And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”
Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!
Steelers/Brownies:
Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.
Bengalis/Colts:
Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.
Titans/Fins:
Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.
Niners/Vikers:
Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.
Texans/Pats:
Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.
Bills/Ravens:
Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.
Jags/Giant:
Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!
It’s all yours now.
*flaccid
Marvin Lewis is a moe-ron update. Joe Mixon has 8 touches the entire half, despite accumulating 84 yards in said 8 touches.
Just making sure he doesn’t reach all his bonuses. That’s why Brown keeps him around
“You’re not in my way, you *are* my way.” That’s some quality shit writing there.
So… Fitzmagic replaces Winston, Winston gets released, signs with The P*ts, and becomes a Hall of Fame Quarterback once Brady retires next year. He’ll be akin to Cris Carter. Hopefully his son won’t be a dipshit though.
Janeane needs to naked bootleg that shit.
Query:. Was Jimmy G’s audible just ‘dagnabbit’?
Nice arm punt, The Ben!
Ya think the Jags D is keying on Saquon?
Whats up with Ritz? Did he find a monkey pawn?
Polo Fever rising!!!!!!
Fitzmagic is going to steal Rapey Winston’s job isnt he?
He’ll never be as good a rapist, though.
Roethlisberger
Insert can’t wait gif here
No honor among thieves.
And kill my DFO suicide bid in week 1. Awesome!
how do you plan to do it?
In the conservatory with a lead pipe by Colonel Mustard
TD Jags!
BORT! to Yeldon, delighting fantasy owners everywhere!!!
DUVAL!
I hated him in The Great Santini.
You were supposed to.
I was just a kid!
https://goo.gl/images/w6ifLp
Andrew Luck is properly back*
* – until his shoulder asplodes again and the fat hump docs fuck up again
Just keep him away from a snowboard and he may last.
Career authored by Jr martin
This is Joe Flacco’s ” I disagree with my team drafting another QB. Sorry for sounding rude” game.
Tom Coughlin’s senility will not be outdone by Trump
c’mon, Janeane!!!
Home, Red Zone on, eating shitty pizza, IT HAS BEGUN
I just finished a half-bag of chips. The shame is REAL!
I invited my son to share mine so he could eat ~10% and I could justify it in my brain by saying I gave him half. #lifehack
Leftover steak and frozen Kit Kats up in this house.
Me: “Great night last night; wound up having a threesome!”
Friend: “Awesome! With who?”
Me: “Coupla girls I met called ‘The Salmon Sisters.'”
Friend: “Ewww.”
Yes! We have done well adopting the DC offense AARP division
TJ Yeldon is still pretty good
Cleveland has not turned a corner
Turned on a coroner maybe
But they rolled through a stop sign.
So Alfred Morris… A good get
Grumble grumble…. quick Hippo on the waiver wire can suck a dick.
I’m deeply offended by this Magnum P.I. remake. Where’s the moustache? What’s with his non floral shirts?
“You should sue for emotional distress!”
-Lionel Hutz, Esq.
Yes on the black aviator in Magnum, apparently.
isnt Delvin Cook known for his fumbling issues? or was that someone else?
Only one in Niners jersey… Prolly not a good time to cheer a fumble recovery
Maybe you could lose the jersey-I’m sure there’d be plenty of cheering then.
It honestly is already a little too cool for that in Minnesota right now.
Fournette with a hammy. Doubtful to return.
Why can’t we have nice things?
Shit. That’s not good
Bortles got it covered
Safe to say the Texans’ window is closed now
Miles Garrett lands with ONE ARM ON THE GROUND and they still call that bullshit Aaron Rodgers roughing shit.
That rule is fucking garbage.
CancerDOWN!
goddamnit, #ThePauls
Oh GPODAWUND
Jimmy G attemps a field goal throw
Like a former gymnast in the sack, the Giants D bends but doesn’t break.
GUYS! I don’t think this Blake Bortles is very good.
I’ve heard it’s best for your RBs to run directly into a thick mass of defense
Maybe the RB just wants a hug and is going to the place where he’ll get the biggest one?
I am fairly hard for the season.
Gonna start using “hard enough to be used as a prop in a knife infomercial” to describe my best erections.
Ben’s work ethic shows you that anyone can overcome age and multiple rape trials
Whatever. Had he killed someone he’d have a statue.
If he doesn’t start at least looking in AB’s direction, he can eat shit and die.
So, status quo more or less.
Thank BOLTMAN the towel stayed in place.
Hollywood towels always stay in place; a lot of times when you don’t want them to.
LUCKDOWN
September remains the Official Dolphin Hope Month
Old man gore keeps on rolling
Someone didn’t read my previews over the past two years
I wonder when the Texans will realize they should get a serviceable o-line to protect their above average QB?
You spelled ‘Giants’ wrong.
J Peterman: 1-4, 3 yards
No sales.
No one ints yet impressive
only 1 fumbre lost!
I wonder if the new Magnum PI is going to have a black character with a helicopter.
Needs more mustache.
PLOT TWIST! Magnum is a serial killer hired to investigate his own murders.
“Will he know his place?” – CBS viewers