Your “More Cheddar Than You Can Swing a Stick At!” Full Tilt NFL Action Open Thread

And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”

Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!

Steelers/Brownies:

Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.

Bengalis/Colts:

Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.

Titans/Fins:

Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.

Niners/Vikers:

Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.

Texans/Pats:

Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.

Bills/Ravens:

Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.

Jags/Giant:

Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey  tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!

It’s all yours now.

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
788 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Covalent Blonde

*flaccid

King Hippo

Marvin Lewis is a moe-ron update. Joe Mixon has 8 touches the entire half, despite accumulating 84 yards in said 8 touches.

Wakezilla

Just making sure he doesn’t reach all his bonuses. That’s why Brown keeps him around

Wakezilla

So… Fitzmagic replaces Winston, Winston gets released, signs with The P*ts, and becomes a Hall of Fame Quarterback once Brady retires next year. He’ll be akin to Cris Carter. Hopefully his son won’t be a dipshit though.

King Hippo

Janeane needs to naked bootleg that shit.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Covalent Blonde

Query:. Was Jimmy G’s audible just ‘dagnabbit’?

King Hippo

Nice arm punt, The Ben!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur

Whats up with Ritz? Did he find a monkey pawn?

Covalent Blonde

Polo Fever rising!!!!!!

Sharkbait

Fitzmagic is going to steal Rapey Winston’s job isnt he?

King Hippo

He’ll never be as good a rapist, though.

Sharkbait

He’s raw but can be taught

Roethlisberger

Wakezilla

Insert can’t wait gif here

ArmedandHammered

No honor among thieves.

Mr. Ayo

And kill my DFO suicide bid in week 1. Awesome!

King Hippo

how do you plan to do it?

Mr. Ayo

In the conservatory with a lead pipe by Colonel Mustard

Spur

TD Jags!

King Hippo

BORT! to Yeldon, delighting fantasy owners everywhere!!!

Mr. Ayo

DUVAL!

Horatio Cornblower

You were supposed to.

Gatoraids
fleshwound_NPG

Andrew Luck is properly back*

* – until his shoulder asplodes again and the fat hump docs fuck up again

Mr. Ayo

Just keep him away from a snowboard and he may last.

Gatoraids

Career authored by Jr martin

Wakezilla

This is Joe Flacco’s ” I disagree with my team drafting another QB. Sorry for sounding rude” game.

Gratliff

Tom Coughlin’s senility will not be outdone by Trump

King Hippo

c’mon, Janeane!!!

Doktor Zymm

Home, Red Zone on, eating shitty pizza, IT HAS BEGUN

King Hippo

I just finished a half-bag of chips. The shame is REAL!

Gratliff

I invited my son to share mine so he could eat ~10% and I could justify it in my brain by saying I gave him half. #lifehack

Horatio Cornblower

Leftover steak and frozen Kit Kats up in this house.

Horatio Cornblower

Me: “Great night last night; wound up having a threesome!”

Friend: “Awesome! With who?”

Me: “Coupla girls I met called ‘The Salmon Sisters.'”

Friend: “Ewww.”

Covalent Blonde

Yes! We have done well adopting the DC offense AARP division

King Hippo

TJ Yeldon is still pretty good

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Cleveland has not turned a corner

Gatoraids

Turned on a coroner maybe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But they rolled through a stop sign.

Covalent Blonde

So Alfred Morris… A good get

theeWeeBabySeamus

Grumble grumble…. quick Hippo on the waiver wire can suck a dick.

tomsellecksmoustache

I’m deeply offended by this Magnum P.I. remake. Where’s the moustache? What’s with his non floral shirts?

Horatio Cornblower

“You should sue for emotional distress!”
-Lionel Hutz, Esq.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yes on the black aviator in Magnum, apparently.

Spur

isnt Delvin Cook known for his fumbling issues? or was that someone else?

Covalent Blonde

Only one in Niners jersey… Prolly not a good time to cheer a fumble recovery

Covalent Blonde

It honestly is already a little too cool for that in Minnesota right now.

Spur

Why can’t we have nice things?

Sharkbait

Shit. That’s not good

Gatoraids

Bortles got it covered

Gratliff

Safe to say the Texans’ window is closed now

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Miles Garrett lands with ONE ARM ON THE GROUND and they still call that bullshit Aaron Rodgers roughing shit.

Mr. Ayo

That rule is fucking garbage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

CancerDOWN!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

goddamnit, #ThePauls

Smithchez

Oh GPODAWUND

Covalent Blonde

Jimmy G attemps a field goal throw

LemonJello

GUYS! I don’t think this Blake Bortles is very good.

Sharkbait

comment image

Covalent Blonde

I’ve heard it’s best for your RBs to run directly into a thick mass of defense

...

Maybe the RB just wants a hug and is going to the place where he’ll get the biggest one?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

I am fairly hard for the season.

...

Gonna start using “hard enough to be used as a prop in a knife infomercial” to describe my best erections.

Gratliff

Ben’s work ethic shows you that anyone can overcome age and multiple rape trials

fleshwound_NPG

Whatever. Had he killed someone he’d have a statue.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If he doesn’t start at least looking in AB’s direction, he can eat shit and die.
So, status quo more or less.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello

Thank BOLTMAN the towel stayed in place.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hollywood towels always stay in place; a lot of times when you don’t want them to.

fleshwound_NPG

LUCKDOWN

Gratliff

September remains the Official Dolphin Hope Month

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gatoraids

Old man gore keeps on rolling

Wakezilla

Someone didn’t read my previews over the past two years

Spur

I wonder when the Texans will realize they should get a serviceable o-line to protect their above average QB?

King Hippo

J Peterman: 1-4, 3 yards

Gatoraids

No one ints yet impressive

King Hippo

only 1 fumbre lost!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if the new Magnum PI is going to have a black character with a helicopter.

Sharkbait

Needs more mustache.

LemonJello

PLOT TWIST! Magnum is a serial killer hired to investigate his own murders.

King Hippo

“Will he know his place?” – CBS viewers