After the ten game ‘splosion of earlier today we have but three ‘options’ (depending on where you are living) this afternoon. I’m not a fan of this illusion of choice. (h/t, George Carlin) TO THE GAMES!
Chargers/Rammers:
The Battle of Los Angeles (or The Great Los Angeles Air Raid) was started by a very provocative (wait for it) weather balloon that had ill intentions towards the denizens of the heretofore mentioned city. It might have been aliens. Thank gawd there were some trigger-happy artillery folks that told that alien balloon that ‘these colors don’t run’. Perhaps history can repeat itself in this here encounter by qb’s Goff and Rivers throwing all kinds of projectiles at opposing defenses. Yeah, I need wr Cook to put up some points-what of it?
Bears/Cards:
Which Khalil Mack will show up for this game? Is it going to be the unblockable maniac that collapses pockets at will? Or will it be the unholy terror that single-handedly changes the Cards offensive game plan? Which Truth Biscuit will decide to play? The one that under/over-throws his open wr’s? Or will it be the fella that misreads the D on a regular basis?
Cowboys/Seahawks:
This here is the “Stop laughing-We’re Still Relevant, Dammit!” Bowl which is sponsored by the good folks at Blackberry and Kodak. DAK! had a temporary reprieve from the boo-birds courtesy of a porous Giants D last week. Will a headed-south-in-the-standings Seattle team stand up and be counted?
Let’s do that thing that we like to do. Ewwww, not that!
I see the Bears defense is doing their part to get they ass crowned
They need at least two more losses to absolute shit teams to validate my assessment of them as a frustrating mess of an 8-8 team.
Fastest guy at the combine?
Why not overthrow him and give it to the deep safety, SAM?
Sam Bradford: still bad
Call him Sam BADford!
Clap clap clap
Baby Buster is really fucking good. With A.A. Ron crippled, he and Mahomes are the class of the League.
/FUCK TOM BRADY
A.A. Ron is a pretty classy cripple tho
Yeah, I mean, I hate the guy and his team, but I’d take him on one leg over almost every other QB on two legs.
oh, he’s pretty clearly still #3 or 4, depending on how you rate Breesus
I propose the Interception stat should be split into two stats a la baseball’s Wild Pitch (pitcher screwed up) and Passed Ball (catcher screwed up). Per an official NFL scorer, if an Interception is the QB’s fault, it is credited as a Interception. However, it is determined that the QB threw the ball correctly but the WR failed to catch the ball resulting in the pick, it is ruled against the WR as Receiver Indifference/Incompetence.
Do the wide receivers also get a 15 yard penalty for hurting the qb’s feelings?
Did someone say passed ball- Gary Sanchez
Thought about treating myself when I saw this bar had a bottle of the Proprietor’s variant of Goose Island’s Bourbon County but at $150 a bottle I don’t deserve that much of a treat.
none of us do, ICRM, none of us do.
/sadly goes to crack open a lime alcoholic fizzy water
Didn’t Apple used to run commercials making fun of smartphones with large screens? I believe this was while they were going toe smaller watch direction.
Jobs thought big screens on phones were stupid because his Genius Vision was that the original iPhone was the perfect size. I kinda wish he had lived long enough to post obsessively like Elon Musk so we’d have ample evidence to counter the genius narrative.
I’m super happy about Elon getting sued for slander. He’s a dickhead and I hope Elon-Gate stretches out forever
Dak has 40 yards? Got a whole day’s worth of work in the first half. Good for him.
You can put it on the board, eh-Yes.
Are we talking about a White Sox homerun or a bar tab? WHO KNOWS?
So per NFL refs, you’re supposed to stop all downward momentum created from 500+ pounds falling down, overcome gravity and float six inches above the quarterback?
“Look. YOU know its all bullshit. WE know its all bullshit. But see, the National Football League has our families held at an unknown location. We don’t like this any more than you do, but for the sake of our children, we have to go along with it.”
-NFL Officiating Crews, in blink code
Fitting that on the day Hawk is put out to pasture he has to watch the Cubs club the shit out of his beloved White Sox. Love that I was there for it. Eat the entirety of my asshole, you old bastard.
Hawk?
Given his past, how do you think Tiger celebrates busting a slump?
With a quiet, reflective evening having dinner with his girlfriend?
not much considering his back
I forgot that the Tomsulas’ backup is also a lady. Former President Bartlett Press Secretary CJ Cregg!
Nice Float
Oh my dear lord Jeebus, did the Tennesee/Jax final really turn out 9-6?
Or am I just so drunk I can’t see the other numbers?
Please tell me it’s the second.
nope, old Jaguras showed up
It can be both.
My only complaint with ACLs getting shredded is that they aren’t very fun to watch. Give be a broken bone protruding through the skin any day versus just a guy stumbling and holding his leg.
tiger does a thing
That Waffle House waitress has a name, fleshwound_NPG. SMH.
Gonna be good energy at Oakland next week, right? 0-3 and hosting CLE? I mean, that crowd will erupt in either relief or extreme anger as that game unfolds.
#ThePauls winning that game would make for a lovely day.
I hope there’s a riot. I want to bring home a seat.
I want to bring home the hollowed out skulls of my enemies to drink mead from
I am very likely to bet on this happening
I will do my best to provide live updates
Oh yeah — we should get a beer.
Boots on the Throats?
Say what you want about golf, at least seeing the fans following the leading golfer to the last green on the playing surface is kind of cool.
That was wild. This crowd is going crazy.
The golf universe is blowing its biggest load.
Well they was teasing themselves for a long time.
The play of the first half (?) of this game was apparently just every scoring play of the half.
I wasn’t online to talk shit when it happened, but just want to say how happy it made me that Zeke stepped out of bounds
Would it not be fun, if the Superb Owl were to be RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! and the Chefs? Mahomes-y and Baby Buster, all growed up?
Andy Reid will find a way to blow a 20 point lead at home to a 9-7 team.
thing is, Mahomes will just score even more, that’s the new era difference.
See Hawks. See Hawks score. Score hawks, score
Randy Gregory is such a bum
you can RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!! we can RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! they can RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!
Just RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!!
They can what, Hippo?
uh, ram it?
Kupp bomb
Mitch fucked the dog in the 1st half, but the Cards going to fuck the dog bigger in the 2nd
Seen this movie before
Yeah – that was ARI capitalizing big on just a few plays. CHI’s game to lose still.
From the radio, even the home crowd were saying that GB basically gave the game away, or as one radio call in guy put it, ‘we got a lot of home-cookin out there today’
How accurate is that?
It’s not INaccurate, let’s say.
Maybe they also got an Instant Pot and were rarin’ to try it out…
Hey I haven’t seen those skins fans who dress up as pigs lately, wonder what they got themselves into…
Heyyyyyyy…wasn’t Mother Puncher making pork? DAMMIT MAN
If it was any other cooking method we could save them, but with the Instant Pot ™ there’s no chance, it cooks too fast! But wait, there’s more!
Oh yeah, the Packers receivers had back crippling drops at the worst possible time. Less home cooking more bed shitting.
When does Jerry Jones the owner fire Jerry Jones the GM?
When he becomes senile, his kids will probably trick him into doing it.
When the GM is black.
When Romo applies for it
Right after he fires a million little swimming Jerry Jones’s onto that nice intern
Pats-Lions Sunday night game!? Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one?
Heard some of the radio pre-game while grabbing dinner and they sound like they’re already eulogizing the season
HOW CAN NE SURVIVE WITHOUT PATRICIA?
That looked like it touched the ground
How long until this ARI crowd is calling for Chase Daniel?
– D. Trump
Too bad there aren’t any notable free agent quarteredbacks out there who are familiar with San Franscisco
This team needs a HERO, not a traitor!
Garapallo needs a healer, not a kneeler smh
Well I bet on the Cowboys so they deserve this.
I also enjoy getting home, turning on the TV and eating some yummy ice cream while watching the Cowboys defense fail embarrassingly
So….vanilla?
It’s Zymm, it is probably some fruit from Bhutan that we have never heard of.
Nah, totally normal cherries
Gross brah
2 blown assignments in the secondary. come on Dallas.
America’s Team!
come on Dallas
“Gladly!”
[unzips pants]
Well, it is called Debbie does Dallas for a reason
How ’bout them Cowboys!
– Wyatt Earp
This ARI game is regressing to the appropriate mean.
I really do enjoy local sports radio, and Clinton Portis continues to be awesome
So, there’s Instant Pot and the Slow kicker and maybe another type of device that is similar to these two. Which one is better?
I love my Instant Pot. Saves so much space.
Instapot does slow cooking
Instant Pot does slow cooking, pressure cooking, and a lot of other stuff.
That being said, I don’t yet know if it’s going to blow up my house. It’s currently on “Preheat”, and I’m keeping my distance.
I will let you know.
Keep eye-fucking it like it owes you money and it gon’ blow, buhlee dat!
FG.
Brutal shot to all the FF owners who started ARI D today.
2 minute warning
we’re going for it
timeout
timeout
FG
Fuck you, watching golf now.
Well that FG was a….
Chip shot.
GO FOR IT PUSSIES!
Instant Pot engaged.
Crab soup will be ready in 45 minutes. Allegedly.
Fire extinguisher at the ready.
What did I miss?
You got crabs?
A FUCKING FADE WHAT THE FUCCCKKKK
Haha! Fat guy in ARI end zone front row wearing an ASU “guard u” shirt.
So much excitement for a team that finished 8th I’m the conference.
STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING FADE, YOU FUCKSTICKS
College…ah NFL Kickers!
Old Man Tiger is starting his tailspin.
Don’t remind me about the Bengals game
Who?
I haven’t seen a Tailspin like this since Baloo had a show in the early 90s
Even as a kid I was like “How in the heck did they go from Jungle Book to this?!”