I fell asleep watching the West By God Virginia self-cousin-fucking last night. No worries, I caught Wazzu (who I mostly bet ML at -140, thankfully) eking it out from 3-5am compressed. Yeah, that’s an old trick from when my oldest was an insomniac baby.
Today’s fun:
Florida (+5.5) v. Meeechigan, No Homoes Chikin Bowl (Atlanta, GA – Noon, ESPN)
Yes, they put Peach back in the official title, but I mock them anyway. I trust the Gators to be even shittier than the Wolverine backups, but don’t have any bets on it.
Virginia (+4.5) v. South Carolina, Dying Redneck Town Department Store Bowl (Charlotte, NC – Noon, ABC)
My system says to fade both the ACC Coastal (except Duke) and SEC Paaawwwwwlll East, so I am at a loss. But Wahoowa has been pretty good as an underdog this year. May throw a $50 down.
Arkansas State (+2) v. Nevada, Martin Luther Tha’ King Bowl (Tucson, AZ – 1:15, CBSSN)
Because AZ legislators would want it that way, obvs. This is notable only for the Lesser Wolf Pack aspect (and yeah, they spell it as two words, weirdos). Don’t watch this.
Notre Dame (+13) v. Clemson, Raging Semi #1 (Arlington, TX – 4:00, ESPN)
Now, the real fun starts! I am more than a little surprised at the heavy spread, given that SO MUCH of the Tiggers’ dominance can be attributed to their fearsome DL, how missing its best player. Hmmmmmm. Still, I hate both these sides mercilessly and equally. Get fucked, dickasses.
Oklahoma (+14) v. Alabama, Raging Semi #2 (Miami, FL – 8:00, ESPN)
This also seems kind of high, though betting against Roll Damn Tide is a fool’s errand. Still, UGA showed some exploitable weakness…so an upset can’t be ruled out.
I don’t want Ayo to fall asleep, so here’s an Acura commercial for his No-Tom-Waits ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bt4Xx3vX3Lg
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mIY5OqjbmWg
That’s a great song.
#75 for OU holds every play
FG range!
2 scores!
PUNT!!!
That’s what, 3 easy pickerceptions Bama has dropped?
Satan is mad for a reason.
Watching Saban melt down on every play is wonderful theater.
As someone who hates life, I take comfort in his inability to feel joy even for a millisecond
I imagine when his kids were born he was pissed they weren’t twins.
His wife ran gassers.
I have a book. Why am I watching this again?
I read for most of the first game, damn it!
You’re Burgess Meredith and your glasses broke?
I like this one, but it’s definitely a Tom Waits song so I understand if you don’t like it, (unlike the one below, which is objectively fantastic) (glares at Mr. Ayo for a disturbing length of time), but if you don’t appreciate the title, “Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis”, then why are you even here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxVo5mjK4eg
Oh, I get it now! These are songs to fall asleep to. Genius.
tis a mumbly lullaby
Motherfucker…
Didn’t know Trent Green played baseball? Well he does now!
Neither does Trent.
A controversial decision? In boxing? Wait but it went against the champ, that’s interesting.
Was it worse than last week’s? Because that was a straight up fix.
The announcers said smaller Charlo won the fight, not Harrison. I only saw a couple rounds since I was going back and forth with the Ice Giants but I thought it was fairly close.
Yeah, that’s a replay from last week. I only saw bits and pieces of that one, but everyone who did, other than the three judges at ringside, seemed to think the decision was a war crime.
Bama defense need to stop fucking around and rip the heart out of OU here.
what Boomer Sooner needs is to control the clock and kick another FG
If you don’t like this song you suck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtLVXBqfqBY
I’m made it a minute in. Does it get better?
It says it right there in the title, you have to wait.
But I’m not Tom.
Just because you can’t sing don’t mean you can’t be a famous singer!
/hides from Horatio
You people are a bunch of goddamn Philistines.
I think Gratliff is the only one from Philly.
JUst watched a doco on The World Peace and Unification Sanctuary. That dude really likes guns.
well, with a name liek that how cud they not?
Not a fan of their music. Wait that’s The World/Inferno Friendship Society.
OU cuts it to a… still a two possession game.
Good thing they kicked those FGs!
Wouldn’t want to be down 1 score.
that’s just what the globalists EXPECT! – Pete C., Undisclosed, WA
be 18 again soon enough (phrasing)
If there only were no laws against murder, Saban would be our God-King
Satan wake up.
apparently he was just jerkin’ it
Oooh the cover.
why I generally won’t bet 11+ point spreads
Under 80.5 looking shakier now, unless Bama REALLY bleeds clock
I’d say something but I don’t want to jinx Yeah Right’s bet, so I’ll just shut up.
This is the only way to listen to this song. Not knowing what you’re doing and with a bunch of your shit-housed friends hollering the chorus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yf0Amcgxot8
Just hurry up and kick the field goal.
It’s almost like a season of playing against a conference of shitty defenses has inflated OU’s stats enough to make them look good.
Notre Dame’s opposition agrees.
Singer’s voice is sort of grating at first but, honest to Xenu, I fucking love this version.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2yA443AoFTo
My new god is Autotune; I pray to thee.
I’ve heard some other stuff from them and, Xene help us, I don’t think it’s autotune.
Is is an Onion parody?
when that happens, why don’t they just get out of the pocket and throw the ball away?
Run play, so linemen downfield penalty.
better than losing the down and 7-10 yards, though
Go ahead and try to explain that to Satan when you get back to the sideline.
solid point!
I hope the rest of the game is 6+ minute FG drives
The Chevy family are Trump voters.
[pats Toyota truck lovingly]
[but is also considering getting a Volt]
Now or never!
I hate this ad. Yeah. let me spend $100,000 on a pool because my daughter is a cunt. Fuck you Northwestern Mutual.
at that age, give ’em $40 and they pretty much will go away the entire weekend
Pssht, you can find somebody to pay you $40 and have them gone for the entire weekend.
espn chyron: “Tua is fine.”
Oh but when I say “Stephanie from accounting is fine” I get a written warning and have to attend a 4-hour workplace behavior seminar… bastards.
I fucked Stephanie
Antidote to DMB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7_Lg5dd_9g
Son of Spam will hunt you down for being on his turf!
Now, now. She can file restraining orders against both of us.
well, it’s LIKE being Eskimo Brothers…
Antidote to DMB:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=63Agrr2qC78
Antidote to DHB
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aVxNH6iN9I
Chick Fil-A “We’re all on the same team except the homos”
Yeah, screw the gays!
Wait, not literally folks.
well, at least they kicker got his precious record!
Another FG? Oklahoma should be banned for life from the playoff.
The NFL’s next great offensive mind operates in mysterious ways apparently.
Another pointless FG?
/scribbles GAME OVER in notebook
//closes notebook
///sniffs fart
Field Goal? OK >
another FG inside the 10, gotta get it down to 18!!
OU appears to be running out the clock.
found a funny:
pilot: this is your captain speaking
me (very quietly, to myself): this is your passenger listening
Note- if any of you all are in San Francisco, check out SF SketchFest next month. It’s a nice time!
MUTHA FUCKING BRONK NAGURSKI!!!!!!
“Just do what we did that 2nd quarter”
Break even??
Dude bought my Snickers around the corner because I held the door open for him. Huh, good things happen sometimes. I await an anvil falling on my head.
Is that an euphemism?
LMAO
Just remember to hold the Snickers bar out and away from your body, so the Roadrunner can eat it.
He can do that, but nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!
Google: Shit Happens
For you guys bitching about DMB….
Do you not own headphones and a mute button or what?
We’re not SMRT like you. Also, this Google ad blows too.
Mother fucker we can’t even be bothered to put on pants
LMFAO, you got me there.
This should be the official DFO motto, if not the evergreen banner.
I am poor and I cannot afford such luxuries. There’s no need for you to rub it in.
OH BOY IT’S DAVE MATTHEWS
DMB sucks all the sucks. What is this crap?
Now enjoy a Dave Matthews Tribute Band:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=NGgLjrcB1Yo
Yeah, I’m not going to listen to any of that.
Yes you will
Fine! But I’m not watching it!
Okay, no one tell yeah right, but I have shamed my Indiana ancestors.
I left a pot full of cottonseed oil on the back deck from frying a turkey , not expecting it to freeze.
It did, or at the very least it coagulated. Will it melt enough after I’ve brought it inside? Pot has got a spigot
It will.
Coagulated is a funny word.
So is spigot.
12 inch pianist
Lucky him.
If it’s not some kind of emulsion that broke (and if it’s just oil, it’s not) then it will go back to normal when heated back up.
You did what?
Are the Cows gonna finally beat the spread?
In Indiana “cows beating the spread” refers to middle aged housewives going to golden corral after church on sundays
Alabama gonna get the W.
I’m gonna watch basketball…
What good boys!
No matter how much you advertise it, I promise I will never watch the Kevin Hart/Cripple Walter White movie
“That’s why he’s frustrated”-on Nick Saban as he’s blowing a blood vessel, and possibly going blind.
While they’re up 21 at the half