Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
Just read about some odd drinks; the….. one
Smoker’s Cough
DRINK TYPE: SHOOTER
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 oz. Jagermeister
1 tsp. Mayonnaise
INSTRUCTIONS:
Pour into a shot glass and add a spoon of mayonnaise.
OY!! I’d try it.
Noap
The name fits it like an Isotoner.
Approved
Nasty
/congratulates self for not betting ATL and then going batshit insane on that last drive
Wish I was as SMRT as you.
…I hate these new hats. Patches with different background colors don’t belong on hats.
“Right, they should be yellow and worn by you know who.”
–Stephen Miller
Voldemort?
one day of pretending to work, one day of JV light stretching….then the full baggie into the mainer come Sunday!
She ded.
Her brain is likely on par with Trent Green’s
Whoever bet on 18-12 as the final score, I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Oliver Hazard Perry is intrigued.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2W1Wi2U9sQ
DAAAAAAMN IT!
12 pages, kids. That’s pretty good.
–George W. Bush’s editor upon receipt of the first draft of his memoirs
*With the page size cartoons.
Hey, there’s still the afterparty!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9w4M_C7hQDw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNNIaQzQ6Lk
Nobody circles the wagons like Matt Ryan.
And by “circle the wagons,” I clearly mean shove one’s head up one’s ass.
Hahahahaha
ENN-EFF-ELL!!!!
It will get better once the regular season starts
JERRAH wanted it to start two weeks ago.
Well. That was… Something
BAH GAWD A CHOKESLAM INTO HELL
smart DB play
Huh, I guess the one man offense is not that effective…
WE CAN FINALLY GO TO BED WOOOOO
I think you should buy me dinner first.
Ice Ice baby, too cold, too cold
HE CAUGHT IT THIS TIME! CONGRATS ATLANTA ON BEING THAT MUCH CLOSER TO NOT LOSING!
Literally the same ending.
No, no. He didn’t make the catch out of bounds in January.
That’s a bullshit call, sorry.
yeah you let that one go
….and here come the batteries.
They’ll throw an entire tesla
HAIL BLEERGH!