Sexy Soccer Saturday Open Thread – The REAL Fútbol Begins

So,  last week, King Hippo took you through the beginning of the English Premier League (EPL). In addition to the EPL, the French league,  Ligue 1, started last weekend.

Here are the standings for both leagues:

Meanwhile,  La Liga and Serie A BOTH start this weekend while the German Bundesliga starts play next weekend.

Here is today’s full schedule of fun footy games (all times Pacific):

If I was you, I’d begin my day with Chievo v Juventus to see how Cristiano Ronaldo adjusts to the Italian league.  My guess is he’ll adjust pretty well.

You may have noticed I did not include the EPL games.  I mean, what is this shit with NBC Sports Gold costing extra money?  None of the other leagues cost extra money if you already have a cable/satellite subscription!  What kind of obvious blatant greed is this?

/ is told ESPN + costs extra too.

Oh,  go fuck yourself,  ESPN! We’re watching Chelsea-Arsenal.

Then, I’d move on to Villarreal v Real Sociedad and then Barcelona v Alavés.

Then, you’ve got Cruz Azul v Leon, Pachuca v Lobos BUAP, and then Monterrey v Pumas. That’s a full well-spent Feria de Fútbol!

Btw, for future reference,  here is a handy dandy list of the leagues and their broadcast homes:

EPL – NBC and Telemundo, TSN

La Liga – BeIn Sports

Ligue 1 – BeIn Sports

Bundesliga – Fox, Sportsnet

Serie A – ESPN +, Bet365

If you’re a certain Hippo-type with a sportsbook that allows you to parlay games in multiple leagues, here’s the Balls Multi of the Week:

Juventus to Win

Barcelona to Win

América to Win

That should net you a moderate, but tidy profit. (1.42 as of this morning!)

Enjoy the games, everyone!

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Sharkbait
Sharkbait

We’ll this game just got interesting

rockingdog
rockingdog

yooooo gunners getting it done. this first half has been kick ass!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

These ARSEholes woke up finally.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I don’t mean to be insensitive, but….

One of my nephews just sent me this link. And I’m not sure why.

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/korn-singer-jonathan-davis-estranged-wife-found-dead-at-39-report/

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sounds like you.
“I just trusted everybody, and I got screwed over a lot of times. I’m still trusting and get screwed over all the time,” he told Spin magazine. “So now I always kind of look out for myself first and make sure I’m taking care of my kids. Other than that, everybody can f—k off.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit, you’re right.
Hello mirror.

Fronkenshteen

Shouldn’t you wait for a regular season game for a moment of silence for Tony Sparano?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

These ARSEholes couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.

King Hippo

So..NFL practice in 8 minutes? Sounds pretty good by comparison.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Morata puts it in.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Is it me or do the Gunners have a “Visit Rwanda” ad on their sleeves??

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

What a total ARSE of a shot.

King Hippo

speaking of merde…

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Ha! They deserved that.

King Hippo

Holy merde, Chievo got level?

King Hippo

“awful, schoolboy defending from Arsenal”

once again, love the incisive, biting commentary on these matches

rockingdog
rockingdog

Blues rollin early!

King Hippo

oh, that was poor, Arseholes. Just poor.

Horatio Cornblower

Welp…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Almost a BILLION views? JFC

rockingdog
rockingdog

We like sportz!!!

King Hippo

Cherries (who I bet on to win the 2nd half and the match) saved Hippo’s #GAMBLORMORNING, up like 4 bills now.

yeah right

Wooo!

Update that got damn table and tell me who’s on top!

Two matches and no draws? What kind of strange parallel universe are we living in?

King Hippo

#ChampionsLeagueCherries

You host the Toffees next Saturday! Should be goals in that one fo sho.

Wakezilla

I never knew that Hitler, Stalin, Tito, Freud, Trotsky and Freud all lived close to each other and had coffee houses in common in Vienna in 1913.

I feel like I could write countless stories about this and connect it to WWII.

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21859771

theeWeeBabySeamus

Funny…. I’m having a conversation with Tito right now.
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rockingdog
rockingdog

afternoon funny:

Jesus has returned, and he tis a good boy.
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

12/10. Would worship.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Judas dog just gon’ sell him out for 30 pieces of kibble anyway.

Wakezilla

Is Sandio Mané hurt? I don’t see him I. The starting lineup or as a sub. Night off?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good morning, shitmo….

/might have drank too much last night
//checks clock
///whew

GOOD MORNING SHITMONKEYS!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I even had 6 minutes to spare.
Wow, my fucking head hurts.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

There’s no “might” here. Fortunately, morning vodka is a thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s now past noon.
DON’T YOU JUDGE ME!!!!!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Chin up buddy. Some days start slower than others. There’s always 9am tomorrow to aim for.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I could always claim I’m still on West Coast Time.
Wait, that would make it 6am I think.

Never mind.

Wakezilla

Good morning! Greater footy news: A.J. McCarron out for several weeks with a hairline fracture in his collarbone.

Tyrod Taylor DTD with abdominal strain after laughing too hard

Horatio Cornblower

Someone check on Litre.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Great free kick for the Spurs!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Tottenham is the worst kind of ham.

And I love ham.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I take this back. WOO HOT SPURS!!

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Fun fact: Harry Kane is the nickname for my penis.

Horatio Cornblower

This Fulham defense reminds me of old movies about the French in WWII.

Fronkenshteen

Dammit West Ham!

King Hippo

Comeback Cherries strike again

Fronkenshteen

NFL Network has games at 1, 4, 7, and 10 today. That’s 12 hours of preseason footy.
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Fronkenshteen

Call litreCola at work!

Horatio Cornblower

Hioly shit, Fulham.

King Hippo

pretty amazing shit

King Hippo

In case anyone has forgotten, Mark Hughes is a CUNT!

Ian Scott McCormick

I don’t have a team, but if I were to adopt one, it’d be Crystal Palace. I have a soft spot for the nights spent drinking gasoline vodka in the woods.

What I’m saying is CP is most definitely going to the Champions League and will probably win the EPL this year.

Fronkenshteen

West Ham WOO!

King Hippo

Did you bet yeah right a Rum Ham?

Fronkenshteen

I like the Hammers, but not enough to wager spiked pork.

King Hippo

Now, when you get Litre’s Mighty Whitey in teh Rum Ham Derby…

Fronkenshteen

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Fronkenshteen

The “Apocalypse Now” incident defines Trump better than anything else.

A) He told a group of combat veterans, who were there to request the VA do more to study and treat the effects of Agent Orange, that enough was already being done in this area.

B) INSISTED that Robert Duvall’s character was talking about Agent Orange in the iconic scene where the line is “I love the smell of napalm in the morning!”

bk109
bk109

By the way, as I haven’t been around in awhile (I wish I could blame work, but I was just playing way too much Madden with the wife) – are there any plans on a DFO fantasy league or two? I’m just asking, because I want to know if someone from you will be laughing their arses off for me drafting a QB in the first round or will that be left to just my coworkers XD

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hmm i can’t decide between the West Ham and the Full Ham.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Just go with the Rum Ham

herodotus450
herodotus450

Also a Totten Ham apparently

King Hippo

oh MEN, wait until you see that Everton WOO!!! set piece on the halftime highlights. You won’t see more clever Lesser Footy all season.

Fronkenshteen

Who got the second?

King Hippo

Richarlison

Fronkenshteen

Goddamn! Is that 3 or 4 so far?

King Hippo

he gots 3

bk109
bk109

Afternoon gents, I hope that you’re all nice and drunk to begin this glorious football day?

rockingdog
rockingdog

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King Hippo

We are all GOONERS today!

/except Rocking Dog

//but we still like and accept him

bk109
bk109

So, you’re trying to tell me that y’all are so drunk that you’ve gone off the deep end… Yay? Seriously,tho – put your money on Chelsea, ’cause I’m not sure if my lads can win (because y’see, I’m optimistic for the score and every time I am happy, they find a way to fuck me over XD)

King Hippo

I bet on a Draw, the odds are right and that’s pretty common for these Derbies.

bk109
bk109

Eh, I prefer my “they always find a way to fuck my happines over” premonition, but that’s not stopping me from putting on a retro Bergkamp jersey, get the beer flowing and bribe the kids into staying outta my hair for 90 mins 😀

King Hippo

u was rite

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Tottenham keeps missing glorious chances

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

me finishing telling what I did on vacation: and that’s bout it
coworker: that sounds an awful lot like Grease

King Hippo

Cardiff playing this post-match, earning a bit of grudging respect:

King Hippo

Barcodes gifted a free kick in position for a golden chance for a winner…and chuff it badly enough to shame a 9-year old.

King Hippo

and then gifted a penno at the death…and it’s saved

LOLBarcodes

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

Interrupting this footy post for more footy. To nobody’s surprise, the All Blacks defeat the Wallabies 38-13.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Could be a rugby update, could be a trump tweet.

King Hippo

YES, the Brits are having the same snit about “you’re not allowed to have a tackle anymore in modern futbol” – i.e., see that Barcodes sending off.

It’s the Barcodes, though, so FUCK ’em, plus the only shot we had to avoid nil-nil

Fronkenshteen
Fronkenshteen

I’m glad the Giants cooled Kerryon Johnson off last night. It’ll keep his ADP lower than I think it should be. Still don’t think he’ll be there in the 5th round, though.

Fronkenshteen

Another case of the coverup being worse than the crime:
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-military-housing/
$717 billion we just gave the military.

Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! A bear took out our bird feeder & suet cake cage last night. Smashed the shit out of both. Bent the goddamn post they were hanging from straight to the ground. It’s been raining like a bastard all night & morning, and you can see where he plopped his fat butt down in the mint and chowed down. Spooky. That thing hung a foot from our living room window!

herodotus450
herodotus450

[Looks down at suet encrusted shirt]
Uhhh right, bear, right, those bastards!

litre_cola

Both Sportsnet and TSN show the EPL, the only way they get you is when there is a good game that is on Sportsnet’s pay channel.

I am going in to work as I see Fulham away to Spurs as a lost cause. Will I be watching at work? Damn straight but I will have to keep my blind rage in check.