Latest posts by theeWeeBabySeamus (see all)
DFO is going to re-start the infamous “Mailbag” type of thing. BrettFavresColonoscopy is the point man, but it seems a lot of us might be manning the wheel from week to week. It’s still taking form.
But if you have a burning question, if you have some life issue you need advice with…..or if you just have a personal question about any of us (no promises) please do send your inquiries here….
We’re going to have some fun with this. So come and have some fun with us.
Christmas Eve is three days away and I don’t have a Christmas tree.
I did have one. I don’t anymore.
It was a beautiful Frasier Fir. I spent hours picking this tree out. It had no bad spots. It was perfect.
After purchasing the aforementioned tree, I put it into the back of Dave and lovingly transported it home. Upon arriving home, I responsibly fired up the chainsaw, without cutting off my own foot mind you, and took off about a half inch on the bottom (phrasing). I then placed it into the tree stand, balanced it just right, and brought it into the house.
Then, with great care did I string the lights. Then added the gold and brass ornaments. The Angel on the top, as always, of course.
This tree was gorgeous.
Don’t believe me? Just look at my shitty cell phone photo here….
Then I went out of town for two and a half weeks and Mom forgot to water the damned thing. When one insists upon putting up the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving (her), then one should remember to water the damned thing. Don’t you think?
When I got home last weekend, I immediately saw it was dry and dangerous. I still left it in place for a couple of days, added water, etc. But it just wasn’t happening. It wouldn’t drink by that point. Then a couple of days ago I tested a branch and it snapped like kindling. Then I thought of this….
So as I said….
I don’t have a Christmas Tree now. Well technically I do, but it’s now outside on the burn pile.
But on the bright side, I also don’t have any fire damage and my homeowner’s insurance isn’t going up.
Santa Has A Pretty Easy Job, I Think
Seriously. I mean sure, he works a 24 hour shift. But for only one day a year. The rest of the time he has a bunch of underpaid midgets doing his job for him. He’s got flying reindeer. Eight of ’em. Nine if you count that other red nosed freak. I DON’T EVEN HAVE ONE!?!?!?!?!?
And when he gets done doing his 24 hour shift once a year, he gets to go home, get hammered, and bang Mrs. Claus for 364 days.
Sounds like a pretty sweet deal.
Frankly, I think the guy is a huge fat lazy jerk. And I think he ought to be brought up on charges for mistreating his little employees.
He’s probably not properly caring for his flying reindeer in accordance with local laws either.
I’M STILL WAITING ON THAT COLECOVISION YOU PROMISED ME IN 1982 YOU FAT ASSHOLE!!!!!!!
Sports To Make You Merry 2Nite
- Buffalo @ Washington – 7:00pmEST – TV: NBCSN
- Milwaukee @ Boston – 8:00pmEST – TV: ESPN
- New Orleans @ LAL – 10:30pmEST – TV: ESPN
- Detroit @ Xavier – 7:00pmEST – TV: FS2
- NC A&T @ Minnestota – 8:00pmEST – TV: B1GN
- (24)Furman @ LSU – 8:00pmEST – TV: SECN
- (14)Buffalo @ (20)Marquette – 8:30pmEST – TV: FS1
- N. Arizona @ Utah – 9:00pmEST – TV: PAC12N
- Sacramento State @ UDub – 9:00pmEST – TV:PAC12N
- Penn State @ Bama – 9:00pmEST – TV: SECN
- Oklahoma @ Northwestern – 9:00pmEST – TV: B1GN
- Providence @ Texas – 9:00pmEST – TV: ESPN2
- San Jose State @ Cal – 10:00pmEST – TV: PAC12N
- S. Utah @ USC – 11:00pmEST – TV: PAC12N
By the time you read this, the shitty bowl games from today will be over.
And BYU will probably be showing off their their magic underpants after shaming Western Michigan. Which is nothing to brag about (no ofence, Broncos…but you’re overmatched probably).
But seriously, I’m probably wrong and….this is why one should never bet on bowl games. Just don’t do it.
(I’m looking at you, King Hippo )
Dear Mrs. Claus
When are you going to get a clue and leave that fat jerk and come let me treat you as you deserve?
He’s cheating on you!!!!!!
You also put up with those crazy little midgets. And you get neglected.
You have a place here whenever you decide. Call me.
Meh, screw it.
Wow, Christmas came early apparently. So did I. Sorry about that. My Christmas balls are a bit fragile I suppose.
But you ladies go on and continue, I’ll sit over here and just watch…
Thanks Santa!!!!! You are totally forgiven for that whole Colecovision thing!!!!!!
Orrrrrr….maybe not. Jerk.
You got one last chance to pay up, shithead. I am not dicking around with your fat ass anymore.
OK I Guess We Gotta Do Christmas Now
Enjoy your holidays, everyone.
Please be safe. Don’t drink and drive or I’ll kill you.
Hallellujah, Holy shit, Where’s the Tylenol?