I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.
TO THE GAME!
Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:
I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*
*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.
As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.
Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/espn-apologizes-for-using-‘dixie’-with-civil-war-themed-andrew-luck-graphic/ar-BBRSUQa?ocid=spartanntp
There’s so many things wrong with this, I don’t know where to begin.
When major media turns control over to interns to save money, hilarity ensues
That block should earn Jordan Howard 15 carries
Howard is both receiving and doing something with the ball today, so for once the meatballs will be happy and right.
6-3 is a just run off the clock lead in this game
RAZZLE DAZZLE!
Okay you ursine motherfuckers, get a TD here so I don’t have to clench my asshole for the next 90 minutes.
You know, you never HAVE to clench your asshole
I actually laughed out loud at this
after Shad Khan’s GIF, this is the best Prepare Your Anus
They ‘redid’ Soldier Field ‘a few years back’ in 2002-2003….
horribly
Impossibly, and perhaps more stupidly, that was the correct call.
This stupid ass game is going to force me to crack more beer and nothing in my fridge is even close to being under 10% ABV.
That’s still less than wine, don’t be a booze pussy
Booze pussy:
Nevermind, DO be a booze pussy, booze pussies are AWESOME
My cat does like the smell of beer for some reason.
Whiskey dick energy
‘Booze Pussy’ is my… fuck it. I’m going to bed.
Time flies when you are having Long island ice teas
My drink of choice in college at the $5 all-you-can-drink bar!
The Golden Globes are tonight? Wow. I really don’t care.
“Us neither. Whatta you feel like watching?”
-Billions of other people
the nhl exists merely to make sure the nfl isn’t the dumbest sport and the worst officiated
Fact. Also so there is a commissioner hated more than Goodell
I want the Bears to win, but only if they bring THIS game’s competence to play the Rams on Saturday.
Toronto’s first homicide of the year just happened! Woo!
Torrance laughs at your pussy city.
I mean, who wants to run a street corner in THAT winter weather?
I just looked up shootings on some website, and like 6 months before I moved into my place had like two fatal shootings and a cop shoot-injuring a dude within 2 blocks of my place, nothing since
So, that was a bad call right?
Reminds me of that 2008 DeSean jackson play where he let go of it at the one yard line, no cowboys player recovered it, so eagles got the ball at the 1.
Matt nagy was an eagles coach that year
Cody Parkey–First half MVP
We need to BUILD A WALL around this damn game and not let any of the players back out.
This is def the most entertaining playoff game so far, the DERP alone is worth a Cheers
The constant threat of pick-sixes is surprisingly entertaining
“NORM!”
as a bears fan i am not anywhere near as nervous because of all this
what is a football
PLEASE hit the upright for comedy’s sake. I don’t ask for much.
YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH
Hit the upright, it deflects through the uprights somehow, ruled a blocked kick returned for 1 point somehow
Cody Parkey Memorial Chipshot
Parkey to make it an INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD at 6-3.
DO OVER
Is that shitty Bikkie #4?
“They’re not making this up on the fly are they?”
“It seems that way.”
[chuckling from everyone]
At least that didn’t screw anyone in fantasy I guess?
chuh chuh
Of course, my stream dies on me and then all hell breaks loose… of-bloody-course….
Kidney stones are a bitch.
That’s gotta hurt…
Double derp? Double derp.
Touchdown Seahawks
OH NO, THERE IS A PLAYOFF MULTIPLIER…BAD BAD PASS #4
YOU ALREADY THREW THREE BAD PASSES MITCH
STICKUM ON YOUR HANDS MOTHERFUCKER
Hand off. Kick the FG. Idiots.
Can’t. Make. August. Wilson. Fences. Joke. Work. Help.
Hahahahahah what the actual fuck
This is some amazingly dumb shit and I’m not sure if this is making me stupider to watch but it probably is and that’s why I don’t know
It’s like the refs just walked up, shrugged, and said whatever
“Upon further review, I’m getting too old for this shit.”
Ladies and gentlemen Enrico Pallazo
I have no fucking idea at this point
How can it be incomplete?
FOOTBALL.
DUMB.
Wait what the fuck ?????????????? Fucking Question Mark
“After review, we don’t have a fucking clue what to call, so dilly dilly.”
wat
footbaw rules don’t make no goddamn sense
This referee crew supervises Florida elections during the offseason
Broward County Represent!
Fuck all of this
“Politicians who dance are bad.”
What about Rick Perry?
“Oh…that’s not dancing.”
LOLOLOL
CSI: NFL Catch
And now, CNBC presents: Football Legislation
I think the ball kept moving.
Hooooooooooooooooooooooooorseshit
Holy shit lol
Ok, so the official recovered it, back judge’s ball, first and ten.