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Your Regular Season Eve Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • When asked about Le’Veon Bell’s continued absence, Big Ben found the first bus he could:
    • “Football is the ultimate team sport. One person doesn’t make or break you. I’d like to say that the linemen are more important than any skill position player, including myself. This offense is more than just one guy.”
  • Ending his absence is Earl Thomas, who reported today to Seahawks facilities.
    • By showing up today, he becomes eligible for Week-1 pay, which invokes the final year of his $8.5 million contract.
      • Given that they play the Cowboys in Week 3 for their home opener, he had to have known they wouldn’t even consider trading him until after that game.
    • He becomes a free agent after the season.
  • Someone check Doug Marrone’s gatorade, because he’s not talking right.
    • He said he wants, and expects, “zero turnovers” from Blake Bortles this season.
      • Which is a statement that should do wonders to settle Bortles’ nerve, considering during certain points last season, the coaching staff didn’t trust Bortles in key moments not to make a mistake.
  • Pat McAfee has a pretty good story about why he retired from the Colts.
    • Long story short: Ryan Grigson is a huge douchebag, but still maybe don’t always post to social media.
  • Terry Bradshaw sure doesn’t much care for Mike Tomlin.
    • In an interview about the shape of the 2018 Steelers for local radio, Bradshaw went “Hurr…durr…Chuck Noll” while conveniently forgetting he (Bradshaw) had a softer head than Big Ben.

Reminder: It’s this many hours until the regular season starts:

Well, Fozz seems ready.

Tonight’s sports:

  • U.S. Open Tennis:
    • Men’s and Women’s Quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Rays at Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet / MLBN
    • Yankees at A’s – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360 / MLBN

Holy crap, other leagues are so scared of football they won’t even broadcast 24 hours ahead of it.

But at least someone loves us.

 

10:00PM FXX. Come for the laughs, STAY FOR THE RUM HAM!

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yeah right

Played live.

Lead drums.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPWQfAv_qBQ

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yeah right

Oh Holy Jesus!

FUCK YES!

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Beerguyrob

I keep waiting for some intellectual conservative – let’s say, George Will – to point out that Trump shitting on NAFTA is the final nail in the coffin for Reagan conservatism.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*” intellectual conservative “

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Nobody gives a shit about ideology anymore; celebrity is power now. That’s what Trump figured out, like an idiot savant.

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Beerguyrob

My problem is that I expect a dinosaur to rampage out of those bushes.

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Beerguyrob

All this talk about Trump & the cabal behind him, everyone forgets about America’s first female president, Edith Wilson.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Don’t forget our first gay president, William Howard Taft.

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Brick Meathook

And our second gay president, Harry S Truman
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Brick Meathook

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Beerguyrob

WHAT ABOUT HER TELEGRAMS?!

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Fronkenshteen

Football tonight!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fucking cooties, man.

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Fronkenshteen

I almost want Alvin Kamara’s knee to unravel like a faulty golf ball, just because he’s such a lazy pick sure thing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

How can our Constitution allow an illegitimate president to appoint 1/3 of our Supreme Court?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know who Trump’s parents are and they were married…….

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Wakezilla

That op-ed is hot garbage, but, also really fucked. Someone is boasting they are part of agroup that covertly imposes their own ideology with zero democratic accountability. Combine that with Woodward’s claim that Mattis ignored Trump’s commands and America is more fucked then we realized.

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SonOfSpam

Also, they’re PROUD of the evil shit they’ve been able to implement. No, the author is no hero (even though that’s how they clearly want to be viewed), but at least Donnie Tantrums is further losing his shit.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It feels like he (or they) are trying to set the stage for Trump’s removal. “He was never a true Republican anyway! And just look at all we got done even having to work around his incompetent ass!”

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, agree. Except it ain’t gonna be that easy. For anyone.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Look at the bright side; our federal court system will have a high percentage of inexperienced, ignorant, right wing judges for the next twenty years. Well, they will GET experience, but will not overcome their ignorance and prejudices …….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And it will only get weirder.

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SonOfSpam

That’s…something.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I told you it’s only going to get weirder. Unfortunately not funnier, just weirder. More depressing.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

All that ain’t gonna play well with the Trumpettes.

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Senor Weaselo

“We don’t want to cause a constitutional crisis!”
I don’t know, do you want a constitutional crisis? Because this is how you get a constitutional crisis.

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SonOfSpam

Also, ants.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You KNOW Donald left the Coke out.

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King Hippo

and the NYT (par for the course) thinks this is supposed to be reassuring instead of goddamned terrifying.

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SonOfSpam

“Sorry, Shohei…your UCL is more damaged than before, and you’re gonna need Tommy John surgery.”

“さて、今夜は私は2つのシングルと2つのホームランを打ってベースを盗むでしょう。優れた診断をいただきありがとうございます。”

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Mr. Ayo

待って、あなたは実際に日本人を知っていますか？

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SonOfSpam

実際はそうではありませんが、私は定期的に中古の下着を自販機から購入しています。

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Mr. Ayo

スマート

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SonOfSpam

私の勃起は風の桜のように幸せです。

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Mr. Ayo

お力になれて、嬉しいです

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“Hey, your car’s tailpipe looks like a brown starfish.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“I don’t think that is a product of gasoline combustion…..”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can’t remember if I bitched about this already, but technically you have 20 days after moving to California to register your car and get a CA driver’s license. Next available DMV appointment: November 20th.

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Mr. Ayo

I had my car impounded for this.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

They have a rat you out hotline and encourage you to report your neighbors. I blame balls.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

You can do your registration at the Auto Club if you’re a member. You still have to go to the DMV for the license. If you get pulled over just lie and say you’re just visiting.

Look on the bright side, new guy: You won’t have to see Arnold’s official portrait hanging on the wall of the DMV.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oooh, nice pro tip on AAA.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In Colorado you are supposed to get it changed over, but they only enforce it if you pitchfork babies or something.

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SonOfSpam

If you think that’s cool, just wait till you actually visit the DMV – you’ll get super-stabby!

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Senor Weaselo

All right, who told Gary Sanchez one was for slider and two was for fastball?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s one of your robots.

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Fronkenshteen

I’m fired up to see the guys who’ve laid low during the long offseason. Fozz, makeitsnow, old school zero. One of these days I’m gonna ask who you guys were on Deadspin.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Several of the same names from KSK.

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WCS

Okay, Sunny. Wow.

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Wakezilla

Good?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Who wrote that op-ed? Is Vegas laying out odds?I wish Hunter Thompson was still alive.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hippo puts 100 smackers on Pence. past-pence.

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SonOfSpam

Why not Kelly Anne? She cray-cray and lacks loyalty.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The theory that I subscribe to is that it was several.

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SonOfSpam

Could be. What a fucking time to be alive.

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Fronkenshteen

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

HAI!!!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

20 minutes, bitches:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkUEhmPFpEM&ab_channel=froznf11re

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Ian Scott McCormick

This is my favorite sketch of all time.
For what that’s worth.
Which admittedly, isn’t much.

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Brick Meathook

This sketch is pure genius

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Gratliff

Deadpool into Sunny premiere. Am I programming FXX?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

We all know that John Kelly probably wrote the Anonymous Op-Ed, but if it somehow turns out to be Ivanka who wrote it, the entire journey will have been worth it.

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Wakezilla

I think it’s Pence because he’s the only person on this planet that uses the word ” Lodestar”

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JustStopDude

“On the Road” was published on this date.

I’ve never been a fan at all of the beat generation. I find a lot of their shit was grossly overrated. As a social group, it was basically insanely rich, young white people living out a hedonistic lifestyle that left most of them dead at an early age.

I always found a lot of beatnik literature to be insanely nihilistic. I mean I find the hippie generation to be just as just as vile but at least they attempt to package their shit in a bullshit cause. And at least the fucking yuppies were honest about their greed.

I have no fucking idea where I am going with this other than Jim Irsay paid an obscene amount of money for what is claimed to be an original copy of the manuscript, along with an original printing of the 1939 book Alcoholics Anonymous with notes handwritten by the author Bill Wilson, cofounder of AA. Its so fucking cliche.

And nothing he can do will ever change that he turned into a hated, drunk, abusive prick just like his old man that he hated his entire life.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve only read The Subterraneans and I wanted to grip a corkscrew in my fist and punch the protagonist in the throat.

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Wakezilla

I read and liked On the Road because I read it when I was 17 and during that time, I would go on drug and beer binging throughout BC with my friends. I hooked up with a Mexican lady (not with kid) and (at the time) believed I met my soul mate on the SkyTrain. That shit spoke to me.

On a related note, this is the only book I really enjoyed that I refuse to read a second time because I know I will likely find it cringe worthy

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Similar here. I read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas near the same time and enjoyed it for many of the same reasons; the big difference is F&L was read again and enjoyed. A lot of the stream of conscienceless stuff I just don’t have the mindset to enjoy now.

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Col. Duke LaCross

I’m just tucking into Big Sur for the first time. I think it’s going to have to be one of those that you have to read in one shot.

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litre_cola

Evenin commentists I hope you are well. I went to costco without my “meds” today. No deaths occurred but I have never seen a line for cheap hotdogs like that before in my life.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Probably best not to go to Costco while high anyway. At least not without a pallet jack….

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Wakezilla

Costco dogs are pretty good too! Which one did you go to?

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litre_cola

The one in the NW, it is absolute chaos. For where you live go to the one in Balzac.

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Wakezilla

The Balzack one is amazing because it’s always dead!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

So, Mike Pence totally wrote that op ed in the NYT today, right?

It still comes across as, “Sorry he is so blunt about stuff. With that said, we have done lots of good!”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Interestingly, Pence is the only guy Trump can’t fire.

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Redshirt

That’s plausible. If he can reveal himself secretly and convince 8 out of the 15 required Cabinet Members, we’re out of this mess. However knowing Trump he’ll declare Martial Law and we’ll have two Presidents.

But without the Military, he’ll be powerless. And these took an oath of office to support/defend the Constitution. Technically per the Constitution, the powers as Commander-in-Chief will be transferred to Acting President Pence and any orders from President Trump will be null-and-void.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty-fifth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution#Section_4:_Vice_Presidential–Cabinet_declaration

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blaxabbath

Ain’t nothing happening. Trump is Teflon so long as he has a sitting Russia-GOP Congress.

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Wakezilla

Interesting to see the Stillers players take shots at Bell today. That’s going to end well

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Redshirt

I keep saying it again and again. Threaten to trade him to Cincinnati and he’ll be the first one at work the next day.

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Wakezilla

Make it Cleveland and you’re onto something

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So Mom’s feeling better and wanted fried clams and beer for dinner tonight. So we’re frying clams and drinking beer together…which admittedly is weird. Well, I’m frying the clams because she still be of the one-armed sort until next week. But she’s putting down an Oskar Blues Pinner like a champ. Man that chick can drank.

And yes, I made her stop taking the pain pills before I let her have the beer. Soory Hippo.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So Hippo, your mom, and painkillers? I see.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Thanks for putting that image in my head man. I really appreciate it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

NO FUN

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh trust me, she’s having plenty of fun on the booze.
We don’t need no respiratory centers shutting down tonight. I ain’t needing no ER trips, k thx.

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Brick Meathook

This was parked down the street this morning:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This is the worst candy ever!” – Eli Manning, through a mouthful of carpet

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(double entendre intended)

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Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

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Covalent Blonde

So I just want to be clear, and one of you chuckle fucks has probably already made this observation, but did Goodell partner with Trump to increase NFl viewership? I feel compelled more than ever to watch as many games as I can as an act of civil disobedience!

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King Hippo

NICE, we are engaged in positive, active lefty social activism!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wait; watching more games will please Goodell and Trump; isn’t that civil obedience?

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Covalent Blonde

Curses to the capitalist hooks in all I hold dear!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You can watch; just don’t tell anybody….. especially on the internet.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

FLEX
YOUR
COCKS!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*COX

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

FLUFFY SMASH

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Cute unprovoked assault? OR CUTEST UNPROVOKED ASSAULT IN EVAR?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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GIFs before computers.

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SonOfSpam

Shouldn’t that be two lesbians?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There was lesbians before computers?

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SonOfSpam

Sappho sho.

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Covalent Blonde

I am pretty sure I have never head butted a mons pubis like that… *Pretty sure

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There’s probably a fetish for that.

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Brick Meathook

I am pretty sure I have never said the word “mons pubis”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great, now Brick will be using that as much as possible in everyday conversation. Thanks a lot Covalent.

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Brick Meathook

I thought Mons Pubis was on the moon

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The is a giant cleft named such.

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Senor Weaselo

Is that supposed to be a thing?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Covalent Blonde

Wait, have I been doing it wrong this whole time?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll take “scissoring” for 400, Alex.

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SonOfSpam

The White House is coming apart faster than Ohtani’s elbow ligaments.

WOOOO INFRASTRUCTURE WEEK!!!

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King Hippo

your el beisbol franchise is run by absolute moe-rons

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SonOfSpam

Eh, nothing really lost except a couple months. But we’re gonna love 2020*!

*Assuming Trout is still here, which I wouldn’t bet on or against with any confidence whatsoever.

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King Hippo

It was possible he’d be ready to at least DH by ST (and maybe pitch after the ASB) had he gone under the knife when everyone (sane) knew he needed to. Now he won’t pitch at all, and who knows about the rest. That’s likely 3 or so WAR forfeited in a year they theoretically could contend, with an aging roster whilst the Simmons/Trout window starts to close.

And they keep playing Pujols, which is another guaranteed -2 WAR. I think most franchises prefer not to start a season 5 wins in the hole.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All those Infrastructure Weeks were just training camp for where we are now, INFINFRASTRUCTURE WEEK which began the afternoon Paul Manafort got convicted and Michael Cohen entered his guilty plea.

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SonOfSpam

I wish there was some way to stop Kavanaugh, but this really seems like endgame has begun.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I hate smiling, but this made me do so.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Big Ben then counted his paycheck from his endorsement for Rapey-o’s, the cereal with more GHB than any other breakfast.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“RAPEY-Os – You’re gonna eat it, so you may as well like it.”

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