Ehh, I’ve talked about him enough. Besides, there are other things to vibrate the vocal cords about. Like, why the heckfire are you gonna watch this oh-so-entertaining shit show? Let’s talk about your childhood-did you fall out of a tree as a youngster? Did you hear your parents make grunting noises through that paper-thin wall your bed was resting against? He wasn’t trying to hurt her, you know. (most likely) Did you take an overnight trip with your best buddies to go see a dead body? Did Mr. Cuddles talk back to you? Did your older sister play “Cheeseburger in Paradise” on repeat while she did your nails? Were you told that “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” was a documentary? Did Uncle Touchy earn his nickname during the celebration after Joe Montana hit Dwight Clark in the end zone? Did you get an erection when you heard about the Space Shuttle Challenger explosion?
If you answered, “I’m not sure” to any of these questions…whoo boy! I don’t think you deserve to have Tevin Coleman on your fantasy roster. He deserves much, much better. Shall we wander over to the tilt at hand on this Thursday “Ya got anything better to do? I didn’t think so” night snoreperience. TO THE GAME!
Them Jets/Them Browns:
Binary code for these two squadoo’s combined record at this point (11011) can be translated loosely as “at least we’re not the Giants, haha” And yet, they still are who they are. Let’s let them off the hook for a wee bit and see how things go.
Amen.
This play is so sloppy I can’t tell whether I’m watching the Browns or pre-season hockey.
/I’m actually only watching the hockey, I’m not an idiot
That last sentence is a paradox.
I like the idea of the Jets advancing ten yard up the field each time the teams exchange punts.
And fucking idiots want our brand new, fresh off the bench rookie to get destroyed…with this murder’s row of inept offensive linemen…
Looking very Buffalo-esque
Can the Browns gain the requisite 10 yards to get into field goal range? Let’s find out!
This game could end in a glorious 0-0 tie
Ron Howard Voice…
What the fuck was that scramble…..Darnold looked the same as my mother trying to swat a spider…
Man, the Browns. Why?
You sound like a Trump voter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIMhXUsXmbo
Because I don;t know what Joe and Troy did to get stabbed with Thursday Night Football, but I am drowning them out with music…
Can NFL Network fix the scorebar? Its out of alignment and its bothering me.
Vikes/RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! is kind of the anti-this game, eh?
If that special teamer was a *true* Brown he’d have been standing in the end zone when he downed that punt.
To illustrate how bad the Browns jerseys are, they’re color rush looks like crap with some carrot in it, and it is still 100x better than they normal home uniforms.
That is some quality “run right into the receiver and not bothering to look for the ball” defense there.
Call me crazy…I thought that was a penalty…
It’s actually a pretty good trick, run full speed at the guy we make sure to look back four steps before you collide with him and you’re good.
I don’t recall that NOT being called in the NFL the last 10 years.
/still the safety potential is glorious
On a scale of 1 to Powder, how white is the name Brittain Colquitt?
He needs a “III” on the end.
Wow, this will be a good game to play defense, I guess
I picked the Browns up in 2 leagues.
Just did the same in my backyard. Stupid dogs.
Subbing for the Donks in my money league, DFO bench is too shallow.
Tyrod Taylor is so much better than anything Cleveland’s had at qb recently. It just looks wrong.
Its like when Jon Kitna starting winning games for the Bengals in 2003. We were happy we were winning again, but….Jon Kitna? I’ll always be a fan of his for starting the Bengals turnaround but still….Jon Kitna?
Yeah, sudden mediocre competence is that jarring.
This is technically…considered to be a football match, between two actually professional football teams.
I know…I had to look it up too!
joe: Now troy, you said if you were a gm, you’d draft sam darnold, is that correct?
Troy: that’s correct and the cats are locked in the salad with the french toast
joe:…. troy?
aikman looks off in the distance for a moment, looks back and awkwardly pats joe on the head
Troy: Your hair is funny!
Troy-as-Ralph-Wiggum is great.
Uh, Joe? Just how high are you right now?
Well I cant speak for him but about a 3/10.
Fucking looked at the bottom of the screen and thought for a moment “I can’t believe we are fucking 0-11 already again”…
The two teams have combined for -8 yards passing so far.
Oh wow, what a revelation, Troy would have picked the biggest, dumbest guy.
he likes the rough trade
that #ThePauls D is legit, y’all
At least there’s fog. Fog is fun.
Some people are reluctant to admit that coverage of NFL teams is biased.
All this pregame coverage has been on the #3 pick starting for the jets.
And baker mayfield hasn’t mentioned once.
Yeah he’s not playing, but it’s not like Taylor has an iron grip on the starting job
overcoming Down’s Syndrome is better teevee than overcoming small hands, though
Be nice to li’l Magary.
Oh jeez theres a little drew now? Is it darnold or mayfield
Darnold looks like a simple cousin.
The most Thursday possible thing would be a shitty first half, we all go to sleep, then an all-time classic finish featuring the astonishing return of Jim Brown.
Has anyone else noticed that when Joe Buck introduces himself, he makes it sound like *he* is the one who is in the Hall of Fame?
Gents. Everyone ready for the Jets to truly out-Browns the Browns?
I have moneys on it…so YES!
Kind of. If the Browns win tonight it won’t be quite as humiliating when they beat the Raiders next Sunday.
Hey erin….. sup girl…
Where are the eyes that looked so mild, haroo, haroo
Where are the eyes that looked so mild haroo, harooooo
Where the eyes that looked so mild when my poor heart you first beguiled?
Johnny I hardly knew ye!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adbhOw4hHYc
So on a scale of 1 to 10 how pathetic am I for replaying that wrangler commercial like 4 times because of the girl in the beginning?
Incel?
Damn dude that hurts
Sorry. I’m just bitter at being stuck at school until halftime. (Although tonight that might be considered a bonus.) I shouldn’t take it out on others.
This made me laugh way too hard.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6nbFZtxAL4
Stormtroopers and a head coach in capri pants? Temple Owl football is weird.
Add in a baby elk and some shaving gel and you’ve got my exact fetish.
As long as it’s not shaving creame ’cause that would be a kink too far.
4-4 tie?
Speaking of which….
Browns Jets?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eh0rAUwZSQ
This version of Alien 3 is even weirder.
I keep seeing online articles saying that this is a “must win” game for Hue to save his job.
He needs to win like 14 games in a row to save his fucking job. Its a moot point.
You sure?
Good thing I had the Angels +19 today.
I appreciate how (at least by S5, ep3, when I noticed), Bojack’s animators updated Diane’s haircut in the final pool scene of the intro.
So far, not nearly as cripplingly depressing as I am used to, so I know they are just setting me up for the BIG kidney punch, and I can’t wait!
/kind of like when JSD watches FOOTBAW on Sundays, I guess?
But today is Thursday! I predict a Browns win.
Anyone else got money on #ThePauls? Why is everyone staring like that??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5Se-9XAVE
I am weirdly looking forward to seeing these two oddly entertaining (in a 20-car pileup way, but still) sides play. Not as bad as the 2017 varietals, fo sho.
/also, I was in middle school for Challenger so no doubt had pre-existing erection
//also also, am asking for alternate road navy Donks 55 jersey (Bradley Chubb) for Kwanzaa.
How did you get video from Antonin Scalia’s funeral?
Ice Also player, Max Dominican got suspended 3 games for punching Aaron Ekblad in the head. Somewhere in Ikea, Henrik Sedin is wondering why Ekblad didn’t get a 10 minute misconduct.
#2011StanleyCupwasfixed
It’s Swedish for “hit me harder”.
So what is the color rush for crippling failure?
“I have no idea.”
-Stephen Hawking
Random thought on the train: You know in Saving Private Ryan the last battle scene, where the one American gets scared and curls up in a ball and cries while a Nazi slowly stabs the sniper to death?
Man, that guy is the worst because after the sniper dies, that Nazi could have killed the cry baby, but took pity. Once the re-enforcenents arrive and the Nazis surrender, what happens? The crybaby fucking shoots the Nazi that took pity on him in order to get the attention of the other POWs.
What a punk move. Kind of wish they showed cry baby stumble and shoot his dick off after that.
yeah, imagine the egg on everyone’s face when that movie came out…
Everyone at that time were too busy covering up their erections. I have only seen Private Ryan once and it was in the theatre. I’m not sure why it entered my mind today. But that soldier was an asshole.
Yeah I fucking hated that entire character. He committed a fucking war crime because he is a pussy.
BRICK’S CIRCLE OF TRUST:
1) Never trust anyone who uses the word “whilst”
2) Never trust anyone who backs into a parking space
3) Never trust anyone who is wearing an NFL jersey.
4) Never trust anyone who has a tribal tattoo on their bicep
5) Never trust anyone who has a tattoo on their face
6) Never trust anyone who has been on The Jerry Springer Show
7) Never trust anyone who is wearing a pinkie ring
8) Never trust anyone who is driving a white van
9) Never trust anyone who smiles all the fucking time
The parking space one, I read as “Never trust anyone who breathes”.
Does this include futbol jerseys? I find those more stylish than any other. If so, do not trust me.
DUDE. You should noe better. When it’s Lesser Footy, it’s a futbol shirt.
The way those fancyboys fake injuries? Blouses.
Don’t trust yourself. Your brain literally has methods to manipulate your perception of time and events in order for it to make sense.
what about those of us who always pull through parking spaces so as to produce the same end result?
You fuckers are the worst.
Somebody loves Maria Bamford.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZoDIIrp2r4
I’m not even watching this game! A, I have rehearsal after playing a 30-minute gig, and 2, I’d be watching Yanks-Sawx if I were home anyway.
This is the Thursday-iest Thursday Night game ever, but I’m still going to be glued to the TV set*. Wiil the Browns be able to extend their winless streak? How will they pull it off this time?
*until my wife comes home and asks why I’m watching this and I bashfully explain that I was just flipping through channels and then she says “flipping through channels on the laptop?” and I go and run and hide in the bathroom.
This is the sort of word splooge you get when you allow a partially drunk Canuckian to do the game intro.
I almost got kicked out of the laundromat for LOL on the Challenger thing.
You still make change for people or have you been promoted to lint trap cleaner?