Welcome back to Temptation Island Talk!

Before I get into this week’s recap, I want to talk a bit about why I love this show so much. Last week, and really every week, you all wonder in amazement as to why I would put myself through this and write weekly recaps.

The obvious reason is that I’m an asshole that likes watching people suffer. That’s only partially true. I like watching instant karma. I like watching stupid people receive the consequences of their stupid decisions and watching those decisions blow up in their face. This week is a perfect example of that.

There is no way in hell I would ever go on Temptation Island as part of a couple. If you’re even THINKING of going on Temptation Island, you need to realize you’re in a bad relationship.

But then to actually GO and allow your significant other to go on dates while you go on dates and see if there is someone better?

Newsflash: There is ALWAYS someone better. Someone will always have more money than you, will be better looking than you, and will be in better shape than you. People stick together because the partners bring to the table a total package that others don’t. The pluses must always outweigh the minuses.

If the minuses are such that going on Temptation Island is a legitimate choice, the pluses probably don’t amount to much. It’s best to move on. Which speaks to the core reason why I like the show. I don’t root for the couples to stay together. I root for them to realize that they SHOULDN’T stick together because the mere fact that they’re ON the show means their relationship is fucked.

Now, that’s not to say I wouldn’t GO on Temptation Island. Remember that one of my nicknames is The Instigator. I would be a single on the show and stir shit up just for the fuck of it. I’d be Katheryn without developing an emotional attachment to any of the coupled people. Because why the fuck would you develop feelings other than pity for an idiot that agreed to go on Temptation Island in the first place? I dunno, man, that’s just the way I am wired.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let us refresh our memories as to what these idiot couples look like.

Episode 6 Recap

This episode is titled “Head in The Sand” and, having watched the episode, I’m delighted that they went with that.

We start off, again, with the standard “Previously… on Temptation Island” and they show a bunch of clips from the last show.

Morgan and Evan wake up in bed together after NOT having sex. He says he’s not at that point yet. Give him a few hours.

He talks with Morgan and they’re all good and Evan says, “It’s hard. It’s super hard.” and I know he’s talking about dealing with the Kaci breakup but Morgan with the Blue Ovaries doesn’t want to hear it right now.

Over at the Girls’ villa, Matt is trying to talk to Kaci (I have no idea why) and she wants no part of it. In the middle of the awkward conversation, Cameron arrives with flowers for Kaci and why in the hell are people paying this much attention to Kaci?!? That’s just a huge waste of money and beautiful flowers.

At the Guys’ villa, Mark L shows up and lets everyone know that today is Elimination Day and two singles will go home. The coupled boys will select three girls (to unnecessarily build up the drama) and then “save” one.

John really has it in for Hannah since the last episode when she called him out on his bullshit, so she’s picked first. Tara and Sheldyn round out the three. Hannah makes a speech where she doesn’t back down and confronts John again in front of everyone. Maybe not the smartest strategy?

In confessional, Hannah doubles down and says the girls are “pawns” in John’s relationship game and I’d like to know which island Hannah thinks she’s in. It’s FUCKING TEMPTATION ISLAND you dumb blonde! The guys get together again and Hannah is “saved”. John says he wants to give Hannah another chance and maybe he is just used to being bullied?

The same process happens at the Girls’ villa and the three candidates for elimination are Matt (obviously), Scott (of the “BULLSHIT” shout), and Poetry Jack. For a reason that clearly eludes me, Scott gets to stay. Apparently, yelling BULLSHIT works!

Let’s ponder this for a second: Kaci sent Cameron home even though he just got her flowers just because the other girls didn’t care if he stayed or left and she is in love with Evan.

How fucked up is that? Just goes to show you kids, again, that with dumb girls it is better to be first than good.

After getting saved, Hannah talks with Brittney about John and I am beginning to see why everyone loves Brittney because she basically straightens Hannah out. While doing that, she calls Kady a shitty girlfriend and an asshole. Brittney is the best. Hannah has, hopefully, seen the error of her ways. We shall see.

Meanwhile, Evan tells Morgan he is falling in love with her.

The coupled girls are playing Never Have I Ever and I forgot what the rules were. Ok, apparently you say something you’ve NEVER done and everyone who has must take a drink. Shari says she’s never had sex in public and that does not surprise me in the least.

It also does not surprise me that Kady says she has sex in public all the time. Where is Mark L to say, “Shocker!”?

Johnnie admits in confessional that he is falling for Kady and I think the public sex comment may have been the thing that tipped things in that direction. He may be a Public Sex Enthusiast.

Kady gets Johnnie in bed with her and it looks like he’s sleeping over and later in confessional she says she thinks she knows the answer to the question, “Who should I be with?”. Hint: His name is John. The only question is if he has a house in Fort Worth or Hoboken.

Shari is growing. She says it and she also says why but I really can’t be bothered with her because I hate her so much.

Tyler is talking to Kaci and she is ALL-IN on Evan. This trip has apparently made her realize he is all that she wants and I’m just laughing my ass off waiting for the bonfire.

It’s pretty ridiculous because she keeps talking herself into scenarios where everything goes well and Evan chooses her and they live happily ever after and I’m sure it is taking everything that Tyler has in him to not burst out laughing and mock her.

Evan and Morgan are in bed again and Morgan is afraid that Evan will choose Kaci at the end of the day. He tells her that he is falling in love with her and she seems so appeased that she takes her top off, pulls the covers over their bodies, and the production team puts the words, “It feels so good” on subtitles. You can’t tell if it was Evan or Morgan that said them.

The morning after,

Evan wakes up early and is in the kitchen making breakfast in bed for Morgan. He says in confessional, “It was an amazing night”

That leads to this exchange between Evan and John:

Evan: Did you hear Morgan and I last night?

John: Did you do the dirty?

Evan, slapping himself on the ass: I’ll talk to you guys later.

In confessional, Evan says that his happiness with Morgan is going to tear Kaci apart and I’m as giddy and as happy as a schoolgirl that just found out the boy she has a crush on actually likes her back and is going to ask her for a date.

Meanwhile, Kaci keeps talking herself into thinking Evan loves her. The juxtaposition of these scenes is what makes this show great. Again, the editors ask Mark L for a raise.

Nicole sees Kaci and thinks she should be feeling feelings as strongly as Kaci and let me tell you, Nicole, you are better off living in your dumb superficial world because you want no part of Kaci’s crazy bunny-stew world.

Shari also sees Kaci’s craziness and is realizing that Javen has been a pretty good boyfriend and is always trying to please her and that she has been a bitch and is it possible she’s growing too?!?

I don’t know, but Mark L’s crew shows Kayla helping Javen with his laundry in his room and I’m pretty sure Shari will see that in bonfire at some point, so forgive me if I just wait and see on that personal growth, ok?

Date Draft Time! (Or not!)

Mark L shows up to the Girls’ villa and they all freak out because he usually carries bad news. Now, that’s not really fair. It’s not his fault they are a bunch of idiots.

He tells them that there WILL be a bonfire tonight. That’s all and I guess there are no dates on this episode. The dating chart stays as is:

Dating Chart!

Coupled Boy/Girl	Date#1	Date#2	Date#3	Date#4
Karl	Sheldyn	Allie	Jeffri	Brittney
John	Hannah	Rachel	Tara	Lindsay
Javen	Kayla	Erica	Allie	Hannah
Evan	Brittney	Morgan	Morgan	Morgan
Shari	James	Tyler	Jon	James
Kaci	Carlos	Justin	Val	Jack
Nicole	Tyler	James	Jack	Tyler
Kady	John	Wynn	Carlos	John

Freaking out, Kaci goes to her bed and everyone joins her there, including Johnnie, who brings pizza because really what’s a good freakout without a slice?

Kady asks Kaci if she will stay with Evan if he’s having sex with someone. Kaci says she wouldn’t, but she’s not worried because she doesn’t think he would. Johnnie’s reaction is priceless:

In confessional, Kady says Kaci is sticking her head in the sand and there’s your episode title right there. I’m eagerly awaiting the “He Stuck It In My Ass!” episode

Kady then follows up and essentially says, “But what if he does?” Kaci answers that Evan having sex on the show is crazy to her and Johnnie is killing me with his reactions:

Bonfire Time!

The Boys will go first. As they drive up the mountain, Evan tells them that he is upset, but not regretful.

Mark L asks the boys how they are and Evan responds that he is finding clarity. John spouts the same stupid thing he’s been saying about not doing anything until he sees that she is doing something.

Evan goes first and they all see Kaci doing her dancing thing. Evan smiles and says, “Hell yeah!” It’s an interesting reaction because it essentially makes him feel less guilty. His reasoning is that she is having a good time and hopefully that means the breakup will be less hard on her.

Javen then sees Shari doing her dancing thing and he’s actually happy because he went to college and had experiences and she didn’t and he wants her to have fun and have those experiences.

Karl sees Tyler in bed with Nicole and he’s taken some shit on social media for the squint but hey, I’d want to make sure I saw what I think I saw too. He says he’s disappointed that he’s in her bed. He knows her and he knows it would be very difficult for her to turn it off like he did with Brittney.

Considering what I’ve seen of Brittney this episode, I think Karl has a very valid point. Brittney is cool and beautiful and digs him and he politely escorted her out of his room while Nicole says, “You want to stay in my bed?” to Tyler. Karl says Nicole is weak. I say she’s just young and stupid.

John is last and the boys all see Kady in the jacuzzi with Johnnie and they see this:

They also see Johnnie taking off his shirt and getting into bed with Kady. At the end of the video, John has a wry little smile on his face and Mark L asks why.

John replies that it’s sort of a relief and an easy out for him. If anything it’s a blessing in disguise as he could have wasted years and ended up divorced.

That’s right John! See, people? This is what this show is all about and why I love it! Saving yourself from years of misery by realizing that you are not with the right person!

John also calls Kady weak and that’s two guys that have called their girlfriends weak and I don’t know about you but I see that Evan is mighty fidgety over there on his stool.

Mark L finishes the bonfire by telling the boys that they will have the choice of taping a 30 second message to their girlfriends or not. That will happen later that night.

Now it’s the girls’ turn and Nicole says on the way over that she WANTS to see the clip and would rather watch and know than wonder what happened. Kady agrees and they are metaphorically hitting Kaci with Captain Caveman’s club

and she’s still not getting the message.

Mark L asks them all how they are and Kaci says some more of her delusional bullshit while Kady breaks down in tears and says she’s feeling guilty.

The videos start and Shari and the team see Javen talking to Kayla. Shari, to everyone’s surprise, says she doesn’t want to assume anything. Mark L points out that this is a drastic difference from her first bonfire and Shari agrees. Holy shit, is she actually becoming self-aware?

We need to be careful because we all know what happens when the machines become self-aware:

Nicole and the group see Karl tell Brittney that she is the best looking in the house. They also see him in the jacuzzi with her. It irks her, but she has now realized that her relationship with Karl has been very superficial and this doesn’t stir up a lot of feelings.

She’s starting to realize that she WANTS those feelings and that those may come from Karl or Tyler or someone else. Holy crap, Nicole is growing up too!

Kady is next. The group sees John talking to Katheryn and how she tricks him into a kiss and how John denies it’s a kiss. She feels a little less guilt, but I think Kaci is rubbing off on her.

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. You know what, let’s just watch, which is more than Kaci (and team, as she asked to “watch” the video alone) did:

Did you catch the sarcasm and derision in Mark L’s comments? That’s precious and another reason why I love this show. “I wish you the best!”

Oh, I needed that after a long week of work. Thank you, Mark L, truly for giving me a good hearty laugh.

I guess the videos to the significant others will have to wait until the next episode. Those should be fun to watch.

Oh wait! I forgot! It wasn’t shown on the video above, but at the very end of the episode, as the credits were rolling, a female producer asked Kaci why she didn’t watch. She gave her standard answer and, when pushed, WALKED OFF!

Again, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

***

Updated Predicciones

Here’s the way I see it after this episode:

• John and Kady: Well Done
• Nicole and Karl: Medium Well
• Shari and Javen: Medium
• Kaci and Evan: Burnt Ends

While I’ve saying Javen and Shari shouldn’t be together, it looks like they’re setting things up so that they are the only couple to make it. I guess it depends on whether Shari really is seeing how good she has it and how she’s been so bad. I’m not optimistic because it’s really difficult for people to admit they’ve been acting wrong.

I’m hoping that Evan and John send breakup videos to their girlfriends. That really would be the right thing to do here. Wanna make a bet they don’t? Buncha pussies!

Remember that I’ll be writing recaps of every episode and publishing on the Tuesday the next episode airs. This was episode 6 and there are only four episodes left!

Temptation Island airs every Tuesday on USA Network at 10 PM Eastern, 9 PM Central. You can catch up on prior episodes (if you sign in with a cable or satellite account although it seems the first two episodes are available for free) and see behind the scene clips on the USA Network website: https://www.usanetwork.com/temptationisland

Let me know what you think in the comments.

(30/69)