Your “More Cheddar Than You Can Swing a Stick At!” Full Tilt NFL Action Open Thread

And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”

Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Brownies:

Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.

Bengalis/Colts:

Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.

Titans/Fins:

Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.

Niners/Vikers:

Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.

Texans/Pats:

Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.

Bills/Ravens:

Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.

Jags/Giant:

Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey  tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!

It’s all yours now.

 

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Ian Scott McCormick

Great work, G-Men.

Spur

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Mr. Ayo

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Doktor Zymm

Frenulum?

Fronkenshteen

Hodor

Spur

The Bengals have a Gritty Defense Player?!

fleshwound_NPG

Replaced the ejected player, even

Off the bench GRIT

Spur

Oh those jerseys are going to be on back order now. Peter King is rushing to get him in his article tomorrow.

Sharkbait

Los Gigantes, fin.

Mr. Ayo

Put up the sheet and put these Colts to bed.

Senor Weaselo

There’s gonna be like 4 people left in the suicide pool after this week or something.

Mother Puncher

FRENULUM DOWN

fleshwound_NPG

lol fat humps

Spur

Myles fucking Garrett

King Hippo

THE BEN, turnover #4 HARF!

Mr. Ayo

BROWNS ARE BACK!

King Hippo

gee, don’t telegraph that any MOAR obvs, 500s

Spur

comment image

King Hippo

wait, JONATHAN FUCKING STEWART is being used as 2-minute back??

Gatoraids

Hosting the daily slow

Ian Scott McCormick

There you have it, folks: Saquon is your 2018 NFL MVP

King Hippo

I’mma lose single-handedly to the zone coverage on OBJ goddamnit

Spur

come on Eli, throw that INT.

King Hippo

22-21 to #ThePauls would be the funniest thing all year

Doktor Zymm

Did Dol-Tits ever restart?

King Hippo

did nae

Gatoraids

Not yet. Fans will be more washed than the field with this delay

Spur

How does Bill O’Brien still have a job?

ArmedandHammered

Hue makes a shushing motion towards you.

JustStopDude

Browns defense…”fuck this noise…let’s do something!”

King Hippo

They’ve been amazeballs.

fleshwound_NPG

This time of day is where I miss Norv Turner fucking shit up with dumb challenges and awful timeout management

King Hippo

I just realized that my Joe Mixon team is aptly named These Violent Delights

Ian Scott McCormick

Having Pat Shurmur coach exciting players like Odell and Saquon is like hiring the Blue Angel pilots to drive a tractor.

WCS

BANNER

King Hippo

why would you risk having Saquon get a whole 7-9 inches? Best trust your defense!

Ian Scott McCormick

System back.

JustStopDude

Holy shit…three blatant no calls go the way of the Browns…and they can do fuckall.

Wakezilla

Calling it now, Saints are going to rally and beat the Bucs

King Hippo

51-48?

Wakezilla

Sounds right

Sharkbait

ALL THE BREESUS/THOMASDOWNS!

King Hippo

Time to see if new Gigantes coach has balls.

King Hippo

Survey sayyyyyyys? NOPE

LemonJello

Appears he does nawt.

Gatoraids

And the footbawl Gods chortled into their notebook

JustStopDude

Officials of the browns game….if they manage not to overturn this….just fucking get rid of instant replay.

King Hippo

This is SO weak. You are inside the 5, now you need to BOTH get the two later AND keep the Vikes completely off the board. JUST TO TIE.

ArmedandHammered

You do know who the SF head coach is, right?

Gratliff

Fucking shit. Red Zone has been completely compromised.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, that’s no good. I was promised commercial free footy.

King Hippo

under no circumstances can the Tomsulas kick here

Doktor Zymm

Puffing the Rasher is a penalty against bacon

JustStopDude

Ah the “put in Mayfield” chants…right on time!

Because putting in a rookie QB will magically get a running game, the receivers will catch the catchable balls they have had all game, and Cleveland will stop being an industrially depressed failed city.

fleshwound_NPG

Sadness Factory workers demand more failure!

Wakezilla

Go home Browns fans, you’re too drunk

Mother Puncher

Does Kevin Hart fuck his teacher at the end?

JustStopDude

When has that not happened?

Sharkbait

Barkley might be good at football

Doktor Zymm

I will be so entertained if Fitzy gets the permanent start

LemonJello

Anyone watching the imaginary team from Texas? JJ Watt on the IR yet?

Doktor Zymm

Concussions definitely look owie

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Senor Weaselo

“Erick Flowers was totally overmatched.” In other news, water wet, Potvin sucks.

Gatoraids

Time to change Elis diaper

Spur

Pick Six, but it wasn’t on Bortles.

Ian Scott McCormick

Throw Ereck Flowers into the trashcan.

Gratliff

Oh that’s delicious Manning derp

Ian Scott McCormick

Fuck

Spur

comment image

LemonJello

I would disappoint Giada so hard…

ArmedandHammered

“At least with me she would never remember being disappointed” – Darren Sharper

Spur

Cincy setting up their heartbreaking loss to the Fat-humps.

King Hippo

If you don’t run Beatie Mixon, then your gameplan could use some fixin….