Your “At Least The Clown Shows No Longer Involve This Clown” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets:

  • Antonio Brown has now decided to stop taking runs at BIG BEN and instead is now bravely aiming his Twitter cannon at Juju Smith-Schuster.
    • Going so far as to blame Juju for the reason the Steelers “fumbled away” their chance at the playoffs in Week 16 against the Saints.
    • Which has led to a back & forth that demeans them all.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv93QvvgL-1/?utm_source=ig_embed


Tonight’s sport:

  • NCAA:
    • National Championship Game: Virginia vs. Texas Tech – 9:00PM | CBS / TSN
      • Ralph Sampson in the house!

Although it’s not as cool a story as my brother’s friend who ran a $500 Eagles bet in Week 15 then double-or-nothing all the way to a potential $400,000 payout if they’d beaten the Saints, the largest payout on Texas Tech tonight is a $1500 futures bet from back in November that will pay out $300,000 if they can beat Virginia. (He apparently wanted to bet more than $1500, but the Sportsbook stopped him.)

I can’t say I have any real animus towards either school. I remember Ralph Sampson because any guy my age from the 80s couldn’t forget how tall he was versus the rest of the team, and how Jim Valvano completely owned him in both the 1983 ACC Tournament finals and the Elite Eight. And I’ve been to Lubbock.

The current spread on the game is Virginia by 1.5, with an over/under of 118.5. I’m not Hippo, nor an especially devout worshipee of GAMBLOR, but I’m going to pick Virginia by six & advocate for the under – I just see these two teams taking too much first-half time trying to feel each other out, and that will leave the scoring kinda flat. It won’t be as flat as the Super Bowl or your first girlfriend, but it’ll be close enough to give you flashbacks.

_____________________________

Tonight’s other sports:

  • NHL playoffs start Wednesday, and the NBA took tonight off to watch the game.
  • MLB:
    • Yankees at Astros – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Nationals at Phillies – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • after yesterday’s 13.5 hour Wrestlemania, tonight is the annual “brand reset” where new feuds & new wrestlers appear

As stated, NHL playoffs start on Wednesday. I’ll have series breakdowns by conference over the next couple of days. APRIL IS THE START OF TROPHY SEASON!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Yankees announcers desperately trying to justify Boone pulling Tanaka at 78 pitches with a 3-1 lead.

Yanks then lost 4-3 as the bullpen promptly blew up.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Sharkbait

I like where you’re at this evening tWBS

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish Katy agreed.

Sharkbait

Has the basket balling ceased?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Only for shortlyish….

Horatio Cornblower

Judging from the score they have yet to start

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, when is the game going to break out?

Brocky

About the same time ryan tannehill does

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He HAS a rash.

Brocky

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Things are getting weird on raw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Weird?

Brocky

Yes moose, other people do things that can be considered weird.

Don’t worry, your weird ass gifs are still the best. Just leave a gif and lets go on our way

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey, you are the raw dog fan.

Brocky

Yeah youre god damn rightwait a damn minute!

He got me again guys. He got me again!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Welp, OK then. Just try to be polite.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Tie game, which reminds me I’d be willing to tie up Katy Perry….
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(allegedly…and only with consent)

Redshirt

I’d be open to be tied up by her. I’ve never tried that sort of thing, but if Katy Perry offers, I’m not turning her down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She is apparently into pegging.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t worry; she’s probably not an angry pegger.

Mr. Ayo

Don’t forget the ball gag.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That just gets in the way.
Or so I’ve heard….allegedly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That makes you drool.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Probably

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Tie game” sounds like something David Carradine would invite a couple of Southeast Asian hookers over to play.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’d need to take a breather…….

…. too late.

Brocky

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

As happy as I am to see Urias back in the lineup for the Padres, I really just wish Andy Green would stop fucking with the lineup every night.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know who Andy Green is, but I will trade you Aaron Boone straight up for him. Or anyone. Or anything.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FOOD SCIENTIST: Shit! I accidentally mixed a bunch of orange and vanilla flavoring together!

EXECUTIVE: That’ll cost the company dozens of dollars!

FOOD SCIENTIST: Hang on…I just might have an idea.

Redshirt

And yet my idea of Cherry Apple Coke got me banned from the Coca Cola HQs in Atlanta. True, they said it was for skinny dipping in a tank of Cherry Coke, but I’m convinced it was for my perfectly reasonable flavor suggestion.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

12 total points in seven minutes. That puts us on pace for a score of about 39-32 or so.

Mr. Ayo

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[goes crashing through canopy glass]

– French civilian

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is your name Goose?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I can’t seem to print to my wireless printer anymore. Not sure why.
Anyone have any ideas? Too much porn maybe?

Brocky

Its actually a fax machine and you’re too high to know the difference?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t I wish.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Is it plugged in?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep. I’ve rebooted wifi, machine and printer. It worked yesterday. Can’t figure it out.

Mr. Ayo

Reboot printer then make sure it’s connected to the wireless network.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It just printed from the iPad. But no matter what I try to send from desktop….it no workey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Honestly, I really like both of these teams.

But UVa is more disciplined.

Redshirt

Is it me or is the court longer?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Brett Kavanaugh, in a hurry to get to a Nationals game and get so drunk that he doesn’t remember attempting to rape his own wife.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I got a G riding, leave me alone.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Huh, I wonder if the Ducks made the playoffs so I can ask my friend to write a preview.”

[Google reveals that they did not]

“Hey man, want to write a Ducks playoff preview?”

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She has a great O face.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is a pink ring just before the brown ring.

Redshirt

“Of course the former bartender from New York would run afoul of traditional Southern values.” – The Voice of Raisin

I’m on That Other Site, but this comment is too good not to share.

Unsurprised

Blacked.com has a comment section?

Brocky

So if my stats are correct, neither virginia nor Texas tech have won a title before.

Which means we are guaranteed to have a new member of the prestigious “more national titles than Purdue!” Club!

theeWeeBabySeamus

UVa has been in the final four before, but never won a title.
TT has never been in a final four before.

There will be history.

Mr. Ayo

Chris Davis is peak Orioles. Enjoy the games tWBS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Are they still winning? I changed channels to watch Katy Perry.

Mr. Ayo

Woah, hey now. I’m not watching. That could be bad for my health.

ESPN is just feeding me the lowlights of his at bats.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bill Rafftery is already drunk I think.

WCS

When was he actually sober?

theeWeeBabySeamus

1972?

Brocky

mutes katy Perry

hears katy Perry playing on the tv in the other room

Yep. Its monday

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blonde Katy Perry is the best Katy Perry.
You’d agree if she had been wearing gloves.

Brocky

You’re not wrong necessarily, just trying to you know, be spared from her music

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’d say Quiet Katy Perry is the best Katy Perry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Quiet awkward pauses with a naked Katy Perry.
Yeah, OK….I can be ok with that.

Brocky

…. correct.

Followed by left shark

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m not sure I want to live in a world where tWBS wins this year’s bracket.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Too late, no way that asshole can lose at this point.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, I’m that asshole.

Gratliff

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Sharkbait

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WCS

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Gratliff

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Is she naked or almost naked?
Almost naked is good enough.

King Hippo

No #HAILGAMBLOR for me tonight. Eating wings with the kid while some random crazy dude wanders around mumbling and saluting the teevee. Eastern NC, y’all. Bad even for the South.

herodotus450

No one tell Hippo that he’s really just looking in a mirror.

King Hippo

I hope I haven’t had that many pills? 😀

theeWeeBabySeamus

UVa – 1.5.
$1000

Had it it been -2.5 I’d have layed off.

Let’s do this

theeWeeBabySeamus

Before anyone says anything, this is house money at this point.
If I win tonight, I can cash out at over $10G+, even minus the vig, on an initial $250 layout when NFL season started.

If I lose, I’m still about $8500.

Let’s go Cavs.

Unsurprised

Seamus. Buddy….

Unsurprised

Yes. Yes. Let’s go Cavs. Because why not.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I want that $10G. It’s not about the money, though.
It’s about winning.

I’m channeling my inner Charlie Sheen.

Unsurprised

I’ll gladly take it off your hands when you win.

Mr. Ayo

That’s a good run.

But why cash out if you’re still winning?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t bet hockey or baseball.

litre_cola

But the Orioles have them right where they want them?

rockingdog
Unsurprised

Fuck. I’m less mobile than a dude who suffered spinal trauma

Redshirt

Yeah. All props to Shazier.

Unsurprised

Go get your fucking Lambo.

Unsurprised

<3

ballsofsteelandfury

This is coming to LA:

https://www.mlb.com/baseball-food-festival/menu

Worth it?

Gratliff

They are all bad

litre_cola

I would still go. That would be a BOTG if I ever saw one. Including the puking.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

At least SOMEONE got it right by giving San Diego a fish taco!

Redshirt

WWE just wrote themselves into a corner. Kofi (Smackdown Champ) just challenged Seth (Raw Champ) for a Title vs. Title Match. Its a nice way to counter the NCAA BB Championship, but the either:

A. Make Kofi the Undisputed WWE Champion, a person two months ago wasn’t even considered a Middle-Tier Singles Wrestler let alone the face of the company.
B. Take the belt off of Kofi the night after he won it, thus ret-retconning “WWE may be racist” undertones back into reality.
C. Do a Dusty Finish, keep the belts on them and piss off their fans after a feel good, well done, but long-ass WrestleMania.

Gratliff

I wish they would fucking make up their minds whether they want one overall champion or a champ for each brand. It’s only been 5 years since the last unification and 2 since the last separation.

blaxabbath

Don’t get the Steelers’ moves but Arizona is basically an AAF team without the good fan fortune of them folding.

ballsofsteelandfury
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would like to make it a thing that anytime you go to buy two beers (and nothing else) at a baseball game you refer to it as a “Kavanaugh Special”.

rockingdog

it will replace the phrase “Utah, get me two!!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=madmJUo4T2E

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good thing you included the video; without context I would have assumed the phrase “Utah get me two” referred to wives.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Best meatball sandwiches I’ve ever tasted.

Oh shit, the bank is getting robbed.

rockingdog
Wakezilla

So, NHL playoffs poolies, who you like winning the cup and most importantly, who do you like to put up points?

Sharkbait

Tampa is a buzzsaw. They’re either going to win it all or flameout in spectacular fashion.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Caps gonna repeat.
/knows Caps are NOT gonna repeat
//Giggles a little

herodotus450

They have all the markings of a President’s (wait a second Canadaue doesn’t even have a president!) Cup winner who gets stymied in the playoffs when the refs decide to go back to calling games like it’s 1994.
/Haven’t actually watched a second of them play this year so what do I know

Gratliff

I’m definitely rooting hard for Not Pittsburgh

rockingdog

Go sharks!!!! They’re JAWSOME!!!
CHOMP CHOMP!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yvbwl9c1vB0

litre_cola

That is acceptable.

King Hippo

Bring back the goddamned Nordiques already

rockingdog

found a funny:
Help! Lots of manta rays have washed up on the beach!

DISCUS CHAMPION: [rising from his towel] I’ve trained my whole life for this moment.

Wakezilla

I don’t get it. Is he going to have sex with the mantas?

herodotus450

I think the Discus Champion, like all of us at heart, is supposed to be a cross between Steve Irwin and Jack Kevorkian.

scotchnaut

And I’ve been to Lubbock

I’ll take, “Things I’ll be scrubbing from my on-line history very shortly?” for $600, Alex.

rockingdog

Boom! Hazard killin it.
just like that Chelsea back in it!!!!
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Wakezilla

Also, thank you Beerguy Rob for making sense of a stupidly vague question.

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herodotus450

This game starts so late, Scotchy might go to sleep and wake up in time to watch it.

scotchnaut

Scheduling bastards! I was hoping to catch a little snoozy so that I could catch the tilt but work got in the way. I’m very close to done right now.

herodotus450

Well, work, supra se servitium

Wakezilla

Gotta love wrestling fans for making something as amazing as Kofi’s world title win into erasing others’ blackness and other unsettling racist shit.

I just hope this is all building towards a Big E title run because he’s awesome.

Gratliff

My favorite hot take so far today is that it has nothing to do with race as though they didn’t explicitly bring up his blackness as a reason he didn’t get a real chance in the past. People are the dirt worst. And while I struggle to imagine them breaking up New Day ever, a turn by E tonight would be a storyline betrayal to rival Steen-Generico.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ralph Sampson always cracked me up. He always had a look on his face like…

HEY ALL YOU SHORT HONKEYS STOP SCREWING MAH SHIT!!!!!

rockingdog

LOL

King Hippo

And reflect on that a bit. Ultimately, RMK was too big of an asshole FOAR Lubbock

King Hippo

Lemme ask u globalist cucks, am I a trader for missing the start of Doyers/#BFIB to watch my oldest’s choir performance. Smh obvs

yeah right

Not at all.

And there’s always the DVR.

King Hippo

Gonna radio the end of El beisbol and watch hoopsball DVR when return!

Sharkbait

I’m gonna be bullshit when the Ice Giants not only slide back in the draft lottery, but New Jersey wins it and get Jack Hughes

Wakezilla

Nah, I see Hughes going to LA or Ottawa for the comedy factor (because Colorado owns Ottawa’s pick)

herodotus450

In order of worst universes to best, the pick goes to:
Colorado (nee Ottawa)
Edmonton
Chicago
Buffalo
The rest

Col. Duke LaCross

Holy shit, that’s crazy to see in print for a professional athlete. CC Sabbathia OUT (Angioplasty!)

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hoosier Daddy?

Unsurprised

A large man from Chicago’s south side?