Your Afternoon-ish NFC Wild Card Game Open Thread

I finish this intro off with 6 minutes left in the Bolts/Dead Birds game. Please Football Deity, let your glorious light shine through in this tilt in the form of touchdowns, great catches, good execution on both sides of the ball, clever play-calling and solid defense. We have been dutiful all the year long and deserve better. Amen.

TO THE GAME!

Brotherly Love/Broad Shoulders:

 

I hope that neither of the kickers here win the Mike Badgley of Honor Award for their actions today. I mentioned in the autre intro that the Ravens had shut opponents down over the last few games to the tune of 13 per. Dose Bears have done even better over their last four-10 points they’ve surrendered on average. This is a great time of the year to be putting the thumbscrews to hapless miscreants that happen to wander on to the turf. One caveat-Foles has over the last 3 games been number uno in passing yards, completion percentage, yards per attempt and net yards per pass attempt. He’s caught and maintained fire before so who knows how things might play out.*

*one of the ways it’s gonna play out is that the Bears defenders are going to target those bruised ribs and rough him up a little. That’s just what aggressive D’s try to do. Inflict pain.

As for the Truth Biscuit, qb’s seeing their very first playoff action (see: Jackson & Watson) usually need to get a loss under their game cups in order to understand what it takes to come out on top. If he just plays the game-managing game and stands back so that the other talent flourishes he should be okay.

Buckle up-should be a good ‘un.

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Redshirt
Recovery Whiskey

When major media turns control over to interns to save money, hilarity ensues

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That block should earn Jordan Howard 15 carries

...

Howard is both receiving and doing something with the ball today, so for once the meatballs will be happy and right.

Gatoraids

6-3 is a just run off the clock lead in this game

Col. Duke LaCross

RAZZLE DAZZLE!

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Okay you ursine motherfuckers, get a TD here so I don’t have to clench my asshole for the next 90 minutes.

Doktor Zymm

You know, you never HAVE to clench your asshole

SonOfSpam

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I actually laughed out loud at this

King Hippo

after Shad Khan’s GIF, this is the best Prepare Your Anus

Doktor Zymm

They ‘redid’ Soldier Field ‘a few years back’ in 2002-2003….

fleshwound_NPG

horribly

Gratliff

Impossibly, and perhaps more stupidly, that was the correct call. comment image

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This stupid ass game is going to force me to crack more beer and nothing in my fridge is even close to being under 10% ABV.

Doktor Zymm

That’s still less than wine, don’t be a booze pussy

SonOfSpam

Booze pussy:
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Doktor Zymm

Nevermind, DO be a booze pussy, booze pussies are AWESOME

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My cat does like the smell of beer for some reason.

Gatoraids

Whiskey dick energy

Gatoraids

Time flies when you are having Long island ice teas

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My drink of choice in college at the $5 all-you-can-drink bar!

Redshirt

The Golden Globes are tonight? Wow. I really don’t care.

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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fleshwound_NPG

the nhl exists merely to make sure the nfl isn’t the dumbest sport and the worst officiated

Sharkbait

Fact. Also so there is a commissioner hated more than Goodell

SonOfSpam

I want the Bears to win, but only if they bring THIS game’s competence to play the Rams on Saturday.

SonOfSpam

Torrance laughs at your pussy city.

King Hippo

I mean, who wants to run a street corner in THAT winter weather?

Doktor Zymm

I just looked up shootings on some website, and like 6 months before I moved into my place had like two fatal shootings and a cop shoot-injuring a dude within 2 blocks of my place, nothing since

Brocky

So, that was a bad call right?

Reminds me of that 2008 DeSean jackson play where he let go of it at the one yard line, no cowboys player recovered it, so eagles got the ball at the 1.

Matt nagy was an eagles coach that year

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cody Parkey–First half MVP

Old School Zero

We need to BUILD A WALL around this damn game and not let any of the players back out.

Doktor Zymm

This is def the most entertaining playoff game so far, the DERP alone is worth a Cheers

Dunstan

The constant threat of pick-sixes is surprisingly entertaining

fleshwound_NPG

as a bears fan i am not anywhere near as nervous because of all this

what is a football

SonOfSpam

PLEASE hit the upright for comedy’s sake. I don’t ask for much.

...

YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH

Doktor Zymm

Hit the upright, it deflects through the uprights somehow, ruled a blocked kick returned for 1 point somehow

Gratliff

Cody Parkey Memorial Chipshot

Senor Weaselo

Parkey to make it an INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD at 6-3.

Recovery Whiskey

DO OVER

Doktor Zymm

Is that shitty Bikkie #4?

Doktor Zymm

At least that didn’t screw anyone in fantasy I guess?

King Hippo

chuh chuh

bk109

Of course, my stream dies on me and then all hell breaks loose… of-bloody-course….

SonOfSpam

Kidney stones are a bitch.

Redshirt

Double derp? Double derp.

Sharkbait

Touchdown Seahawks

fleshwound_NPG

OH NO, THERE IS A PLAYOFF MULTIPLIER…BAD BAD PASS #4

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YOU ALREADY THREW THREE BAD PASSES MITCH

Gratliff

STICKUM ON YOUR HANDS MOTHERFUCKER

King Hippo

Hand off. Kick the FG. Idiots.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Hahahahahah what the actual fuck

Doktor Zymm

This is some amazingly dumb shit and I’m not sure if this is making me stupider to watch but it probably is and that’s why I don’t know

...

It’s like the refs just walked up, shrugged, and said whatever

Old School Zero

“Upon further review, I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Gatoraids

Ladies and gentlemen Enrico Pallazo

Gratliff

I have no fucking idea at this point

King Hippo

How can it be incomplete?

Spur

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fleshwound_NPG

FOOTBALL.

DUMB.

Gratliff

Wait what the fuck ?????????????? Fucking Question Mark

SonOfSpam

“After review, we don’t have a fucking clue what to call, so dilly dilly.”

Old School Zero

wat

Old School Zero

footbaw rules don’t make no goddamn sense

Recovery Whiskey

This referee crew supervises Florida elections during the offseason

Doktor Zymm

Broward County Represent!

Gratliff

Fuck all of this

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“Politicians who dance are bad.”

What about Rick Perry?

“Oh…that’s not dancing.”

Doktor Zymm

LOLOLOL

Mr. Ayo

CSI: NFL Catch

Old School Zero

And now, CNBC presents: Football Legislation

King Hippo

I think the ball kept moving.

Gratliff

Hooooooooooooooooooooooooorseshit

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Holy shit lol

SonOfSpam

Ok, so the official recovered it, back judge’s ball, first and ten.

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