Perhaps some of you snorted at the headline and said, “How apropos.”. Well, it would only be apropos if the game involved Baltimore. (I like this joke quite a bit) Seriously, the NFL can’t afford to piss off the dozen or so of us Canadians that would have taken the game in. You started it, I’m going to end it with my consumer bucks. I’m never switching to Geico and Bud Lite will never touch my tongue. Nevermind that I wouldn’t do those things anyway, it’s the principle of the thing and now all the NFL executives that lurk on this blog know where I stand.
TO THE GAMES!
Den/KC:
Some hope for the Broncs? They’re the only team to hold the Chiefs in check for 30 minutes or so. Also, said Chiefs are down to their 3-string center so there might be an opportunity for the d-line to get to the qb. Not hope? Keenum has to match Mahomes TD for TD.
Cle/Pit:
Is it too much to ask for these teams to play to a second tie in the same season? Probably, although if you look at the Browns games to date they’ve lost 4 games by a field goal. They’re so close to a) getting over the hump, and b) getting that second tie. (maybe they should play a game in Windsor-that might cinch it)
TB/Cincy:
Open the plenty o’points floodgates! Between these two D’s there are at least 6 starters that are going to be no-shows. Desean Jackson has requested a trade because he thinks he’s the same player he was more than half a decade ago.
NYJ/Chi:
Can’t help but feel that that this game has out-sized importance to both combatants. Each team seems to be headed in the right direction although I think that Hippo jumped on the Bears bandwagon a year early.
Bal/Car:
My under-the-radar, oh-so-sneaky, all-or-nothing fantasy flyer is rook wr D.J. Moore. He has come along slowly but has earned Newton’s trust and is seeing the ball more.
Was/NYG:
This is my official “KILL IT WITH FIRE” pick. I’ll still watch because… Well, just because-I don’t need a reason do I?
Sea/Det:
Tyrone Swoopes, we hardly knew ye. “Who is he?”, you ask. Just the 4th string te of the Squawks, that’s all. His one catch for 23 yards was beauty personified. But don’t worry Mrs. Swoopes, if your son clears waivers he’ll most likely end up back on the practice squad.
Please wash your icky parts before commenting.
Refs in KC have decided that if Lindsay breaks a run it’s because someone held. jfc.
It’s fucking ridiculous.
If everyone on my team could manage to not suck just a little more, I’d be kicking Dok’s ass.
AB and Tyler Boyd, you guys get bonuses this week.
Everybody else, go sleep in the yard.
did Njoku die?
Remember Sammy Watkins
now, throw to Njoku you asswipes
I am not sure they can throw very far without arms.
After using these, my asshole reeks of billion-dollar deals.
look out Wall Streat!!
2nd and 15? RUN UP THE MIDDLE!! 5 3 and outs, zero run game, so Bowles and Bates have resolved to change FUCKING NOTHING.
SUDDEN CHANGE #ThePauls!!
Chiefs O is so good it makes Sammy Watkins seem relevant.
No, JB, Niners-RAIDAAHHHS isn’t the “somebody’s gotta win it bowl”. TIES exist. Haven’t you been paying attention?
(There, I came up with exactly one reason to watch that shitshow.)
Somebody’s got to not lose it!
EXACTLY!
And, more importantly, nobody needs to win it.
MAN GROOMER
Biz Wipes, Executive Scent
Now with more fresh ground executives! ™
(Amazon makes the strangest recommendations.)
When did they change the scent from dead hookers, blow and scotch?
This is my new favorite riff on the “turn the rich into a consumable product” theme.
A competitor to Torgo’s!
Well the older executives do have a sort of papery skin.
WE WANT FITZMAGIC! WE WANT FITZMAGIC!
Regular TSN is only showing a CFL game between two non playoffs teams. Anyone got a five finger discount stream site for the NFL?
If you have some patience a functioning Reddit stream can usually be found.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nflstreams/
It’s where I find my CFL.
Just because I know this is a sympathetic crowd, I have to declare I’m upset the Browns have blown multiple opportunities to bless us with additional game-ending ties.
Yeah, the last one was crushing
In my heart, they’re 1-2-4.
I hope it’s still halftime because I just had to turn the game off for a Nintendo switch thing where we milked cows
I know all those words, but the order you put them in is confusing me.
Kinkier than Zymm is what he is. smh.
Goat simulator is the only thing remotely close to a farm sim that’s worth playing
People in my family prefer “Sheep Simulator”.
But they’re weird.
103.7 QB Rating for Alex Smith with 99 yards on 13 completions. He is Game Management Perfection.
She’s snowing in my neck of the woods…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IippcraBPKA
ELITE-CEPTION by one Joe Flaccid, uh, I mean Flacco.
Someone at the gate who apparently managed to get through security without ID
What’s a Tim Patrick?
I really wish my QBs weren’t consistently the lowest scoring players on my fantasy team
I’m kinda wishing that about your QBs this week meself.
And the rest of those assholes on your team too!!!!!!
Hopkins can suck my nuts.
He can, but he probably won’t, even if you ask nicely
I dunno. Sometimes I can be very persuasive.
Dede’s 11 points are being outscored by both WR on my bench too 😀
Going purely by the box score, Slurs-Gints is completely unwatchable. Is this correct?
You didn’t need to check the box score to guess that
Olivia thinks its so obscene that Eli won’t be coming back out for the second half.
Well, that is his favorite cartoon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuKEnOxHI3I
Sunday Night thread up…because?
So you don’t have to wait all day.
Relativistic time distortion?
Game on!
I can tell we’re close to Halloween because Nantz and Romo are telling stories about the apparition that is Kevin White.
Is that the Lake Michigan Flying Dutchman?
Your average Chicagoan just heard “Frying Dutchman” and their folds began sweating.
That’s gotta be a loud fart from an elevated sex swing, right?
Touchdowns for all the rapists!
That was fun while it lasted, boncos.
Frank Gore averaging more than 4 ypc. The infant stem cell harvest must have been exceptional this year.
Peyton hooked him up with his connect
another Canyonero #UnexplainedFire
That’s a matter for the courts.
YA!!
“Which of the litigants has donated more money to the Republican Party?” – Brett Kavanaugh
Or which of them paid off his definitely, most certainly, obviously not gambling debts.
/returns from running errands
//looks at Ravens’ score
///looks at FF scores
Fuck this shit, Imma get drunk.
What is “Any day ending in “y”?” I’ll take Potent Potables for $600.
Beatie Mixon keeping me in it.
he’s running like someone stuck horseradish up his ass
.
Eric Weddle’s beard should draw a “12 men on the field” penalty every snap…
Live look in to Detroit.
This is just Matt Patricia taking a nap after a big breakfast. I don’t see what the fuss is all about.
JUST KEEP FUCKING RUNNING THE BALL ON FIRST DOWN, BATES! IT HASN’T WORKED SO FAR, SO WHY CHANGE IT NOW?!!
Not dissimilar from how John Fox handled Trubisky last year. Don’t let him throw until 3rd and 10, that’ll help with his confidence.
With the added Schottenheimer-esque twist of running one guy deep as a decoy and having everyone else run patterns that wouldn’t result in first downs even if they were to catch the ball
Trubisky throwing like Hackenburg on this drive.
Whoa there, let’s not say things we can’t take back.
I’m not even sure he could Hack it in arena football, if we’re being honest here.
I tell myself he’s still a project so I should expect putrid drives but I still don’t like watching it.
rookie coach with a (basically) rookie QB…it is amazing they’re .500 right now, tho
Deflectiondown!
If Jordan Howard can play more like OJ on the bills and less like OJ in jail, that’d be great
Found an outlet so I got red zone on now, still the worst airport ever.
Flying through Entebbe, Dok?
Nah, LGA. You could probably at least buy a beer in Entebbe
Cam today:
Phillip Lindsay-High Achiever.
Alex Smith really out here trying to out-underwhelm Bortles with a 10/11 77 yd performance.
That’s what he gets for joining a franchise built on ancient burial grounds
Honoring ancient burial grounds!
2 of Kamara, J white or L Murray, who would you guys play?
I’d play Camaro twice.
White fo sho, then probably Murray
goddamnit, Keenum. You don’t get a 7-second pocket in the NFL
“yeah, hot pockets take way longer than that!”
–E. Manning
yeah, like Olivia lets him anywhere NEAR the oven
Well in his year and a half of existence Decilitre has pissed on me while I was wearing an old Pennywise shirt, Had explosive diarrhea while I was in a Bad Religion top and now just projectile vomited on my Antiflag shirt and also my face. I am starting to think he has a problem with the genre.
try some bro country, stat!
I can’t disagree with him.
Me First
We gots a Florida Georgia Line fan here, folks
Do you have a Little River Band tee? Might be something to think about.
Well, fuck today, it seems
Just accidentally launched Winamp on my computer. lol
Now THERE’s a throwback. Just like a flea-flicker!
https://twitter.com/jtylerconway/status/1056573750911606785
lol Eli
He didn’t throw to an open Obj 3 times last week so naturally he forces it to him this week. He’s done. Bad decision after bad decision after bad decision.
See, Travis Kelce has the kind of beard you can send your kids to and know that they’ll be safe all afternoon long.
I think comparing Mitchell to Goff might be a teensy bit ridiculous
well, both DID start with terrible coaches and got better once they were fired
Denver tries to get cute on 3rd down. Stupid as hell.
Yeah, that is more in line with what I expect in KC games.
Woo! Ben has negative points.
THE BEN UNDER PAR I AM CHOCO TACO TIGER WOODS HARF HARF
ALSO THE BEN HAS A SEX ADDICTION
A SURPRISE SEX ADDICTION YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY
Also known as a Tom Brady Breathalyzer.