There’s a ‘planned power outage’ happening in these parts so I gotta load this one right quick. No, I don’t have any idea why I didn’t do this yesterday. TO THE GAMES!
Niners/Chiefs:
Will Jimmy G be able to keep up with the surly KC O? Not really but take the over anyway.
Cincy/Car:
Who gon carry le ballon for the Bengali’s? Mixon is out, Rawls was just signed and Bernard was limited in practice on Friday. It seems like Gio is ready to go but we might just see a little [looks way down depth chart] Mark Walton?
Bills/Vikes:
Cover your eyes! A rook qb that struggled last week vs. Minny pressure. A massive hole at the cb2 spot due to a sudden retirement. No LeSean. (most likely) The leader of this Buffalo team goes by the name of General Disarray. Oh, and ‘League Parity’ was seen boarding a party bus to Tijuana.
Den/Bal:
The effectiveness of the Bronc’s rushing attack is dependent on little ol’ Phillip Lindsay, the undrafted 5’8″, 190 pounder out of Colorado. Aren’t you glad you snapped him up from the waiver wire like the cheeky monkey you think yourself to be?
Ind/Phi:
Carson Wentzworth III has deigned to play this week for the Eagle birds. Huzzah!
NYG/Hou:
Give the rb the ball and Snacks & Co. will most likely devour them. However, give the qb the ball in a zone-read situation and watch the yardage pile up. This week it’s DeShaun Watson’s turn.
Pack/’Dacted’s:
The only thing questionable about Aaron Rodgers is his judgement regarding his family. Despite the injury status Gutsy McGutterton will play.
Oak/Mia:
Who is Mike Gesiki? He’s the Fins reception leader from the te spot with one catch for 11 yards. That happened in week one. He wasn’t targeted at all last Sunday.
Ten/Jax:
This was Derrick Henry’s year but he decided to be the schlubbiest schlub that ever schlubbed a football. Don’t start his sorry ass vs. the Jagwads.
NO/Atl:
There’ll be plenty of skid marks, dropped axles and blown transmissions on the field after this one is done. (there, I jinxed it-10-7 final)
YES! Got it in on time. Time to sit in the corner in complete darkness and think. You? You start typing.
Ho Li Fuk. Jim Rome still gets airtime? Really?
CBS studio show OR Fox studio show?*
*Death is not an option
*Yes it is
youtube clips of people hurting themselves
FoxNews or MSNBC MST3K style.
FoxNews: “You cannot judge the character of a man based on what he did as a 17-year old.”
MSNBC: “A woman has accused Kavanaugh of sexual assault and its up to the Kavanaugh to prove that he’s innocent.”
Hey, fun fact. I just looked at the calendar and realized that my dead ex wife would have turned 50 today.
You know, if she didn’t die.
Ok, it’s not fun, but it is a fact.
Have you found the “real killers” yet?
Generally poor health and a really bad attitude.
It’s not a coincidence that I only just noticed the date.
Marrying her was the worst mistake of my life, divorcing her….the best.
Saving her life twice via CPR, somewhere in between.
Eventually you’ll forgive your parents for raising you to be a good person. I haven’t but I’m sure you will eventually.
Everton is just goddamned terrible.
I forgot how good Apollo 13 is.
Yeah. What was great was it was Tom Hanks showing the world “Forrest Gump was no fluke, I’m a pretty darn good actor”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=40&v=OXjIIB7wM_I
my guide had a game opposite of the fat humps on CBS earlier this week. now, it’s gone.
indy tv directors are fucking whores for the colts; only 20 years ago did you fucks even started giving a damn about them. fuck you fat humps
Why is everyone upset with that Clay Matthews being flagged for Roughing the Passer last week? Its not like the Packers lost that game.
Rodgers bitched about that same type of hit last year so the league put in a rule. You reap want you sow Green Bay.
I’m possibly sufficiently recovered from that disaster Thursday night to be able to sit through some games today, no matter how many times they bring up the Browns on unrelated broadcasts.
Here’s hoping every team I hate loses and that Brady gets hit so hard he gets punched into an alternate universe where he’s a struggling door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.
(hooded guy with his hand on a lever) “John Doe, you have been condemned to die by electrocution by a judge in good standing and a jury of your peers. Also, the Browns won last Thursday. May God have mercy on your soul.”
Make sure it’s a union electrician throwing the switch.
Good morning/afternoon
As of now, the Bengals and Browns lead the AFC North
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfNLQyBiXz0
Yikes. That could have ended much, much worse.
“Amateurs.”
-Vlad Tepes
Yeah right! I’m using the Dutch Oven method for the pot roast. For the gravy; I’m making a roux with the butter and flour, then slowly whisking in the liquid from the pot when the roast is finished, adding salt & pepper (white and black) to taste. Does that sound correct? Your recipe didn’t say. Thanks!
Hot roux, cold milk, no lumps!
That is correct. I usually use 2 tablespoons of flour and 2 tablespoons of butter.
I never did fire up my Instant Pot last night. By the time I got all the assholes out of the house, I ended up then getting too drunk. I didn’t want blow myself up.
But today’s the day!!!!! Maybe.
/goes to get drink #3
I’m grilling today. Some chicken and some Nathan’s. The weather is spectacular.
Cooling off here finally. This is when I love to cook.
Just finished a skillet scramble that featured a leftover cream cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped poblano pepper as the center piece. SEXY!
Steelers are in a gimbal lock. Bell refuses to show up. Brown is disgruntled. I don’t know how this could get any better?
https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/23/politics/stormy-daniels-ben-roethlisberger-donald-trump/index.html
Now I know!
Hehehehehe. I actually saw something very similar to this happen at Top Golf in Vegas last fall.
They really should not let people who don’t know how to play golf drink that much and then try to play golf.
Advertisment slogan idea: Summer’s Eve…. For when you need to get an assload of sand out of your cooch.
Two team parlay with Rams and Ravens to both win and cover.
Feels safe.
Chargers always win an impossible game once a year. I stayed away from this game.
They just haven’t been impressive this year.
Good luck!
/ I’m making your pot roast again today!
OK, it’s noon. Time to start drankin’ so the Rat Birds either can’t piss me off, or piss me off to a point that I don’t regret breaking things.
I’m good either way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTi_Zpl9MFk
Random Dude: Are you alright?
Chick: No, I’m good.
Random Dude: Well no, you’re not. You are not good. You just proved that much. But are you hurt?
Bruised backs benched, Bortles bears burden beautifully?
C’mon Odd Week Jaguras!
Anyone hurting for RBs in fantasy should check their waiver wire for Marcus Murphy. Especially in PPR leagues.
More! More! More bird carnage, I needs it! I neeedsssss it.
uggh, deep league gabriel from chicago or njured jones jr or shepard ?
MARVIN!!
That’s gonna leave a mark.
Wow, this kid whom they just featured on ESPN is amazing. No arms, other physical limitations too, but paints with his feet.
Dak has befriended him. I know how funny that sounds, but it really was inspiring to watch.
How’s his 40 time? Dallas needs some depth at Wide Receiver.
I hate that feeling when you have a ton of stuff to do, do 20 minutes of work and your body and mind both say “that’s enough”
Morning Folks
hi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw1t7OCESUw
My buddy, a YUGE Packers fan, has front row seats today behind the Packer bench. He’s sending me awesome photos. So far Pam Oliver, Mason Crosby, Aaron Jones, and a short video of Jamaal Williams having a catch with him (filmed by his girlfriend)!!! I’ll send them to Balls when he gets here and hopefully he’ll post them.
What does he weigh, three bills?
Howdy, folks. Tornado ripped through town on Friday night, and I’m still without power today. Hoping it’s going to be back on before kickoff time; the city had 500,000 people without power, and it’s down to about 200,000 now, which is good… just super patchwork. Not sure the hydro crews have slept the past two nights.
I thought Boss Todd drove a Camaro?
Just glad you’re OK man. Hope everyone else in the area is too.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=vtPk5IUbdH0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tja6_h4lT6A
I’m gonna be tromping through mud and drinking mead at the MD Renfest, I’ll catch up with y’all for the night game!
You’re life is so goddamn interesting, you could sell Dos Equis.
waves from just up the road
Should be plenty of mud today – if your weather is anything like ours, it’s all rain today.
(Enjoy the mead!)
It was fun watching Baker Mayfield, but I believe his life expectancy is now only one or two games at most.
Hippo how the fuck dd Arsenal not score there??????
Blaine Gabbert starts for TEN
I need to start two of the three: DAK, Carr, Wentz. Leaning DAK and Wentz.
Speaking as a zeke dynasty league owner, FUCK DAK!
Is Mark Walton heir to the Sam’s Club fortune?
HANG ON WEST HAM!!!
Derrick Henry has been better than his stats. He had a monster run @ MIA wiped out because Delanie Walker suffered a gnarly face mask pull but fucking Jerome Boger’s crew called holding ON DELANIE.
Oh! And not a bad outing by 2nd AND 3rd string TEN OTs last week against the JJ Watt Experience. Taylor Lewan starts today and RT Conklin might play.
To sum up: I’m bullish on the Tits and Derrick Henry. Wager on the other side to earn money.
He had better show up today. Tough matchup against the Jaguras. I have either him or Jaleel White of the P*ts
Hear me and hear me well, ppls…
Eating a “Sam’s Choice” microwavable double bacon burger for breakfast is a bad life choice.
Learn from my mistakes and just don’t do it.
That thing is just sitting in there. It feels like I ate two cans of playdough. Still in the cans. And the burger probably has less nutritional value. Bulimia is looking better and better. Uggggggh.
Karen Carpenter is a role model as well as voice for the ages.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__VQX2Xn7tI
That burger has “just begun” talking to me.
I think it wants out.
The only money line dog I like today is the Humps +260 at Philly. Iggles are VERY banged up on offense, and I think Indy’s D is vastly underrated. It will keep them in this game, at which point I’d rather have Hodor instead of (first game back from ACL) Wentz. Doesn’t this just seem like the kind of game a Super Bowl champ with a bitchy fan base would lose at home, launching 1000 “Is The Honeymoon Over For The Eagles?” articles in the Philly sports media? It does to me. 50 units
There are still $30 tickets on StubHub for the Shitty Clippers & RAMMIT at The Coliseum on StubHub. They keep saying there’s “only 1 left” but that’s a lie because new seats keep showing up and they’re getting closer. I have to go to a completely stupid previous engagement otherwise I’d take this.
As of this morning:
The cheapest ticket for next week MIN@LAR is $48, and GB@LAR on 10/28 is $190 for these same seats.
Meanwhile, the minimum for Chargers home games is $130 at a high school stadium.
West Ham starting to smell their piss now. Something tells me we needed Antonio to convert one of those 2 chances, though.
We can only hope and pray that Scotchy downloaded enough porn to last him the planned outage.
Or has a stash of mags!
How retro
I hope you did jinx that NO/ATL game. Going against Ice, Julio, M. Thomas, and Matt Bryant. Also Evans and Barber in the Monday nighter.
Does anyone know who the God of Free Safeties is, and what sort of prayer ritual or sacrifice he/she requires?
Brian Dawkins, he requires the blood of receivers could be high school, JV, pro, retired, dead.
[hears doorbell]
[answers toaster]
[hears doorbell again]
[hangs up toaster]
[opens front door]
“Hello!”
“Good afternoon sir, are you Austin Collie?”
“Who?”
[is murdered with Anton Chigurh cattle killer]
– Austin Collie
Regarding Rodgers, I’d probably disown my family if they went on The Bachelor as well. Having said that, I bet this freak watches game footage of his State Farm commercials, and looks for flaws.
Fuck derek henry. They might as well bring back Demarco Murray with that hot garbage production.
Oh and good morning.