Your Last Saturday in February Sexy Soccer Open Thread + A Special Invitation!

Good morning everyone! Are you all basking in the afterglow of yesterday’s Bonus Pats Schadenfreude Day news? What a way to start the weekend, huh?

Well, I have another great way to start the weekend! With Sexy Soccer Saturday Ladies! Before we get to that part, however, I have a special announcement to make.

We will be having the very first DFO LA Metro Pub Crawl on Saturday, June 8, 2019!

All DFO lurkers, commentists, stalkers, and authors are welcome!

The concept is simple: We will meet up at LA’s Union Station. From there, for the low low price of $7 for a Metro Day Pass or $10 for a Metrolink Weekend Pass, we will explore the best bars located within one or two blocks (that’s maximum LA walking distance, btw) of a metro station.

For 2019, we will be exploring the Red Line:

In order to make it easier for our folks in surrounding counties to join us, we will all meet at Union Station between 10:30 and 11:00 AM at the doors of the Imperial Western Beer Company located within Union Station for a kickoff drink as soon as they open at 11.

We will then take the red line subway to the Hollywood/Highland stop where our crawl will begin. During the crawl, we will visit several bars on our way back to Union Station.

Here are the tentative stops:

Hollywood / Highland Stop

Musso & Frank Grill

This Hollywood legend is the oldest restaurant in Los Angeles and will be celebrating 100 years in 2019. This place was the center of the literary and cinematic worlds of Los Angeles for decades and has been featured in multiple movies and novels. It’s also home to the best martini in America.

Drinking martinis before noon? Damn right! It’s the DFO way!

Hollywood / Vine Stop

The Frolic Room

We go from one Hollywood legend to another. While not as old as Musso and Frank, it IS the oldest bar in Hollywood because the Frolic Room started as a speakeasy during Prohibition and became a “legitimate” bar when it was repealed. It’s famous as writer Charles Bukowki’s favourite drinking spot. It’s also alleged that this was the last place the Black Dahlia was seen alive. It’s known for good drinks, good service, and good ambiance.

7th St. / Metro Center Stop

Dublin’s Irish Whiskey Pub

Heading south and east from Hollywood, we emerge from the subway right into the middle of DTLA (DownTown Los Angeles) and next to the newest skyscraper in LA. We will head to the bar tucked into a corner of the bottom floor of the Fine Arts Building built in the 1920s and designated as a Historic-Cultural Monument. I’m sure our resident Irishman, Low Commander of the Super Soldiers, will say this is as Irish as Shaquille O’Neal, but the attraction here is cheap beer and a large selection of whiskeys.

Pershing Square Stop

La Cita Bar

Have you ever wanted to have a drink in Tijuana without actually having to cross the border? At a place that allegedly was once a bordello and still has the stage where girls would allegedly parade for customers? And where Younger Balls had more than one happy hour turn into a crazy night? About ten years ago, they sold $2 Tecate cans. They may be $3 now.

Civic Center / Grand Park Stop

Redwood Bar & Grill

Don’t let the exterior fool you. This bar is actually known informally as the “Pirate” bar due to the interior decor and drinks on offer.

In the evenings, they have live music and a lively crowd. Oh, and there are some stories that this place is haunted by non-live beings, if you believe in that kind of thing.

Le Fin Du Crawl

The Streamliner at Imperial Western Beer Company

We will finish where we started so our out-of-town guests can catch the last train out of town and sober up on the way home. Depending on which level of drinking we reach, though, those plans may go out the window

and we may end up at The Streamliner, the cocktail bar adjacent to the Imperial Western that has a cooler and darker vibe; perfect for early evening, when it opens.

***

I did say this was a soccer thread, right? Here is the schedule:

And here are your fútbol babes:

***

Hope to see you on June 8!

Discuss your plans to attend in the comments.

(29/69)

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled WaterKing HippoUnsurprisedSenor Weaseloscotchnaut Recent comment authors
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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

AAF may not scratch the itch the way the NFL does, but the Stallions sure know how to recreate that Vikings gameday experience.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

John Wolford has been knocked out of the game. The Trevor Knight era has begun!

King Hippo

Angers can’t get on the score sheet. I mad, bro.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

“Ambient noise” broadcast of Angers match on BeIn Connect. FUN

scotchnaut

‘Resting’ Netflix wants me to watch Castlevania.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Kraft should be forced to sell the Patriots.

To Trump.

King Hippo

ah say give ’em to the sex slave!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

In a perfect world, yes, but I want everyone to be miserable: Trump, Goodell, the other owners, the fans, the world. Fuck everyone.

King Hippo

I can dig it!

scotchnaut

Kraft selling the Patriots? This is so stupid. No selling of the team, please-that way next spring we can hear Bellichick saying to his players-

“Do Your Handjob!”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Give a hearty welcome to your new assistant coach … Lindsey Vonn!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Banner quote from a n00b. Congratulations. That’s some LeBron-like hustle.

King Hippo

inorite??

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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King Hippo

if that’s wrong I don’t wanna b rite ,, smh

scotchnaut

Number crunchers from 538 are saying that Rodney Peete is 1337’s WAR is off the charts.

/try to make sense of that, site researchers from 2025!

Senor Weaselo

Falling over when slightly touched?

King Hippo

nice Fuck You!! from Chris Mack on that BS call

Wakezilla

“…For the evil I have been able to do during the last few months!”

Anthony Martial is going to be a legend when his career is over because he’s a true #11 Man Utd player already. (Because he scores as much on the field as he does off and it’s usually not with his wife, you see).

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King Hippo

he’s both amazing AND not-hateable

/please give us Big Rom back

King Hippo

Batshuayi scores for not-Everton 🙁

scotchnaut

Hey Hero,

Melnyk recently promised that he’ll spend near the cap limit starting in 2021. A twitter fella responded by saying that he’ll start buying season tickets in 2061. I larfed.

/might have the specific dates wrong

herodotus450
herodotus450

Just in time to give Bobby Ryan the extension he deserves.

scotchnaut

By ‘extension he deserves’ do you mean a brand new set of parents?

Wakezilla

2021? That’ll be around the time they move to Kansas City

King Hippo

5 minutes until MLB.tv broadcast starts!! Y’all git your #BFIB gear on and #BFIB coffee mugs filled?? WOO!!!

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Bitter Fucking Incompetent Bastards?

King Hippo

u liek Bastard Small Bear mens two??

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Wife is a fan, so I know where my allegency is supposed to lie.

scotchnaut

If Tebow isn’t in the Big League yet, you can count me out.

Wakezilla

#BFIB are going to love Josh Donaldson. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already has 100k votes for the all-star game

King Hippo

We getted Paul Goldschmidt, ’twas Hot-lanta getted JD

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Fuck, rugby official replays are longer than the NFL’s. And I think the announcers are speaking English, but is still not making any sense.

I wish I could make the pub crawl, that sounds like one hell of a great time.

scotchnaut

Can’t say enough about “El Ministerio Del Tiempo”. The narrative webs that have been weaved, the attention to detail regarding the history of Spain, the on-going discussions regarding the impact of memory, individuals from the 19th and 16th century trying to navigate their way thru 21st century Spain, the subtitles, three impossibly beautiful women, my erection-this Spanish tv series available on The Netflix has it all.*

*if you’re a dumbass quibbler that might go on about, “they have perfect teeth and they go back to the 1400’s and nobody says anything?” Don’t watch it and consider killing yourself. You’d be doing a fantastic favour for “The Greater Good”.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The episode with Napoleon was directed like some kind of Michel Gondry surreal fever dream

herodotus450
herodotus450

Also: I guess Ottawa doesn’t have any doors given the way the Duchene situation played out.

scotchnaut

Hard core fans of the team are now riders on the storm.

scotchnaut

Have you done the series?

/Velazquez as a frustrated and vain character sketcher in the present makes me laugh

herodotus450
herodotus450

Started watching a couple week ago when you mentioned it. I love when they dramatically introduce some Spanish historical figure and I have no idea who it is.

scotchnaut

YES! There’s no other tv series that I can adequately compare it to. [salutes]

King Hippo

PSG’s touchline beseeches me to Visit Qatar

How about we don’t and say we did??

herodotus450
herodotus450

I think the only suitable punishment for Kraft is to be cut unceremoniously before his day in court, then a few months later he becomes the Browns owner.

scotchnaut

“Kraft? They should maybe take his name off those boxes that I make for dinner every night!”

-NFL rookies, two months from now, on their own for the very first time

Wakezilla

A lot of pearl clutching happening over MBS potentially buying United. In all honesty, he’s a piece of shit, but so are all billionaires. So, if you’re going to have a piece of shit run your team, might as well have a guy you know is going to break bank and spend money to make your club better.

Looks like someone is in support of Robert Kraft

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King Hippo

oh, but the House of Saud??

/also most billionaire assholes don’t have journalists tortured, killed, and butchered into tiny pieces

//not saying they wasn’t totes jelly

King Hippo

also think of all teh neocons who will be sporting United gear

Wakezilla

True. But most billionaires contribute to politicians who support the Saudis. Or even more, they contribute to US politicians. And the politicians that becomes president, becomes a war criminal anyway. Here, we’re just cutting out the middle man.

The thought of neocons wearing United gear is disturbing. Maybe their nativism will kick in and they won’t

King Hippo

they can wear Rooney’s old #10 and feel ok 😀

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

MbS is King Midas – everything he touches turns to shit. He is quite possibly the dumbest person in the world, miles ahead of Trump, and even still the least bad thing he has done is having Jamal Khashoggi killed.

Jamal Khashoggi deserved it for, at the least, submitting pieces under his name that were written by Qatar’s top lobbyist and that were published in the Washington Post to benefit the interests of Qatar and its allies in Turkey and the Muslim Brotherhood.

scotchnaut

“Jamal Khashoggi deserved to die.”*

*very first entry in my “stupidest things I have ever read” journal

Wakezilla

Sorry, Litre.

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King Hippo

/engage thy Fronkenboner

litre_cola

The Catalan v Orange County game has been superb.

King Hippo

I appreciated y’all getting the 3rd right before I put a late tenner on the Barbers.

King Hippo

Teevee? Back to mute. My Bury comeback bet looking good, though.

litre_cola

That was a foul. I hate suarez but buddy didnt get ball.

Horatio Cornblower

“The Spaniard has to start pulling the trigger” says the MMA announcer, causing all of Central America to wince.

Horatio Cornblower

MMA from Prague is live on ESPN2, if you were curious what the extras from the cast of ‘Hostel’ were up to these days.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

My Spurs fandom is starting to feel suspiciously like my Bills fandom. Close, then trip over your own dick.

King Hippo

Barbers are a pretty smooth side

King Hippo

their fans seem like they know how to party, too

Horatio Cornblower

Went back through the Robert Kraft thread and I have to say that the work there was so beautiful it caused me to shed enough tears to feel like an Asian sex slave thinking about how she should be going home to celebrate the Lunar New Year with her family and decorating the graves of her ancestors, instead of jerking off a rich piece of shit older than any of her ancestors and hoping that the tip, (phrasing!), might be enough to allow her to somehow rent an actual mattress tonight.

Also Porky’s masterpiece of a comment got 31 likes, which has to be the all-time record.

blaxabbath

This is true.

Senor Weaselo

Is the rule 20% like for other tips? Aww who are we kidding, he probably stiffed her, which would be the only stiff thing involved.

King Hippo

A single is like a $20 to a sex slave ,, ppl forget that!

yeah right

Basic rule is the 59 bucks for half hour, 79 bucks for the hour go to the proprietor, usually a woman. In a previous life they were (are) called the mama san. After that the tip is between you and the masseuse. General rule of thumb is a minimum of a Benjamin and negotiate up based on actual results.

Give a buck fifty and don’t be an asshole.

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks?

Wakezilla

Oh, you know he tipped like $5 after being annoyed he had to pay an extra$50 for the Happy ending

litre_cola

I just went back again and that is a hall of fame point and comments.

King Hippo

/changes sound to Cherries/Wolves stream so I don’t hear that annoying Scotsman slobber over Messi’s knob for the next 15 minutes

litre_cola

He is from Gateshead. He is a Geordie. Do not pin that on scotland.

King Hippo

oh, I like to shit on the Geordies anyway (yet another Everton hatred)

King Hippo

#BFIB kick off at 1:05!!

litre_cola

No kicking in beisbol

King Hippo

tell that to Johnny Cueto ,, smh

King Hippo

Do the Barbers have a shot at home to Barca?

blaxabbath

Oh Robert Kraft….

Presser Points: Patriots Looking to Finish

https://www.patriots.com/news/presser-points-patriots-looking-to-finish

King Hippo

Today in White Ppl Problems – when the fuck is Fox Sports 2 gonna be in HD??

King Hippo

ah mean, it is HD when I stream it, just NEVAR on mah teevee box

litre_cola

Adjust the tin foil!

King Hippo

man, I am old enough to have made some true masterpiece tinfoil antennae. I was Rain Man-level motivated to pull in Greensboro channels as a lad.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, at least you can get Spectrum.
They won’t even run a line down my road. Yet it’s always fun when they accost me at the store trying to get me to sign up.

tWBS: I can’t sign up, you won’t run a line.
Spectrum Person: Well we’re always expanding, what’s your address?
tWBS: grumble grumble [gives address]
Spectrum Person: Yeah, we don’t service your road.
tWBS: NO FUCKING SHIT WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU? NOW LET ME GO BUY MY BEER AND CHIPS PLEASE????

herodotus450
herodotus450

They just need a few more government subsidies and then they can provide you with their shit product and services.

Senor Weaselo

Rebuttal: Spectrum is shit.

King Hippo

One of the great anxiety-builders is betting a Lesser Footy upset, your underdog side getting an early goal, then trying to hold on FOAR 75-80 minutes.

King Hippo

Cherno More holds on to beat Ludogorets! That was a little over 6:1 odds WOO

litre_cola

Those a are deep pulls for Gamblor.

King Hippo

The Two Robbies are absolute national treasures

theeWeeBabySeamus

Two Robbies? I prefer two Stabbies.
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King Hippo

a sure-fire murder HoF’er

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also…hummina hummina….
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litre_cola

If she is actually from Turin that makes her even sexier.

King Hippo

that playful pixie haircut, too

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I was to tell you whom she looks like, you’d all beat the shit out of me.
And rightfully so.

Horatio Cornblower

Please don’t say it’s you.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t think we’d be the ones beating the shit out of you…

King Hippo

whenever anyone plays it to the corner flag, Ref Hippo adds another minute of extra time

herodotus450
herodotus450

Not sure how much it costs to get yer logo on a soccer uniform, but it seems crazy that it’s profitable for a Korean company to do it in the English Premier League.

litre_cola

Asian coverage of teh futbol is insane. Gambling is such a part of life that the advertising is cheap and viewed by millions.

King Hippo

for the longest time, Everton’s shirt sponsor was a Thai beer that was nae even available in England (outside of Goodison Park)

Ian Scott McCormick

Soccer: It’s kind of bad, but god bless them, they do play early in the morning, and provide ambient noise for when my daughter wakes me up by farting into my face and laughing. Anyway, looks like a tough loss for AIA

King Hippo

git yeeewww one of them Brighton Beach bookies and start #HAILGAMBLOR-ing on it, you’ll be hooked in no time

Ian Scott McCormick

I will not be writing Infinite Soccer Nets

King Hippo

hard to type them long-form pieces with no thumbs anyway ,, ppl forget that

Ian Scott McCormick

JPP’s blog is just pictures of refrigerator magnet poetry.

litre_cola

Bahahahahaha SPURS!!!!! Enjoy 4th. (I see Wakezillas United getting 3rd)

Wakezilla

That’d be incredible. Then in the offseason, hopefully we’ll have Kane get signed to Bayern or Madrid to replace Lewandowski or Benzema.

rockingdog
rockingdog

NFL funny:

It’d be funny if NFL players got down on both knees next season to support Robert Kraft.

litre_cola

France v scotland in 10 mins. Kill. The. Frenchies.

King Hippo

I can’t watch Six Nations. First, the rules are just indecipherable. Second, I am such a Euro-trash mutt in general, I have no genealogical leanings except to root against the Eye-ties.

litre_cola

Yeah understandable. You know my real name so there isn’t much doubt where my allegiances lie.

King Hippo

it’s always quite strange to know an Imaginary Friend’s real name

rockingdog
rockingdog

I’ve finally gotten to season 5 of Adventure Time.
This is a really cool show with complex characters. Would recommend.

King Hippo

gotta keep your mind of the present Chelsea mess, eh?

rockingdog
rockingdog

Pretty much yea.

King Hippo

rumoured that Everton might end up mired in the transfer mess, too. WELCOME TO HELL

litre_cola

Mess? I think you need to look at the other team in the same neighboUrhood. Now there is a mess.

King Hippo

that just makes me sad for Bambi’s mother (Reinieri, in case folk have forgotten the Robbie Earle joke)

herodotus450
herodotus450

Offsides doesn’t count on throwins?

King Hippo

Burnley, against the run of play!

/sadly, I can’t get TV coverage of my Cherno More bet (but they’s up!)

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

due to personal reasons i will be selling skin care products to people from high school on facebook

litre_cola

Sonovabitch I want to get there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Having not yet taken a train in LA (shhhhh), can I use the same tap card I use for Santa Monica buses or is it a different shebang?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll have a rental. You can ride with me as long as you don’t smoke in the car.

litre_cola

Smoke what?

King Hippo

Grass, gas, or ass ,, ppl forget that

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll smoke anything you got. Just not in the car.
They charge for that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit. Now I gotta buy plane tickets.