Your “NFLN Leaves Canuck Football Watchers Out in the Cold” Sunday Afternoon Open Thread

Perhaps some of you snorted at the headline and said, “How apropos.”. Well, it would only be apropos if the game involved Baltimore. (I like this joke quite a bit) Seriously, the NFL can’t afford to piss off the dozen or so of us Canadians that would have taken the game in. You started it, I’m going to end it with my consumer bucks. I’m never switching to Geico and Bud Lite will never touch my tongue. Nevermind that I wouldn’t do those things anyway, it’s the principle of the thing and now all the NFL executives that lurk on this blog know where I stand.

TO THE GAMES!

Den/KC:

Some hope for the Broncs? They’re the only team to hold the Chiefs in check for 30 minutes or so. Also, said Chiefs are down to their 3-string center so there might be an opportunity for the d-line to get to the qb. Not hope? Keenum has to match Mahomes TD for TD.

Cle/Pit:

Is it too much to ask for these teams to play to a second tie in the same season? Probably, although if you look at the Browns games to date they’ve lost 4 games by a field goal. They’re so close to a) getting over the hump, and b) getting that second tie. (maybe they should play a game in Windsor-that might cinch it)

TB/Cincy:

Open the plenty o’points floodgates! Between these two D’s there are at least 6 starters that are going to be no-shows. Desean Jackson has requested a trade because he thinks he’s the same player he was more than half a decade ago.

NYJ/Chi:

Can’t help but feel that that this game has out-sized importance to both combatants. Each team seems to be headed in the right direction although I think that Hippo jumped on the Bears bandwagon a year early.

Bal/Car:

My under-the-radar, oh-so-sneaky, all-or-nothing fantasy flyer is rook wr D.J. Moore. He has come along slowly but has earned Newton’s trust and is seeing the ball more.

Was/NYG:

This is my official “KILL IT WITH FIRE” pick. I’ll still watch because… Well, just because-I don’t need a reason do I?

Sea/Det:

Tyrone Swoopes, we hardly knew ye. “Who is he?”, you ask. Just the 4th string te of the Squawks, that’s all. His one catch for 23 yards was beauty personified. But don’t worry Mrs. Swoopes, if your son clears waivers he’ll most likely end up back on the practice squad.

Please wash your icky parts before commenting.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If everyone on my team could manage to not suck just a little more, I’d be kicking Dok’s ass.
AB and Tyler Boyd, you guys get bonuses this week.
Everybody else, go sleep in the yard.

King Hippo

did Njoku die?

King Hippo

Remember Sammy Watkins

King Hippo

now, throw to Njoku you asswipes

ArmedandHammered

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I am not sure they can throw very far without arms.

...

After using these, my asshole reeks of billion-dollar deals.

King Hippo

look out Wall Streat!!

Smithchez

2nd and 15? RUN UP THE MIDDLE!! 5 3 and outs, zero run game, so Bowles and Bates have resolved to change FUCKING NOTHING.

King Hippo

SUDDEN CHANGE #ThePauls!!

Petronel

No, JB, Niners-RAIDAAHHHS isn’t the “somebody’s gotta win it bowl”. TIES exist. Haven’t you been paying attention?

(There, I came up with exactly one reason to watch that shitshow.)

Doktor Zymm

Somebody’s got to not lose it!

Petronel

EXACTLY!

...

And, more importantly, nobody needs to win it.

Spanky Datass

MAN GROOMER
Biz Wipes, Executive Scent
Now with more fresh ground executives! ™comment image
(Amazon makes the strangest recommendations.)

LemonJello

When did they change the scent from dead hookers, blow and scotch?

...

This is my new favorite riff on the “turn the rich into a consumable product” theme.

Doktor Zymm

A competitor to Torgo’s!

Petronel

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ArmedandHammered

Well the older executives do have a sort of papery skin.

hippofant

WE WANT FITZMAGIC! WE WANT FITZMAGIC!

Wakezilla

Regular TSN is only showing a CFL game between two non playoffs teams. Anyone got a five finger discount stream site for the NFL?

Spanky Datass

If you have some patience a functioning Reddit stream can usually be found.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nflstreams/
It’s where I find my CFL.

...

Just because I know this is a sympathetic crowd, I have to declare I’m upset the Browns have blown multiple opportunities to bless us with additional game-ending ties.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, the last one was crushing

...

In my heart, they’re 1-2-4.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope it’s still halftime because I just had to turn the game off for a Nintendo switch thing where we milked cows

theeWeeBabySeamus

I know all those words, but the order you put them in is confusing me.

Gratliff

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Doktor Zymm

Goat simulator is the only thing remotely close to a farm sim that’s worth playing

theeWeeBabySeamus

People in my family prefer “Sheep Simulator”.
But they’re weird.

Gratliff

103.7 QB Rating for Alex Smith with 99 yards on 13 completions. He is Game Management Perfection.

LemonJello

ELITE-CEPTION by one Joe Flaccid, uh, I mean Flacco.

Doktor Zymm

Someone at the gate who apparently managed to get through security without ID

Doktor Zymm

I really wish my QBs weren’t consistently the lowest scoring players on my fantasy team

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m kinda wishing that about your QBs this week meself.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And the rest of those assholes on your team too!!!!!!
Hopkins can suck my nuts.

Doktor Zymm

He can, but he probably won’t, even if you ask nicely

theeWeeBabySeamus

I dunno. Sometimes I can be very persuasive.

Doktor Zymm

Dede’s 11 points are being outscored by both WR on my bench too 😀

Gratliff

Going purely by the box score, Slurs-Gints is completely unwatchable. Is this correct?

Doktor Zymm

You didn’t need to check the box score to guess that

LemonJello

Olivia thinks its so obscene that Eli won’t be coming back out for the second half.

Gratliff

Well, that is his favorite cartoon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuKEnOxHI3I

fleshwound_NPG

Sunday Night thread up…because?

...

So you don’t have to wait all day.

LemonJello

Relativistic time distortion?

Mr. Ayo

Game on!

...

I can tell we’re close to Halloween because Nantz and Romo are telling stories about the apparition that is Kevin White.

LemonJello

Is that the Lake Michigan Flying Dutchman?

...

Your average Chicagoan just heard “Frying Dutchman” and their folds began sweating.

Mother Puncher

Touchdowns for all the rapists!

The Maestro

That was fun while it lasted, boncos.

Gatoraids

Peyton hooked him up with his connect

King Hippo

another Canyonero #UnexplainedFire

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s a matter for the courts.

King Hippo

YA!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Which of the litigants has donated more money to the Republican Party?” – Brett Kavanaugh

...

Or which of them paid off his definitely, most certainly, obviously not gambling debts.

theeWeeBabySeamus

/returns from running errands
//looks at Ravens’ score
///looks at FF scores

Fuck this shit, Imma get drunk.

LemonJello

What is “Any day ending in “y”?” I’ll take Potent Potables for $600.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

Beatie Mixon keeping me in it.

Doktor Zymm

he’s running like someone stuck horseradish up his ass

...

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.

LemonJello

Eric Weddle’s beard should draw a “12 men on the field” penalty every snap…

Mr. Ayo

Live look in to Detroit.
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The Maestro

This is just Matt Patricia taking a nap after a big breakfast. I don’t see what the fuss is all about.

Smithchez

JUST KEEP FUCKING RUNNING THE BALL ON FIRST DOWN, BATES! IT HASN’T WORKED SO FAR, SO WHY CHANGE IT NOW?!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not dissimilar from how John Fox handled Trubisky last year. Don’t let him throw until 3rd and 10, that’ll help with his confidence.

Smithchez

With the added Schottenheimer-esque twist of running one guy deep as a decoy and having everyone else run patterns that wouldn’t result in first downs even if they were to catch the ball

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Trubisky throwing like Hackenburg on this drive.

Smithchez

Whoa there, let’s not say things we can’t take back.

The Maestro

I’m not even sure he could Hack it in arena football, if we’re being honest here.

...

I tell myself he’s still a project so I should expect putrid drives but I still don’t like watching it.

fleshwound_NPG

rookie coach with a (basically) rookie QB…it is amazing they’re .500 right now, tho

litre_cola

Deflectiondown!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If Jordan Howard can play more like OJ on the bills and less like OJ in jail, that’d be great

Doktor Zymm

Found an outlet so I got red zone on now, still the worst airport ever.

LemonJello

Flying through Entebbe, Dok?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, LGA. You could probably at least buy a beer in Entebbe

LemonJello

Cam today:
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Gratliff

Alex Smith really out here trying to out-underwhelm Bortles with a 10/11 77 yd performance.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s what he gets for joining a franchise built on ancient burial grounds

blaxabbath

Honoring ancient burial grounds!

litre_cola

2 of Kamara, J white or L Murray, who would you guys play?

King Hippo

White fo sho, then probably Murray

King Hippo

goddamnit, Keenum. You don’t get a 7-second pocket in the NFL

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“yeah, hot pockets take way longer than that!”

–E. Manning

King Hippo

yeah, like Olivia lets him anywhere NEAR the oven

litre_cola

Well in his year and a half of existence Decilitre has pissed on me while I was wearing an old Pennywise shirt, Had explosive diarrhea while I was in a Bad Religion top and now just projectile vomited on my Antiflag shirt and also my face. I am starting to think he has a problem with the genre.

King Hippo

try some bro country, stat!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I can’t disagree with him.

blaxabbath

Me First

Gratliff

We gots a Florida Georgia Line fan here, folks

King Hippo

Well, fuck today, it seems

...

Just accidentally launched Winamp on my computer. lol

The Maestro

Now THERE’s a throwback. Just like a flea-flicker!

fleshwound_NPG
Mr. Ayo

lol Eli

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think comparing Mitchell to Goff might be a teensy bit ridiculous

fleshwound_NPG

well, both DID start with terrible coaches and got better once they were fired

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, that is more in line with what I expect in KC games.

fleshwound_NPG

THE BEN UNDER PAR I AM CHOCO TACO TIGER WOODS HARF HARF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ALSO THE BEN HAS A SEX ADDICTION

The Maestro

A SURPRISE SEX ADDICTION YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY

blaxabbath

Also known as a Tom Brady Breathalyzer.