You know, the good kind of travesty whereby extraordinary misfortune befalls the easily-hateable team that has experienced so much success. The one that has had the benefit of iffy ref calls for more than a decade now. The team that has an owner that has more than doubled his significant wealth due to the hiring of a coach and the drafting of a certain qb in the sixth round on a bit of a flyer.
Yeah, that team. The one that has fans that couldn’t tell you who Steve Grogan or Andre Tippett is/was. They don’t even acknowledge the Super Bowl that Parcells took them to. “Affient bistory”, they say in their drunken, garbled tongue. That’s the fan base that doesn’t acknowledge players that have been cast aside and have ended up on other teams. “They didn’t play THE PATRIOT WAY-I hope they took the first segregated bus out of town after they was cut!”, they screech.
It’s the team that has bent the rules as far as they’ll go and have only been punished a handful of times. Logic dictates to me that they’ve been able to squash a few revealments of other wrong-doings with a wadful of cash here and a plutonium tea there. “Oh, that assistant strength coach that was booted out of the Boy Scouts for reasons unknown? His steroids weren’t replaced by insulin. No sir!”* [runs out of breath]
TO… THEGAME! [wheezes]
KC/NE:
Do what you do, Patreek Le Freek.
And you guys can do what you do as well
*may not have occurred but I’m not ruling it out completely
Patriots better build a decent lead; Mahomes isn’t going to keep missing these throws.
yeah, this ain’t on Andy. I like his half of the chess match so far.
Mahomes-y just missed a throw on the first drive, then made one inexcusably awful read.
He just missed that one too.
Stop that KHunt!!!!!
Oh shit, I yelled that out loud.
What did your mom say now?
I think she’s asleep downstairs.
I hope so, anyway, or Imma get a whuppin’.
good, adaptive playcalling. I feel like Fat Andy is up to the challenge.
Pretty insensitive of the Pats to be putting Sony Michel out there when a hurricane of a similar name just ravaged the country.
Hopefully they’ll have Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship do the play-by-play of Rock’s Titan Games.
Working Out: The TV Show.
CrossFit: The Show?
I was at a bar a few months ago and they were airing some sort of CrossFit games thing. It was so dumb looking; like an extremely boring American Ninja Warrior.
was there a drinking game based on “bruh” utterances?
That sounds lethal. Thankfully, the sound wasn’t on. But there was some sort of military tie in to the whole thing, so it likely would have been extra obnoxious.
They’ve got a boot camp thing at my gym that’s way too early for me to consider but the folks who go are some fit motherfuckers.
My knees just started hurting thinking about it.
My aunt and uncle went into crossfit a few years ago as a mutual midlife crisis thing. A few years into the program, he looks about the same, and she looks like someone who should be married to someone who looks better than he does.
CrossFuck aka Swinging
At least that’s what their browser history showed.
I dig the unhappy wife element at the gym.
And yoga pants.
I only want to see the outtakes from that show
Oh, this is gonna suck
Dunno what he was looking at, dude was blanketed even w/o LB dropping back for pickerception.
Pats enforce squatters rights, take over Mahomes.
You just got FORECLOSED!
Wow – so Arizona is floating CB Peterson for picks.
This franchise hasn’t a fucking clue what they’re doing — but they know a stud CB isn’t part of those plans.
Uh-oh, they came up with a new stat to impress us with.
Also, Hightower-ception!
Let’s see if this’ll post… Check out ma dogs!
Okay, not quite, but it’ll get you there.
Yeah, dropbox doesn’t fuck with linking like that
I didn’t think so, but I’m a rebel, Dottie.
Puppies!
Those are some good looking puppers.
Mahomes Invasion?
YOINK!
Sub prime Mahomes has arrived.
Gostkowski might be the most irritating part about the Pats. Some Div-II guy they pulled out of nowhere and he turns into the most accurate kicker of all time?
Memphis Tigers yo!
Right? It’s pretty compelling evidence that Belichick did, in fact, do a deal with Satan.
One of the most frustrating things about the Patriots is how competent they are. If the ball hits them in the hands, they’ll catch it. If it’s a moderate length field goal, they’ll make it.
Also, OF COURSE Dreamboat picked this week to go all anti-Semite on me.
FG-kakke!!
I’m serious. Two straight yrs of having Brady as my starting QB and having to root for him is beginning to take its toll.
I need a drank. And some weed. Maybe some meth and an 8 ball or two.
Let’s all welcome Lawrence Taylor to [DFO] everybody!
Heheheh…..Dick Crum.
Google him.
I feel like buying ingredients for carrot cake was a mistake, because within an hour I expect Dr. Mrs. Deadly to start doing her imitation of this guy from Creepshow.
Will you be bashing her head in with a marble ashtray as well?
Uh, was the moral of the story lost on you? Killing someone doesn’t take away their desire for cake. If anything it makes it worse.
When I come back as a zombie I will only crave cake and pie (a la mode both, I’m fancy)
Gronk bullies ref into bullshit flag, Hippo takes another pill.
/FACK YOU LIVER
I’m a Chefs fan now.
OSZ!
OSZ? yeahhhhh riiiiiiight…
Er, I mean, YEAH RIGHT! WASSUP!
You dust off the ole Texas Instruments TRS 80 for tonight?
I hacked in using my Apple Newton
Living well and relaxing after an easy early game.
How’s life in the greater Pacific Northwest my brother?
Excellent! I’ve seen some of your continuing culinary excellence.
I’m now married and while we said goodbye to two good old dogs last year (and one awesome cat this year) we now have two new good dogs and excellent fall weather right now. Can’t complain too much!
We’re going to be doing Halloween stories again.
You’re input would be fantastic.
I do love adding to the spooky fare… and I’ve been full of horror fun this year, so I will work on something for this year.
I’m going to an all-night classic horror movie marathon (four mystery movies) at a local theater later this month. CAN’T WAIT.
Disappointing BOLTMAN! Mahomes-y Don’t Play That!!
/even us Donks folk reluctantly admire him, he cool as fuck
//this generation’s Billy Dee Williams?
Hey, if they’re gonna Los Angeles me into giving up, they may as well put some sweet BBQ sauce on those ribs and put some bacon in the greens and some green chiles in the mac and cheese and holy shit I think I’m hungry
STOMP STOMP CLAP!
/until the last Spanoi is ded
I may actually be drinking Schmitt’s Gay
(is actually drinking something called an Oatmeal Pale Ale by Three Magnets)
Hello OSZ
How YOU doin’, blax?
Litre, as my old boss told me, Dad solo parenting is easy. “My job is to return the baby to you alive. It might not be as clean as when you left, or eaten exactly what you wanted, but the child is alive, I DID MY JOB.”
and yes, I could see him saying exactly that to his wife before her bidness trip. He was a hilariously weird dude. The guy who got me playing fantasy like 18-19 years ago.
Perfect. I got 20 mins til his bed time then its smokes and wine for me!
It’d be interesting to go back to the 50’s and such and see if men were truly as bad at parenting as it sounds like. Not everyone is necessarily good at it, but you about have to actively try to be bad at taking care of kids.
I got great comfort from the “just imagine how many crackheads have kids, and most of them don’t manage to actually KILL ’em or anything” thought.
NOTE – it will not be considered amusing if you share this thought with one’s spouse.
Especially considering that she occasionally has to go revive and/or declare actual crackheads while trying to console their kids. We’ve actually talked about fostering because of experiences like that, but I don’t know how well either of us would handle letting them go or seeing their shithead parents. She has a coworker that does it because he saw it happen and wanted to do something about it, and it fucked him up to the point that he’s basically become like a robot when it comes to the kids so he doesn’t get too attached to them.
goddamnit, Mahomes-y, that was wide open!!
Ian Kinsler is ass.
Hey now, Gerrit Cole s’posed to be good. Who got to him??
That was less than ideal.
Hate that stupid ballpark.
What the fuck? I am switching between both while watching a lunatic toddler pester a Mexican pug. I don’t have time for this Cole.
Prediction: Chiefs pull off the upset win here today and cruise to the #1 seed; Patriots come into the playoffs as the #4 seed and beat the Chiefs in Arrowhead in the divisional round.
Ok but where does Bernard Pollard fit into it?
promising start!
Good to see Ron Parker is back on the field after that tragic tape library accident back in ’04.
Is that the same guy that ain’t afraid of no ghost?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSBMi2Pb7P0
Sony Michel is legitimately good. Like Bama with an actual QB, this is unsettling.
It’s like every team talks about how runningbacks are only good for a few years and you should never sign one to a long term deal, but the Pats actually act on that idea.
The Raiders have done that, sort of. At least the part about running backs not being good.
But I am starting to get on board with drafting one, while there is still tread on the tires.
Exactly. Their rookie contract is their last contract.
It’s hard to understand Al and Cris with all those P*triot balls in their mouths.
I like that they omit Andy Reid’s playoff record.
I am dadd-ing solo for 2 days. Bleergh help me.
Shall we call CPS now, or do you want to actually try?
Never too young to learn how to roll for Daddy.
/might have recently used that same phrase
//it meant something different
///I hope
*cough* NyQuil *cough*
/ kidding
//bad pun
/// you’ll be fine. Just tired
Hai! I am here for the David Price jokes.
Can I get a Price check on brooms?
as much grave dancin’ as they is, I expected better than 2-4 when I checked teh score. NO SMIRE
Thats a twist on Animal Farm.
The price is wrong, bitch
-Bob Barker
I just need JEWKAH to have a monstah night, Kelce to do fuckall (preferably get ejected immediately), but the Chefs still win. That’s TOTES plausible, yeah?
No mention of Brady getting killed on live, national tv?
2/10
hey, I’d save a prayer for some of y’all other folk
A little pre-game muzak so you can look at Carrie Underwood’s legs without having to hear her sing.
(shut up, Ayo)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bbs_yptWZk
again, she is NAWT FAITH HILL in every possible way to me. I say NAY!
There’s a discounted Price on runs in Fenway tonight!
Please tell Hippo that Dirt 500s shall sweep the Dirt P*ts.
It’s in play. That’s asking a lot though.
Houston is the better team. Boston benefited from playing Baltimore more often. No I’m not joking.
Was there a nickname picked for Mahomes?
Personally I’m a fan of No Mahomo and Better Mahomes and Gardens.
Stupid bitch.
Well, ain’t we hostile.
DAMN STRAIGHT!!!
ah mean, the only thing that can salvage my weekend A LITTLE is the goddamned Chefs going to 6-0!!
Better Mahomes and Gardens should win.
Yep it’s got my vote
Can we shorten it to BMaG?
I think everyone should just whatever they like. Mahomes (the word, not the man) is just too not-good-enough for any one nickname.
What’s with the sensible and compromising solution. It’s like you don’t even know us
I was partial to “Don’t Foreclose on Mahomes”.
Mahomes don’t play that!
Mahomes-y Don’t Play That! is what I’m going with as his catch phrase.
That works better.
Sub-prime Mahomes?
Mahomes-slice.
If he beats the P*ts; WHAT UP MAHOMES!?
Old Folks Mahomes?
“This is the water and this is the well. Drink full and descend. The horse is the white of the eyes, and dark within.”
Dirt 500s!
Coincidentally, “What’s in the box?” is also the question that got Morgan Freeman #metoo’d
Women in Corona commercials are purrrrrrty … I think I’ll pour one down my pants.
I don’t think that’s how the party in your pants gets better, but that might be how you get a yeast infection?
/I learned from my roommate never pour honey all over yourself for funtimes with your person. It ends badly for all parties involved.
Understood. I think I’ll switch to pouring Corona girls down my pants. Willing and eager ladies only, of course.
Also, high quality olive oil is a no no as well.
We make lots of jokes about how hipstery Silver Lake is, but man, it really does a splendid job of justifying the stereotype.
A lake made of silver? Must be Ag-gravating.
Worst Papa Smurf cosplay I’ve ever seen.
Ah, just what this show was missing. Chris Fucking Sims.
Here we see Bellichick reviewing the rules with an official:
If the rest of my players have career games, and Litre’s only remaining player (KHunt) gets eaten by Andy Reid pre-game, then I can win.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET 21 PTS OUT OF YOUR DEFENSE, LITRE????? YES I’M PISSED ABOUT THAT!!!!!
(not really pissed, but still, that sucks)