Your “More Cheddar Than You Can Swing a Stick At!” Full Tilt NFL Action Open Thread

And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”

Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Brownies:

Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.

Bengalis/Colts:

Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.

Titans/Fins:

Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.

Niners/Vikers:

Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.

Texans/Pats:

Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.

Bills/Ravens:

Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.

Jags/Giant:

Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey  tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!

It’s all yours now.

 

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King Hippo

MIXON WOO!!!!

Ian Scott McCormick

Levis: You could dance in our jeans

Doktor Zymm

If Sir Mix-a-Lot was an offensive coordinator you can be damn sure he would employ a Fullback

Gatoraids

And Uncle Luke would only run the spread

fleshwound_NPG

anaconda don’t want none with just halfbacks son

blaxabbath

You can lose wide outs and pooch punts, just please don’t lose that butt.

Wakezilla

Josh Allen time in Buffalo.

Gatoraids

Bon Jovi in at qb

Don T

I FUCKING HATE WEATHER

blaxabbath

– Your neighbors, 14 months ago

Wakezilla

You should be more upset that a team like the LOLphins are beating Los Tits

blaxabbath

Jenine G showing improvement. That pick didn’t get taken to the house!

Covalent Blonde

Kittle’s flying tackle sure looked good!

King Hippo

FEED MIXON!!

Spur

protect yourself at all times!

King Hippo

you want the man happy!

Spur

comment image

Wakezilla

.

Spur

Where’s your God now Drew Brees?

ArmedandHammered

“Why hast thou forsaken me?”

blaxabbath

I don’t think I’d hate Tampa Bay so much if they weren’t from Tampa Bay and didn’t have Winston on their roster.

LemonJello

“But other than that, Mrs. Kennedy, how was the trip to Dallas?”

King Hippo

“I’m sure we can get that stain out!”

WCS

— Bill Clinton’s dry cleaner

Gratliff

What happened to James Is?

WCS

He Trumped in an uber.

King Hippo

creeped his way to suspension-ville

Doktor Zymm

Aw, c’mon, you let NE have 12 then you don’t give Hopkins the TD? LAME

fleshwound_NPG

Bungles/Fat Humps might not be a bad game afterall

Sharkbait

Eat a dick Saints D

Gatoraids

Startung the Saints d need to reread the scorpion and the frog parable.

Covalent Blonde

Fuck it. Let’s just talk about papa Pettis instead of reviewing the the goddamn TD

Gratliff

Oh Aints

Sharkbait

I started the D. I chose poorly.

Gatoraids

Mmm feed me some garbage fantasy points now Brees

King Hippo

thank God on my opponent’s bench

/will likely still lose

Covalent Blonde

Huzzah

Sharkbait

How the hell was that roughing the passer In Indy???

fleshwound_NPG

got em right on the chin with the helmet

Mr. Ayo

These QB rules are maddening.

King Hippo

I now view it as a secret plan to turn all of us into red meat neanderthal conservatives. Because they make me do primal screams.

Senor Weaselo

Well I do like red meat…

fleshwound_NPG

Cincy wants Luck dead

Sharkbait

OK, I’ve liked Jack Ryan. But cool it Red Zone

King Hippo

that is TOTAL BULLSHIT

theeWeeBabySeamus

It would be nice if the Bills could put up at least a little bit of a fight so Tucker could nail a coupla more 40 yarders, but ya know, I don’t wanna sound selfish. Go Ratbirds.

blaxabbath

Purple camo!

LemonJello

With all these penalties, are the Jaguras trying to get Coughlin to stroke out?

Gatoraids

50 Shades of Red he loves to see his teams choke

blaxabbath

Good. I was getting pissed my opponent has Cook and Rudolph was without a touch.

Doktor Zymm

So…that was an interesting minute when the Browns looked slightly competitive

King Hippo

typical weak defensive response after weak FG decision by Baby Shanny

fleshwound_NPG

Gingerdragon unleashed!

Doktor Zymm

I want to start an empanada shop where each filling is named after a QB

LemonJello

Would Bortles be Rum Raisin?

WCS

THE BEN’s would be filled with grey meat and chocotacos.

Senor Weaselo

Would Flacco’s be dough-flavored?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just had empanadas for lunch! The Trubisky had breast milk in it.

LemonJello

The Winston would be crab meat, right?

Mr. Ayo

Mr. Bell is losing a lot of money today.

blaxabbath

and he’s disrespecting the flag by not showing up for the anthem.

JustStopDude

I fucking hate the Browns….

Sharkbait

Ill be over in 10

King Hippo

Deshaun Watson looks turrrrrible

King Hippo

Bill O’Brien, the kind of guy who is encouraged by cutting it to 21-9

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or not…

King Hippo

surprised the shit out of me!

fleshwound_NPG

that butterfly bench just doesn’t look comfortable at all

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bench?

Gatoraids

All announcers so gleeful over Steelers doing well without bell like they get to play the Browns every week

King Hippo

fucking company men

Covalent Blonde

Aww, look at Eli tryna read good

LemonJello

Will those Surface tablets play Minecraft* during the game?

*Olivia would never let him play Fortnite

Sharkbait

Eli isnt allowed to play Fortnite

ArmedandHammered

His mother thinks it is too violent.

Covalent Blonde

Is it because of the screaming night terrors?

LemonJello

And the bed-wetting.

Senor Weaselo

It’s all about Fortnite these days!

JustStopDude

Fell asleep about two hours ago on my couch by mistake. Came to the Steelers kicking the extra point on the go ahead TD.

Fucking seems like a continuation from last year.

Doktor Zymm

Was Janine’s success at the end of last season a fluke?

Mr. Ayo

He threw a one more TD than INTs last year. ppl forget that.

blaxabbath

Yes.

Also, his targets seem overall unable to pull in 75% of his pass attempts now.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I think they’re going for a Butterfinger endorsement contract

Senor Weaselo

Saquon Barkley’s thighs are thick, but are they thicc? No seriously, does anyone know the difference in terminology?

Doktor Zymm

Do you think he has sexy curves?

Senor Weaselo

Is that the difference?

Doktor Zymm

Yup, so it’s pretty much a matter of opinion

blaxabbath

I don’t. Is one a typo?

King Hippo

Gronk SMASH(ed)!

blaxabbath

Throw the ball to anyone, even if that means reminding everyone your team cut Kaep.

(Also, Kaep sucked at the end but nice pick-six for Jed York’s chosen one)

Covalent Blonde

I still think we missed out on making Kaep and his ostrich legs into a safety

blaxabbath

That’s what some team should have done. “We’ll bring you in…but you’ll have to compete for a spot with the DBs.” Then when Kaep doesn’t sign, you’ve actually offered him a job.

Covalent Blonde

Kittle to Polo, “Hey could you totally just beef this pass so the cameras stop zooming in on my moth-eaten baby ‘stache?”

Polo to Kittle, “‘kay”

Doktor Zymm

Would it be tacky to wear a Buffalo coat to a Bills game?
comment image

Gatoraids

Looks like a good costume to table slam someone in

Senor Weaselo
WCS

Don Cherry just gets weirder.

blaxabbath

49ers Faithful Footbawl!

Covalent Blonde

There’s that feeling I know

blaxabbath

85 would have pulled that down if that were a US flag.

King Hippo

Tomsulas have a defensing unit, this is strange