Your “These Are The Mean Streets Of Northern Ontario” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

There were some shenanigans out my way that had the locals gums a-flappin’, I’ll tell you what. I’ve got a 40 minute drive to work and on my way there 6 police cruisers, sirens a-blarin’, tore past me on the highway. This is quite unusual in my very quiet, out of the way community of approx. 9,000 yokels. Sure there’s a druggy underbelly that exists but “busts”, if/when they occur, are done on the QT. It took me some time to find out the details but it turns out there was a nutball with a gun running around the street that I grew up on. This just doesn’t occur here. You’ll be relieved to know that he was tracked down by a K-9 unit and gave himself up.

Meanwhile, a business owner ( in the very loosest sense of the word) in the community of 1,100 people where I slave (hah!) away was arrested by a SWAT team and dragged away in cuffs! Northern Ontario Facebook must be on fire right now. DETAILS TO FOLLOW!

TO THE GAME!

Packers/SeaHawks:

One thing not mentioned very often regarding the two qb’s playing tonight is that they both tend to give up a fair amount of sack yardage because, being fellers that can run, they hold on to the ball longer than the average bear. Seattle qb Wilson is second in yards lost with 204 and Rodgers is right behind him with 184. In first? I’ll give you no guesses-you’re right, it’s Eli. First round rb Rashaad Penney had himself a day last week vs. the Rams vaunted d-line so expect his touches to increase as the season plays itself out. Rodgers’ young, explosive play-makers have already spread their wings. Aaron Jones and Bird Law expert Marquez Valdes-Scantling have already put the giddy-up in the Packers O.

Tons of sports offerings tonight for all y’all eyebulbs. Let’s chat. GO SILLYCUSE!

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
496 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
King Hippo

You can see why the ND player never expected he could be called for a penalty.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur

Evening Folks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My fellow Americans suck

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes they do, and most times not in the good literal way.

comment image

Redshirt

My Little Bleeps: Censorship is Magic (legitimate unchanged broadcast in Canada) The censored word is at 13 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJv13F8lWYI

Spoiler
Original line was “I had to, you fools.”

Brocky

Eh, doesn’t have the same humor without the censorship noise

SonOfSpam

Terry Bradshaw is talkin some genuine frontier gibberish.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You mentioned someone so I needed some brain wash.

SonOfSpam

Goodness

Brick Meathook

ON HIS HOME PLANET HE SOUNDS NORMAL

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I think Russell Wilson was possessed by the ghost of Alex Smith there. Either that, or he forgot his stepladder and couldn’t see over his O line to the endzone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s out of bubble water?

jjfozz

One of the snowflakes that works for me pulled her calf muscle at the gym. Might not come into work tomorrow.

What in the fucking FUCK? Rub some goddamn ben gay on that shit and get your ass in here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I blame your boss for installing those standing treadmill desks.

Gratliff

When I was working in the saw mill and had no sick time and needed vacation time to actually recover from work, I used to do shit like wrap my hand to hide the fact I’d sanded off the back of my pinky so I wouldn’t have to worry about losing time/getting fired. Now I get 3 weeks vacation, 2 personal days, and 10 sick days a year, so if it’s excessively cloudy out, I might make it a me day.

SonOfSpam

So you’re saying you were a shitty saw mill worker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“1, 2, 3, 4, ……20, 21. Nope.

Gratliff

I’m saying saw mills are insanely dangerous. I saw a dude get his hand pulled up into a miter saw blade and get his hand cut almost clean in half from the top down. I was blowing sawdust out of a camera lens on an automated crosscut saw and didn’t notice a warped board that was only planed on the bottom side getting fed in. The curved end caught my hand and forced it up against a hold-down wheel, it held for about a second, and then in the next, the skin gave and the rough board sanded the back of a few fingers down past the nerves, so it didn’t hurt until a few weeks later when it super fucking hurt. It happened right before the lunch bell, so I hauled ass home and taped the shit out of my hands and came back and worked with a glove on a feeder machine which is insanely more dangerous than just working with a couple fucked up fingers, but hey, can’t let the dipshit bosses see it because they can’t wait to boot a motherfucker out for minor injuries.

SonOfSpam

Holy shit. You’re a braver man than I. And yeah, I’m WAY too big a pussy to work in a saw mill.

Brick Meathook

One day I’ll tell you guys some nuclear submarine engineroom stories.

Gratliff

When I did my lumber grading cert, the instructor was some old motherfucker whose favorite pastime was telling the class about the many people he saw die in shitty unsafe lumber yards and factories often because someone pushed a button 1/1000 of a second too early. Also fun was that at mandatory monthly meetings we had to go over the details of any production-related deaths in the state from that month. Towards the end of my stay there, I spent a lot of time working with the boilers and furnaces and silos by myself and it became a habit to daydream about all the ways I could just die and have no one notice until the next shift comes around.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brick was exposed to heavy doses of radiation.

Brick Meathook

I would eat radiation for breakfast.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Of course.

Gratliff

comment image

Gratliff

It absolutely turned me into the asshole at work that openly mocks everyone who calls in and to the savages that worked in that place, *I* was the dipshit pussy millennial who had it too easy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey man, your voice sounds a little rough. You feeling OK?

the Alpha and the Amoeba

There are no bad students, only bad teachers.

King Hippo

I pulled mine stretch/yawning getting out of bed this am. Put some pills on it and get to work!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

jjfozz

I have never found that woman attractive. Until now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Really? She give me a straight up comedy boner.

*not entirely straight, but you know.

SonOfSpam

Back, and to the left.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

jjfozz

The oldest Fozz Spawn has his first high school dance Saturday night. Time to show him the old moves. By that I mean, get drunk, throw up, forget date at the dance, pass out in bushes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn; that was my move too!!

SonOfSpam

Obviously, unless he’s some kinda queer or whatever.

Fronkenshteen

Ah, the old basket weave.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, where’s his neck?”

– someone looking at Aaron Rodgers using a camoflage towel as a scarf

OR

– a doctor examining Ryan Shazier’s x-rays

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Looks like Aaron Jones will this years league winner in fantasy.

jjfozz

Hello my droogs, who’s ready for some of the old nasty?

SonOfSpam

(drops trou, hooks up jumper cables)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: I had a little of the old In-Out this past weekend.

SonOfSpam

Double double, animal-style? How was the meat?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I firmly believe that the only reason to order anything animal style is because it sounds cool.

SonOfSpam

I’m not an onion fan, so yes. The double-double just needs pickles, then it’s perfect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, he meant…….. I thought we were back on Korean porn.

SonOfSpam

Did he say anything about kimchi farts?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

that can hurt the urethra

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brick Meathook
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Don’t talk about my dick that way.

Wakezilla

I have to work 10 hours tomorrow. I’m allowed to get drunk after hour 8, right?

SonOfSpam

After?

jjfozz

8? What the fuck is this? Rookie Night? Your ass better be blackout drunk by hour 3.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

So question, your name: Are you like a Bridezilla but instead of weddings, you’re insufferable at wakes after funerals?

Brick Meathook

As a qualified airline pilot and brain surgeon, I say go ahead and drink.

Senor Weaselo

There are skill points in Spyro 1? Oh, fuck yes. Why can’t I have free time between now and Thanksgiving to go buy me a PS4 and also Spyro?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

I upgraded to the one x and I’m trying to be a big boy and not immediately run off and buy a ps4 as soon as the black friday sales start, but I will fail

King Hippo

fun game

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Absolutely.

litre_cola

Mr Rodger brought his fucking A game tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s his neighborhood.

Mr. Ayo

Are they just not going to call holding against GB tonight?

Wakezilla

Do they ever call holding on Green Bay?

/Still has nightmares about the penultimate time the Packers played the Dolphins and how the Packers were tackling the Dolphins’ d-line on the last drive to win the game.

It was straight out of Madden when the computer decides it wants to score

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I think you’re just salty about how Rodger’s beat you with Marino’s signature move

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[sigh]

-V.M. Denver

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, I will at least grant Tide credit for the joke about Joe thinking that Troy is his friend. Delivery was terrible, but the concept is solid.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Added verisimilitude would be achieved if Troy gave Joe a wedgie. Or punched his fucking lights out.

SonOfSpam

Except Troy in HD is weird somehow. Maybe it’s all the concussions.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Where is his other hand?

SonOfSpam

Under a Buck.

Brick Meathook

OH THOSE FAKE TIDE ADS ARE WONDERFUL

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

litre_cola

A A Ron has lots o time here.

King Hippo

being against Aaron Jones and Aaron Rodgers in fantasy feels doubleplus ungood

SonOfSpam

They are both beasts. In different ways. And with different dates. I mean, sorry.

Spanky Datass

TRUTH!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Seems like we’ve got another one of those weird TNF games that’s pretty good. I’m sure Trump will take credit.

litre_cola

Well we know he isn’t out paying respect to veterans of wars past.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or present, for that matter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You two gots the combo punch there.

SonOfSpam

Did you know Mueller’s people are desperate and yelling at everyone?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They just need tacos.

comment image

Brick Meathook

This is a pretty amazing gif.

SonOfSpam

Fuck this guy with a golem.

TIDE IS TURNING MOTHERFUCKERS. LOTS MORE PEOPLE SEE YOU NOW.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Those Tide ads annoy me as much as they do the rest of you.

SonOfSpam

Evening all. Gonna get crunk on this Indictment Eve.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

Who wants a Japanese pickup truck that throws you out of it and busts through fences and could conceivable harm or kill you? If I buy one, I will name it “Chlistine.”

Senor Weaselo

Demonic Toyota Hilux? Those things’ll survive anything, Top Gear proved it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Clitscene is a different pickup.

SonOfSpam

Does it smell like girl panties? I assume everything Japanese does.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Those used ones are such a scam!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Someone told that anyway.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, if I’m gonna pay $600 to a vending machine, I need to see certification.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Carrolls gameplan has taken the air out of the ball, stadium, and the universe.

King Hippo

#LooseChange

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can’t burn jet fuel without air…

nomonkeyfun

Now the ball will be as flat as the planet.

SonOfSpam

Just turtles, all the way down. WELCOME TO THE MCCONNELLVERSE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Aliens, just saying.

rockingdog

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

There is still that neutering resentment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Imdb does a very poor job of indexing Korean softcore movies. Just sayin’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Aaah, I got this from somebody who has a problem, I don’t watch that stuff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It took a whole three minutes for them to send it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

See, that’s my point. I never would have known there was a Young Mother 3 if all I relied on was IMDB.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure that’s not their specialty……

[beats off to movie trivia]

litre_cola

So we are in salute the troops month, did I miss Pink NFL month or have they muted it?

Fronkenshteen

[Redacted tasteless domestic violence joke]

Fronkenshteen

17 in the first q is nice, but knowing we should’ve had 24 is making the old estomago a bit gurgle-y.
Seattle is flat as fuck, and GB is going to start leaning on the run game.

nomonkeyfun

Rikki, you need to watch some Dooooook b-ball. You can’t vanquish your enemy without studying the habits of their King.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It is absolutely obscene that Eli Manning will likely end his career with more Super Bowl wins than Aaron Rodgers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know it’s very popular to hate on Eli, especially at the end here, but for me he’ll always have a warm place because P*ts.

nomonkeyfun

It was like watching a Special Olympian win gold in the regular Olympics.

King Hippo

he just kep’ on run-ning!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I meant that more of a disparagement of Green Bay’s ownership.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can dig that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dope beats.

litre_cola

I was at the fail mary game and they refused to show the replay in the stadium. When every filtered out to Pioneer Square, Packers fans were losing their minds when they were watching replays on tv’s in bars. It was superb.

King Hippo

I don’t see how any non-Masshole can watch Dreamboat play and seriously believe he’s even nearly as good as A.A. Ron. Just ridiculous.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was just thinking the same thing myself. No way could have Brady made that play. And I’m a Masshole.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tawwmmy is better at the mental game is several respects, but physically; not anywhere near Rodgers.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

If by “mental game” you mean “having a way better coach”, then I agree

King Hippo

he’s more of a system technician (but a very good one, like Montana), instead of a QB God like Rodgers (who is more like a better Elway)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He reads and reacts to defenses, studies, etc., etc. as well as anyone in the game. They were very lucky to find each other. I hate them with a white hot rage, but one needs to acknowledge what they are.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Newt?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ant?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You see Newtonian and an independent invention of calcu….. never mind.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck you.
—Gottfried Leibniz

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Exactly, Gottsy calls him the Vulture.

JustStopDude

I’m sorry…but there was like two blatant holds by the Packers’ offensive line on that play.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

The Packers offensive line to the Seahawks: “I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, DAD!!!”

King Hippo

fucking hell, that was a throw

the Alpha and the Amoeba

comment image

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Just caught the replay, 55 yards in the air, back across his body running in the opposite direction. Fucking hell…

King Hippo

why does that Jimi Hendrix statue look like he’s holding in a painful shit?

WCS

That’s what killed Elvis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, it was the last thing….

the Alpha and the Amoeba

He’s listening to his music while not on drugs.

King Hippo

I enjoy when a team goes for 4th and short, makes it, and still ends up kicking a FG.

Nice allegory to the futility cycle of life.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You should have never let her tie you up.

Fronkenshteen

Sooooo Russ doesn’t run OR throw the ball downfield well either?

King Hippo

but he LEADS!

Fronkenshteen

Seriously. Is something wrong with him? He just threw that ball 6 feet over (a WIDE OPEN) Doug Baldwin’s head. Is Carroll withholding injury information on him?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed; uncharacteristic of that fucker.

King Hippo

would explain that “hide the QB” playcalling in LA

/also surely nothing a little fizzy water wouldn’t heal

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Is this your first Seattle game?

Fronkenshteen

They almost beat the Rams last week!

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, in order to have some surgery performed next month, I have to be off nicotine for 30 days. I smoked cigarettes for 10 years and have dipped snuff for the last 34. My last dip was Monday morning at 9 AM. It hasn’t been too onerous, but a couple times I’ve felt like Martin Sheen in the first scene of Apocalypse Now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Use moisturizer.

Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Interesting story behind that scene.

My “joke” was that later in the film he’s all better with face paint.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I broke a coffee pot once too; damn shame that was, still three cups in it.

Fronkenshteen

6 yard route on 3rd and 9. Brilliant.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[nods head]

– Norv Turner

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Fuck Mason Crosby.
I can’t believe no one held on that run.

rockingdog

coooool!
I have penny!!!

litre_cola

Evenin commentists. I would request the over on this one please and no Equanimous St. Brown touchdowns.

rockingdog

instead lets cheer for MVS touchdowns!!!
yea!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But TOUCHDOWN ST. BROWN! is such a great call!

Redshirt

Better lucky that good.

King Hippo

Seattle is poopy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

rockingdog

shankalor