This is my weekly outlook as to who will make the playoffs, who won’t, who will win, and who won’t.
As promised, I’m keeping track of what I say week to week so you can call me out on any bullshit you may see. At the end of the season, I’ll recap and highlight in green any predictions I got right.
If any.
Without further ado, TO THE STANDINGS!
AFC
So, big surprises this week, huh?
Who would have thought that New England would lose two games in a row twice in a season? That shit never used to happen!
And then San Diego goes into Kansas City, puts their large black balls on the table, and ends up taking the game with a two point conversion at the finish?
Classic stuff.
The dogshit pile of contenders got a little smaller as the Bengals were officially while the Browns and Dolphins are realistically eliminated from the playoffs. That leaves Baltimore, Indianapolis, and Tennessee as the only teams available to overtake Pittsburgh for either the division or the Wild Card.
I now DO NOT see Baltimore overtaking the Steelers for the AFC North although that won’t mean much for both teams in the big scheme of things. The two teams will probably lose this week and then win on the last week. That leaves the Steelers in as the division champ.
A Baltimore victory against the Chargers, of course, would obviously change that, but the Chargers are still trying to get the #1 overall seed, so they still have incentive to play hard.
Also, Harbaugh proved to be the only sane member of the Harbaugh coaching clan as he officially decided to go with hot sauce over mayo.
No, that’s not racist. Hot sauce is red and typically associated with Mexicans.
Here is how I see them finishing this week:
- Kansas City
- New England
- Houston
- Pittsburgh
- San Diego
- Baltimore
Yes, that’s New England in the #2 spot and not Houston. After watching this week’s games, I’m not sure the Texans beat Philly next week.
Here is the comparison to previous weeks:
| # | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actual |
| 1 | KC | KC | KC | KC | KC | |||
| 2 | NE | NE | NE | NE | NE | |||
| 3 | PIT | HOU | HOU | HOU | HOU | |||
| 4 | HOU | PIT | PIT | BAL | PIT | |||
| 5 | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC | LAC | |||
| 6 | BAL | BAL | BAL | PIT | BAL |
AFC Playoffs
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actual | |
| WC1 | PIT>BAL | PIT>LAC | PIT>LAC | PIT>HOU | PIT>LAC | |||
| WC2 | HOU>LAC | HOU>BAL | HOU>BAL | BAL>LAC | BAL>HOU | |||
| D1 | NE>PIT | NE>HOU | NE>HOU | NE>BAL | NE>PIT | |||
| D2 | KC>HOU | PIT>KC | KC>PIT | KC>PIT | KC>BAL | |||
| C | NE>KC | NE>PIT | NE>KC | NE>KC | NE>KC |
The matchups have changed again, but the results will be the same. No one is getting in the way of a New England-Kansas City AFC Championship.
NFC
The Cowboys were due for a bedshitting. And Oh My what a Taco Bell Diarrhea bedshitting it was! Shut OUT on the road against the Colts. Although they still have the inside track for the NFC East crown, the Eagles are hot and coming at them!
No, that’s not the tag line for Debbie Does Dallas, but it could have been.
The Seahawks are solidly in the #5 spot even though they themselves shat their own day-glo green beds against San Francisco. It’s obvious they overlooked the 49ers and that cost them. The Chiefs game at home this week will tell a lot about the Seahawks’ chances to make some noise in the playoffs this year.
Meanwhile, the Rams’ second straight loss means the Saints are basically assured the #1 seed. The race for the last Wild Card spot is tightening up as the Eagles, Washington, and Vikings all won. The Packers are done for the year and, for all intents and purposes, so are the Panthers.
I’m still putting the Eagles in and the Vikings and Potato Skins out. I think the Eagles will win out and the Bears will beat the Vikings on the last weekend of the regular season.
I also maintain that the fact that the Eagles are the defending Super Bowl champs counts for something and with Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles back at the QB spot, there may yet be a repeat in the cards…
Here is how I see them finishing this week:
- Saints
- Rams
- Bears
- Cowboys
- Seahawks
- Eagles
Here is the comparison to previous weeks:
| # | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actual |
| 1 | LAR | LAR | LAR | NO | NO | |||
| 2 | NO | NO | NO | LAR | LAR | |||
| 3 | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI | CHI | |||
| 4 | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL | DAL | |||
| 5 | CAR | SEA | SEA | SEA | SEA | |||
| 6 | SEA | CAR | PHI | PHI | PHI |
NFC Playoffs
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actual | |
| W1 | SEA>CHI | CHI>CAR | PHI>CHI | CHI>PHI | PHI>CHI | |||
| W2 | CAR>DAL | SEA>DAL | SEA>DAL | DAL>SEA | SEA>DAL | |||
| D1 | SEA>LAR | SEA>LAR | LAR>PHI | CHI>LAR | SEA>LAR | |||
| D2 | NO>CAR | NO>CHI | NO>SEA | NO>DAL | NO>PHI | |||
| C | NO>SEA | NO>SEA | NO>LAR | NO>CHI | NO>SEA |
I’ve now changed the matchups yet again. I think the Cowboys, Bears, and Rams make too many mistakes at critical times. I reserve the right to add the Seahawks to this list pending the outcome of the Chiefs game. That really only leaves Philly and the Saints as veteran teams that can go all the way.
I still say that the NFC Championship will be the real Super Bowl as the winner will handle New England in The Asshole.
Superb Owl
Saints beat New England.
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | Actual |
| NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE | NO>NE |
***
One more thing: José Mourinho has been fired as Manchester United’s coach!
Couldn’t happen to a nicer fella even though the timing is extremely odd.
Are the Reds the new Browns?
I didn’t realize that Brad Childress was also a Furry…
Not Liz’s target audience, but I do love the look on her face here. A nicely subtle hint of “I will fuck your shit UP if you touch these presents. Come on. I wish you WOULD.”
The last few weeks have shown us that the good defenses have caught up to the high powered offenses, which makes the favorites very much closer to their opponents and will make the games balance on a play or two, especially the division round. Except for those “NFL SUCKS” people, this makes for a great set of playoffs. Unless the P*ts pull it off, in which case it will just keep follow the 2016 DTL.
100% agreed, I was just thinking last night (watching the Saints stumble around) how unpredictable it will be. That’s all one can ask for, so long as Yinzers and P*ts lose.
/I also like watching contrasts play out in real time, and we will have ample “run v pass” and “offense v defense” matchups, it looks like
Yes, the rapists lose too, but my priority hatred is the P*ts, followed closely by Shittsburgh.
reverse for me, but they are the bottom 2 by a long, long way
/helps that the Raiders are too shitty to really care about
/also, remember that ONE MOAR loss for RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! = Chi**** gets the bye and homefield for the divisional round (and throughout if you think DAL beats NO again, as I do)
Ain’t nobody beating Bearistocrats! in January Soldier Field conditions. One would be lucky to score at all.
The offense is not quite good enough to travel, so it has to be there or they won’t make it in NO.
tend to agree with this, but Cohen is an x-factor
You’re right. If he has a tape of Trump fucking an uggo, he might shame the orange one into resigning from office. Then we just need the tape of mother pegging Pence. Next stop, President Pelosi.
Hallelujah FOAR Cohen!
A TWIST!!
KC over 500s in the AFC Title match
Bearistocrats! over Non-Gendered Cowpersons in NFC Title match
Picking a Superb Owl winner in that matchup be tricky as fuck
Dallas looks to be one and done.
could be, but that underrated defense plus Asshole Zeke gives them one hell of a floor (in my opinion) – think Indy was just a bad game, and they still could have won had they converted a few of those key 4th down plays (and their willingness to go for it DOES give them a playoff advantage – again, in my opinion).
Indy pretty much kicked their ass; out coached and out played the whole game. Could have been a bad day, but a playoff team match-up does not look good for them. Aside from that I hate that team so I know I’ll be rooting for it.
I always found it ironic Darren Sharper played for a team with the acronym “NO”
SB Champs. Book it.
In a comic book.
Of course it would be a great, HILARIOUS comic and if it came true I’d buy 100 copies.
So big dick Nick is the difference between the bears winning and losing?
Yup!
Is this why you took Go ahead, yell at me and tell me I’m stupid. out of the post?
Also yes.
I thought Bears would be size queens.
Truly the darkest timeline.
A glorious timeline, but not the best timeline…… yet.
*Football only; the rest of the present timeline will be the worst.
So, if NO wins, does Bresus retire?
“NO NEVER WINS.” – THE BEN
No, but Farve tries another comeback.
Ratbirds will beat bolts. 4th & 29 all over again.
Damn, I haven’t seen a Raven slice through something like this since…
Um, I mean he beat that defense like it was his…
We’ve replaced Baltimore’s Hellman’s with Duke’s Mayonnaise. Let’s see if anyone notices.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_Gtb1kElRk
Fun fact: I was at that game. Good seats too. I was with some Chargers fans and the drive back to LA was pretty quiet.
Rahim Moore.
ha, I just saw this (thinking the same today, u may want to go to the doctor and get checked out)
Without that play, the Ravens do not win the Superb Owl that year.
Please let this happen to the Heretics.
plus the more well-known Rahim Moore pitch shitting
/they were REALLY lucky that season, as lucky as I can recall an Owl winner being
My Xanex just kicked in.