Your “Fantasy Playoffs Ahoy!” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

I’m late to the party today so we should go straight… TO THE GAMES!

Jets/Bills:

I will get this game on the old TV. I will not celebrate that fact.

Panthers/Browns:

God, wouldn’t a Browns ambush go down smooth today?

Falcons/Packers:

Look for Mr. Rodgers to go nuts today. Now that he’s got McCarthy off his back I figure he’s going all HUAC over Atlanta.

Ravens/Chiefs:

Best tilt of the day? Best tilt of the day. I’m kinda curious to see how Mahomes (once again) handles the sort of sustained pressure the Ravens are capable of bringing.

Pats/Fins:

Oh look, it’s yet another boring New England W. Here’s hoping that Gore runs out of bounds on the Pats sideline and clocks Brady right in his smirkhole.

Saints/Bucs:

Drew Brees is going for the record of how many times announcers will say,”He’s 52 years old and five foot two! This was never supposed to happen.” Unlike the Bucs on again, off again starting qb, those guys never went to Harvard.

Giants/Potato Skins:

Not sure how to feel about this one. As much as I want the Giants to win, I’d like to see the Potato Skins push the Cowboys out of the division title. But then I’d be cheering for a Lil’ Danny Snyder team. Then there’s the fact that the Giants should be tanking at this point so that their draft position is enhanced. Maybe if everyone lost?

Colts/Texans:

Despite the teams involved, this one appears to be interesting. Both squadoos are rolling so we’ll find out what happens when an unremarkable entity meets a non-existent concept.

Two eggs over-easy and a side of tater tots if you’re cooking.

 

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Horatio Cornblower

Hmm, Pats-LOLphins or Giants-Potatoskins?

I’ll take option 3, take the dog for a long-ass walk.

Gratliff

It’s 1 pm and I’ve already eaten 3 italian beef sandwiches. I don’t know how many is too many, but I haven’t hit it yet.

rockingdog

I smell some football!!!
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Horatio Cornblower

Aww, it’s just the CFL.

King Hippo

Tampa should change their mascot to Jizzmoppers

Redshirt

Well at least I have some high quality NFL action to watch before my team plays.

(sees my only option is CAR-CLE)

Well at least I have some quality NFL action to watch before my team plays.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, my back hurts. I hate getting old.

King Hippo

#ItGetsWorse

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck.

You.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You probably ate too many strawberries in your twenties.

Fronkenshteen

BOOOOOOOO

King Hippo

of course, penno awarded at the death. I HATE EVERYTHING

Gratliff

Michael Irvin just said the Packers are gonna be playing “balls out” so there’s that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d have thought it would be way too cold in Green Bay to be doing that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Michael Irvin did not go on to say that he was more used to playing out tripping balls

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yay, I get Jeeeeem and Tony Toni Tonee foar Ratbirds/Chefs.

King Hippo

5 minutes of stoppage time for Lille, ah object sternly!

Redshirt

(in Ravens Locker Room)

Harbaugh: “Good news, Joe! Doc says your healthy enough to be active.”
Flacco: “Great! The only thing that motivated me to get healthy so I could lead my team to victory.”
Harbaugh: “You know, just to be safe, lets give it one more week.”
Flacco: (smiling) “No problemo.” (walks away whistling)
Jackson: “You haven’t told him yet?”
Harbaugh: “I just don’t have the heart to.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?

Fronkenshteen

Wolven types! In stoppage time!

King Hippo

deffo should have bet that

rockingdog

YES!!! I put in Jaylen Samuels as my TE…. got me feeling some type of way
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King Hippo

may teh power of Shitty Wolves WOO!! be with ya

Fronkenshteen

A TE who’s slated for 15-20 carries @ OAK? YES PLEEEZ!!

King Hippo

Reims had to take SUK off the pitch ,, smh

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ruh roh…this could be bad.

As I’ve alluded to below, my companion is still asleep after a late night last night. We were going to head to a sports bar for lunch-ish type stuff and to watch Ratbirds/Chefs. Obviously that’s not going to happen now. No worries, I know better that to wake a sleeping dog….errrrrr, woman.

But I just discovered she has a half full bottle of Patrón in the cabinet.

Things are about to get interesting (translation: I’m a dead man).

Horatio Cornblower

Congratulations on the sex.

Also the tequila.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Imma probably have to go buy a new bottle of Patrón tomorrow, and also hope she doesn’t notice the missing one. And also drink half of the new one before I replace it. And also hope I don’t have to drive anywhere later.

Wow, relationships are complicated.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Masturbation is looking better and better.

Horatio Cornblower

Not with the tequila as a lubricant it isn’t.

Please don’t ask why I know that.

Gratliff

Whomst among us hasn’t dipper their pecker into paint thinner

theeWeeBabySeamus

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King Hippo

if Reims could just stop giving up fucking corner after corner, Hippo would appreciate

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Talk about limping to the finish line – my fantasy team is so broken down by now that my opponent has already gone through two players for only four points and is still forecast to beat me.

Fronkenshteen

What a save by barcodes’ keeper.

King Hippo

I feel this way, being bye-week unshackled from fantasy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOFWHty4XFQ

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nate Burleson is far less attractive when he’s sitting next to Bill Cowher instead of Kay Adams.

Perhaps there’s a connection?

Gratliff

lol this fucking game. I just accidentally ran over a guy with my horse while going to visit an old gang member to reminisce, and when they set the law on me, I was just gonna surrender to get to the next story mission as fast as possible, but instead, said psychopath jumped out of the bar and started shooting cops while covering me like the good egg that she is, so my bounty is currently unpayable.

My review of Chapter: Epilogue: Part 1: Article 4: Section D: Subsection 32 so far:

Jim Milton is a fucking dope. Willie Nelson still very high.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJ5PTIZdl-g

King Hippo

WOO!!! Leigh Ann Reims is a goal to the good in Lille!! That’s $50 at +440, mind

Redshirt

Even though they suck this year, can’t stop anybody, the quarterback play is inconsistent, and our young talent running back is being forgotten about, at least the Bengals can distract me from politics for four hours. I mean the President did wrong, but impeachment is a stretch. I mean even if you have the vote to impeach, if you don’t have the votes to convict, why do it? To convince the voters not to vote for him? They could easily turn it around and say you guys were so bloodthirsty to take him out that you ignored other Congressional business that could’ve make the country better.

Oh, sorry. I thought it was 1998. My bad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You know you can change the channel. Right?

Redshirt

…I can do what?

King Hippo

Only impeach if Mueller has a bombshell. Believe it when I see it. I also has high threshold, but treason crosses it.

/rumour is maybe they’s an indictment coming for Pence?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Directing a conspiracy that (so far) has his campaign manager looking to be locked up for the rest of his life, and his personal lawyer locked up for quite a while too isn’t enough of a “bombshell” for you to get a guy fired from a job which he’s doing incredibly badly? What’s it going to take?

King Hippo

It could be coming, there is a gap beyond what I THINK/am pretty sure happened and what can be proven. SO FAR.

Redshirt

As long as the GOP voters support Trump, he has the party by the gonads. They need something damaging enough to splinter his base so 20 Republicans vote to convict, or enough to cost Trump the ’20 election.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like the economy cratering is going to do that for a lot of them. He promised them riches, and he’s going to fail miserably to deliver.

Redshirt

I hope not unless they can take down Trump too. Pence was the choice to balance the ticket and get Trump elected. If Pence goes down, we get a guy that’s Trump wants as VP. (shudders)

tomsellecksmoustache

“Vice President Ivanka Trump.”

No, I do not like the sound of that one bit.

Redshirt

At this rate, I think any of the Trump Hellspawn would do a better job than Trump. Shit, lets amend the Constitution and give Barron a shot at the Presidency. It worked in “Rookie of the Year”, “Little Big League”, and “Richie Rich”!

King Hippo

it would have to be right before dropping the bomb on Trump

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s kind of funny, because the only thing Bill Clinton was a traitor to was his wife, and it’s every Republican’s wet dream to cause her the kind of anguish that Bill did. I’m surprised they didn’t throw him a parade.

King Hippo

I 100% wanted BillyBob to resign his office (that was just creepy, and more so in #MeToo world), but equally opposed impeachment. He should have been censured and disbarred, which he was.

Gore wins 2000 election if BillyBob DOES resign, because he would have shown his competence.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m not so sure. The campaign would have been “global warming is going to be a huge problem for our children unless we start dealing with it now” vs. “tax cuts for everybody and do whatever the fuck you want because making changes to your personal behavior is for pussies” and you know how the country would have voted given those choices.

Redshirt

The 2000 election was close. Any difference could’ve flip Florida to Gore.

yeah right

I’m looking at the Houston/ Indy under (49.5)
but if you want the real scoop, Charlotte is playing the Knicks today and the under is 225.

Jump on that like Jim Tomsula would jump on a ham bone.

King Hippo
King Hippo

/the black trombone player dude (MC Robo) was working at the Franklin Street Kinko’s when I was in law school. This made me turrribly sad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s weird, right? Like, one you see someone on stage or on TV you think they have “made it” permanently.

King Hippo

no doubt, and they was the most famous/popular (from frat docuhes to the artsy indie set) local band the whole time I was in college.

/but The Connells (#2 in same period) went national and Sex Police did nae, besides this one video making it to 120 Minutes

//saw both these bands together at Wolfstock my freshman year, that was the most public urination I have ever seen, and ah been to Wrigley Field ,, smh

Fronkenshteen

Just played my last $4 on a 2-leg parlay; Zeke 100 yards or more on the ground vs PHI / Shady 75 yards or more on the ground vs NYJ.
Elliott trampled the Eagles all 3 times he’s played them. Jets just aren’t even gonna get off the bus in Buffalo.
$4 gets me $16.20

Good luck!?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone come feed me

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well it’s not my cat, I can tell you that.

King Hippo

they’s country style ribs in Instapot (on slow cooker setting), should be ready by Scott Hanson’s halftime coke break.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m making zucchini lasagna tonight after sports-barring Ratbirds/Chefs. Assuming my companion ever wakes the fuck up.

smgdh

King Hippo

put some blow in it, that wake her up!

yeah right

Well I would but my street’s closed because Santa is going to ride on a Chevron firetruck later today and I can’t get my car out the garage.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Damn you Standard Oil!

King Hippo

hee hee, Reims have a player named “SUK”

King Hippo

oooooh, Barcodes got a fucker sent off!

Brocky

So I wanna start 2 Steelers, Samuel’s and juju, and the only thing stopping me is Pittsburgh apparent inability to win on oakland

King Hippo

Likes both today, there will be yards regardless of scoreline

Fronkenshteen

Does Samuels carry a TE designation in your liga?

Redshirt

It depends on how the Steelers will react to last week’s loss: either pissed off and ready for revenge or go all “woe is us” and lay an egg.

rockingdog

Im betting Pit defense shows up today…

Wakezilla

“P*ts/Fins: Oh look, it’s yet another boring New England W”

You know what? Brady is 7-9 against Miami in Miami and has really struggled against them the past couple of games. As long as the P*ts don’t ever run the ball, Miami’s Defense can keep the offense in the game long enough to get their shit together and win the game.

Fronkenshteen

I’m with you. And 8 points seems like a LOT based on yr argument.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I like the cut of your jib but life is pain so Pats will win.

Senor Weaselo

May you have a reflective Zappadan.

Brocky

Watching nfl pregame, shows montage of players who happened to all be black

narrator voice: GRIT shows on the screen in big block letters on a black background

Immediately shows tj watt, clay matthews and Luke Ketchuley

King Hippo

Good! Everybody knows they place. – Jefferson Beauregard S., Lickspittle, AL

blaxabbath

The FOX early show is absolutely terrible. Is this just an extension of late-late-late night tv? That makes way more sense than telling me anyone other than a UCLA intern is producing this broadcast.

King Hippo

I’d watch local news before I’d watch a network pre-game show. Ah mean, I surely DO hate myself, but there are fookin’ limits.

blaxabbath

Just feeding blaxito before he helps me brace xmas shopping.

King Hippo

Also, I keep posting this until every knee bends in front of Claire Boucher:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYG_4vJ4qNA

King Hippo

I have enough cold/allergy eye itchin’ that I had to take 3 Benadryl. Possibly lethal dosage of coffee to follow, DONKS NEED ME!!!

blaxabbath

Still have a better shot at a piss test than Sanchez.

King Hippo

Reims got boned out of a penno, BOO!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

@Hippo…..According to Mom, 10+ inches in northern Orange County and still coming down hard enough she can”t see across the lake.

Game Time Decision

I can send all the snow y’all want…..

King Hippo

fer Southern folk, this might as well be raining frogs and/or blood

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

10+ inches…Orange County…and still coming…what does SonOfSpam have to do with any of this?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good for tWBS’s mom

King Hippo

How Frenchy do ah feel? THIS Frenchy (hope she’s a Reims supporter):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4maoo4A3x4

King Hippo

watching Lille v. Reims on BeIn Connect channel 4. En Francais. I think Reims is white, not red.

/fuck you, YOU have a problem

King Hippo

//was right about teh colours, feels unduly proud

Fronkenshteen

Pick 2, non-PPR:

Josh Adams @ DAL
Chris Conley vs BALT
Anthony Miller vs LAR
David Moore vs MIN
Ty Montgomery @ KC
Antonio Callaway vs CAR
Rex Burkhump @ MIA
John Brown @ KC
Steven Ridley @ OAK
Kenneth Dixon @ KC

I have Conley and Adams in now. I need a win and as many points as I can get today, so I need to swing for the fences without being reckless. What say you all?
I’ll hang up and listen.

King Hippo

Adams y Miller

King Hippo

/but Conley is also likely fine over Miller.

Fronkenshteen

Had Miller in once troobs came back. Then Watkins foot exploded. Chefs dominant at home in Dec. , and Balt has had some real stinkers on the road this year.

blaxabbath

Ridley – Callaway.

Fronkenshteen

Had Callaway in for a bit, but Watkins foot died. Why Ridley over Adams? Game script concerns?

Fronkenshteen

Rollin’ with Chris Conley today in a must win matchup. May god have mercy on my soul.

King Hippo

HARD TRUFFS Part 2! Alison Mosshart is exactly the perfect amount of trashy. Yeeewwww wanna fight about it?

Fronkenshteen

Today is Tampa’s superb owl. Ws will get et.

Fronkenshteen

Gentlemen. Hippos. Dok.

King Hippo

Today is the Hippo/Petronel Derby. BUHLEE DAT!

Fronkenshteen

Thought Everton was tomorrow? Or we talking fantastical football?

King Hippo

nah, just Donks WOO! v. Fightin’ Tomsulas, grab a can of beans and some hardtack chuh chuh!

Petronel

Woo! I don’t get to see it, but would KILL for some good SF sourdough right now.

(Welcome to Non Sequitur Theatre.)

King Hippo

HARD TRUFFS time: The perfect breakfast is unlimited bacon and plain grapefruit. Go ahead, fight me!!

Game Time Decision

Giants vs spuds, I vote tie. Or meteor.

King Hippo

Gigantes! Need Non-gendered Cowpersons to take out N’Awlins, then lose to Bearistocrats! or RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!

King Hippo

tis ok, we can make small allowances for delirium tremens ,, smh

OMFG we has snow. Listen to Dead Weather.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WmzdiQ4HQs

theeWeeBabySeamus

None up here, interestingly. How much there so far?
That reminds me, I need to call my mom.

King Hippo

maybe 4-5 inches here, supposed to turn to heavy rain tonight and wash away. G-boro supposedly got 8+

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes.
We usually get the G’boro/Roxboro average.

Calling mom now, lol.

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