God is dead. So why not watch a bit of the old football? It’s not like I’m going to judge you.
-Friedrich “The Funky Philologist” Nietzsche
These two wet, stinking dogs are gonna give us many reasons to laugh and joke and cry (that’d be me, mostly). TO THE GAME!
Schmeagles/Jizzants:
Both these squadoos are looking to TURN THEIR SEASON AROUND! according to all the narratives out there. The return of qb Wentz was supposed to have given the Philly side a B12-like shot in the arm but he’s 1-2 as a starter and now he’s without rb Ajayi who is on the IR with the old torn ACL. Will Smallwood or Clement pick up the enormous amount of slack? Remains to be seen. Rumours abound that the front office will be trading for Bell or McCoy or perhaps re-animating the corpse of Wilbert Montgomery. When reached for comment Montgomery said, “I’m not dead yet!” He was promptly clubbed over the head by someone that had an eerie resemblance to Howie Roseman, general manger/necromancer of the Eagles. Philly must have this one because out of division the likes of the Panthers, Saints, Rams and Jags lie in wait. Not pretty. The good old ESPN ran a hit piece on old (so very old) Eli that pointed out that he sucks. The immobile weird face-maker is on pace to be sacked 51 times and his QBR the last two seasons averages out to a paltry 46.5. (that’s really bad) Let’s hope the Giants take this one so that the NFC East will resemble a logjamclusterfuck for many weeks to come.
Have at it, kiddos.
Ooh, Cards and Broncos. Can’t wait. Hope there will be a baseball game on.
o7
Well this was quite a pleasing beginning.
Also, GOTDAMN!
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jr5kAzchRU
Also, what’s up bitches!
Sup, Fozz?
We HAS ManningFACE!!!
MY TEENAGE SON, I CALL HIM TRUMP BECAUSE HE YELLS A LOT FOR NO REASON, MAKES NO SENSE, AND SOMETIMES I WANT TO PUNCH HIS MOTHERFUCKING LIGHTS OUT!
Only sometimes? You may want to run a DNA check on Fozz Jr.
Seriously, the amount of times I want to completely hammer hte shit out of htis kid is beyond measure.
you just be grateful you don’t have teenage womenfolk
Those are chained up in the basement.
“On the whole, I’d rather be in Cleveland.”
Preach it, Brother Hippo!
Smallwood WOO!! Him or ErtzDOWN, please.
I also have Smallwood.
In addition, I am starting Wendell Smallwood on my FFL team.
“Let’s hope the Giants take this one so that the NFC East will resemble a logjamclusterfuck for many weeks to come.”
I’m cool with that.
Iggles gonna go 3 and kick the FG?
Eli with the “Hurry Up! I’ma gonna throw an Interception” Offense.
the fuck was he looking at there? He was BLANKETED
FUUCKKK YEAAAHHHHHH, suck on that Eli. No pudding pop for you.
You can’t fight the derp; you can only delay it!
Theeeeere it is.
Well, that didn’t take long.
Elisha gon Elisha
Holy shit. Elisha is only 10-17 against Philly? All time best Sad Eli moment is still his first time under center. Fucking annihilated.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajL7caeUlHU
He was so spry back then. Lookit the little tyke move those feet before getting fucking destroyed.
New rule: If a call gets overturned, the refs get fined for the missed call.
Eli pumped he’ll be the one to turn it over
ALL HAIL HIGH PROPHET GATORAIDS
Are you a god?
Growing up with a Giants fan dad, I have been to exactly one Giants game in nearly 30 years, and if I want to see someone play I’ll just wait until they play the Jets and pay three times less. Or spend nothing and avoid Metlife Stadium entirely, which is what I do.
So close to kickoff derp
___________, just keep using these special uniforms perminately. No questions will be asked.
I would really like all kelly green for the Eagles, Randall Cunningham style.
I know we asked questions about other guys, but it’s pretty clear by all the sweat that LT is now unquestionably made completely of cocaine.
if’n he stops, he’ll die
also, time to derail teh REO Shitwagon!!
He stated that he did not smoke the crack cocaine.
I always assumed his body adapted to process the cocaine to be used as a powersource. Like sugar.
I was gonna say something about that but it is drizzling. To me, the nose wipe was the giveaway.
Yes! I did it! I finally beat Mega Man X! Something I never did growing up!
God, I need to get laid.
Now beat last form of Sigma in X-2.
NEEEEEEErrrrrdddddssssss!
Marty McFly’s dad is reffing the Guns Up!! match.
Which one? The geek in the deadend job? The cool author? The evil gambler?
the meek goober one
Aikman’s face is sagging badly. Someone get that guy some scaffolding so he can start renovating.
Evenin. Micheal Strahan is a gap toothed mimbo. I disliked him on the field but really can’t stand him post playing career. Oh good it’s Troy and Joe Buck.
/checks to see if there is a french broadcast.
There is not.
The Connors
Now with 85% more wrinkles!
I have a chance to see Connor McDavid live this Saturday, or I can wait until March but seats are much cheaper.
Beer and my credit card will decide that.
Erin Andrews talking into her dildo again…
Well it only looks like a dildo cause you’re looking at it through that tiny hole.
I was declared innocent by a jury of my peers!
pickerception WOO!!! Why u try run it out? Dumb shit.
oh motherfucker, I have to fade teh Saquon in my money league tonight.
If Mikey Irvin isn’t still on roids then no one is on roids.
/btw, I had no idea that Bradshaw is as big a fatass as he showed earlier when tossing the football.
Is Michael Irvin made entirely of cocaine now?
Guns Up!! is giving Hippo teh sads
Scientists say we have 20 years left. I say that’s entirely too long.
How many Secret Service agents were just out of frame when this was taken?
George Bush doesn’t care about black people.
If I’m black (and those of you who have met me can verify that I’m as close to the exact opposite as is possible) I’d certainly prefer an indifferent GWB to the current shitheel in the White House, who actively hates black Americans.
ur black in SPIRIT
Fuck Kanye. Please don’t give him attention.
He’s reached that impressive level of present day douchebaggery where his entire discography is unjustifiable in public.
I can proudly say that I never liked anything about this fucker, and considered him a living embodiment of what is wrong with modern “rap”
This has to be performance art.
He might not have 20 days left.
Has a previous year’s Super Bowl winner ever become so completely irrelevant so quickly after a title as the Eagles have this year? I’m not talking about teams that got *bad*, I’m talking about teams that became so thoroughly mediocre that you can’t generate a single iota of interest in them whatsoever.
Tampa Bay to this very day
DUCK!
Denver went pretty meh after they won and lost their quarterback, Mike Glennon.
I think the year after Our Equine Lord and Saviour retired, Donks WOO!!! were super Brian Griese 8-8.
But gave the Testaverde-less Jets their first win of the season in ’99 at Mile High I believe.
this sounds about right
I was listening to ‘One Night in Bangkok’ on the way home. It reminded me of this…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-enIN21BWWI
wait, a SECOND Murray Head song? What sorcery be this??
Tis a great tune. Covered by a ton of folks.
No pink stuff on the field? The NFL is finally being honest about how much they really care about boob cancer.
[Reads post]
[Applies secret Scotchnaut ™ brand decoder ring]
[Reads post again.]
Heh, yeah, Boo Leafs is right.
I was just watching a ‘plays of the week’ thingy from a Canadia sports broadcaster. The fackin’ Leafs figured quite prominently. GAH!!!
Four games in, 7 goals from Matthews and 6 from Tavares smh
Fuckers…
This is now a Chelsea Green/Laurel Van Ness/Hot Mess appreciate thread. Sorry, but those are the rules.
I am intrigued by your theories and wish to subscribe to your ̶u̶s̶e̶d̶ ̶p̶a̶n̶t̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶s̶u̶b̶s̶c̶r̶i̶p̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶s̶e̶r̶v̶i̶c̶e̶ newsletter.
All these match.com ads are depressing as fuck. Women like that SHOW UP in like the first 2 hours your profile is active, sure! You’ll never get a response from any of ’em, though.
Or you will get a response and they will look nothing like their picture because either it was from 12 years ago or it is actually of a different person. I went through a lot of lying lasses before I met my wife. The funny thing is she didn’t even have a pic on her profile, but I liked her profile enough to contact her. Married 12 years now and am actually happy.
It’s very important to Hippo that Los Gigantes fall in love with Justin Herbert. Ryan Finley belongs in Donks WOO!! mango and orange.
I pray that Gettleman has the courage to jettison Eli this offseason. He’s 23 mil vs the cap on a team with not much moolah to spare.
everything I’ve seen says Gigantes y Donks are the teams looking QB in next year’s draft, which means one gets Herbert, one gets Finley.
Yerp.
I don’t usually go for the thinner types, but Chelsea Green’s body seems physically impossible.
And she even occasionally carries herself in a way much more relateable to the kommentariat.
youse MOAR fat-bottom girls make the rockin’ world go round?
Sticking strictly to the squared circle types, I’m more of a Jordynne Grace man.
And one I expect to use later:
I almost worked a full day today. Back to bed.
I had a nice, long hurricane nap. Wish I could just sleep all day, except when FOOTBAW is on. Fucking international breaks.
You sound like my cat except for the work part.
Guns Up!!/Bloodeyes is a tantalizing alternative, plus I have moneys on it. Guns Up!! wins, and I have scrilla FOAR Saturday again (same applies to BEAR DOWN FOAR MIDTERMS Friday night, has $50 ML on each).
/will still watch, bad NFL is still NFL
//is worst division by a factor of 10, one can see why all they games must be national teevee
You was wondering if JV action was wanting in The Canada-I gots that game and Georgia Southern/Texas State.
Well, I see I can easily skip tonight’s match. Thanks NFL!
Jizzants? That’s what got me sent to that therapist when I was a kid…
Oh, during your FORMative years?
/because ants are classified in the family Formicidae, see…