Your “Pour Me Some Of That Giggle Juice, Dollface” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

There’s a ton of NFL news today if you look for it…

Dez Bryant:

The newest employee of the New Orleans Saints hasn’t, to anyone’s knowledge, burned any bridges with a single one of his teammates as of 6pm EST!

Darren Sproles:

He aggravated his teeny, weeny hamstring today.

There you have it. TO THE GAME!

Panthers/Steelers:

Them Pittsburghians. Are they spent after the Crashing Helmets Bowl that took place just 3 1/2 days ago against arch-enemy Baltimore? Perhaps, but in Math Is A Thing News they happen to be 7-1 at home on Thursday nights. (the lone loss was a field goal in OT) By doing their very best Giants imitation, the Steelers D has a plump-ton of trouble dealing with opposing te’s. This is where Greg Olsen and his ‘3 TD’s in three games since returning from injury’ narrative rears its head. Guess who I’ve got on my fantasy team? Guess who doesn’t have to play him because he bid the hell out of Travis Kelce back in early September? Yeah, I think you know. This sure does feel like a game that will end up in the 30’s so I thought I might hit you with some factoids from that time.

Herbert Hoover was an inveterate gambler and bullied his fellow poker-playing buds by yelling out, “I Want A New Deal!” whenever he was given a poor hand.

Manchuria, a disease caused by a poor understanding of what mosquitoes actually do, swept the southern United States in early 1935.

According to several glasses of Guinness, the greatest number of people victimized by a ‘crop-dusting’ was performed by Amelia Airfart during the 1932 Des Moines Air Show.

Neville Chamberlain and his aide both wanted to read a certain American weekly on the flight back from Germany back in ’38. There was a kerfuffle, pages were torn. The end result was Mr. Chamberlain announcing proudly on the tarmac the often misquoted phrase, “This Is A Piece Of Our Time!”

Enough of this crap. It’s your turn now. I’ve got to take a power.

 

 

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Gratliff

This is an affront to humanity

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

I thought I was going into this expecting Stillers-Richardsons, and instead, got Alabama-Kansas.

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. Anything interesting happen? Sorry, anything interesting that isn’t Darkest Timeline happen?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

We may have a new DFO Deity. A goddess associated with feces and Stillers success.

ballsofsteelandfury

N’AJEVAH?

ballsofsteelandfury

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WCS

BRILLIANT

Horatio Cornblower

Me: (Having, since 4:30, spent the day hammering beer, helping smoke various meats, and playing cornhole with friends, only to come home and find a meal of pork, noodles and peas) /doing dishes

My wife: “Horatio, are you doing the dishes?”

Me: “Yeah, why?”

Wife: “I can do those tomorrow.”

Me: “Yeah, or I could do them now.”

Wife: “But I want you to enjoy being drunk.”

And that, kids, is how you stay married for 20+ years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Yeah but everytime I try smoking meat all day alls I get is 20 bucks.

Horatio Cornblower

Try marinating the chicken before smoking i…Oh dear God, that’s not what you meant at all, is it?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Mrs. Cornblower is a saint. A saint!

Horatio Cornblower

Cute, too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

RIP Frank Reynolds

King Hippo

he did put his noserags in the chicken

Horatio Cornblower

I have absolutely no idea what they were going for in that episode, and yet I still laughed my ass off multiple times,

King Hippo

annnnndddddd State leaves Wake’s only good offensive player WIDE FUCKING OPEN for 6

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wake might need another new QB after tonight.
This poor kid is getting killt.

King Hippo

he should just trust his first read more, ain’t like we’ll defend an actual forward pass

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. And he looks like he’s got some talent.
But his o-line has departed him in the second half.

theeWeeBabySeamus

From Hippo’s mouth to God’s ear apparently.
That was pretty throw too.

We got a game again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

we walked out of a Philly DSA meeting to find Jeb! on the street and got a picture the moment we told him we had just been doing socialism pic.twitter.com/FfkiIbAASx

— indict Mark Zuckerberg (@flexlibris) November 9, 2018

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Speaking of blowjobs out by the dumpster.

Gratliff

Like I enjoy watching Ted Cruz get shit on and shamed on a daily basis, but there’s something about Jeb’s suffering that just centers me as a human being and helps things feel right.
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Gratliff

Goddamn, I forgot about Antifa Jeb memes. So good. comment image

King Hippo

it’s all JEB!s world, we just livin’ in it imo godbless

WCS

My Commonwealth district just elected a DSA to the PA house, knocking off a three-term Republican incumbent.

TRUE WCS FACT: That Republican that lost, Jeremy Schaffer, made Splinter’s list of KRAZZIEST KAMPAIGHN ADS.

Gratliff

I’m not really sure what to make of the DSA gains. I’m happy to see them, but it feels like there’s a lot of mean regression waiting to happen. They’ve only got ~50,000 members total and they were massively activated by the Trump administration. I’m curious to see how that looks in a few years with what’s likely to be a less eventful two years coming.

WCS

Fair enough. But, Jeremy Schaffer is a piece of shit, and I’ve been stuck with him for four years. Fuck him.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

The organization itself is a clusterfuck, but the people who have won legislative seats will probably be a lot like FDR Democrats which is better than the current form but hardly revolutionary (or even socialist!).

King Hippo

as long as they’re serious about governance…welcome to the tent! We has teh best punch and pie.

Gratliff

And donuts.

King Hippo

PLENTY of fancies!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I just heard something get knocked over by the wind in my backyard. Santa Ana winds are awesome. At least nothing’s on fire in my general area yet!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Woohoo…?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I’d hit it.

Gratliff

38-14 foh I can’t believe I skipped out on my cowboy murder simulator for this shit

herodotus450
herodotus450

Dallas doesn’t play till Sunday, buddy!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

The D Files

herodotus450
herodotus450

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Have to think this was basically Ivanka’s honeymoon

Gratliff

Meant Melania, but Donald meant Ivanka, so I’m sticking with it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I have dreamt this same thing but my balls weren’t croquet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’d get even a worse reaction from her…… and enjoy it more.

Gratliff

Artie Lange announcing he’s going back to rehab, which I have trouble imagining being anything but the last time before he dies immediately after stepping foot out of rehab. I love Artie Lange but how the holy fuck is he still alive? He tried to kill himself by stabbing himself in the chest repeatedly and is somehow still able to party to the point of falling into an abyss.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s like four cats at this point. At some point the body’s gotta say GFY and just stop.

WCS

He has the Keith Richards gene.

Horatio Cornblower

At some point I just reach a level with people where I just respond “what ever, dude, (because it’s always a dude), just fucking finish already”, and with Lange that point was somewhere in 2007.

litre_cola

How the fuck is Heyward Bey still in the league????

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Because of “Heyward you buzz off.”

King Hippo

Good thing the Yinzers never hold. Otherwise, that would have been holding.

SonOfSpam

Something about this Switzer kid is gritty and makes me want to cheer for the smallest accomplishment.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

My cat is suddenly very interested in this football game. She just started pawing at Big Ben.

SonOfSpam

I ONLY LIKE PUSSY WHEN SHE SAYS NO THE FIRST AND SECOND TIME PEW PEW PEW

ballsofsteelandfury

Weird, usually it’s The Ben pawing at random pussy.

SonOfSpam

Dammit, yours is better.

WCS

You’re both right.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Does that guy drink cheap rum?

jjfozz

Dear Santa,
This Christmas I’m asking for a little bit more.
I want to crush up two bricks, pour milk over them, and feed the contents of that bowl to Joe Buck and Chris Collinsworth.
I’ve been really good.
Please, you fat fuck. Kick loose for once.
Love
JJ Fozz

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
herodotus450

Is the world big enough for both the bands “Finger Eleven” and “Five Finger Death Punch”?

litre_cola

I am sure there is a band called Fister.

SonOfSpam

Guster is willing to change their name for a blurb in Pitchfork.

Gratliff

In the life of a shit person, easily the worst offense Marky Mark caused was those last two fucking Transformers movies. Holy fuck were those fucking awful. THe fucking sidekick in Transformers 4 kept a copy of the law that let him fuck Wahlberg’s underage daughter in his pocket. Every fucking one of these ultra-conservative shitbags follow that slippery slope from “no taxes” to “Who can say whether or not a 13 year old can consent?”.
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Gratliff

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Gratliff

Just don’t let him anywhere near Hines Ward

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What alre you tarking about?

jjfozz

Ray Lewis wearing a white suit?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brod rled.

Gratliff

Gotta wash it in cold water or it’ll cook in permanently

SonOfSpam

I have a feeling the winner of that dustup might be different.

So yeah…LET’S DO THIS.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A blowjerb by the Arby’s dumpster?

SonOfSpam

I’m having a Miller Lite, but I’m still UP FOR WHATEVER.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Same taste.

jjfozz

And to top off this bucket of diarrhea day – Marky Mark.

SonOfSpam

…aaaaaand referring to the Patriots as “we” so this is truly hell.

jjfozz

Oh god. make it stop. shove a fuckin gpiece of rebar up his nose.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Usually I find your hate a source of joy and amusement, but in regards to Mark Wahlburg; that fucking asshole, masshole catholic bitch enrages me to an aneurysm producing fit.

jjfozz

I used to like this lisping kid from stranger things, now i can’t wait for him to start mainlining skag and blowing men in bus stations for loose change.

King Hippo

Hey, I have some quarters and nickels under my van seats! – Marc T., Parts Unknown

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You get better money for a blow by the Arby’s dumpster, jussssayin’

WCS

Jim Tomsula knows a few guys who can help with that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Those guys are big tippers…. if you know what I means.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, you wanna talk to Castro Chad. He’s got a lotta say with the Dumpster Crew. Slip him a new washcloth and he’ll get ya set right up.

SonOfSpam

You added an “n” to “me” just thought you oughta know

King Hippo

holy shit guys, the surprise 3rd and 4 trap play actually worked!

/against Wake Forest, do not try against real opposition or in a match with actual stakes

Gratliff

Don’t look now, folks. The Flyers have won 4 of their last 5 and are a threat to miss the playoffs by only a handful of points.

jjfozz

Ginger Lynn in a coke fueled sex orgy didn’t get fucked half as hard as I did today.

Gratliff

jesus fuck don’t let the ben get a blowout over the fucking panthers

King Hippo

somebody got caught up in last year’s Superb Owl and forgot all about The Darkest Timeline

WCS

MAHHKY FACIN’ MAHHK

herodotus450
herodotus450

Someone with the first name Danton just scored in the Canucks game. In related news, the name Danton is still in use.

SonOfSpam

I hope his last name is Abbey, but it probably ain’t.

herodotus450
herodotus450

There’s a different player in the league with the last name Abdelkader, who goes by Abby. So you got that goin for you.

SonOfSpam

Which is nice.

SonOfSpam

So the scuttlebutt is that Don Jr gets indicted tomorrow. Not ashamed to say I’d get at least a semi out of that.

litre_cola

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SonOfSpam

A big throbbing pink semi. Looks kinda veiny too.

jjfozz

Ah, doesn’t matter. Rich people don’t go to jail. Ever.

SonOfSpam

I’m strangely optimistic about the ending of all this.

litre_cola

So, you want a happy ending?

SonOfSpam

What’s the extra fee?

litre_cola

Just the tip, I mean just tip.

King Hippo

let’s hope his new “roomies” do too!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

It’ll be so awesome to see Don Jr. get disowned lol

WCS

They call it “Tiffanied.”

King Hippo

Olson catching like 12 passes would give me a lottery ticket chance on Sunday.

King Hippo

I’m glad to be mostly watching the JV game, though it is similarly chapping mah ass.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Wait the 31-14 game at halftime isn’t a college game?

King Hippo

pretty sure The Ben isn’t allowed within 500 yards of any college

WCS

So, Lil’er WCS pooped, and as I was changing her, Brown does Brown things.

Do we need a new poop god?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m pretty partial to Kawaya Kami.

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“Holy shit!” his followers pray.

jjfozz

OH HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT PUSH OFF? FUCK THIS DAY. I’M GETTING DRUNK

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

What kept you?

jjfozz

I get that boss’s get angry. And that’s cool. But seriously, you don’t act like a cunty little teenage bitch who didn’t get invited to the drug orgy. Get over it.

Yes, my boss is like this. I love working for him, but sometimes I want to beat him with a fish bat.

Gratliff

My new boss as of last fall is very similar to me with the exception that instead of the traditionally masculine sportsball stuff, he does the traditionally masculine innocent animal murder stuff. It’s the first time I’ve had this particular work environment and it is amazingly relaxing and comfortable.

Gratliff

So there’s gonna be like 20 total yards in teh second half, right?

jjfozz

Hey adam, can you make a robot that drills a fucking hole through your baseball cap? Because if you don’t, I’ll come to your house and beat fucking nails into your head with your skateboard. You cunt.

herodotus450
herodotus450

In civilized sprots news, Vancouver and Basston combined for 8 goals in one period tonight.

SonOfSpam

Sounds like the most entertaining period since that girl in high school finally got hers two weeks later.

King Hippo

2 affirmative actionDOWNs for the littlest Black Panther!

jjfozz

Oh hey, these Tide commercials make me want to drink Tide. And pour Tide down Joe Buck’s throat. And pour it into that stupid fuck’s Aikman’s eyes. Eat a big bowl of shit.

litre_cola

So, Tide with a shit chaser?

WCS

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jjfozz

That’s a great description of my day

jjfozz

God, this day. Why can’t asshole psychos with guns sit in their own houses and blow their fucking brains out? Why in fuck do they do what they do? Fucking world.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My company’s West Coast HQ is in Thousand Oaks. Thankfully no one there seems to have been physically affected by the shooting, but someone I work with occasionally found out he lives 4 doors down from the gunman.

There are also 3 massive wildfires in the area now, so it really has not been a good day for my friends up there.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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