Hey gang. I don’t see anything in this slate of games that makes the hair on my saggy balls stand on end. But all of us have been down this road before. It’s not the ‘meh-level’ that matters-it’s the *experience* that matters. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! And anything usually does. So let’s go out there like the jaded bastards and bastardettes we are and cheer for the ‘how was that not a catch?‘ play, the Fatguydown, the Doink! or the Bleerg. Whatever gets you to rubbing your very own personal g spot. TO THE GAMES!
Pitt/Jax:
This was a keeper of a game once upon a time. Oh, there were playoff implications galore written all over the tilt. But then the Jags qb Bortled all over the O and the cleanup has been nasty. Perhaps signing another O-lineman from one of the league’s worst units (the Giants) will (HAH!) fix the problem.
Hou/Was:
This here’s the highlight of the package and I’ll not watch one second of it.
Cincy/Bal:
[Redshirt pulls hair out of head]
Ten/Indy:
That guy with the wonky shoulder has 26 TD’s already. If he can stay upright he’ll be fine. If you’re telling folks that you drafted te Ebron because you had a ‘feeling’, you’re lying through your yellowed teeth. You just got lucky and gotdamn, buy a new toothbrush already!
Dal/Atl:
I’m always in the mood for a Cowboys bashing. Let’s hope that the Falcons D can fix their issues defending the pass to the rb out of the backfield. They’ve been torn to shreds on that play.
TB/NYG:
Nothing to see here.
Car/Det:
Cam pulls a turkey clubhouse toothpick out of Stafford’s paw and the Detroit qb is grateful. Later, a stuffed Lion’s head is mounted on the wall of Cam’s den. Cam’s pastel-pink smoking jacket nods approvingly.
There but for the grace of football go I. “GO I, GO!”
Fucking Steelers, waiting to see the results of the play before throwing the flags, fucking refs.
Fucking Jags.
this steelers team is a real tease at the end of this game…
Wow, that was really close for a 63 yard attempt
Wait, when did the Steelers scores pointses?
They are going to bail the Steelers.
what a bunch of fuckers, I will cheer for the P*ts against them in the playoffs
Ryan Hanson’s sounding like he’s about to expire.
Damn you, Antonio Brown
lol “bonus coverage” of Giants-Bucs
Why can’t we ge coverage of something better like a whole line of people shooting blood out their eyes?
oh, Jaguras
There’s gonna be a year Ron Rivera is gonna lose 16 games on gambles and he’s gonna get drawn and quartered and I’ll be over here laughing.
#runbad
“Me too.” – Stephen Miller
My favorite recent tweet is that Stephen Miller is the Skull to Matthew Whitaker’s Bulk.
yo thats totally on Cam. gotta practice that throw,
Oh Eli, please throw that INT.
Going for two with a minute left to go ahead seems like a bad play to me. If it works, the other team still has a good chance to beat you with a field goal. If it doesn’t, you lose.
Lions got out Lion’d.
yeah, I like the call under 35 seconds or so
Probably increase the Lions’ aggressiveness to, since now they have to go for the FG to not lose.
Get it Cam!
Mike Evans just runs past the whole Giants D when Tampa is down with less than 2:30 left in the game.
Where does Flacco go from here? Washington?
He was thinking of going to the grocery store, to pick up some more skim milk.
David Essex has the same question. Sorry for the 70’s sexy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5ZE7grYKbw
I went to a wine event yesterday, which was super fun and I drank lots of fancy wine, but the description made it sound like there would be appetizers and other food, and there really wasn’t. So I’m actually pretty impressed with my getting home ability after 2 hours of pretty constant wine drinking on an empty stomach.
need to have cheese and crackers with the wine.
I did have half a chocolate and a couple of croutons with an olive oil tasting
Dominos has an app, you know.
I’m imagining the scene where I get a pizza delivered to a ballroom full of wine drunks. It doesn’t end well.
“Yeah, I filled it out but they never got back to me.” – Ryan Leaf, referring to the Domino’s application he submitted.
GODDAMNIT DOINK WHERE WERE YOU?
Happy Jerry Jones upsets me because he could drop dead at any time and I don’t want his last moment to be a happy one.
But excitement uses up some of his remaining heartbeats.
God – the number of horrible people dying in the coming years is going to make for some really epic block parties.
Kissinger will hold on through the apocalypse, though.
I can’t fucking wait for Dick Cheney to go. I’m gonna stay drunk for a whole week.
Ideally, someone shoots him in the face.
Nah, man, I want him to die nice and slow and in pain.
So shot gun blast of birdshot to the lower gut?
Shoots him in the face from a distance with buckshot, so it just takes off a LOT of skin
I mean, the guy he shot didn’t die, so we can probably half our buckshot-filled cake and eat it too
I don’t want him to die because then someone more competent and less hilarious might take over the Cows. Although Zombie Al Davis dying didn’t work out super well for the Raiders, so maybe it’ll be okay
Oh man. If he could die at the Super Bowl coin toss before Dallas loses like 50-0 that would be great
FUCK! that was SOOOOOOOOOOOO close to hitting the post.
Dallas Cowboys: The Class of the NFC East?
when they concentrate, yes
Double J checking if the League tests for Adderall as we speak
No team with Zeke Elliott on it can ever be Class
Fat Kicker(OH) is nae good
Can Zeke please bust out a good run? Please?
I don’t understand why Atlanta is bothering to call timeouts here.
Isn’t it like a gov budget, if you don’t use them all you don’t get as many the next game? -A. Reid
What does it say about our society that we can’t just stop once in a while to appreciate the moment?
keep them from taking a shot to end zone?
I’ve seen this before. Dallas is going to miss this kick.
Tie!
Wait – is TB running a (2) QB offense?
They’re both so good, how can you possibly decide?
Embarrassment of Riches: The 2018 Tampa Buccaneers Story
OBJ TD?
I hate it when the Giants OC is smart fantasy-wise.
I would totally watch a version of Freaky Friday where the Idiot Snyder body changed with the Crazy Jones
I dont like odds on any Dallas FG here.
TD to Amari Cooper? Would much appreciate
I like this.
I’m honestly surprised OBJ is top ten in yards this season.
Giants D would have 5 intercepts if Fred Biletnikoff and Lester Hayes were co-commissioners.
/history!
Go Lady Grays!
“GREY GO LADY!” – Ben Roethlisberger, giving instructions to lil’ Ben
I’m pretty sure the information that allows me to understand this joke pushed out the memory of some joyous childhood moment.
stafford with the sick pass
Marvin Lewis – Genius Defensive Coordinator plans: Screw Linebackers! We don’t need them in formation!
It cold here today and I bought a used bbq yesterday that I wanted to give a good cleaning. But I still really don’t want to go outside.
But I’m also not going to keep watching this bs.
I bet it’s like 55 degrees outside and Blaxabbath is just soft.
72 but my porch is in the shade.
I really need to go buy a gas cylinder for my grill. Or drive cross country again to pick up the one I left in Chicago
Get two at Costco, and find a propane place to fill up at. Those tank exchanges are a ripoff.
Julio Jones is God.
How is Atlanta as a city? Worth a visit?
Only for DragonCon. Well, maybe a trip to the Varsity.
So long as you aren’t heading there to vote.
“I was only passing through, but I enjoyed my time there.” – William Tecumsah Sherman
NAMESAKE MENTION
Inanimate Carbon Rod finally erected to the Hall?
Texans D apparently not anticipating that a team starting Colt McCoy might hand off to ball to an RB near the goal line
They still think he’s the Real McCoy
Come on Jags, Kill the BEN.
An endorsement as “the best show on television” from Uproxx does not make me more likely to watch that stupid 911 show.
Nor is it an actual endorsement. It was just Brian Grubb meandering on about the stupidity of the whole show.
Uproxx praise SNL every week, which has gone pretty right wing, and they also wouldn’t stop promoting that shitty John Mulaney tv show. They stink!
You should withhold your judgment until seeing their “calling the cops on people of color walking in front of my house” episode.
Mancini : Uproxx :: PFTC : Barstool
Again, Colt Fucking McCoy, starting playoff quartered back
Tim Blessed Tebow, starting playoff winning quartered back