More squadoos playing? You bet. TO THE GAMES!
Bengals/Chargers:
Cincy is likely to get stomped given that wr Green is done for the year and rb Mixon was limited in practice all week. On top of all that The Fecund One, Mr. P. Rivers, has placed yet another sperm bomb into Tiffany’s nether region. But perhaps this game catches the Bolts off guard, given the emotional win last week vs. Pitt and their upcoming battle with K.C.
Broncs/Niners:
The fellas that poor Nick Mullens had to lean on in the passing game go by the handles of Goodwin, Pettis and Kittles. That last guy is a tight end that has proved this year that he belongs but all I can think of is cat food when I read his name.
Eagles/Cowboys:
They came, they played, they caused people to boo uncontrollably. Philly’s running back trio of Adams, Clement and Smallwood have a collective average of 4.3 yards per carry so far this season. Each one brings a little something different to the game and it helps to keep opposing D’s a wee bit off balance. Though you wouldn’t call the Cowboys D a difference-maker they have played capably in that they’ve yet to give up 30 points in a game.
Steelers/Raiders:
Raiders have a mere 10 sacks so far this year so Ben should have all the time in the world for Brown and Smith-Schuster’s patterns to unfold. Quick! Name a player in the Raiders secondary. I thought so-if they did have someone of quality Gruden would have traded him by now.
Lions/Cards:
An inter-conference tilt that means nothing to no one.
Let’s get some soup!
My father was so happy after the Giants first half he refused to watch the second because “it would be boring if they won, and deadly if they pissed away a 34-0 lead”
TINY DARREN
Fuck it. Go for it.
I don’t like the result, but it was a good call. Even if they turned the ball over at mid-field it’s not like Dak wouldn’t have given it back to them by the 30.
Just turned the game on. So, is Dak still our future?
Future dinner? Sure, why not.
he’s made the DERP mutually entertaining for the neutral, so…sure!
Only if you’re into canned ham.
Emo Carr gon emo extra hard 2nite
Seriously, he’s paid to throw a football. Despite all appearances.
must have had some mascara on his hands or sommet
EMO FUMBLE!
/cuts self on sidelines listening to Charlotte Sometimes
Put in the call to Sanchez, Jerrah. You know you want to.
Putting his team’s fate in the hands of a Mexican seems all too fitting.
I fucking hate football.
Evergreen
Is curling on anywhere? I feel like watching some curling right now.
Not that I know of, but NBC Sports is showing some sweet luge action right now.
Oops, I did it again! – DAK DAK DAK DAK DAK!!
MVP.
George Michael deserves an Academy Award for pretending to be interested in a woman in “Last Christmas”
He’s looking at her shoes.
They filled her pockets with meth and poppers.
as a young’un, I did sing this for him as Last Christmas, you gave me your butt
Zeke is at 6 yards per carry. He only has 14 carries. WTF
Dak is a better running back. Next year he starts catching his own passes, too. Gotta get that coors light money!
wen u have a 2-score lead against a side that can’t break triple digits offensively, u have 2 establish the passing game obvs
CHOSEN PICKERCEPTION
HOLY SHIT I HAVEN’T SEEN A KENYAN UPSET SO MANY PATRIOTS SINCE ELECTION DAY 2008
BANNER BANNER BANNER!!
I was working in a newsroom in a small red state market on that day and yes, some of them actually cried when he won.
It wasn’t the reporters since they can maintain a poker face (several of them were super conservative) but we had a lot of sales and administrative staff working extra hours to handle all the local vote returns and most of them were, uh, not very liberal lol
Roommate Commander is continuing her Xmas assault on our living room, now complete with blaring Xmas carols.
“I’ve… got to go.”
Sneak the Vandals Xmas album into the playlist
I got her with the Bad Religion Xmas album last year, but I think she’s learned her lesson and is going off of Spotify and her phone is well in view.
I know I say this a lot…but start a fire or a series of fires
Twisted Sister’s album is shockingly good.
Gronk agreed to do that Tide Pods commercial as long as they let him eat as many of them as he wanted.
The last tide pods commercial I saw featured a child lock. I would enjoy a commercial that was three minutes of gronk trying but failing to open one
It’s only a matter of time before he finds a way to make it smokable.
Or spike it into oblivion
Again…Special Needs Division everyone should be wearing a special helmet
How fucking hard is it to find an NFL kicker?
— Blair Walsh
“It’s not hard at all to find an NFL kicker.”
-Kareem Hunt’s ex.
I take ONE MINUTE to go glaze the meatloaf, and THIS happens! I know, “glazing the meatloaf” is now my new euphemism for masturbation.
‘
I thought we agreed on “basting the turkey”?
Brining the tenderloin?
Hey, Cowboy defender? You don’t like their celebration? Don’t let them score next time.
The everyone 7-9 scenario relies on the Jags and Titans winning too many games so it’s probably not likely 🙁
DAKDAKDAK! DAK!
RED ZONE ASSHOLES, WHY ARE YOU AT THE 50 WITH STEELERS
My personal theory is King Laserface insisted on procreating until he got a 2nd boy, in case the first is gay or a Demmycrat
Spending too much time on/working for Facebook means I can still be ‘with it’ without having to spawn childrens. I totally know how to correctly use the phrase ‘weird flex, but ok’!
Dak Prescott is a piece of shit glory boy who weaponizes his position in order to keep his running back down on the stat sheet and out of the end zone in order to earn more endorsements. No one can convince me otherwise. You will see. After one too many of these read option QB keepers inside the 5, Zeke is gonna start popping off in the media. Prescotts horseshit act is going to cost Dallas a playoff game, if not their playoff spot entirely. He sucks and will be exposed for what he is, which is every bit as self centered a player as Cam Newton and Odell Beckham. I hope he gets both his knees shredded. Fuck him.
That’s weapons-grade hate there.
I will give zero shits about anything Zeke says, ever. If Dak is fucking Zeke’s stats, good for him. We need fewer pieces of human shit on the leaderboards, and Zeke is exactly that.
A fascinating opinion! You and I should team for a wacky fucking sitcom.
It’s actually pretty weird that there hasn’t been a version of the odd couple where the oddness is driven by virulent dislike of different teams
It’s oppressive to require pants be part of the uni, good for him! Damn the man!
he’s HERE TO SEE TEH MAGIC!
OH AND HE SEXY!
Did Russell get some magic fizzy water routed to The Ben that fast?
They had to wait till the shot wore off enough.
Great hold by Dallas. Now give the ball to Zeke.
If everyone in the NFC East finishes 7-9, it looks like the Eagles win it.
then your Gigantes scenario is MOAR fun
It’s hard to choose because a four-way tie is so hard to get.
Shitty NFC East game: ONLY FG REACTS ALLOWED
Dakota Jesus is a false prophet. Repent, all ye battery tossers!
Said it once, I shall say again, Dakota Jeebus has THE WORST mechanics. THAT is why he misses so many easy passes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHHyJsVIF6Q
Thanks for showing that, CBS. There’s no way they’d play in that weather today.
Hmmm…
QUIZ: One of these is an actual photo of me. Identify it and include all supporting calculations in your test booklet. You have 30 seconds.
#3: You have no pants on.
Me, Seamus, You, Elway
OH SHIT. What if they all finish 7-9?
Jeff Fisher rises from the grave
THIS IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE SO I WANT IT
Go for it.
lol this fucking division
How did these guys win the big one last year? Makes zero sense.
They were playing the Patriots. God was on their side.
I’ve just ordered a beer which is 18% abv.
Tell my family I loved them
Why do you want us to lie for you?
I guess I’m marginally rooting for the Eagles, although the idea of the Cowboys being horribly embarrassed in the playoffs does appeal
The Ben ded maybe? HARF!!
I mean, he’s in Oaktown today, he’d have to get super rapey even by The Ben standards
HEAD OWIE
Did Ben get arrested during the half?
he went on a Taco run. he’ll be back
Chubb redux!!
Is it wentz, or did the eagles wrs give up on this whole ‘routes’ thing?
The Giants somehow winning the division at 8-8 would be funny.
Especially if they go on to beat the Pats in the SB again
This is, by my quick glance at the schedule, possible. The Texans and Colts are good enough to fuck up this race.
Eli is the best QB in the NFC East
I will never cease to be amused by Pat fan hate for little ol’ eli
This should not be true.
I can’t wait for his HOF induction.
Pey-Pey’s forced smile