There’s a ‘planned power outage’ happening in these parts so I gotta load this one right quick. No, I don’t have any idea why I didn’t do this yesterday. TO THE GAMES!
Niners/Chiefs:
Will Jimmy G be able to keep up with the surly KC O? Not really but take the over anyway.
Cincy/Car:
Who gon carry le ballon for the Bengali’s? Mixon is out, Rawls was just signed and Bernard was limited in practice on Friday. It seems like Gio is ready to go but we might just see a little [looks way down depth chart] Mark Walton?
Bills/Vikes:
Cover your eyes! A rook qb that struggled last week vs. Minny pressure. A massive hole at the cb2 spot due to a sudden retirement. No LeSean. (most likely) The leader of this Buffalo team goes by the name of General Disarray. Oh, and ‘League Parity’ was seen boarding a party bus to Tijuana.
Den/Bal:
The effectiveness of the Bronc’s rushing attack is dependent on little ol’ Phillip Lindsay, the undrafted 5’8″, 190 pounder out of Colorado. Aren’t you glad you snapped him up from the waiver wire like the cheeky monkey you think yourself to be?
Ind/Phi:
Carson Wentzworth III has deigned to play this week for the Eagle birds. Huzzah!
NYG/Hou:
Give the rb the ball and Snacks & Co. will most likely devour them. However, give the qb the ball in a zone-read situation and watch the yardage pile up. This week it’s DeShaun Watson’s turn.
Pack/’Dacted’s:
The only thing questionable about Aaron Rodgers is his judgement regarding his family. Despite the injury status Gutsy McGutterton will play.
Oak/Mia:
Who is Mike Gesiki? He’s the Fins reception leader from the te spot with one catch for 11 yards. That happened in week one. He wasn’t targeted at all last Sunday.
Ten/Jax:
This was Derrick Henry’s year but he decided to be the schlubbiest schlub that ever schlubbed a football. Don’t start his sorry ass vs. the Jagwads.
NO/Atl:
There’ll be plenty of skid marks, dropped axles and blown transmissions on the field after this one is done. (there, I jinxed it-10-7 final)
YES! Got it in on time. Time to sit in the corner in complete darkness and think. You? You start typing.
Unsportsmanlike on Newton.
Well, he doesn’t see what the big deal is with head trauma.
McCaffrey gonna be enterring the bye without a TD.
See????? Throw it to Graham you fucking asshole. He can catch…..He played basketball!!!!!
Whoa whoa whoa where did you hear that???
Yeah, you’re going need to cite your sources on that one.
Maybe later when I’m sober.
So….Wednesday?
DAMMIT RODGERS DO IT BETTER THAN THAT!!!!!
That was nice of the Saints to give Julio room to make that fair catch
They seem to have a bit of trouble with the old deep ball.
Another Bengals is hurt. DRINK!
Way ahead of you.
It’s almost like they’re endangered…
oh goddamnit Case
Oo Donks
Young Sheldon commercials are now creepy after they follow one with one where Older Sheldon jokes about nailing Blossom.
Well, that was at least EFFECTIVE holding.
Ha!
Shepherddown!!!
Luck is now gonna have to un-Alex Smith himself and throw further than 6 yards
FOOTBALL IS GOOD AGAIN
I’m am verily entertained by today’s offering of the footed ball.
Agreed. Miles ahead of last year’s putrid start.
my money league opponent also benched Ryan, but for Dreamboat, so who really gives a flying fuck?
Well at least the Raiders defense wasn’t on the field long enough to get tired.
Bullock just missed a field goal. Isn’t this how ties begin?
Still thinking the Packers will win this
Wow. Tackling a QB: illegal. Low hit on QB: A-OK!
Colts gonna lose because they had defensive holding on two stops on the same drive
Just checking back in — BUF are world-beaters now?
Dolphins ns over raiders with only 9 yards rushing other than tannehill
With the advent of the squeezable mustard container, I can construct and eat a sandwhich using no utensils whatsoever. What a time to be alive.
Mom still cuts off the crusts?
[hesitates… thinks, ‘fuck it!]
Uh, what did you use for butter?
Well I used something hard, but it’s not hard anymore…. On an unrelated matter, the mayo looks weird today.
Hooo, bit of olde tyme Wentz on that one
Saquon in the open field is a joy to behold.
Aaron Rogers gave Kendricks a look so dirty, you’d think they were related.
BANNER!
Instead of improving the o line the Bengals just taught Dalton how to throw while running for his life
I’m in a room with a guy who is dressed from a thrift shop unironically. I think he’s wearing a waiter’s jacket. The only job I can see him holding is a volunteer. Another guy, I think both his parents were midgets yet he grew up full sized. I’m just speculating here folks.
Your Secret Society seem…unique?
I hope they shoot thrift store guy. We did that one year during initiation, just did a complete Goodfellas on this one guy. No one can say anything, so we can get away with stuff like that. Hope it ain’t me this year.
Don’t sit with your back to any doors.
I gotta admit, I’m not sure what you’re getting at with that second description. Something about the his proportions being off?
Carson again, huh?
Kicking from midfield with a chance to pin the Dolphins inside their own 10? 30 yard punt!
That’s My Raiders!
The Dolphins of the past 4 years have this special talent of making their opponent play down to them. It’s truly remarkable.
Jeebus. GB really sucks.
Boyd, oh boy!
Indy just Clotting it up all over now
Aortas throughout Indiana silently agree with you.
It’s not the aortas that get you it the coronary arteries because….
/shuts up because he’s a nerd
FLAG!!! They touched Dakota JEEBUS!!!111
Looking with intent 15 Yard foul
Yanno, one unique thing about this rule change is that unlike most penalties, it’s going to affect the best players the most, because the players that get to the quarterback the most are going to get called the most.
If I’m rich, I would walk of the field if I get flagged for one. Walking to my car while stripping off my equipment. I’d leave the game with my athletic supporter and my honor.
“Where was this guy last week?”
-V. Davis
Mark my words: The Super Bowl will be decided on a bullshit Sacking the Quarterback penalty.
Or they’ll silently change the rule right before the game.
Remember the Packers Org are the ones that started this bullshit. They bitched all year after Rodgers got hurt. “The hit was dirty” “why no flag?”. It’s poetic they have suffered the most from the new rule.
Damn! Ryan is out scoring Mahomes. Did not see that coming.
On my bench, went with Cousins….
That’s a shot in the ol’ dick, huh?
Vol I & Vol II of the “Alabama Prom Night” series
Beating the P*ts on an even week has messed with the Jaguras? Time is just a construct?
Don’t do this to me, Giants. Don’t do this to me.
I HATE Matthews and that roughing the passer call is such bullshit, I’m debating on turning the game off. Unbelievable.
Gotta respect, Cam. He fumbled the ball but he dove into the middle of a dogpile to get it back.
A couple years late on that one.
“That gloryboy is so selfish, he’s risking our season by dislocating his shoulder just so he doesn’t have one negative stat on his statline! Where’s Jake Delhomme when you need him”
–60% of the Panthers fan base–
Indy had Philly at 3rd & 26. 5 yard penalty, 1st down. This fucking game.
3rd and 10? Offsides!
Fair catch? Muffed!
That’s My Raiders!
Laughtrack
The next episode writes itself?
Just saw the Matthews roughing the passer. That’s some serious bullshit
We’re at the point where I’m siding with Clay Matthews. God help us all
Hey Rodgers, it would really help me out if you’d target Graham a few times in the 4th.
Fucking asshole.
Yes, I’m a sore loser.
Clay Matthews!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
the Packers get fucked over by the Rodgers Rule…..again.
FUCKITY FUCK. I can’t even have ONE good play for Hopkins?
Wow! Breida not dead.
But not giving goal line touches.
Just give the QBs a detachable flag belt. Just go straight to the endgame.
That’s some bullshit. Again.
as much as I hate Clay Matthews….YEP
Yep, let’s just go to two-hand-touch
Honestly, just do it. Matthews just got fucked over with a roughing the passer penalty and if that’s a penalty, there’s honestly no point in tackling the QB.
I’d be more OK with a flag belt than Matthews getting called for that
The Texans are trying to kill Watson.
Matthews got a roughing the passer penalty. . . I honestly don’t see why he should have gotten a penalty there.
It’s almost as if… the new rules are bullshit? Either way, #FireGoodell