There’s a ‘planned power outage’ happening in these parts so I gotta load this one right quick. No, I don’t have any idea why I didn’t do this yesterday. TO THE GAMES!
Niners/Chiefs:
Will Jimmy G be able to keep up with the surly KC O? Not really but take the over anyway.
Cincy/Car:
Who gon carry le ballon for the Bengali’s? Mixon is out, Rawls was just signed and Bernard was limited in practice on Friday. It seems like Gio is ready to go but we might just see a little [looks way down depth chart] Mark Walton?
Bills/Vikes:
Cover your eyes! A rook qb that struggled last week vs. Minny pressure. A massive hole at the cb2 spot due to a sudden retirement. No LeSean. (most likely) The leader of this Buffalo team goes by the name of General Disarray. Oh, and ‘League Parity’ was seen boarding a party bus to Tijuana.
Den/Bal:
The effectiveness of the Bronc’s rushing attack is dependent on little ol’ Phillip Lindsay, the undrafted 5’8″, 190 pounder out of Colorado. Aren’t you glad you snapped him up from the waiver wire like the cheeky monkey you think yourself to be?
Ind/Phi:
Carson Wentzworth III has deigned to play this week for the Eagle birds. Huzzah!
NYG/Hou:
Give the rb the ball and Snacks & Co. will most likely devour them. However, give the qb the ball in a zone-read situation and watch the yardage pile up. This week it’s DeShaun Watson’s turn.
Pack/’Dacted’s:
The only thing questionable about Aaron Rodgers is his judgement regarding his family. Despite the injury status Gutsy McGutterton will play.
Oak/Mia:
Who is Mike Gesiki? He’s the Fins reception leader from the te spot with one catch for 11 yards. That happened in week one. He wasn’t targeted at all last Sunday.
Ten/Jax:
This was Derrick Henry’s year but he decided to be the schlubbiest schlub that ever schlubbed a football. Don’t start his sorry ass vs. the Jagwads.
NO/Atl:
There’ll be plenty of skid marks, dropped axles and blown transmissions on the field after this one is done. (there, I jinxed it-10-7 final)
YES! Got it in on time. Time to sit in the corner in complete darkness and think. You? You start typing.
The Chefs showed up for Sunday Gravy
BANNER!!
Donks gonna lose, but still fuck up my bets.
I bench Freeman on the Donks since Lindsey is getting all his touches and now Lindsey has been ejected. Figures.
I didn’t know this was themed “Ejection Sunday”
Well ejaculation Sunday gets messy.
2018 NFL season: Ties and Ejections.
There have been a few ejections already this year
Year of the Safety now Year of the Ejection?
Green Bay’s D misunderstood “Fuck You” mode, and they are doing their best Little Big Horn impression.
Uggh everything is falling apart. Gamblor has forsaken me, whatever FF God there is has forsaken me.
SAME
Know who I played ahead of David Johnson, in both leagues (including a last-second sub in money league)?
That’s right, Matt Fucking Breida, the guy who just shredded his ACL.
Gah nooo
You may want to file a grievance with Gamblor, ’cause I’m pretty sure you can’t be this boned by the Lord and Master of All Degenerates, Punters and Students on a deadline!
I praised him last week by declaring he could be a big star if he became consistent. It was inevitable that he would die.
[prays that he played Calvin Ridley]
[goes to fantasy site]
Fuck. Yes.
The Safety Gods demand a sacrifice!
‘evening Pervs and commiserations to the Kingliest of Hippos, for I have returned from the Arsenal game and I was reminded of why Theo Walcott blows….
We are a mentally fragile bunch. It was inevitable what was coming eventually would happen.
Could be worse,lol – my boss is having a meltdown on Skype, ’cause he put a grand on the Vikes XD
SAY Geronimo!!!
Geronimo Allison? How is he not a [*Redacteds]?
If he wasn’t playing currently, Alex Smith would be fapping himself to death looking at Andrew Luck’s passing stats right now
AARon may have just engaged “Fuck You” mode.
More redacted s engaging fuck themselves mode
he doesnt care who or what he fucks, Bears, women, men etc.
Jints Terd Down? Touchdown. It’s called a touchdown. I had forgotten the nomenclature.
Bill O”Brian needs to be fired, NOW.
Bengals are apparently playing flag football.
So…Odd Week [*Redacted] s?
I am pulling for the Bungles, but super happy for CJ to get into the action.
Bengals please stop the fat man from running
Bengals are bad again
I almost wish I could watch this LOLfins/Raiders shitshow in full. It’s GLORIOUS
/Giants force a team to go three and out.
/Citizen of that city says “Thank You” to someone who actually held the door open for him.
God: “WHAT THE FUCK!”
/sky splits open, elephants fall to the ground
Is the elephant’s name Stampy at least?
Dakota Jeebus is still dumb, I see.
the full video of this is awesome.
D-lineman covering a RB
Good one, Humps
I take back what I said. Bengals are good. AFC champs!
Don’t do it! Even Dave Shula went 7-9 once!
Cameron Wake killed Emo Carr.
Ha! Bengals faked the cameraman out!
Stupid cameraman bitch!
Red Zone fight is the best.
I think Balmer gets a touched down there, but the pylon stretch is still the dumbest move in sport.
Can we skip to where JJ Watt gets a season ending injury?
**eye roll**
-Lindsey Vonn
My necklace made of the bones of Dave Brown’s throwing hand is the reason why Eli is 9 of 11.
from Duke University! I remember that fucker!!
Your temporary road competence was enjoyable, Donks.
I did not even realize teh Gints were playing
Eli just wanted to catch the new Pokemon but NO he has to play this stupid game.
AARon went down harder and faster tha***
/presses hand to imaginary ear piece
Nevermind.
yeah, Danica doesn’t seem like one who’s much FOAR cunnilingus. Too impatient.
She never is able to make it to the full number of laps.
Best comment I’ve seen about her shitty personality and in this particular subject was from long ago:
“Fucking her would be like doing a coffee table.”
Mahomes looking good, scrambling and making a throw like that.
What is the Cricket Wireless mascot supposed to be?
Cinci v KC last 2 minutes in the wild card round. Who ya got?
Need to know scenario. What’s the score? Is Burfict playing?
Burfict playing, Bengals up by 2, KC has the ball.
KC wins by field goal. I won’t trust Cincy in a playoff game until they win one.
Does Andy Reid get a meal at the 2 minute warning. Is Burfict ejected yet?
FUCK YOU FAVRE
Christ and Sonny Jeebus, I am not looking forward to playing the Chefs twice.
Andy Reid will find a way to fuck this up.
Just make all the in-stadium ads for local All-You-Can-Eat Buffets and he’ll be too distracted to call plays.
Mahomes is the new charmslinger
Pat Mahomes, good at teh footy
Mahomey
I hate it when the refs made the right call, discuss it, and change it the wrong call so it can be reviewed back to the right call.
Damn cowards
That’s My Raiders!
Josh Allen? JOSH ALLEN!
The fuck is going on up there???
High concentrations of maple syrup leeching into Buffalo’s drinking water, maybe? Wtf?
[runs into thread]
[gasps for breath]
Some of these scores don’t seem right at all!
The Manning family spends more time in luxury boxes than Jerry Jones’ favorite hooker.
Fun Fact: Luxury Boxes is what Ol’Dubble J calls his favorite hooker(s)!
Yes sir