And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”
Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!
Steelers/Brownies:
Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.
Bengalis/Colts:
Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.
Titans/Fins:
Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.
Niners/Vikers:
Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.
Texans/Pats:
Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.
Bills/Ravens:
Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.
Jags/Giant:
Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!
It’s all yours now.
MIXON WOO!!!!
Levis: You could dance in our jeans
If Sir Mix-a-Lot was an offensive coordinator you can be damn sure he would employ a Fullback
And Uncle Luke would only run the spread
anaconda don’t want none with just halfbacks son
You can lose wide outs and pooch punts, just please don’t lose that butt.
Josh Allen time in Buffalo.
Bon Jovi in at qb
I FUCKING HATE WEATHER
– Your neighbors, 14 months ago
“Geez, really?”
-Dyslexia-afflicted woman by the name of Heather
You should be more upset that a team like the LOLphins are beating Los Tits
Jenine G showing improvement. That pick didn’t get taken to the house!
Kittle’s flying tackle sure looked good!
FEED MIXON!!
protect yourself at all times!
you want the man happy!
.
Where’s your God now Drew Brees?
“Why hast thou forsaken me?”
I don’t think I’d hate Tampa Bay so much if they weren’t from Tampa Bay and didn’t have Winston on their roster.
“But other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the trip to Dallas?”
“I’m sure we can get that stain out!”
— Bill Clinton’s dry cleaner
What happened to James Is?
He Trumped in an uber.
creeped his way to suspension-ville
Buffalo Solder with the penalty.
Aw, c’mon, you let NE have 12 then you don’t give Hopkins the TD? LAME
Bungles/Fat Humps might not be a bad game afterall
Eat a dick Saints D
Startung the Saints d need to reread the scorpion and the frog parable.
Fuck it. Let’s just talk about papa Pettis instead of reviewing the the goddamn TD
Oh Aints
I started the D. I chose poorly.
Mmm feed me some garbage fantasy points now Brees
thank God on my opponent’s bench
/will likely still lose
Huzzah
How the hell was that roughing the passer In Indy???
got em right on the chin with the helmet
These QB rules are maddening.
I now view it as a secret plan to turn all of us into red meat neanderthal conservatives. Because they make me do primal screams.
Well I do like red meat…
Cincy wants Luck dead
OK, I’ve liked Jack Ryan. But cool it Red Zone
that is TOTAL BULLSHIT
It would be nice if the Bills could put up at least a little bit of a fight so Tucker could nail a coupla more 40 yarders, but ya know, I don’t wanna sound selfish. Go Ratbirds.
Purple camo!
Fucking Bortles…
With all these penalties, are the Jaguras trying to get Coughlin to stroke out?
50 Shades of Red he loves to see his teams choke
Good. I was getting pissed my opponent has Cook and Rudolph was without a touch.
So…that was an interesting minute when the Browns looked slightly competitive
They’re like that small town on the highway-blink and you’ll miss it.
typical weak defensive response after weak FG decision by Baby Shanny
Gingerdragon unleashed!
I want to start an empanada shop where each filling is named after a QB
Would Bortles be Rum Raisin?
THE BEN’s would be filled with grey meat and chocotacos.
Would Flacco’s be dough-flavored?
I just had empanadas for lunch! The Trubisky had breast milk in it.
The Winston would be crab meat, right?
Mr. Bell is losing a lot of money today.
and he’s disrespecting the flag by not showing up for the anthem.
I fucking hate the Browns….
“Hate fucks are the best…”
-Lorena Bobbit
Beef chuck short ribs are going in the oven!
Ill be over in 10
Deshaun Watson looks turrrrrible
Bill O’Brien, the kind of guy who is encouraged by cutting it to 21-9
Or not…
surprised the shit out of me!
“Giants need a turnover here-apple, cherry, whatever.”
-A. Reid
that butterfly bench just doesn’t look comfortable at all
Bench?
All announcers so gleeful over Steelers doing well without bell like they get to play the Browns every week
fucking company men
Aww, look at Eli tryna read good
Will those Surface tablets play Minecraft* during the game?
*Olivia would never let him play Fortnite
Eli isnt allowed to play Fortnite
His mother thinks it is too violent.
Is it because of the screaming night terrors?
And the bed-wetting.
It’s all about Fortnite these days!
Fell asleep about two hours ago on my couch by mistake. Came to the Steelers kicking the extra point on the go ahead TD.
Fucking seems like a continuation from last year.
Was Janine’s success at the end of last season a fluke?
He threw a one more TD than INTs last year. ppl forget that.
Yes.
Also, his targets seem overall unable to pull in 75% of his pass attempts now.
Yeah, I think they’re going for a Butterfinger endorsement contract
Saquon Barkley’s thighs are thick, but are they thicc? No seriously, does anyone know the difference in terminology?
Do you think he has sexy curves?
Is that the difference?
Yup, so it’s pretty much a matter of opinion
I don’t. Is one a typo?
Gronk SMASH(ed)!
Throw the ball to anyone, even if that means reminding everyone your team cut Kaep.
(Also, Kaep sucked at the end but nice pick-six for Jed York’s chosen one)
I still think we missed out on making Kaep and his ostrich legs into a safety
That’s what some team should have done. “We’ll bring you in…but you’ll have to compete for a spot with the DBs.” Then when Kaep doesn’t sign, you’ve actually offered him a job.
Kittle to Polo, “Hey could you totally just beef this pass so the cameras stop zooming in on my moth-eaten baby ‘stache?”
Polo to Kittle, “‘kay”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyNxmOjvHO4
Would it be tacky to wear a Buffalo coat to a Bills game?
Looks like a good costume to table slam someone in
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5FCdx7Dn0o
Don Cherry just gets weirder.
49ers Faithful Footbawl!
There’s that feeling I know
85 would have pulled that down if that were a US flag.
Tomsulas have a defensing unit, this is strange