Your “Game Sponsored by Hatey McHaterson” Saturday Night NFL Football Open Thread

I hate the Cowboys. I have for quite some time. Let’s go back to the days before home computers, cell phones and social media. The written word was just beginning to take hold despite what the naysayers were nay saying. A rock applied to the head with varying degrees of force was a good enough means of communication for my grandfather and it’s good enough for me-whatever my name is! Then, as now, oldish white guys decided what was going to be placed before your eyebulbs and as far as football was concerned, they didn’t think they could do any better than the Dallas Cowboys. Little boy me didn’t know what ‘market over-saturation’ was then and still don’t now.

You couldn’t escape. Prime time TV, Sports Illustrated, Sport magazine, Inside Sport magazine-they extolled the countless virtues of a Roger Staubach, a Tom Landry, a Tony Dorsett (until he got a wee bit uppity) or a [insert white player’s name here]. I was able to free myself from the shackles of this form of mind manipulation for the most part. (I sometimes get half a chub when footage of Golden Richards is shown)

I therefore understand the hate/contempt that some have shown for the Seahawks though I don’t partake. To me, Coach Carroll is just another silly millionaire-type coach-guy that lives in a wee bubble of his own making so, whatever. He can loudly chew gum, strut the sidelines and conduct tours of Tower 6 all he likes.

Oh right-the game

Seattle/Dallas:

Gimme Kit Carson and Co. and a late field goal. No more talk of Dallas.

Conduct yourselves accordingly. To what? No idea.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.1K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

It’s pouring rain here in Playa del Rey. When I moved here twenty years ago Los Angeles was a forgotten dump, and the most interesting place I’ve ever seen. All that is gone now, but it’s still a nice place with very nice people.

Doktor Zymm

Off season idea, how about we rewatch/fake liveblog some classic fights?

Spur

boxing Fights? MMA Fights, NFL fights?……..

Horatio Cornblower

As long as they’re fake liveblogs, may as well do all the fights I “won” in high school.

This ain’t my first locker.

Senor Weaselo

Can they be Celebrity Deathmatch?

Unsurprised

I’m going to wander off. Later taters.
comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Brick Meathook

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

In honor of the Cowboys advancing to meet either than Saints or the Rams, on the road, next week

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgVPbls1-rY

Doktor Zymm

You know, I wasn’t thinking of buying a Hublot, but after seeing the word on a guy’s ass in the rerun of a boxing match…..hmmmm

Spur
Unsurprised

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Every boxing coach I’ve had (2) is a liar. These guys are not keeping their guard up and they’re in the goddamn title fight.

Unsurprised

comment image

Brick Meathook

It’s pouring rain in Los Anguleez right now!

Sharkbait

Pouring on the Cape too

Brick Meathook

Cape May? Cape Canaveral? Cape Horn?

Sharkbait

Cod.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, do I root for the Russian fighter, because his life is probably horrible and who knows, he might be killed if he loses, or do I root for the dude I’m not sure what country he’s from, but he has pretty awesome hair?

Senor Weaselo

Sorry Dok, it’s a rerun.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, 2 minute delay, 2 week delay, whatevs

Horatio Cornblower

Korobov-Charlo?

I’d bet heavily on Charlo.

herodotus450

I’d do something else heavily on Charo, if you know what I mean.

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

Always nice to be reminded that something that brings me joy also brings Jerry Jones joy.
/grabs bottle of turpentine
Looks like it’s you and me tonight old friend.

Unsurprised

comment image

Gratliff

comment image

Unsurprised

comment image

Spur

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes but check for a knife, hell yes.

Unsurprised

They’re all Russian, if that matters.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re all in Scotchnaut’s basement.

Spur

NO. lock me away. I had hot, sexy, sticky sex

Unsurprised

Fuck it. The stupid fuck didn’t make a publicly-available album.

h

ttps://forum.phun.org/threads/karanlit-maryberry-frosty-lure-more-naked-game-suicidegirls-com-jan-2nd-2019.2712035/

Horatio Cornblower

I saw them live a few years ago and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

Doktor Zymm

Wow…boxing commentary…’You gotta sacrifice your body a little bit, force yourself on top of this guy’

Spur

off to Ghost Adventures. 12 hours of static is strangely attention grabbing.

But Demonhouse was scarey as fuck. highly recommended.

Gratliff

Heartfelt congratulations to Dallas’ player of the game: Seabass’ hamstring.

Redshirt

RE: Cowboys allowing a TD+2pt at the last second to win by 2 when the spread was Cowboys by 2.5.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgW7pBKcU4k&t=3m54s

Gratliff

Under the Red Hood is great because it gives you the false impression that the animated DC movies aren’t dogshit

Redshirt

Hey, Animated DC Movies are good. That’s the problem, the Animated DC Movies are good and the Live-Action DC Movies are dogshit.

Col. Duke LaCross

I attribute it to actually attempting to stick by the source material. With a few exceptions. The Killing Joke was kind of icky. The animated series are great too. Young Justice was awesome, and I thought the Green Lantern cartoon was underrated as hell. Might actually catch the Death Of Superman/Reign of the Supermen double feature next week in the theater.

Unsurprised

Now that Gfycat does music, I need to make one with the Curb theme.
comment image

Doktor Zymm

Okay, so I probably won’t be able to find a place to watch the games in Taipei next weekend, so let me just put in a future wish for Zeke to lose the game and get a small but persistent injury that prevents him from performing well in the future.

Spur

Cowboy Haters Tears comment image

Doktor Zymm

Honey, no one cries jizz, and if someone is crying while down there on you, please, please, reevaluate your life.

WCS

I’d cool your jets a bit, bud. Every Wild Card win means another four years for Princeton Red.

Spur

Bull, Red needs to Superb Owl run or he’s down.

Gratliff

I tend to only turn Netflix on for a month at a time a couple times a year to get caught up. Is Bird Box actually any good?

Horatio Cornblower

My son watched it and said he figured out the ending 20 minutes in and that the whole thing was a waste of time.

Wakezilla

No

Doktor Zymm

Too lazy to read the Wikipedia, so WTF is birdbox?

Unsurprised

Shitty Netflix movie where if you see the monster you kill yourself. It’s an apt premise because that’s what I wanted to do when it ended.

Doktor Zymm

So shitty Medusa?

Doktor Zymm

No one has a mirror?

Unsurprised

It works through mirrors and cameras and … It’s stupid. You’re not missing out.

Gratliff

Can only fight it using the newest technology from Ancient Greece
comment image

Gratliff

What’s prompting those 50 million memes with the woman rowing blindfolded

WCS

Trump voters and Antifa

Interesting irony.

Spur

one more game. Fuck Yeah!

Spur

It’s on tomorrow Eagle Fans. The Bears are gonna smash those eggs.

Gratliff

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Would you call those Bears DDT?

Sharkbait

DAK is a grown ass man? I never knew that.

Doktor Zymm

If there was ever a time I would be totally cool with Buccsing up the Victory formation….

Horatio Cornblower

Pete Carroll is surprisingly upset for a guy that asked a 40+ drunk to try to kick a 48 yard FG and now is asking the punter to execute one of the hardest plays in pro football.

Spur

Cowboys win. Eat an asshole haters comment image

Horatio Cornblower

What do Allan Hurns and Sebastian Janikowski have in common?

Neither one of them can do that dance.

ballsofsteelandfury

Onside kicks are impossible now because they don’t have a running start. It’s bullshit.

Col. Duke LaCross

They need to back up the returning team five yards.

ballsofsteelandfury

Right? They’ve essentially taken that play out of the game.

Redshirt

Agreed. Either that or allow blocking without 10 yards.

Doktor Zymm

It was a low enough percentage play, no need to fucking hamstring it

Horatio Cornblower

“Too soon!”
Sebastian Janikowski

Spur

comment image

Col. Duke LaCross

I get it, drop kicking is the dude’s specialty, but you don’t even try practicing the conventional way?

herodotus450

How do you expect to get reps in with the first team when there’s only one tee?

Col. Duke LaCross

Touché

ballsofsteelandfury

It wouldn’t have mattered.

Redshirt

If anything, it may help him because it could make the ball go off the tee in a weird way. It doesn’t have to do a weird, small bounce, very high bounce thing. It just has to go in a way where its not caught by the other team.

Spur

that was underwhelming. i expect more

Redshirt

comment image?b64lines=IFdIQVQgVEhFIEhFTEwgV0FTIFRIQVQ_

Horatio Cornblower

Be honest. You had that one keyed up and ready to go, didn’t you?

Redshirt

Surprising no, but it had a caption that didn’t take.

Unsurprised

You have to download the gif and re-host it (I use postimages.org)

Senor Weaselo

Well that was shit.

Gratliff

Shittest onside of all time

fleshwound_NPG

fuck you, aussies

herodotus450

Pathetic.

Sharkbait

The fuck was that??

King Hippo

uh….what??

King Hippo

THAT is what they’ve practiced?

Gratliff

to be fair, that’s what his field goal try would have looked like too

Redshirt

I don’t think so. That kick went forward.

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys fucking up this onside kick from the Aussie kid is going to be goddamn legendary.

Doktor Zymm

That’s a sexy boat! SCHOONER SHOTS 4 EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU DALLAS FANScomment image

Unsurprised

Stuff Horatio back into the locker.

Horatio Cornblower

Come get some.
/has had beers
//falls over
///is carried back into locker

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wasn’t the line 2.5? Is hippo ok?

Mr. Ayo

OH GOD DAMMIT!!!

King Hippo

I only bet FIRST HALF!! At -0.5

Spur

this should be interesting who ever you root for

Mr. Ayo

Drop kick onside kick.

Drop kick FG for the win.

C-HOX twitter becomes the worst.

Mr. Ayo

Or do that? WTF?

Horatio Cornblower

Upon further review, no catch, as the laws of quantum physics were not fully adhered to.

Petronel

Maybe they were – can’t be certain

Horatio Cornblower

Funny, that’s the same policy outlined in the NFL’s domestic violence handbook.

Unsurprised

I don’t have any cash and I am now intent on figuring out how to get booze money this instant.

Doktor Zymm

How close are you to Fremont, CA? I’ll spot you a pint of gin

Unsurprised

1,000 miles.

Doktor Zymm

Fair enough, 2 pints

Horatio Cornblower

/shoves a twenty into the keyboard.
//dies in housefire