HAIL GAMBLOR! European footy is mostly all back this weekend.
Arsenal ride into West Ham to start festivities (7:30, NBCSN). The Gooners are feeling the hot breath of Man U(re) for 5th position, while the Hammers have worked their way up to the top half (10th). Could be fairly interesting.
Redshite visit 13th position Brighton in the main 10:00 window fixture (NBCSN)…and nobody wants to see that. All your other options are NBC Gold, though. I would recommend Palace/Watford for likely quality, Fulham at Burnley for a possible relegation scrap preview. Mighty Whitey are out of the FA Cup (in less than proud fashion), and might have a bee up their arses for this one. Or they are just ded in the water. YMMV.
Newcastle are away to Chelsea in the spotlight dance (12:30, NBC), which should be a right bumming. Feel free to watch college hoopsball, as I will with Shitty Wolves taking on hapless Pitt.
GAMBLOR speaking, I like Bury at home to the wonderfully named Milton Keynes Dons (League 2, 10:00) and Barnsley home to Bradford City (League 1, 10:00). Fuck you, YOU have a problem.
Our Young Boys are just having a friendly this weekend, and the rest of the continent is fairly meh. I would keep an eye out for Porto away to Sporting, in Portuguese action. They are…not on friendly terms (10:30, probably one of the weird channels or online).
Onward we go, to Roundtable thoughts:
Beer Guy Rob:
Colts/Chiefs – The Colts stand a chance, so long as Jim Irsay reminds travelling Indy fans to bring buckets of gravy to KC so Andy Reid blows timeouts contemplating his dipping sauce options. 24-21 Chiefs
Cowboys/Rams – Zeke’s gonna get fed a whole bunch of Aaron Donald, with a side helping of Suh. 35-7 Rams
WCS:
Clots/Chefs – Pill Poppers are playing great, but, does a playoff win over a team that only exists in theory count? Andy Reid waits to become Playoff Andy Reid in another conference championship game. 34-17 Chefs
Who put down the biggest bet today for this weekend??? Let’s see if it’s a trip to the vet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thz1zDAytzU
1 Girl 2 Cups
You ever talk with your father and think, “Is he really this stupid, or does he think I am?”
Actually no, and I feel very fortunate now that you mention it.
Not since we stopped talking about politics.
uh…hey Dad, how about that professional sports team!
Actually, yeah, pretty much.
what is teh mother/daughter equivalent, ya reckon??
/haven’t seen either of our Ladyfolk Commentists today
With friends and relatives I have no idea what the dynamic is with that relationship.
I was super lucky here, in that my Dad was an LBJ Demmycrat, despite being a civil engineer born in 1946
this is one reason why I tried limiting paternal discussions to sports, I could always at least hold my own there
/and he knew better than to mention golf and watch my eyes glaze over
//Dad was actually a pretty righteous dude, I was just an uber-private weirdo even then
Am annoyed Getafe/Villareal ain’t on teevee
[turns head away]
-Otto Von Bismarck
Another…… deep cut.
Yes, it is. BeIn Sports en Español!
SNOW GAME!!!
Game just might go Full Hamm…
/is that what yer saying?
That’s the dream.
— A. Reid
THERE’S NO GAME? AAAAHHH!!!!
oh snap, this is like REAL FOOKIN’ SNOW!!
she just kinda MASHES it ,, smgdh
I’d be okay with that, ’cause I’m old.
yeah, I can’t afford to be uber picky no MOAR, neither
“Love this.”
-Context
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNGyDTDAZIY
oh yeah!
“Florida State hanging with Duke so far… Nice.”
-Rudolf Hess
I heard this yesterday and then nonstop. TOO GOOD
Rita Indiana y Los Misterios – Ping Pong Blues
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=KsETWE7rMe0
You can’t tell much from the sweater, but I’ll bet (1:2) Rita Indiana’s shoulders are ? Hippo-grade:
chuh chuh!
1) Does she hate Ugly Americans?
2) How does she feel about hate fucks?
She’s a novelist! Deffo marriage material
Except for, you know…
She resides in Miami
que lastima
Apparently I currently have the favor of BOLTMAN, as I managed to successfully change a light switch without shocking myself or burning down my house.
David Byrne feels like you’re saying that’s a bad thing…. he’s shaking his goddamn talking head as we type.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBUe_v6Mi70
Bacon, mac and cheese dog?
Why the fuck not?
Garcon!
Hey guys! Everyone excited for tonight’s Bears game? Yeah! Right Ha! HAHAHAHA! Hehehehehe… *eye twitches*
Canuck lower-class rebuttal
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rllK0NBtk-w
The part I love the best is when he talks to the microwave.
Wrong! It’s when he blows the baloney.
I’d prolly eat either, but would have to be high as fuck for the baloney one.
That’s why I couldn’t work at a Ice Cream Factory. I’d get fired and/or diabetes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzBxEZOBTGg
Bengals have let Hue Jackson go.
Here is the Official-ish DFO Recap of my reaction of Hue Jackson from his return to nearly become Head Coach of the Bengals.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPc_Jai2-ww&t=5s
At least they went after a white guy with NO experience.
Yes, I know they got Dave Shula 2.0. But unlike 1.0, this guy has a better QB, OL and Mike Brown will be dead soon, and holy shit, I’ve reverted back to 1990s Bengals fan where I’m unrealistically optimistic about the Bengals chance.
Who knows, but it will take a while.
Hey man, you’ve got a good eight months before your hopes get dashed horribly; enjoy the ride!
I hate it when things I read make it harder to mock my favorite targets:
https://www.si.com/nfl/2019/01/11/todd-marinovich-dad-marv-quarterback-drugs-rehab
“Raised by a Complete Fucking Asshole And Still Dealing With It: The Todd Marinovich Story”
I think we should put those sorta jokes to bed right beside the Rodgers’ tripe
Man, I don’t want to, but you are probably right.
“I’m still (barely standing). What about me?”
-Ryan Leaf, appropriating Elton John
It sounds like Marv is going to die alone and covered in his own filth, so for once the universe has gotten things right.
No, he has some meth.
/youngest buys me a fold-out crossword (I love crosswords) that he shows to me via iPhone pic. It’s so big that it must be done on the floor
Me: “That’s fantastic! I can’t wait to do it!”
Son: “How long do you think it’ll take you to finish?”
Me: “I haven’t got a clue.”
[rounds the bases, waves to the crowd]
I wish the birds saints game was today, so I could know if I should properly root for Cowboys’ destruction, but alas, I am torn between the possibility of ripping the heart out of Dallas fans everywhere and the possibility of the Eagles having home field advantage in NFC championship against a team physically incapable of competing against them.
“against a team physically incapable of competing against them.” but that somehow went 2-0 against them in the regular season.
The home game would be against LA, no matter who goes there
That’s just a fact; ignore it!
Wat?
Big Sausage looks out for you.
“I hope it’s a boy!”
-Marv Marinovich
Me: “We’ve gotta talk. Sit down.”
Thread: “Me? What did I do?”
Me: “I don’t like the way you’re headed.”
Thread: “What? I’m just manifesting the commenter’s stream of consciousness!”
Me “All I’ll say is that if you keep this up, urine big trouble.”
As long as we don’t cross the streams we’ll be fine
“I don’t like the way this is headed…” – thread, after being picked up by Andy Reid’s tailor
chicken in chimicurri marinade certainly smells great in the Instapot
Recipe!
chicken breasts, bottle of chimichurri “30 minute” marinade I found at Food Lion before the 10:00 fixtures started. And enough water to make sure cooks right (meat setting for 50 mins, after delaying start 3 hours so chickens could soak up things.
It really does smell just like my favourite Cuban/Argentinian place
Serving with rice or pita or some such?
I am gonna make a single-serve of brown rice for me. If the kiddies want jasmine rice, I will start it so long as they watch to completion (Shitty Wolves on, struggling)
but great suggestion on the pita, I may just suggest they go by Harris Teeter and see if can find some that seems fresh (we have a Mediterranean place near NC State, too)
I’ve got an Indian restaurant across the street from me and they make a rock solid naan. Fresh to order. Their samosas and chicken pakoras are damn delicious too. Shit now I’m hungry.
You may have just made a Sunday Gravy request line meal!
I’mma make this.
I’m glad Drew is on the mend. We need him to write more lines like these:
He’s better? Look at me getting all choked up over here…
For you last minute bet makers, it’s pissing some serious rain in the LA area and maybe consider the under on a sloppy Coliseum playing surface.
Says the guy who took the over.
slippery conditions are harder on the defense (who has to react instead of knowing when to cut) ,, ppl forget that
Wet ball is heavier and slipperier. Throwing is different, catching is different. Depends on who has had more experience in those conditions.
is fair point (Mahomes-y and Buster are fairly new, but Humps and Non-Gendered Cowpersons being indoor sides can’t be helpful)
Which ones dealt with it regularly in college, which teams practice outdoors at least occasionally? Some outdoor teams practice inside a lot. You need to ask third person Hippo some questions.
I’ve only had one pill, not sure Other Hippo is ready to speak to me yet (smh)
I think Dallas’ style and player fit to a sloppy field a little better than RAMMMIT, but we’ll see.
The x-factor could be our old Equine buddy-guy CJ Anderson. He is also quite the mudder.
If they are in the the control the ball mode, if they need big plays, nope.
ugh, Porto/Sporting is like watching paint dry.
When I win the lottery, I’m making a Special Edition of Home Alone 2 where its revealed Trump was behind the Sticky Bandits stealing the Children’s Hospital Donation Money the whole time.
I’m not saying this is why West Ham won today, but, Mia Khalifa posting this a couple of days ago might have gotten the juices going.
For someone who spends so much time in bed, Mia looks like she could use a little more sleep.
“OK, I can fix that.”
-Darren Sharper
That was a pretty solid show.
Never saw it. Faux spanking a redhead was the point. Let’s get faux naughty.
Faux naughty? You got it buddy!
[folds sweatshirt without aligning the sleeves]
OK, that’s just fucking hard kink, man. You better be careful taking it to the edge like that; it can ruin a relationship, bad feeling, guilt, jealousy…… just be prepared for the repercussions with open and honest communications.
It’s all cool. I’m Maggie Gyllenhaal from “Secretary”.
As long as you have a good tree.
[gets dougnut-ty]
– Andy Reid
What show is this?
/seriously
// asking for me
What r u lookin’ at.
‘The Guild’…. I have no idea.
Moosebees with a nifty comeback, but Hammers still top half of the table!
Colts over Chiefs 31-27 (upset special!)
Rams over Cowboys 27-17
P*triots over Chargers 27-17
Saints over Eagles 27-20
I REALLY want to Bolts to beat Brady & Co., but don’t think it will happen. I think the Chefs will wind up outscoring the Colts, but I’m going with the upset special anyway. Rams have had two weeks to heal and game plan; they out score the Cowpersons. Saints control the Beagles with too much offense.
After seeing the weather in KC it may be much lower scoring, but I have to stick wit da pick.
That said; these are good match-ups that could go either way. Hopefully good games and the teams I hate going down.
Had one of those moments where I vividly dreamt about getting into a huge fight with lady BFC and woke up pissed at her.
‘At her’, ‘on her’, whatever gets you going in the morning. smgdh
scotchy turned into R. Kelly so gradually, we barely even noticed!
/also I thought “mad at you because of my dream” was sommet only ladyfolk did? Huzzah, gender equality!
I’m not taking it out at her, so that may be the difference.
“taking it out at her” seems like more of an “on” thing than an “at” thing.
http://www.netanimations.net/animated-gifs-water-06.gif
“Pissed at her? Go on”
R Kelly
Seriously though, I hate those dreams.
Hum, heard that joke somewhere before…..
First Saturday of the yearbook that I gots to work. Hungover, barely awake on the C-train and running late.
I’m nailing it like Sebastian Janikowski
not altogether consensually chuh chuh
And with an old and fucked up hamstring?
Straining your hamstring?
My right hamstring does feel a little stiff, now that I think of it
Bury and MK Dons have entered Bananacakes territory, at 3-3
based on the last 10 minutes, I’mma hypothesize Mighty Whitey is cursed
Need football now please!
Depressing thought – this is the last full football weekend of the season.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYOjQrR7P4U
Open thread gets started in a mere 3 and 3/4 hours!
Jockjam Doorslam would be a fantastic username, just in case anyone happens to be lurking.
How can anyone ever be FULL around ham?
– Andy Reid, explaining his Burnley wager
Palace have their Nazi keeper on the pitch now
“Wait, it’s Crystal Palace?”
damn, you is on fire!!
– the building next to the Reichstag
[Chief of Staff to be named later] plays for Palace?
another goal would start to look like White Genocide
bets…not working this am. And I ain’t even bet on Mighty Whitey
FUCK FUCK FUCK. I GIVE UP.
to update – Porto/Sporting is indeed on GOLTV (channel 416 for me)
At work and thought my phone going off was bad news and was ready for an angry morning. SHURRRRLLLLLEEEEE GOOOOOOOOOLLLLLL
that’s howe u go about securing a Premiership homeland FOAR White children ,, amirite?
uh…mebbe not?
morning reading:
https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/huppke/ct-met-trump-border-wall-shutdown-rex-huppke-20190110-story.html
[chuckles]
Double DOINK! tribute from the Moose-Hornets
Know what I hate? The fookin’ Redshite.
Nice work BFC laying down the monies!!!!! $$$!!!!!
Jay Gatsby is West Ham’s biggest fan, but he really wanted to be an East Ham fan.
Three things ranked in order of their apparent duration:
1. Soccered season
2. Baseball season
3. Mesozoic Era
Hammers strike first!
“Nailed It!”
-Hammers
This is a weekend to pick against the favorites if ever there was one.
*favoUrites
yeah, ah mean it say LESSER FOOTY right in teh title!
/I also goosed the line down to -5.5 @ -150 so I could bet RRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
Fronkenshpawn:
/sees Dad sleeping
//picks up his phone
Gooners will do to West Ham what I just did to this diaper.
Colts will make Missouri cry like me when I’m tired of fatso here, and want to go back to mom.
Zeke will burn through the Rams D like the laser that burned out my tongue and lip ties yesterday.
///puts phone back in Dad’s robe
////poops
Ai did nae know that Nasri played for West Ham. High end underage hookers at City and now toothless east London slappers.
this is a remarkably British sentence
FYI, it’s 4:13 AM in LA and it’s raining pretty steadily. Methinks the track at the Coli wil be MUDDY. Adjust your bets accordingly.
I still think RAMMIT will pound em.
The rain does benefit the passing game although it’s stopped now. It may not be that bad…
E Coli?
No thanks.
Can we get back to the football discussion.