Meh. It’s sunny and warm here. TO THE GAMES!
Brownies/Saints:
He gone. Rumour has it Josh Gordon showed up to the Browns practice facility and was “not himself”. High. He was high. Funny thing, when I started doing these game intros I was told there would be no meth. smh.
Bolts/Bills:
Last week Buffalo was Nathan Peterman’s team. After the D gave up 369 yardos the brain trust decided that it should be Josh Allen’s team. Last week’s “I don’t think Allen is ready yet” morphed into “Gentlemen, after very careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that Josh Allen is ready-ish”.
Chefs/Stillers:
Both Pittsburgh corners are banged up and that’s not going to cut it vs. Mahomes & Co’s vertical, mid-field and short passing game. More bad news? Steelers defenders were flummoxed by Tire Rod’s jaunts out of the pocket last week and they meet up with another qb with the same ability to scramble.
Colts/’Dacteds:
The Architect didn’t exactly baby his arm last week after nearly 2 full years on the sideline. He completed 39 passes at a 74% rate for 300 yards. T.Y. Hilton looks forward to being fantasy-relevant again. (not really, he’s probably happy to have a competent signal-caller under center)
Fins/Jests:
Key to success for them Jerts? Keep Fanny Hill in 3rd and long sitchamucations-the only qb with worse numbers goes by the name of Bortles. Tons of interceptions? YES. I don’t throw around the word ‘retard’ very easily but I think the Jets long bout with irrelevance will be slightly retarded this year.
Iggles/Bucs:
The TB O that tossed 48 points onto the scoreboard last week vs. the Saints might just give Philly a bit of a headache. DeSean looks as though he’ll play which will open the field up for the likes of wr’s Evans and Godwin, te Howard and rb Barber. Looks as though Wentz is about two weeks away.
Panthers/Falcons:
Both teams are banged up as hell with the advantage going to Atlanta because they’ve got Tevin “No, it’s not Kevin, dammit!” Coleman starting in place of DeVonta. In this spot he usually gets 18-20 carries on top of his 6-7 targets in the passing game. He’s also good for a TD average-wise. Start that fella and don’t look back.
Texans/Titans:
Coach Vrabel said that both qb’s were going to play today. Huh? That shit never works. Thing is, no matter who is throwing the ball, they should have a great time against a Texans secondary that is signing kids off the street due to numerous injury issues.
Vikes/Pack:
The spinning eyeballs, the clipped speech-Rodgers post-game interview was one for the ages last week. He’s listed as questionable. Wait. Nope. He’s starting. Maybe. If he is this will be one hell of a game for the second week of the season.
Today’s games look good. You can make them even better by being your funny selves. Do it.
We’re not 20th! We’re not 20th!
http://78.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9wfynOQ9i1qhrcvmo1_500.gif
is the Orange Menace going to be at the Redacteds home opener? I thought he was so Loved?
After having a lot of fun at a Raiders game last year, I was gonna try to be a Raiders fan this year, but the Grudening and the Chiefs being really fun to watch so far are putting the kibosh on that plan
Give me that Redzone music.
HA! Not sure if that was shared here.
https://www.foxsports.com/nfl/video/1321756739601
showered first time in a few days, logged in to dfo, tv is on, no pants on
(and of course the dipshit fat hump tv stations don’t have a game on opposite of an away-game colts broadcast)
Showered? Oh, WE FANCY!
Provided you have a good adblocker, I would try this subreddit. You might have to try a couple links to find one that works, but you can generally find one.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nflstreams/
This is a ridiculously depressing start to a footy Sunday.
Think of it as a fart to a sooty Funday, that should help turn it around!
Erin Andrews is interviewing Aaron Rodgers and so far he’s said “man-to-man” and “there’s no better feeling than being in a huddle with guys” and the only conclusion I can draw from this is that Aaron Rodgers knows about last weeks back-channel contretemps and is outright taunting us.
Next thing you know he’s going to announce that he’s reconciled with his family!
Aaron is secretly a very happy person?
I got nothing. I think Rodgers beat us on this one.
A.A. Ron is brilliant. I think he purposefully started that rumour hisself, so he would never have to talk to his family again. No hangers-on begging for handouts, he gets to bang athletic brunettes in their 20s (clearly his type) and have his holidays free for exotic travel the rest of his life.
As a fellow introvert, this sounds like fucking heaven and he is my hero.
“Hey! I’m 36!”
huh, driving a racin’ car (badly) must be like pilates on steroids!
Plus not to mention attractive ladies will feel safe to approach him because he’s gay and doesn’t view them as a sexual object.
My God, the man’s a genius!!
It’s the medication he’s on. it brings out the truth.
Llamas are great, they’re super goofy when they run
I hope the Redacteds get renamed the Llamas
Snyder will never change the name, but he will arrange for llama rides from the parking lots to the seats, for a mere $150 per person, $135 for seniors and kids under 4.
That would be the best part of the FedEx field experience. The only decent thing about that stadium is the live marching band
Someone explain the logic behind showing infomercials during the 1 pm game because the home team is playing at 4 pm.
Probably to get you to buy stuff and hate life
I mean, I’ll be on Red Zone the whole time, but that could have been an Eagles-Bucs tilt which I expect to be defense optional because that’s how the Eagles tend to work after a defensive battle
https://twitter.com/LindseyThiry/status/1041353626159968258?s=19
We could get a DFO Section
Lets see, I get Factory vs. Scouts and Not Quite Slurs vs. Nation. Two games fit to be tied.
?itemid=5884639
Enough about Rodgers and his knee. This is why I hope the Viks rip his leg off.
Mr. Winkles can’t like this comment enough.
Clots/’Dacteds
P*triots/Jaguras
Birdcano/RAMIT!
These are the options for House LemonJello.
One of the things I like about the Great British Baking Show is that they have a pair of hosts whose job is to basically defuse tension and reduce drama so the contestants perform better.
Also, they make dick jokes!
But then how do they construct fake cliffhangers for commercial breaks? It makes no sense!
They also don’t try to disguise the results to build tension. If the judges are like “damn, this scone SUCKED” then it’s a pretty safe bet that person will be headed home.
Good, bad scones are an offense against nature
To me there is no such thing as a good scone. I just don’t care for them.
Ideally, they’re just a vehicle for cream and jam. They should be light and fluffy and not much else
The giant, overly sweet rocks that pass for scones in the US are an aberration
THIS GUY gets it
/but FUCK THE RAIDERS
“Way ahead of ya…” – Jon Gruden
We’ve binged through multiple seasons of Great British Baking, and I think I may have fallen in love with several accents.
I find that show to be very well done. You become emotionally invested in each baker.
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/fema-test-presidential-alert-system-next-week-n909816?cid=sm_npd_nn_tw_ma
Oh, this is going to turn out well.
Great rates at Trump Tower this Holiday Season. Book NOW!
NO COLLUSION!
‘Presidential Alert: My dong is huuuuuuge, not like Obama’s, it’s tiny! Sad!’
CNN Breaking News Update: November 6, 2018, 5:29 PM EST
CNN Exit polls favoring Democrats?
FoxNews Breaking News Update: November 6, 2018, 5:31 EST
Republican not doing as well as expected per Fox News Exit Polls
MSNBC Break News Update: November 6, 2018, 5:33 EST
Surf up! Blue Wave is crashing into the Congress!
Emergency Action Notice: November 6, 2018, 5:35 PM EST
HELP! All three new outlets, including the Failing CNN are reporting that the lousy Dems are stealing the Midterms. All True, Loyal Americans are ordered to go to the voting places a:nd vote for YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT EVER!
CNN Breaking News Update: November 7, 2018, 10:14 AM EST
Obama, Clinton and the Corpses of Reagan, Washington, Lincoln write-in voted into a total of 15 House Seat and 4 Senate Seats?
On one hand it’s nice living in a marker with two teams, but on the other that means I get all the 49rs games
So…the Packers are being fucking idiots by starting Rodgers right? Did they learn nothing from watching Shanny destroy RG3?
Look, it’s only a flesh wound.
Fins/Jets, Vikes/Pack, KC/Pitt and LAC/Buff up here.
Where’s the fifth game?
my local games – KC – Steeler Assholes and Viks – Greenbay. Not bad, might be a lite Redzone morning.
You should have this tied up in the next 15 minutes, hippo
Or not
yup, no NFL ACTION!! for me. #SadHippo
Ah, a rare Sunday where I don’t have to worry because my team already won. Unless its revealed later today they performed an Extraordinary Unfair Act that warrants the Commissioner to take away Thursday night’s win, but I’m almost completely confident that won’t happen.
Watching from a hotel today, need to figure out what channels I got…
Otherwise I’m all set, got booze and food with the option to buy more right downstairs
Lock it in!
i like KC, Chargers and Minny to cover. Greenbay is going to run Rodgers into the ground.
So 82 people died in Harvey. In Houston — a very first-world place.
So why does not common sense tell us that PR, which started off in worse condition than Houston, then is more difficult to access/support, and then pretty much got less recovery support — why wouldn’t they have a death toll 5X that of Harvey?
If PR had only 60 deaths, I think that would be a HUGE surprise.
the inside joke is Trump only counts white ppl
The only person disputing the death toll is Trump, because he’s basically a psychopath who has no regard for human life
Because Texas has 38 Republican Electoral Votes and Puerto Rico has none.
Gah, get back into my subconscious Liberal Redshirt!
Jaime Pressly still hasn’t gotten a restraining order against me yet.
Silly girl.
Her legs are very shiny.
Its like I always say, its not stalking if you only do it online and never initiate direct or indirect contact.
Snoop is selling Dick pills now.
Put some sizzle in your pizzle, fo’shizzle?
what is the weed term for “whiskey dick?”
“Bong Dong”?
What happens if you grind up and snort dick pills?
4+ hours?
It’s amazing that JV teams carry about 18 unique uniform combinations each season and Arizona still manages to look like they’re wearing some pathetic homemade shit every single game of the year.
There we go, Siggy!
Such a swinger of mo. Extra time, too. THERE’S my Hammers.
Fucking Martin Atkinson. Guy cleats a standing Everton player in the back of the head on the edge of the box…and only a yellow??
He shouldn’t even be allowed out of jail after 3 turns! And he can just forget about collecting $200! smh.
Maybe Hammers won’t be relegated this year?
Where is Chicharito?
Not sure. Tee Vee has been on “mute” save for 30 seconds or so of the lovely Rebecca Lowe.
1:00 money lines I’d be interested in:
Carolina +207 @ Atlanta – despite Carolina’s injuries, this seems a bit high for a division game.
Buffalo +289 vs LA Chargers – Instincts such as this are what led me to stop betting. I don’t know. West Coast teams playing on the East Coast at 1:00 tend to underperform, and Buffalo always play like maniacs in front of those wonderful vulgarians. Maybe those 2 things make it worth a small wager.
KC +176 @ Pittsburgh – If it was November or December, I’d be on Pitt, but one game worth of film won’t be enough for any coaching staff to figure out how the fuck they’re going to slow down this offense. And Kelce hasn’t even been involved yet. And Spencer Ware looked pretty damn good. And Ben has a thing with his throwing elbow. Contrarian, but worth a shot. Who am I kidding? Every KC skill player will be in the concussion protocol by 3:15.
KC, avoid the rest.
Oh, I don’t bet anymore. Just one $60 fantasy league a year. My methadone, so to speak.
You got opiates?
/asking foar a friend
I expect the refs to give Yinzburgh a boost, only reason I don’t like KC. BUF could keep it close with the Shitty Clippers, but they are just soooooo bad, it’s hard to pick them to win. The Black Panthers, I see. Home field seems to mean nothing in NFC South matches.
I like them all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YrWsmlJSiw
Kupp or Watkins or do i pull Freeman off flex and keep both receivers?
PPR? I’d play the WRs both.
Morning Folks.
Greeetings, Sir Spur!
I’m hoping today will dispel the nonsense “the Browns are going to surprise a lot of people this year” narrative.
Also, it would be nice if the Chiefs would be consistently terrible for the next ten years, starting…today.
unfortunately, think you are gonna be disappoint on both counts. N’Awlins is legit butt, and Mahomes is the real deal.
As much as I hate to agree with teh Hippo….
The hurricane has left you both dazed and confused.
Nevar bet against the Hippo!!!
dude know he shit.
I was surprised that they cut Gordon a day before Week 2.
There’s gonna be a drug test result forthcoming.
A good morning to you, degenerates.
“Stay positive”, I always say and never follow through with.
Now I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ wit no broke ninjas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY
Massive. Fookin. SIGH.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwiTs60VoTM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4q_MZ7CRvI
New LB Lucas Digne is the man I have dubbed the “Woody – I’m going to steal your girlfriend!” guy from Cheers.
Raise yo fist! Everton rolling with AFRIKA kits today!!
/made our whitest guy, Gylfi Siggudsson, captain for the first time
Everton will score in the first 10 minutes.
Joel Osteen is just a deplorable human. Decilitre atole the remote and it went to one of his “performances” 20 seconds in I was in a rage. He really should be an NFL owner.
maybe some consultant will convince Li’l Danny that the Redacteds PR issues would be solved by Gentiling the place up a bit?
Ty Montgomery just hit the waiver wire in my money league. I’m thinking of dropping Anthony Miller to get him. Anyone else think his gadgety role will increase while Rodgers is gimpy?
I would like it if they listed him as wr and rb.
He was being used as a clear RB1 for the first 2 games last year. Then he got hurt.
Green Bay RB carousel. Down that path, madness lies.
It’s Derby Day, hippo! HAVE AT YOU!!
Fronk/Hippo Derby I indeed!!
Christ-there’s not even a Murder She Baked or Wedding Planner Mystery on. I’m going to call a town councilor right now.
I just watched a bunch of hoarders. That shit freaks me out.
I’ve been watching Mom. The TV show with Anna Faris and Allison Janney…not MY mom.
I can’t watch that at all. I feel that folks suffering from mental illness are being put on display and it makes me itchy all over.
How about Intervention? I should feel itchy about that but instead it makes me feel a combo of empathy and “see, you’re not quite so bad, Hippo!”
Jaime Pressly is in it, but of course I barely noticed….
But yes, for a sitcom it has its dark moments to be sure.
Don’t forgets – watch EVERTON WOO!! instead of bad pregame. I need my $120 ML bet to come good so I have moneys to lose on the NFL today (and I really like the Jest in the 1p window)
Pay TV up here. Fuck sportsnet with a rusty screwdriver
Serious? Everton/Hammers??
Huh. No EPL on regular channels.
Fucking Sportsnet World Scotchy.
Sunday games predominantly
Wolves/Burnley was just a sad, sad thing.
Great wordplay with the Jest!
Thanks. Are you starting Lindsay this week?
I don’t have him, but it seems more like a Royce Freeman matchup (and I left Royce in my Yahoo lineup). Not an awful flex play though.
Been up since 5 on a diet of daytime cold meds and coffee. I AM READY TO RUN THROUGH A FUCKING WALL.