Your “I Guess I’ll Watch-It’s Not Like I’ve Got A Vibrant Social Life” NFL Football Open Thread

Hey gang. I don’t see anything in this slate of games that makes the hair on my saggy balls stand on end. But all of us have been down this road before. It’s not the ‘meh-level’ that matters-it’s the *experience* that matters. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN! And anything usually does. So let’s go out there like the jaded bastards and bastardettes we are and cheer for the ‘how was that not a catch?play, the Fatguydown, the Doink! or the Bleerg. Whatever gets you to rubbing your very own personal g spot. TO THE GAMES!

Pitt/Jax:

This was a keeper of a game once upon a time. Oh, there were playoff implications galore written all over the tilt. But then the Jags qb Bortled all over the O and the cleanup has been nasty. Perhaps signing another O-lineman from one of the league’s worst units (the Giants) will (HAH!) fix the problem.

Hou/Was:

This here’s the highlight of the package and I’ll not watch one second of it.

Cincy/Bal:

[Redshirt pulls hair out of head]

Ten/Indy:

That guy with the wonky shoulder has 26 TD’s already. If he can stay upright he’ll be fine. If you’re telling folks that you drafted te Ebron because you had a ‘feeling’, you’re lying through your yellowed teeth. You just got lucky and gotdamn, buy a new toothbrush already!

Dal/Atl:

I’m always in the mood for a Cowboys bashing. Let’s hope that the Falcons D can fix their issues defending the pass to the rb out of the backfield. They’ve been torn to shreds on that play.

TB/NYG:

Nothing to see here.

Car/Det:

Cam pulls a turkey clubhouse toothpick out of Stafford’s paw and the Detroit qb is grateful. Later, a stuffed Lion’s head is mounted on the wall of Cam’s den. Cam’s pastel-pink smoking jacket nods approvingly.

There but for the grace of football go I. “GO I, GO!”

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rockingdog

yooo Colts look good.
Andrew Luck could take this team to the playoffs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HI EVERYBODY!

King Hippo

HAI Doctor Dedly!

Spur

Looks like the Tits went Tits Up. I think the Colts will win make the playoffs.

blaxabbath

Cowboys be Cowboysin’

WCS

I see the Browns are considering Condi Rice as their next head coach. Excuse me a moment…
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Only the Browns would be able to make me root enthusiastically against the first female head coach in NFL history.

blaxabbath

Make that coach Sarah Silverman and I’ll root for an 0-18 affair.

“HAHAHAHA I called that run MY VAGINAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAA!”

blaxabbath

They gonna do like an ASU Herm Edwards thing where the coach is a like a Chief Executive of Coaching?

Or are they just trying to check off some “first”, which seems obvious.

Wakezilla

Finally finished doctor’s office. I had a cough attack while there and now I’m getting an X-Ray on my lungs. Of course, it’s going to be at least a 90 minutes wait.

Apparently I might be dead before I get this test done

King Hippo

ASK. FOR. TUSSIONEX!

Doktor Zymm

Feel better soon, hope you don’t have consumption!

Doktor Zymm

I would be fully onboard with Redacteds hiring Kaep.

King Hippo

they’s more likely to put Theismann back out there

/and he was IN THE STADIUM!

Doktor Zymm

No one would blame him for PTSDing out after that

fleshwound_NPG

The Peter Man more likely than Kaep

Wakezilla

The Redacteds signing Kaep would be so surprising and I don’t think their fanbase could handle that.

If the Titans don’t do it, hopefully Washington will

ArmedandHammered

So many heads would be asplodin it would look like a Scanners remake.

Doktor Zymm

It’s honestly probably too savvy a move for the idiot, but it would get him in good with the DC city council, and as I’m convinced he wants to build RFK 2 in the city that would be a smart thing to do

Mother Puncher

Oops forgot to put on Bengals hoodie. Will brb.

ArmedandHammered

Looks like Cam got some of Rodger’s knee medicine of choice.

King Hippo

That’s NAWT Greg Olsen

Spur

I see Dak took his brave pills today.

King Hippo

Think he’s fantasy startable on Thanksgiving?

Spur

Let’s not get crazy here.

Wakezilla

Teh Ben playing like shit is quite heart warming

Spur

What happened to Cam?

King Hippo

he die (looked like a knee)

King Hippo

/he got better

Doktor Zymm

A witch!

Spur

Ok. The mention said he ded then I saw he was still getting FFL points. Maybe its Zombie Cam?

Doktor Zymm

Alex Smith listed as ‘Doubtful’

Gratliff

To return to the league?

King Hippo

to avoid Lil’ Danny selling him to Elmers Corp.

Wakezilla

If he’s out an extended period of time, the Giants might just win the division!

ArmedandHammered

Should be upgraded to “Possible” – Bill B.

King Hippo

16-nil Jaguras.

Doktor Zymm

That’s just about the only thing that isn’t stupid about this slate of games

fleshwound_NPG

will not look at the alex smith injury will not look at the alex smith injury will not look at the alex smith injury will not look at the alex smith injury will not look at the alex smith injury

[sees alex smith injury replay]

noooooooooooooooooooooooooo

King Hippo

Kerrigan saves the day!

/DOK sploosh

Doktor Zymm

He’s good at the sacks

Doktor Zymm

That’s roughing the passer, and breaking the passer’s goddamn leg isn’t? Yep. Rules totes make sense.

The Maestro

Afternoon, folks. The REDBLACKS playoff game is going well here. Will switch back to Red Zone upon conclusion. Nobody do anything crazy while I’m out!

Redshirt

Just saw Alex Smith’s injury. Eegh.

King Hippo

HOLY SHIT, was the exact anniversary of LT/Theisman (per coked-out RZ guy)

Doktor Zymm

Some creepy stuff, whoever is playing QB for the Redacteds 33 years from now best watch out

Redshirt

11/19/51: Breaking news from the Washington Native Residents, all three QBs on the roster have called in sick with the flu.

Redshirt

We could’ve settled for a video replay, not a reenactment.

Doktor Zymm

It’s the fucking Hunger Games for starting QBs today

Doktor Zymm

Just got a fantasy notification that Alex Smith is out. NO SHIT YAHOO

King Hippo

MOAR liek glue!

Spanky Datass

SUDDEN VANDER CHANGE!

King Hippo

now PLEASE throw a TD to fucking Cooper

King Hippo

now Cam die?

Redshirt

John Ross caught something?!

King Hippo

looks like a road winner!

Mother Puncher

Look at John Ross trying!

Redshirt

I didn’t even knew he knew how to do that!

King Hippo

yeah, when you have a 10-point lead on Colt Fucking McCoy, deffo take risks on offense. Dumb buttchin motherfucker.

Doktor Zymm

If he wants to give Preston opportunities, I’m all for it!

King Hippo

DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!

King Hippo

and Bill Maher misses the extra point

Redshirt

Serves him right for disrespecting Stan Lee.

JustStopDude

I’m not sure if this is a controversial position for this community…but I don’t think Ryan Fitzpatrick is a good QB…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok back from my bike/walk/pathetic jog and not dead. But regrets given the air quality today.

rockingdog

Alex smith is broken leg guy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Maybe he shouldn’t have been standing there

King Hippo

Colt McCoy – playoff starting quartered back

Gratliff

GODDDDDDDDDAMn

King Hippo

Joe Theisman 2: Electric Boogaloo

King Hippo

RIP Tiny Hands

Doktor Zymm

what happen? my teevee no show

Doktor Zymm

oh shit

Doktor Zymm

I think that’s good…Colts doing a sort of swing dance tap, heel no down

Doktor Zymm

I kinda wish I was watching HOU/WAS instead of Red Zone. The highlights have been pretty damn funny

King Hippo

Know what sucks? EVERYTHING

rockingdog

so low energy, low scoring. very unfair.

Doktor Zymm

I’m always amazed that Tiny Hands always has a double digit fantasy projection

rockingdog

you referencing Alex smith, right?

Doktor Zymm

Si

Doktor Zymm

As far as I know, the POTUS doesn’t play in the NFL

Doktor Zymm

I would totally play fantasy politics though, is that a thing?

ArmedandHammered

Any more all politics seem to be an ugly fantasy.

Doktor Zymm

Fitzy reverting to the mean

rockingdog

doink!!!!

King Hippo

I picked them up mid-week, decided to use Black Panthers instead. KILL ME.

fleshwound_NPG

hell yea tennessee titans gabbo time

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fleshwound_NPG

BWHAHAHAHAHAHA GABBOCEPTION!!!!!!!!!

blaxabbath

Matt Bryant and Matt Ryan?

Doktor Zymm

I mean, the first guy has an extra BT. If his middle initial is L he’s up a whole sandwich

Gratliff

Good tackling in Atlanta

litre_cola

This week has been very poor thus far.

King Hippo

make it month for me

Doktor Zymm

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King Hippo

Amari is ALIVE after all?