I hate the Chiefs. I hate them so much that when I’m feeling blue I literally pull up videos of their humiliating playoff collapses against the Colts and Titans in order to make myself feel better.
So I think it really says something that I don’t feel any particular animosity towards the Chiefs’ phenomenal new quarterback Patrick Mahomes. While “what that says” might be that I’m completely dead inside and have only adopted a flat affect as a defense mechanism to prevent the current world grind my delicate psyche into dust, at the end of the day it means I can watch Patrick Mahomes lead the Chiefs to wins with mild curiosity rather than unvarnished rage. The only thing I – and many others – can find to complain about Patrick Mahomes is his the execrable nickname of “Showtime” that has somehow been bestowed upon him.
We can do better.
Here at DoorFliesOpen we tried our hand at a few alternatives. Please list your own suggestions in the comment section.
“Pour one out for” Mahomes
“Patrick Is” Mahomes
“Jeebus Is” Mahomes
“What’sup” Mahomes
Patrick Ma “Old Kentucky” homes
The Mortgage
Sup? [Which also works because he’s whassup (until teams get enough tape on him)]
Mahomes II Men
Rollin’ With Mahomes
“Please Don’t Initiate Foreclosure Proceedings On” Mahomes.
“Mahomes”-slice
“Mahomes”-skillet
“Mahomes”-pie
Mahomes “Curb Appeal”
Better Mahomes and Gardens
Mahomes for unwed mothers.
Mahomes on Homes
—
Get to work!
Mahomes bin martyred
Afternoon Delight (PM)
Mahomey Mahomes?
“Fucking Mahomes Owner Association”
Mojones
He has a lot of Sex Cannon in him.
They all do – R. Grossman
Brothel? Because it would be a Sex Mahomes?
Patreek Le Chic
A certain Low Commander just came…
http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/24941255/los-angeles-chargers-owner-alex-spanos-dies-95?platform=amp
He and the Houston QB can solve crimes as Mahomes and Watson
“Hey!”
– B.M. and the ‘Rod
Mahomes, Mahomes, Ma-Lovely-Lady-Homes
Mahomes Macastle
Mahomes Invasion
or
Mahomes Invader
Proud Mahomes Owner for those that indulge in FF
“Mahomes is where ma hearts is.” – Popeye
Soul Patch
I though that was when the little tuft of hair was halfway between the lower lip and point of the chin?
Goddamnit, when did facial hair get complicated?
It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.
This is hanging from the wall at work. It’s nice to see that the more things change, the more they stay the same…
Full name: Patrick Lavon Mahomes II
So why not just Pat Jr?
Apparently it’s II (instead of Jr.) if it’s another ancestor than the father. Except that the father in this case seems to have the same exact name. I’m very confused.
It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.
Mahomes, sweet Mahomes
There’s no place like Mahomes
Product of Vile Miscegeneation! – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL
Mahomes-y for me, but only works if one speaks mildly Southern
Mahomesy Don’t Play That
This gets abbreviated to “MUM”
Mahomes Alone
Arrowhead Stadium becomes: Mahomes Depot
Through Reid-O-Vision:
“Pepperoni Calzones…”
For when he makes a defender look stupid:
“You just got Mahomes schooled!”
Pat “I’m already better than my Dad” Mahomes
Coach Andy Reid, Take Mahomes
To a place he belongs,
Atlanta Georgia, Megatron’s Butthole
Take Mahomes, Coach Andy Reid
Not a knickname obviously, but Mahomes name made me think of that damn song, which I will hear for the rest of my day.
Mahomio and Tyreekette
Based on how confused sportswriters described him coming out of college: The Grit and the Glory
Pat the Gat
Blaat! blaat!
Based on his voice: Froggy Mahomes
No Mahomo