I fell asleep watching the West By God Virginia self-cousin-fucking last night. No worries, I caught Wazzu (who I mostly bet ML at -140, thankfully) eking it out from 3-5am compressed. Yeah, that’s an old trick from when my oldest was an insomniac baby.
Today’s fun:
Florida (+5.5) v. Meeechigan, No Homoes Chikin Bowl (Atlanta, GA – Noon, ESPN)
Yes, they put Peach back in the official title, but I mock them anyway. I trust the Gators to be even shittier than the Wolverine backups, but don’t have any bets on it.
Virginia (+4.5) v. South Carolina, Dying Redneck Town Department Store Bowl (Charlotte, NC – Noon, ABC)
My system says to fade both the ACC Coastal (except Duke) and SEC Paaawwwwwlll East, so I am at a loss. But Wahoowa has been pretty good as an underdog this year. May throw a $50 down.
Arkansas State (+2) v. Nevada, Martin Luther Tha’ King Bowl (Tucson, AZ – 1:15, CBSSN)
Because AZ legislators would want it that way, obvs. This is notable only for the Lesser Wolf Pack aspect (and yeah, they spell it as two words, weirdos). Don’t watch this.
Notre Dame (+13) v. Clemson, Raging Semi #1 (Arlington, TX – 4:00, ESPN)
Now, the real fun starts! I am more than a little surprised at the heavy spread, given that SO MUCH of the Tiggers’ dominance can be attributed to their fearsome DL, how missing its best player. Hmmmmmm. Still, I hate both these sides mercilessly and equally. Get fucked, dickasses.
Oklahoma (+14) v. Alabama, Raging Semi #2 (Miami, FL – 8:00, ESPN)
This also seems kind of high, though betting against Roll Damn Tide is a fool’s errand. Still, UGA showed some exploitable weakness…so an upset can’t be ruled out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aQhpcEjj5g&fbclid=IwAR1lKFTSv5jdju7ONwBgSqlYFaYohQ91j7F0WK3_hVjiCmmngqJLHA7ZD_Q
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qeAUp4rbeqk
That is not the axis of rotation I expected.
That’s what she said.
We’ve been watching a lot of the same videos…
That’s good bowl porn.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q30XrLNkKw&t
I fell into a rabbit hole and started watching a bunch of old Christmas commercials on Youtube. Was a little surprised when I scrolled down to see a lot of seemingly MAGA-ish pining for the good old days. I know that people obsessed with going back to how things used to be might be disproportionately attracted to nostalgia, but I think I get it on an even deeper level: These commercials are the whitest things I’ve ever seen. Most of them don’t even have a whiff of black people, but beyond that, they’re all so Martha Stewart. Perfect trimming, crackling fireplace, everybody looks like they’re about to go skiing. It’s not like the Lexus commercials that make you just want to kill yourself for not living in their slate grey sleek houses of glass, steel, wood and stone. These houses look like the Macallister’s place in Home Alone. So it’s not only upper class and white, but also takes place in a time they totally understand. No big surprises coming when you already know how 1985 more or less plays out.
I need to go to bed.
Is the answer cocaine?
What happened in 1985?
Hey
Of course. I killed the discussion.
Like two crows together, it’s only attempted murder.
This is really good.
I like to think that whoever gets the offensive or defensive MVP in the Orange Bowl keeps the original oranges in the name of authenticity. Shortly thereafter the oranges begin to rot. Eventually they break down into fuzzy mold that liquifies. All the while it’s on display, horrifying his visitors. By the time he dies, the residue will stain the bowl permanently.
That would rule.
Get a step stool for Satan so he can see over the orange bowls.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=XC9-NA29l9Q
The world is going to explode in a nuclear apocalypse, leaving only the cockroaches, a couple of rats in the NYC subway, and Keith Richards, Tom Waits, and Iggy Pop sitting in a diner smoking cigarettes and bullshitting while wondering why the waitress hasn’t comeback with their order yet.
The rats will be in the subway. The subway itself will have fallen apart, not because of the nuclear apocalypse, but because it’s falling apart on its own.
This gonna be like Bama v Clemson IV?
Good Job Satan.
Fuck off Oklahoma. Go shovel a Sonic burger up your ass.
So, Saban is just gonna fuck all the O/U bettors, right?
Of course. Kick some puppies for him.
he just wanted to see me sweat/possibly die
I guess that still qualifies as the Over got fucked.
or not.
EIGHT YARDS
haha, that was close
WOO!!!!
#NevarAgain
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Take all the pills. The under is going to win.
why did they not take a knee the previous play? FUCCCCKKKKK
Take the pills. Leave his thumbs.
http://theseventies.berkeley.edu/godfather/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2018/06/image028.png
OK. Just run it out, you shits
“OK. Just run it out, you shits”
Me, the morning after making a drunken decision to hit Taco Bell at 1:30 am.
And then they used the word “implies” correctly. What’s going on here, man?
I’m picturing you as Statler and Waldorf, only if they were grammar Nazis.
/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/250?cb=20101102142824
2 more first downs, PLEASE
Am watching the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel with my wife. It’s fine. But…
A character says the phrase “infers and portends” which clearly means that he meant “IMPLIES and portends” and it wasn’t remarked upon by any other character which means that SOME FUCKING WRITER AND SOME FUCKING SCRIPT EDITOR AND SOME STUPID FUCKING DIRECTOR ALL DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO GODDAMNED WORDS FUCK IT ALL GODDAMNIT I’M GOING TO BURN IT ALL GODDAMNED DOWN.
It is a good show. Weird nitpick though.
It pisses me off when people mix up those two words, but it *really* pisses me off when it makes it through several layers of editing.
79 points! Wasn’t the O/U 80 points?
80.5 when I bet the under
80.5. Never bet.
Horatio, can you queue up a Tom Waits song to play this terrible OU team off the field?
They get what they deserve, warm beer and cold women.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MUXDpYR6YE
https://youtube.com/watch?v=q1loA473avo
only an ACC crew could miss THAT block in the back
Never bet o/u, kids. NEVER.
I can’t believe the over can still hit.
when I bet the under, anything is possible
THIS OKLAHOMA I CALL THEM CAITLYN JENNER BECAUSE THERE’S NO D WHERE YOU EXPECT ONE
This is damn funny.
The only thing wrong with this is that no one who’s seen Oklahoma play would expect any D.
I’m not in the business of managing expectations.
last night reading:
Spider Man! Into SpiderVerse
http://origin-flash.sonypictures.com/ist/awards_screenplays/SV_screenplay.pdf
I am exponentially better at gambling when I’m high.
I am convinced that my listening comprehension is vastly better while high. I plan to test this while practicing my Spanish in the future.
/not joking about this; I am actually really curious whether it’s true.
Fun story: Xmas Eve my wife gives me a “special cookie.” I don’t smoke pot because it’s never really done much for me and because I hate the way the smoke makes me feel the next day. But I am interested in edibles.
I ate the entire fucking thing. With my wife’s encouragement, which I relied on because she does indulge.
I feel nothing. For about three hours. And then, holy shit. Head started to spin, but not in a nausea-inspiring way, like booze. So I go to bed. Now I start getting paranoid as fuck. And I can’t sleep, because part of me is falling asleep and part of me is watching me fall asleep and that part of me is engaged in a running commentary of what the part of me falling asleep is doing. And then I become convinced that I’m having a stroke, so I have to swim up to say “I can speak and am not having a stroke” and I have to do this at least twice. Around 4 am I finally come down enough to sleep. Felt like shit most of Xmas. My wife felt terrible.
In conclusion, marijuana will clearly lead to PCP abuse and should be banned, and next time I will only have one bite of the cookie and see how that goes.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Eww.
Yeah, I walked right into that one.
Oklahoma’s defense is like the French army in WWII. “Fuck it, they’ll have to stop when they reach the Atlantic, and then we’ve got ’em!”
But in French.
Episode 2 of Hardcore History podcast about WWI was awesome. Really highlights the French army holding the line.
I recently read a book about the battle of Verdun, (coincidentally called The Battle of Verdun), and Jesus fuck, you are not kidding about that.
I can only absorb 15 more points, fuckers. BURN CLOCK
Fun Fact: “BURN CLOCK” is a voodoo ritual the Kansas City Chiefs players attempt before every postseason begins.
This is good, I want Prince of Darkness to take out his anger on Son of Clem
let’s see what Satan is calling up for Tua
Wouldn’t being down 10 be better than 11? I will hang up and listen.
last funny:
[at a street brawl]
onlooker 1: fuck him up!
onlooker 2: knock his teeth in!
onlooker 3: kill him!
me: give him the ol’ razzle dazzle!
[the fight stops, everyone turns and looks at me. a bus screeches to a halt. two blocks away a bird flies into a window]
me: razzle dazzle him.
I’d bet that this fucker ends 45-27