not really breaking news: Madrid has its top priorities on signing Mbappe. Apparently Neymar dove his way out of their top priority. Harry Kane is also a target, but, the English don’t exactly have a good record over at Madrid

ballsofsteelandfury

/sulks

– Bale

Yeah, I know he’s Welsh…

nomonkeyfun

the English don’t exactly have a good record over at Madrid

“Especially when I have to work with the Spaniards. And get this damn cone off my head.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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OK, time for the next meeting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Kidding; it should be fine.

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nomonkeyfun

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh the humanity!”

– Brad Childress

LemonJello
LemonJello

“Can I help? I have a van.”
-Marc Trestman

scotchnaut

“It’s got child restraints and everything!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid sexy Valderrama…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In these hottest days cool off with the aid of water’s evaporative affects.

Wakezilla

My gawd

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s swell.

And I’m swelling.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Oh god Oh god I am incredibly hungover. Work isn’t going to be fun today. Death feels imminent.

blaxabbath

Want to read some sass? Check out the responses to tweets under the search term “#FacesOfTariffs”.

It’s my new guilty pleasure, honestly,

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

This is amazing.

nomonkeyfun

I”m sorry. Guilty pleasure? Petards are wonderful.

scotchnaut

Great News! Ontario pickling cukes are out-only $50 for a 40lb. bushel!

Wakezilla

That’s a lot of money to watch your wife get plowed

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Especially when this guy will do it for free.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Once again, the long wait is too long.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

How the hell am I third in the pool??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Um…uh…hi Sharkbait. You’re headed to bed soon, right? Right?”

– Rikki, thinking that he and his wife had the pool to themselves

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Don’t make it weird

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Game Time Decision

wooohooo, I’m in the write up…lol

litre_cola

Rookie mistake. I left my work phone at home so no pub for me.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Lame. Call out sick then.

litre_cola

I already took a half day but my boss will not enter my time if I answer emails from “my appointment”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just call in a bomb threat.

ballsofsteelandfury

You don’t want Trudi Beekman taking your spot at the pub!

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