Bye Week Update: New England Patriots

The Maestro
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The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
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The Patses are 7-3! Really goods, we is!

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Only two games up on the rest of the division, oh nos!

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We’ll wins it again anyways!

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Lost to nasty Lionses, and Jagses and Titanses! Just barely beat the Bearses, it dids!

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We beats the Chiefses and Packers!

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The defence, especially the pass rush, is getting ruineds!

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Undefeated at homeses, we is!

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On tracks to still play playoff gameses on the road if it can’t solves things…

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Sony Michel is a studses!

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Gronkses can’t stay healthies!

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Josh Gordon is dangerous, oh yes!

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Tom Brady can’t hits him with simple throws half the timeses!

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Cordarrelle Patterson getting reps at running backses is good and fun!

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The offence must spreads more! Not as good as yearses past, it is!

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NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING!

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We wants another precious!!! We has fives already, but we wants another, oh yes we does… And we hates the nasty, wicked teamses! Tricksy and false and wicked! Kill them all! Kill them all! Mustn’t let them haves it! Must delivers it to the master, we must…

Terrible Photoshop art in the banner and bottom images created by yours truly. You’re welcome, internet. 

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
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LemonJelloHoratio Cornblowerlitre_colaMoose -The End Is Well NighLow Commander of the Super Soldiers Recent comment authors
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LemonJello
LemonJello

So. Damn. Good.
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Horatio Cornblower

Outfuckingstanding.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Fun fact: Gollum used to be called Wes Welker, before all the head trauma.

This was simply fantastic, by the way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gollum is taller and can handle his molly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which could be post concussion effects.

SonOfSpam

This is really really good. Plus Samwise is Rudy, so it’s football-related. And Zendaya as Meechee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Shit, this was really good and you hit Gollum’s character note so much, I read the whole thing in his voice.

litre_cola

I completely did the same.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/trump-names-handbag-designer-to-be-envoy-to-south-africa/ar-BBPIGf4?OCID=ansmsnnews11

I know they always give ambassadorships to supporters and shit, but god damn it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Short and to the point. Like Belichick’s path to hell.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

BRAVO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

blaxabbath

So you’re saying all Pats fans should be thrown in a volcano?

https://m.imgur.com/gallery/K07MMcD

Sharkbait

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, is she reacting like this because of the spicy wings, or because it’s the morning after the big party and she just woke up next to Gronk?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

IT CAN BE BOTH*

Assumes she ate the ghost pepper to rid herself of The Taste of Gronk.

Wakezilla

She had some hot Indian pepper. I think at some point in the video, she goes either temporary blind or deaf

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I agree; only 90% of the reaction is from sleeping with Gronk.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve seen that one. She and her friend bit into some insanely hot pepper, or sauce and, well, it ended as you can see.

Game Time Decision

what makes me laugh is that water does NOTHING for heat\burning, you need alcohol or milk

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It can make it worse because it can distribute the oils, but if it is really cold it feels good for a while. Plus one needs to maintain hydration if are in it for the duration. Half-n-half really works for me. That said I get uncontrollable hiccups which are difficult.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have to defer to Senor Weaselo; he is the Senor expert in this area and has no regard for the survival of his taste buds or anus. He is also the bastard that got me hooked on these videos.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The best comment IMO is:

Do one with Aaron Hernandez

nomonkeyfun

“We’re the best teama evah!!!!!!!!!! Look out fackin’ Dolphins here-a we come!!!!”
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“Mom says if I win the game she’ll make sure that meany Pey-pey doesn’t try to teabag me again.”
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“Rats foiled again.”
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

-Trent Green’s grand-pappy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In honor of Newmarket:

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ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Holy shit that was fantastic!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Agreed fully; this approach is…. so fitting.

It would be difficult but a mix of Tawmmmmy from Queeeenzie and Gollum, you’d have to lower the IQ and he’d have to have a pregnant low IQ girlfriend.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…pregnant low IQ girlfriend.

“See, I told you Tawmmmmmy’s not racist!” – Redhats, not realizing that “low IQ” wasn’t being used as a dogwhistle here

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I believe Suahzy’s heritage goes back to immigration through potato blight.