Your “London’s Calling!” (at regular EST, smh) Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]

TO THE GAMES!

TB/ATL:

If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.

Pitt/Cincy:

The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.

LAC/CLE:

The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.

SEA/OAK:

See petty rant above.

CHI/MIA:

Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.

ARI/MIN:

The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.

INDY/NYJ:

The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.

CAR/WAS:

The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.

BUF/HOU:

One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]

Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…

 

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fleshwound_NPG

as much as a dark timeline it seems like we live in, it features commercials with snoop dogg promoting boner pills

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Watching the Browns get humiliated by a division rival shouldn’t make me feel better, but it does, so I’m going to try to make the most of that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Raiders ARE that bad that you go against your core beliefs.

Unsurprised

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rockingdog

thats too great!

Unsurprised

Even if it does involve the Shitty Clippers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh dammit. Holding takes away my Tyler Boyd points.
Fuck you, Cincy.

Doktor Zymm

Will J. Peterman end the day with more fantasy points than Baker Mayfield? ALL SIGNS POINT TO YES

LemonJello

Dr. Julius Peppers is still in The National Football League?

Doktor Zymm

Carbonated prune juice for health!

Doktor Zymm

So this is interesting, Alaska sent out an email asking for volunteers on a potential overbook situation. I volunteered, and now I have both my original flight and a United flight a couple hours later showing up in the Alaska app. They must be really overbooked if they’re already putting me on another flight before I even get to the airport!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can see Russia from my house.
(when it’s on TV)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that like how Andrew Jackson “asked for volunteers” to move west?

rockingdog

some hair pulling for you all….
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King Hippo

legal because we can’t be encouraging the help to grow NEGROID HAIR

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Mr. Ayo

PLAYER SAFETY FIRST!

Unsurprised

Fucking asshole

JustStopDude

You know how early in the day, I mentioned my belief that the Brown were on the right path, making headways to being a successful organization?

I’m a fucking idiot.

King Hippo

2* steps forward, 1 step back! #ThePauls!!

*May be closer to 1.000001

Mr. Ayo

Wait, wut?

King Hippo

oh dear Mother of Fuck J Peterman throwed a touched down

rockingdog

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Mr. Ayo

So glad I picked the 500s in a survivor pool.

Doktor Zymm

Huh, the end times are way less fire filled than I was expecting

Unsurprised

It turns out God lied about not using floods to wipe out humanity a second time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brock Osweiler is regressing to his very shitty mean.

King Hippo

G-d, I’mma need so many JEWKAH-downs tonight. But for the Chefs to win.

fleshwound_NPG

Frank Gore is gonna play until he’s 41, somehow

fleshwound_NPG

was watching the ice donks beat the ice bills the other night and a fan was wearing a peterman jersey

theeWeeBabySeamus

/checks FF scores

HOW THE FUCK DOES JORDAN HOWARD ONLY HAVE 0.10 PT????????

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Two Trubisky Passing TDs, 1 Cohn rushing TD, 1 Howard fumble.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(said fumble on the 1 yd line)

Mr. Ayo

Allen broken and PETERMAN IS WARMING UP!

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You want to see my peter, man?

Oh wait, I misunderstood.

fleshwound_NPG

The Peter Man!

This is a dick joke!

King Hippo

Jesus, why aren’t they kicking the FG immediately?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! kiddie style

/sorry for getting ur hopes up, Mister Trestman

Unsurprised

I don’t think that’s the best way to start training for a curling career.

entropy

There will never be a time in which I am not excited about Nathan Peterman entering an NFL game. It’s guaranteed hilarity.

King Hippo

J Peterman good sir, is the preferred nomenclature

Doktor Zymm

lol, Cousins is an awful dancer

rockingdog

trying to appeal to the millenials…. right?

King Hippo

Only good thing this week is that my money league foe’s fantasy bench is KILLING mine (Clement, Alshon, Leonard Cohen).

Unfortunately, his starters are killing me too.

rockingdog

found a funny:
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Unsurprised

Where are “People who love fajitas?”

Unsurprised
entropy

Dammit, scotchy, Darnold looks good out there. Do I need to bring coffee to the meetings?

King Hippo

LOLfins want DAT PUSH, yo

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, Harfy. You see that guy split out to your left. #84? You should stop being a dumbass and throw it to him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Orrrrrrr….you could do that and fuck it up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I think Mike Tomlin has money on Cincy.

LemonJello

Maybe AB ate the last Choco Taco and didn’t apologize/restock the freezer?

fleshwound_NPG

alert andy reid, we got yet another biscuitcannon!

King Hippo

goddamnit, this CIN/PIT pisses me off so much. At least Redshirt has his ponies to calm him down.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahaha

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

ut oh…. antonio brown grot hurt…..

King Hippo

MAGIC TENT, HE FINE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

That’s what you get for eating a Taco Bell.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s more LA than your (why yes she is quite attractive) bartender telling you all about her boxing regimen because her agent made her give up being an amateur MMA fighter so she wouldn’t mess up her face to go on auditions for acting jobs?

LemonJello

You forgot her cutting lines of coke on the bar while she’s talking to you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

More than one way to “mess up her face” (of course that cleans right up).

Unsurprised

Statistically, she’d be better off giving up acting and focusing on MMA.

Especially if she’s attractive enough to be an actress.

rockingdog

throw it to diggs!!!!!

King Hippo

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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entropy

Nothing better than Trent calling for continued passing attempts from Luck followed by a 14 yard rushing gain on the field.

King Hippo

Hippo needs Minny FG here.

Doktor Zymm

Stupid bar doesn’t have outlets, I got maybe ten minutes of battery left

LemonJello

Unplug the tv with the least interesting game on, and use that one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Evergreen

entropy

Competency continues for the Jets? Who slipped me the acid?

(and can I have more?)

entropy

I will NOT be fooled by Sanchez Two: White American Nachos and his occasional flashes of competency. I simply won’t. He can win a Super Bowl and I’ll probably still wonder when I’ll awaken from the coma it happened in.

King Hippo

Shouldn’t you just take Carr out back and shoot him at this point? Be humane.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

He’s gonna go play on a farm team upstate, with a big field where he can frolic!

entropy

His brother is already there, so he has family nearby!

King Hippo

Brock Lobster. The re-Lobstering.

fleshwound_NPG

105.6 QB rating against Bears lifetime

Regression to the mean!

King Hippo

yeah don’t nuthin’ lie MOAR than Small Sample Size Theatre

King Hippo

Whose job is it to squeegee the pitch once Watson starts coughing up blood?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders really bringing their A suck game for the London locals.

fleshwound_NPG

THESE RAIDERS LEMME TELL YA I CALL EM LUFTWAFFE BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKIN THE DOG OVER IN LONDON

The Maestro

Alrighty. Back to the other footed balls for me. Ruggers was entertaining – home team lost 22-20 because they couldn’t make a damn convert all afternoon. Gave Lady Maestro another beer and just let her go group bitch with all her teammates via FaceTime later. Probably the smart move.

King Hippo

ur Shitwagon is up to 25% odds. NO SMIRE

King Hippo

NAWT Maestro’s fill-in TE!!!

fleshwound_NPG

scrambly biscuits!

King Hippo

man, my good all day breakfast place ain’t open Sundays

/Pam’s Farmhouse on Western Blvd. if’n y’all ever come

theeWeeBabySeamus

Haz been there. But it’s been a while.

King Hippo

still good, still cash only

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s a place in Durham called Bullock’s. BBQ, seafood, the norm. Good place for either.
Same way, cash only.

I’m sure the IRS loves that shit.

Unsurprised

It’s a church for tax purposes.

Unsurprised

Anywhere else I’d say that’s ironic.

King Hippo

the horse tranq smoothie seems to have done a number on Watson. Or maybe the broken rib/bruised lung combo is just limiting no matter how much one shoots up??

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So they’re honoring the ’68 Jets at halftime. Don Maynard is a still a pimp in his cowboy hat.

King Hippo

Did you at least win the gloryhole booth contract?

King Hippo

srsly, Redshirt, did Beatie get killt again?

King Hippo

/also maybe tell Marvin 2 stay n hurryup, thx

entropy

Well, holy shit, the Jets managed to adjust to adversity. I have confidence this will continue in the second half.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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