So baseball season has started, the Final Four is set, and the NHL season only has one week to go. Add in the Master’s and Kentucky Derby, plus the start of the NBA playoffs, and you get even money odds that April is truly the greatest month.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Bruins at Red Wings – 7:30PM | NBCSN
- Flames at Sharks – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
- MLB:
- Braves at Phillies – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- NBA:
- Hornets at Warriors – 8:30PM | Sportsnet1 / NBATV
- NCAA:
- NCAA Hockey Tournament:
- Midwest Regional final: Minnesota-Duluth vs. Quinnipiac – 6:30PM | ESPNU
- NCAA Hockey Tournament:
- MLS:
- Orlando City SC vs. D.C. United – 6:30PM | FS1
- Los Angeles Galaxy vs. Portland Timbers – 9:00PM | ESPN2
Don’t forget to tune in later tonight (or tomorrow morning) for the winner of the Banner Tournament. You have until 10:59:59 PM DFO time tonight to cast your ballot. Just like the NCAA tourney, MY FAVOURITES ARE ALREADY DEAD!
I had the most amazing trip to the weed store today.
I drive the batmobile out of the batcave, make an immediate left and I’m on west bound Imperial, bang a right at 50 mph on Pershing, melt the fucking pavement to Manchester parkway, left to Lincoln.
I caught every light green.
EVERY FUCKING LIGHT!
home and back again in 35 minutes.
Fuck you Bilbo Baggins.
Ladies and gentlemen, THE POLLS ARE CLOSED.
I’ll take things Hitler said out loud for $300, Alex
I think my wife has a serious problem. Within an hour of the housekeeper leaving, she turned on the Roomba.
Barry so, so, so much better than Veep now. This season is no bueno idea.
Yeah…I’m gettin’ drunk.
I’m jealous.
Being sober sucks.
Let’s talk in the morning. What I’m doing comes with a price, and the cost gets higher every year.
Holy shit, this might be the best thing ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYOE8kL3dac
Veep characters ranked (partial):
1. Kent
3. Selina
3. Jonah
4. Richard Splett
5. The way filthy bald Congressman
6. Jonah’s uncle
7. Ben
8. Amy
9. [vacant to establish distance]
10. Mike
11. Diedrich Bader
12. The lobbyist from the Sonic ads
Man, Clea DuVall has been around Hollywood for a long time. Good for her!
Splett for #1!!!
Loving the return of Barry
Don’t worry, her face broke her fall.
The helmet saved her…..
“That’s good drywall!”
Even after 100 loops, this is still quite funny.
What did they think was going to happen when she got to the bottom?
Why do people ask this question? Isn’t the lack of thought process severely lacking in most human beings? Especially those at a social event.
Although I did read that after the stop she was much more DTF.
“Sploooosh.”
HEY KIDS THIS IS HOW WE MADE PHONE CALLS BACK IN THE 70s:
Next to the pool with naked chicks? COUNT ME IN!!!!!!!
Kangaroos have their testicles in front of/ above their penis. Fun fact
*old man getting into car
One week after running for the first time in my life, not jogging – running, I can attest that my heart and cardiovascular system appears to be in good shape. Because if it wasn’t, my heart would’ve exploded out of my ass and I’d be dead on the track in the local park.
I learned last summer that my heart is in much better shape than my left knee, but I think I got that taken care of, so my knees should hold up, which will be helpful, since I have an appt Wednesday morning to address the fact that my right shoulder doesn’t appear to work anymore.
Someone was talking bout a directed tactical nuke on either Duke or Pats? I say we hit the ad wizards responsible for either chevy or buick commercials of the last five years.
On second thought I’ll take the Pats, if it means the Bruins will be collateral damage.
…He won, right?
Russian judge; 9.7.
That was me.
How about the people that decides a new car needs to cost so much damn money? Quit showing me the new trucks or a smart cars if I can’t afford it.
Hey! Its the George W. Bush episode of CNN’s “The Bush Years”. I wonder if the episode title is going to be “Simple Mistake or Mortal Sin?”
Bush has been a simple mistake for most of his life.
Better haircut than Mark Davis.
No, you are mistaken; that is a review of 1970s porn.
OK, that was funny.
Innocent people gets screwed and taken advantage of.
Corrupt people get richer.
Society gets further ruined.
Yeah, that’s checks out.
You are mistaken on a matter of scale. Plus you killed the joke.
One thing about Faux News; they really air things out.
I can’t stop laughing at this. If you can’t laugh at dog testicles then I don’t even know you guys anymore.
Plenty of pooch asshole pulling up the……. rear.
“Oooh, oooh, oooh. I love that position. I can’t wait.”
-Doggie
Upward facing dog doesn’t offer near as many health benefits
Feels good on the back doe.
That’s fantastic
I’m more impressed than aroused. That’s good hustle.
It can be both.
Jessica Mendoza’s fake laughter causes cancer, and you cannot convince me otherwise.
To be gender-neutral about this I am also fairly certain that A-Rod’s forced laughter has been found to cause leprosy.
Goddammit Orioles, don’t fuck this up.
There ya go.
Half a game out of first. Yanks and Sox in the cellar.
Wooo!!!!!!
It’s the high-water mark of the season!
DON’T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME YA DAMNED YANKEE!!!!!
Also, yes.
In baseball terms, this is checking the standings after starting the NFL season with a field goal on your third drive.
“Imagine the parade we could hold if we ever reached those heights!”
-Buffalo, NY
Right where you want them.
For those who watched the delicious schadenfreude, was that Duke player trying to miss that last free throw on purpose? Based on the arc it seemed like he was.
Yeah, he was.
He drank some of his own roofie mix.
My back hurts a tiny little bit, so I’m debating jettisoning tomorrow’s workout in favor of getting double-hangover drunk tonight.
Do both
Or are you not 19?
Not capitalizing with RISP and losing to a vastly inferior team on paper? (Sorry tWBS) I see the Yankees are already in midseason form.
Sox dropped 3 of 4 to Seattle, so I don’t feel too bad.
I am, however, absolutely convinced that the Yankees are never going to win anything with Boone as the manager.
That makes me feel worse!
OK, now I’m getting greedy. HIT A GRAND SLAM VOIT!!!!
Or, you know, ground out to short.
Rooney’s goal for DC United just now was pretty sweet.
Of course, y’all must be watching the best league in the world, so I’m preaching to the choir.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
U*NC and Duke both lose in hearbreaking fashion, and the Orioles are about to take the series against the Yanks.
THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST WEEKEND IN EVAR!!!!!!
I am willing to trade a March series with the Orioles for Roy Williams and Mike Krywhatever getting bounced short of the Final Four. Every time.
It’s spelled “Rat-face”, Horatio.
Shit, I knew that one too.
FFS, I’m gonna have to hear about this bullshit all week now. Full disclosure: I live in a house where my Christmas tree has Michigan State ornaments, and I don’t like her being happy.
Gotta give it to MSU though, they just kept harassing Duke without remorse, coming at them at their most vulnerable.
HAPPY DUKE SCHADENFREUDE DAY EVERYBODY!!!!
Beat me to it! Cheers, bitches!
Our local alternative station, KROQ, is having a music of the 90’s weekend.
It’s been rock solid.
Hadn’t heard this in a bit.
Fun fact: this played over the closing credits of the very 2nd episode of the Sopranos ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woZwzRSI15w
A couple months ago, the KROQ signal got weak by our house. Dunno why, but here we are.
[furrows brow]
– Pete Carroll
Twitter is having a day
Benito, you son of a bitch!
Liverfailure beat Hot Sperms today. If Arseholes lose tomorrow, I’d say it was a very good Lesser footy weekend.
The Mayo Clinic’s intramural teams push the envelope in both medical research and team names…