And we’re not tilting at windmills, friends-this be the real thing and all. I trust you have a very many intoxicants and mood-enhancers at arm’s length, that you’ve finished tying the children up in the basement, (or crawlspace, either one is fine) handed the wife a few 20’s and said, “you haven’t seen [insert frenemy here] in such a long time-why don’t you invite her out to brunch?” You’re a regular Howard Roark from The Fountainhead, aren’t you? It’s your way or the highway-you’re not gonna watch the games with a bunch of damn collectivists. “It’s too important a day for ‘people'”, you say to yourself. “One must strike out on one’s own. Establish the trail. Go it alone. Stand tall.”
Damn, that was one fine #feverdream, wasn’t it? Just do what you do, barge into the comments as you see fit and make with the funny. TO THE GAMES!
Steelers/Brownies:
Did you stash James Connor at the end of your fantasy bench because you’re a sneaky weasel? Well done. Tire Rod gets the start in Cleveland and talent-wise the cupboard isn’t its usual bare shelf. It might be enough vs. a Bell-less Pitt team.
Bengalis/Colts:
Things are looking up in Indy now that Mr. Luck is back behind center. Starting rb Mack is out however but is he really going to carry the load this year? The backfield just looks very thin to me.
Titans/Fins:
Them Titans are putting together the old “Thunder and Lightning” backfield duo of Derrick Henry and Dion Lewis. Personally, I expect Henry to have a monster season in 2018 after being robbed of carries by the battered shell of DeMarco Murray last year.
Niners/Vikers:
Jimmy G’s short-passing game plan vs. the aggressive Minny D went out the window when rb MacKinnon blew an axle. In steps the very adequate journeyman Alfred Morris and the untested Matt Breida. That’s a step back, for sure.
Texans/Pats:
Last year Houston barely lost 36-33 to a Brady that was looking to go long to Cooks and Gronk. The pressure applied by the Texans d-line made the game close. I’m sure they’ll go back to the well game-planning-wise while the Pats feature a dink and dunk game with Burkhead, Hogan and some undrafted guy from East Boston Tech. Pats win.
Bills/Ravens:
Buffalo, this is Nathan Peterman’s team now. Govern yourselves accordingly.
Jags/Giant:
Much yackety-yakking focuses around the Old Dirty Beckham/J. Ramsey tete-a-tete but I think the key will be te Engram on lb Gipson. Gipson is a fine player but he doesn’t have the speed to keep up with Engram. He’s got that in common with every other lb in the league. Yes, the Giants O appears to be more dynamic (and more importantly) free of the influence of the Coughlin/MacAdoo mindset that resided there for so long. That said, if I see a delayed draw play on a 3rd and long obvious passing down I will murder everything on my street. Grandmothers, toddlers, puppies… I don’t care. EVERYTHING MUST GO!
It’s all yours now.
Don’t sound so upset about that field goal going in, Jeem
This season I’m judging the quality of the on field product by comparing it to my cat batting around small objects. I’m betting at least 20% of games look as disoriented and clumsy as my cat does.
Counterpoint to all white people in infomercials being complete idiots.
They cum in groups.
She DOES seem smart.
😛
Bungles in midseason form
Mixon is just gashing them, so naturally he only gets 6 touches in Q1
He is punching them in the gut!
I actually lol’d at this
Should have taken 500s over MRSA in Loser pool. Goddamnit.
LAMAR! in for one cluster-fuck of a trick play.
Blair Walsh tries gymnastics.
Count it
I’m super horny to watch Saquon for the next decade, but I’m less thrilled knowing that I’ll be hearing that Saquon is actually another receiver, for the next decade. Guys, it’s not news. You don’t have to tell me the same thing six times per drive, as if I’m the guy in Memento.
We should start paying commentators by the unique word, that would get them to stop repeating themselves so often, plus it would broaden the vocabulary of everyone involved!
This is actually a great idea.
While NFL commentators are just a few steps above chat bots in terms of content and insight, I at least appreciate that they don’t appear to have contempt for the current state of the game as MLB commentators do.
That was…weird, Gigantes
Come on, Steelers, stop teasing them. This is mean.
I’m starting to doubt that this is them teasing the Browns so much as The Ben having too much freedom.
MM still sucks
In a Lyft, about 15 minutes away from home. Which game is best so far?
TB and NO
Mariota needs to work on his float
Especially since his name rhymes with floata
Well he shouldn’t have waited until the last minute. When is the parade?
I have no idea what play the Giants O is going to call and I love it.
Might want to reconsider zone against OBJ, just sayin’
When 2018 Eli Manning is throwing the ball, every catch is a circus catch
Last year, Antonio Brown beat me twice almost single handedly. This year, I’ve got him, and Big Dumb Ben won’t even look in his direction.
Did you an I draft the same team?
Separated at birth?
Janorisception, btw.
At least CBS isn’t showing Young Sheldon commercials.
We have an ejection!
I shoulda put the tape over that thing on my laptop.
Lots of Bungles fans in Indy, it seems
Fitzmagic is making everyone forget about Grabbous Winston. Sadly, there’s no defense playing for the Bucs
Martin with the sack but what the hell is up with Kerry Wynn? He’s been a beast!
And we have our first Bortlesception of the season.
it’s not like the Giants are going to do anything with it.
Jags D gets the safety they’re trying so hard for?
Nice attempted beheading!
Hodor took a nasty hit to the head
Thank god for the concussion spotters keeping him in the game!
“HODOR!” “Yeah, he fine”
To be fair, he seems concussed more often than not. How that dumb fucker got thru Stanford, even on athletic scholarship, I’ll never know
Andew Luck about to die
God Friended Me?
Fuck you CBS. Just…fuck you
“God keeps sending me dick pics”
Well he did get some guy’s woman pregnant.
Oh I’m gonna flip some shit over the Prime whoring
Steelers playing dirty? NO WAY!
We may get some B.M. in BelieveLand!
WE DEMAND A SAFETY FOR THE SAFETY GODS!
Good night Browns
This just in, Ereck Flowers is still terrible at Tackle. The move didn’t magically make him any better.
Look, he’s just about to turn the corner… and furthermore. [spits out juice] “HEY! Who poisoned my kool-aid?”
“He’s about to turn the corner…after blowing his assignment, while a 300 lb human missile detonates into Eli Manning.
Now THAT’S a safety
Bullshit, that was safety
Los Gigantes may want to consider the quick kick here.
Thursday night games will never be good. Stop lying to me, TV.
I see we’re in full swing.
Good on the Jags for getting the first wasted challenge out of the way…
Its Petermania baby
She’s got ummmm…. a lot going on there.
Too much tattoo work going on for me. Which is a shame cause she’s fine
Agreed.
Yeah, I’m a big fan of tattoos, but there’s such a thing as too much.
If presented with the opportunity I’m sure I’d turn her down just like you….. sure.
Flowers only commits penalties on 66% of his teams offensive plays. So, a bit of improvement for him.
“It’s the Vikings and 49ers in the battle of Quarterbacks who can’t possibly be worth as much money as they’re being paid!”
The phrase “Fuck Ereck Flowers with a rusty spoon” was just uttered here.
That pass was so long it could’ve been thrown from Harvard!
Ereck Flowers “for Algernon” is a massive fuckwad.
incoming safety
my fantasy side liked those OBJ and Engram nullifications
Read this as “Erect Flowers” the first time through and you’ll never convince me I was wrong.
Okay, Southwest ad made me giggle.
Fitzmagic!
Watch him finish!
/phrasing
“I’m definitely going to finish watching him”
Rogers, A, Green Bay