There’s a ton of NFL news today if you look for it…
Dez Bryant:
The newest employee of the New Orleans Saints hasn’t, to anyone’s knowledge, burned any bridges with a single one of his teammates as of 6pm EST!
Darren Sproles:
He aggravated his teeny, weeny hamstring today.
There you have it. TO THE GAME!
Panthers/Steelers:
Them Pittsburghians. Are they spent after the Crashing Helmets Bowl that took place just 3 1/2 days ago against arch-enemy Baltimore? Perhaps, but in Math Is A Thing News they happen to be 7-1 at home on Thursday nights. (the lone loss was a field goal in OT) By doing their very best Giants imitation, the Steelers D has a plump-ton of trouble dealing with opposing te’s. This is where Greg Olsen and his ‘3 TD’s in three games since returning from injury’ narrative rears its head. Guess who I’ve got on my fantasy team? Guess who doesn’t have to play him because he bid the hell out of Travis Kelce back in early September? Yeah, I think you know. This sure does feel like a game that will end up in the 30’s so I thought I might hit you with some factoids from that time.
Herbert Hoover was an inveterate gambler and bullied his fellow poker-playing buds by yelling out, “I Want A New Deal!” whenever he was given a poor hand.
Manchuria, a disease caused by a poor understanding of what mosquitoes actually do, swept the southern United States in early 1935.
According to several glasses of Guinness, the greatest number of people victimized by a ‘crop-dusting’ was performed by Amelia Airfart during the 1932 Des Moines Air Show.
Neville Chamberlain and his aide both wanted to read a certain American weekly on the flight back from Germany back in ’38. There was a kerfuffle, pages were torn. The end result was Mr. Chamberlain announcing proudly on the tarmac the often misquoted phrase, “This Is A Piece Of Our Time!”
Enough of this crap. It’s your turn now. I’ve got to take a power.
This is an affront to humanity
I thought I was going into this expecting Stillers-Richardsons, and instead, got Alabama-Kansas.
Evening lizard people. Anything interesting happen? Sorry, anything interesting that isn’t Darkest Timeline happen?
We may have a new DFO Deity. A goddess associated with feces and Stillers success.
N’AJEVAH?
BRILLIANT
Me: (Having, since 4:30, spent the day hammering beer, helping smoke various meats, and playing cornhole with friends, only to come home and find a meal of pork, noodles and peas) /doing dishes
My wife: “Horatio, are you doing the dishes?”
Me: “Yeah, why?”
Wife: “I can do those tomorrow.”
Me: “Yeah, or I could do them now.”
Wife: “But I want you to enjoy being drunk.”
And that, kids, is how you stay married for 20+ years.
Yeah but everytime I try smoking meat all day alls I get is 20 bucks.
Try marinating the chicken before smoking i…Oh dear God, that’s not what you meant at all, is it?
Mrs. Cornblower is a saint. A saint!
Cute, too.
RIP Frank Reynolds
he did put his noserags in the chicken
I have absolutely no idea what they were going for in that episode, and yet I still laughed my ass off multiple times,
annnnndddddd State leaves Wake’s only good offensive player WIDE FUCKING OPEN for 6
Wake might need another new QB after tonight.
This poor kid is getting killt.
he should just trust his first read more, ain’t like we’ll defend an actual forward pass
Agreed. And he looks like he’s got some talent.
But his o-line has departed him in the second half.
From Hippo’s mouth to God’s ear apparently.
That was pretty throw too.
We got a game again.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Speaking of blowjobs out by the dumpster.
Like I enjoy watching Ted Cruz get shit on and shamed on a daily basis, but there’s something about Jeb’s suffering that just centers me as a human being and helps things feel right.
Goddamn, I forgot about Antifa Jeb memes. So good.
it’s all JEB!s world, we just livin’ in it imo godbless
My Commonwealth district just elected a DSA to the PA house, knocking off a three-term Republican incumbent.
TRUE WCS FACT: That Republican that lost, Jeremy Schaffer, made Splinter’s list of KRAZZIEST KAMPAIGHN ADS.
I’m not really sure what to make of the DSA gains. I’m happy to see them, but it feels like there’s a lot of mean regression waiting to happen. They’ve only got ~50,000 members total and they were massively activated by the Trump administration. I’m curious to see how that looks in a few years with what’s likely to be a less eventful two years coming.
Fair enough. But, Jeremy Schaffer is a piece of shit, and I’ve been stuck with him for four years. Fuck him.
The organization itself is a clusterfuck, but the people who have won legislative seats will probably be a lot like FDR Democrats which is better than the current form but hardly revolutionary (or even socialist!).
as long as they’re serious about governance…welcome to the tent! We has teh best punch and pie.
And donuts.
PLENTY of fancies!
.
I just heard something get knocked over by the wind in my backyard. Santa Ana winds are awesome. At least nothing’s on fire in my general area yet!
Woohoo…?
I’d hit it.
38-14 foh I can’t believe I skipped out on my cowboy murder simulator for this shit
Dallas doesn’t play till Sunday, buddy!
The D Files
Have to think this was basically Ivanka’s honeymoon
Meant Melania, but Donald meant Ivanka, so I’m sticking with it
I have dreamt this same thing but my balls weren’t croquet.
I’d get even a worse reaction from her…… and enjoy it more.
Artie Lange announcing he’s going back to rehab, which I have trouble imagining being anything but the last time before he dies immediately after stepping foot out of rehab. I love Artie Lange but how the holy fuck is he still alive? He tried to kill himself by stabbing himself in the chest repeatedly and is somehow still able to party to the point of falling into an abyss.
Yeah, he’s like four cats at this point. At some point the body’s gotta say GFY and just stop.
He has the Keith Richards gene.
At some point I just reach a level with people where I just respond “what ever, dude, (because it’s always a dude), just fucking finish already”, and with Lange that point was somewhere in 2007.
How the fuck is Heyward Bey still in the league????
Because of “Heyward you buzz off.”
Good thing the Yinzers never hold. Otherwise, that would have been holding.
Something about this Switzer kid is gritty and makes me want to cheer for the smallest accomplishment.
My cat is suddenly very interested in this football game. She just started pawing at Big Ben.
I ONLY LIKE PUSSY WHEN SHE SAYS NO THE FIRST AND SECOND TIME PEW PEW PEW
Weird, usually it’s The Ben pawing at random pussy.
Dammit, yours is better.
You’re both right.
Does that guy drink cheap rum?
Dear Santa,
This Christmas I’m asking for a little bit more.
I want to crush up two bricks, pour milk over them, and feed the contents of that bowl to Joe Buck and Chris Collinsworth.
I’ve been really good.
Please, you fat fuck. Kick loose for once.
Love
JJ Fozz
Is the world big enough for both the bands “Finger Eleven” and “Five Finger Death Punch”?
I am sure there is a band called Fister.
Guster is willing to change their name for a blurb in Pitchfork.
In the life of a shit person, easily the worst offense Marky Mark caused was those last two fucking Transformers movies. Holy fuck were those fucking awful. THe fucking sidekick in Transformers 4 kept a copy of the law that let him fuck Wahlberg’s underage daughter in his pocket. Every fucking one of these ultra-conservative shitbags follow that slippery slope from “no taxes” to “Who can say whether or not a 13 year old can consent?”.
Just don’t let him anywhere near Hines Ward
What alre you tarking about?
Ray Lewis wearing a white suit?
Brod rled.
Gotta wash it in cold water or it’ll cook in permanently
I have a feeling the winner of that dustup might be different.
So yeah…LET’S DO THIS.
A blowjerb by the Arby’s dumpster?
I’m having a Miller Lite, but I’m still UP FOR WHATEVER.
Same taste.
And to top off this bucket of diarrhea day – Marky Mark.
…aaaaaand referring to the Patriots as “we” so this is truly hell.
Oh god. make it stop. shove a fuckin gpiece of rebar up his nose.
Usually I find your hate a source of joy and amusement, but in regards to Mark Wahlburg; that fucking asshole, masshole catholic bitch enrages me to an aneurysm producing fit.
I used to like this lisping kid from stranger things, now i can’t wait for him to start mainlining skag and blowing men in bus stations for loose change.
Hey, I have some quarters and nickels under my van seats! – Marc T., Parts Unknown
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
You get better money for a blow by the Arby’s dumpster, jussssayin’
Jim Tomsula knows a few guys who can help with that.
Those guys are big tippers…. if you know what I means.
Yeah, you wanna talk to Castro Chad. He’s got a lotta say with the Dumpster Crew. Slip him a new washcloth and he’ll get ya set right up.
You added an “n” to “me” just thought you oughta know
holy shit guys, the surprise 3rd and 4 trap play actually worked!
/against Wake Forest, do not try against real opposition or in a match with actual stakes
Don’t look now, folks. The Flyers have won 4 of their last 5 and are a threat to miss the playoffs by only a handful of points.
Ginger Lynn in a coke fueled sex orgy didn’t get fucked half as hard as I did today.
jesus fuck don’t let the ben get a blowout over the fucking panthers
somebody got caught up in last year’s Superb Owl and forgot all about The Darkest Timeline
MAHHKY FACIN’ MAHHK
Someone with the first name Danton just scored in the Canucks game. In related news, the name Danton is still in use.
I hope his last name is Abbey, but it probably ain’t.
There’s a different player in the league with the last name Abdelkader, who goes by Abby. So you got that goin for you.
Which is nice.
So the scuttlebutt is that Don Jr gets indicted tomorrow. Not ashamed to say I’d get at least a semi out of that.
A big throbbing pink semi. Looks kinda veiny too.
Ah, doesn’t matter. Rich people don’t go to jail. Ever.
I’m strangely optimistic about the ending of all this.
So, you want a happy ending?
What’s the extra fee?
Just the tip, I mean just tip.
let’s hope his new “roomies” do too!
It’ll be so awesome to see Don Jr. get disowned lol
They call it “Tiffanied.”
Olson catching like 12 passes would give me a lottery ticket chance on Sunday.
I’m glad to be mostly watching the JV game, though it is similarly chapping mah ass.
Wait the 31-14 game at halftime isn’t a college game?
pretty sure The Ben isn’t allowed within 500 yards of any college
So, Lil’er WCS pooped, and as I was changing her, Brown does Brown things.
Do we need a new poop god?
I’m pretty partial to Kawaya Kami.
“Holy shit!” his followers pray.
OH HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT PUSH OFF? FUCK THIS DAY. I’M GETTING DRUNK
What kept you?
I get that boss’s get angry. And that’s cool. But seriously, you don’t act like a cunty little teenage bitch who didn’t get invited to the drug orgy. Get over it.
Yes, my boss is like this. I love working for him, but sometimes I want to beat him with a fish bat.
My new boss as of last fall is very similar to me with the exception that instead of the traditionally masculine sportsball stuff, he does the traditionally masculine innocent animal murder stuff. It’s the first time I’ve had this particular work environment and it is amazingly relaxing and comfortable.
So there’s gonna be like 20 total yards in teh second half, right?
Hey adam, can you make a robot that drills a fucking hole through your baseball cap? Because if you don’t, I’ll come to your house and beat fucking nails into your head with your skateboard. You cunt.
In civilized sprots news, Vancouver and Basston combined for 8 goals in one period tonight.
Sounds like the most entertaining period since that girl in high school finally got hers two weeks later.
2 affirmative actionDOWNs for the littlest Black Panther!
Oh hey, these Tide commercials make me want to drink Tide. And pour Tide down Joe Buck’s throat. And pour it into that stupid fuck’s Aikman’s eyes. Eat a big bowl of shit.
So, Tide with a shit chaser?
That’s a great description of my day
God, this day. Why can’t asshole psychos with guns sit in their own houses and blow their fucking brains out? Why in fuck do they do what they do? Fucking world.
My company’s West Coast HQ is in Thousand Oaks. Thankfully no one there seems to have been physically affected by the shooting, but someone I work with occasionally found out he lives 4 doors down from the gunman.
There are also 3 massive wildfires in the area now, so it really has not been a good day for my friends up there.