Yes, we are back! The International Break is over and the leagues are back in action and oh kids have we got a full Saturday of delightful Footy action!
Here is the schedule:
This is one of those days that it makes sense to wake up early and have beer for breakfast.
True story: On one of the first of dozens of trips to Las Vegas, we stayed at the Excalibur in one of the jacuzzi suites. Yes, we had female company and yes the jacuzzi was nicely used, but that’s not the focus of the story. Upon arrival, I went across the street to the nearest minimart and bought provisions. Breakfast consisted of a pack of Entenmann’s donuts and an oil can of Foster’s lager.
Per person.
I don’t care who you are, that’s
On to the Burning Questions of the Day!
Question The First
How is DFO’s adopted team, Young Boys, doing?
Answer: Da Boys suffered their first defeat of the season, at home, against Luzern. In addition, they’re getting passed around like choirboys at Penn State in the Champions League.
Taeks from the crew:
Wakezilla: “Young Boys don’t keep clean sheets”
King Hippo – “sill spotting from the Juve pounding, I guess”
Litre_cola – “They are young. They will heal up and get over it…”
Question The Second
How is Balls’ Multi Of The Week doing?
Answer: Not good. We are 0 for 3, but I take solace in the fact that we have only missed one leg in each multi so far. As Hippo says, “THAT MEANS WE’RE DUE!”
It’s actually Hippo’s fault we lost the last time. His Everton side was supposed to play nice with Litre’s Fulham side and split the points. But NOOOOO, they had to beat them 3-0! Considering my predicted Madrid Derby Draw and the West Ham upset of Man U came through, that one hurt. Speaking of,
Question The Third
Is this the week when Mourinho gets fired?
Answer: Seriously, how the fuck has he managed to hang on? Does he have pictures of someone in the Man U board fucking a black goat?
On the bright side, the Red Devils play AT Chelsea in a game that has loss written all over it. The only problem is that Mourinho will blame the International Break and he’ll probably live to coach another week.
Question The Fourth
What games should we watch today?
Answer: This is, once again, the toughest question of all as we have a great selection of high quality footy matches to entertain us. Here’s the omakase menu (All times Pacific):
4:00 AM Real Madrid v Levante (will Real ever score again?)
4:30 Chelsea v Manchester United (yes, you can watch both. 2 screens!)
6:30 AM Stuttgart v Borussia Dortmund
8:00 AM PSG v Amiens SC
9:30 AM Villarreal v Atlético Madrid
11:45 Barcelona v Sevilla (that’s LEAGUE-LEADING Sevilla!)
3:00 PM Querétaro v Cruz Azul
5:00 PM América v Tijuana
7:00 PM Necaxa v León
Question The Fifth
Do you have a Balls Multi Of The Week?
Answer: Yes we do! We’re going with some exotic betting options this time:
Leg 1 – PSG v Amiens SC OVER 2.5 goals – 1.25
Leg 2 – Juventus to WIN – 1.2
Leg 3 – Sevilla to WIN OR DRAW – 3.4
Add them up and what do you have?
5.1
JUMP ON IT!
The Okla-TCU nooner not being on Fox, and therefore no Gus Johnson, is the greatest injustice in the history of the universe.
I give up.
Kind of nervous that I took the Cherries to win instead of draw. I could have been fucking rich betting nothing but draw last year.
I’d uh….Draw her Cherry??
I thought we were talking about something else….. I get confused with this betting talk.
Wait! That’s not Kurt Russell!
He was named Stuntman Mike too!
I hate everything.
Have I got a song for you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8ekz_CSBVg
I don’t understand. Everything is fine:
NBC trying to cross-sell KANSAS is really goddamned sad.
Also, here’s a shoutout for Mourinho:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-Bka7yNyKA
Moar like moronho amirit
Yarmolenko, he die
Fuck. Wha’ happn’?
guess would be broken leg
Shake my yarmolenko
Me pounding my fist on my desk has unnervex my co worker
just explain what a cruel blow this is to the White Power movement, that’ll clear things right up
Hmmmm he is from India. Might not be a good move.
depends on wat caste he is imo shivabless
@balls – was your comment last night about Dude Where’s My Car related to this or was it just a spooky coincidence?
http://collider.com/danny-leiner-dead-harold-kumar-director/
Didn’t some other Harold and Kumar-related player die recently? #WhatDidTheyKnow
This will be very unpopular, but I find all of their “genre tree” of movies quite tiresome.
/plans to re-watch The Royal Tenenbaums this weekend, Cinemax on Demand
The Obama administration had Kal Penn killed a few years ago, if that is what you’re referencing.
[that is a joke, by the way. He left House to go work for the Obama admin and on the show his character mysteriously committed suicide for no particular reason]
Hmm maybe that’s what i was thinkin of. Worst trade deal in the histroy of trade deals for him to leave House and then have to go work with the House (of representatives).
Spooky coincidence. I had no idea.
“No sir, they’re saying ‘Boo-urnley'”.
KEVIN THE BROOM SIGHTING!
basically just called the Chelski folk a bunch of uneducated Chavs LMAO
Whaddaya mean the 2 worst teams in the prem isn’t televised??????
Good thing I am at work.
I have all my moneys tied up in JV and NFL so I can’t crazy person bet y’all no more
hell yea Barkley!!!
2-2 tied up ManU & Chelsea!!!
killer match overall.
Yeah, that was a great finish!
And we got bonus Mourinho annoyance!
I enjoyed that ridiculous slap fight that the “special one” tried to engage, once 3 security guys were in his way.
Having just moved out of my glass house I feel safe to say: goddamn ‘bama STILL hasn’t played anyone this year. MAYBE LSU is they only good game, two weeks from now and ‘bama will be coming off the bye.
I also told my Lesser Footy colleague at work last week that Manure needed to have Mata in the XI, I didn’t care who that meant had to sit. They are a chicken with its head cut off without his footballing brain.
Is Lopetegui gonna get fired before Mourinho?!?
20k empty seats, they said
shit. 2-1 Man U are up.
Man U 1-1 chelsea. This match is finally getting good!
Chelski…you had ONE JOB
Princess Lea denied and it’s still 0-2 to Levante, 62nd minute.
wait isnt Lea supposoed to be good? the heck???
Dark Side pays, yo
lets go chelsea!!!
I put in a 7-team parlay last night with each and every pick virtually slathered in Recency Bias, as my picks are wont to be. Other than the odds, I think I do it because it hurts less when you lose. Sort of like losing at Powerball. “Oh well. I wasn’t SUPPOSED to win anyway!”
In any event, BEHOLD THE SEVEN LEGGED MONSTER!! Tell me where I FACKED AHP.
• Bolts -6.5 vs Tits in London
• Humps (-315) vs Buffalo
• Jest / Vikings – OVER 46
• Bucs / Factory – OVER 51.5 ?
• RRRRRRRAMIT (-400) @ SF
• Chefs (-245) vs Cincy
• NYG/ATL – OVER 54
$9 gets me $271.87
The Bolts v Tits is where I see a possible weakness. Other than that, I think that’s solid.
My guess would be the Vikings Jets over. Vikings D has been making strides. Not sure the Jets score that many points.
I’m awake. Let’s get on the road. My dad brain demands we make good time.
Go Prius go!
But I have to pee!