Your Sunday Evening Even More Playoff Games Open Thread

What’s up,  kids? It’s your friendly neighborhood Balls of Steel here filling in for BeerGuyRob, who has been called away on duty.

(Read: Taking care of business down at WineWife Country if you know what I mean and I think you do.)

Anyhoo, I just want to point out that Tiger Woods can DIAF. If I could,  I would hire Carl Spackler to give him the Judge Smails treatment:

 

One cut hamstring is all it would take.  Does anyone know any Waffle House waitresses that I can hire to take care of this?

Seriously,  Tiger Woods is the all-time worst.  He’s:

– an asshole

– a cheater

– got horrible taste in skanks

– as black as I am

– undeserving of all the praise he gets.

 

If you think for one minute that the white establishment that runs golf loves Tiger,  you don’t know your institutionalized racism.

He’s the perfect Token

That Zoeller guy that made a comment about watermelon at the Masters wasn’t kidding.  That’s what they really think of him.

Think English people and Indians at the start of the last century.  I just read an article on the 100th anniversary of the massacre at Amritsar and read that the English didn’t think the Indians could govern themselves for 500 years!!

There are some choice paragraphs in there about how essentially the English thought the Indians were subhuman.  It’s delightful reading for a Sunday…

Anyway,  where was I?

Oh yeah,  FUCK TIGER WOODS.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: all Game 3s
    • Lightning at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360
    • Jets at Blues – 7:30PM | CNBC / CBC
    • Sharks at Golden Knights – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet1
  • NBA:
    • Pistons at Bucks – 7:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
    • Jazz at Rockets – 9:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Mets at Braves – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • MLS Soccer:
    • Sporting KC vs. New York Red Bulls – 7:00PM | FS1
    • Seattle vs. Toronto FC – 10:00PM | TSN2
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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Col. Duke LaCross

New map title!

Spur

If Trump wanted to start a war with Iran. We’d do it now while everyone is busy with Game of Thrones.

Spur

Look to your sins DFO, for the night is dark and full of terror.

I hope Melisandre and her sweet rack appear.

Gratliff

That Chernobyl series is gonna be super fucked

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve just gotten seats behind the glass for Caps at ‘Canes tomorrow night.
It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.
(one of my childhood friends is chairman of the board at PNC arena)

Don T

I wonder who’s likelier to speak: Michael Flynn or the Night King.

The Maestro

Two years coming for this day. Just about ready to shit my dick. HERE WE FUCKING GO FOLKS

Gratliff

Is there a way to change DFO to dark mode? This shit is interrupting my ice zombie dragon tunnel vision

herodotus450

Just put a sheet over your monitor and cut some holes in it–it can only end well.

The Maestro

I use a Chrome plugin called Dark Reader, and it’s seriously incredible. Changed my whole life.

Gratliff

Exists for Firefox too (I use the WaterFox offshoot). This is goddamn wonderful, thank you.

Gratliff

Goddamn it, I forgot how amazing the wall coming down looked. Full hyped

LemonJello

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Spur

Damn, look at the wingspan of Drogon….Wait that’s Giannis.

herodotus450

Never heard of her.
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wait.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She has pretty eyes. They’re very big.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s Game of Thrones for me, and nothing else.

Here. I’ll save you all the trouble.
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LemonJello

I hope Frodo finally destroys the ring this season.

Spur

Prey for Frodo comment image

Spur

see you on twitter after the premiere

herodotus450

Reds-Blues would be an hilarious cross-sprot matchup, and so would Blues-Jazz. WEIRD.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Columbus scores again to go up 2-0. I’m officially downgrading Tampa to Nampa; they don’t deserve to represent the Bay anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Tampa living up to the President’s Trophy legacy (again, Canada doesn’t even have a fucking president, who do they think they are, anyway?) by getting out goalie’d and out physical’d by a supposedly inferior team.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Neither do we.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Icing should not be legal even when shorthanded.
There…it had to be said.

LemonJello

“But, icing on shortbread is my favorite!”
-A. Reid

herodotus450

The shorthanders would just ice it anyway to kill the penalty in very painful 6-second increments. Now, making icing a minor penalty…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, but a clock stoppage and then faceoff in the short zone is better than having to go all the way up the rink and bring the puck back.

herodotus450

But a faceoff gives the power players about a 50% chance to get possession, while going back to collect the puck is 100%. Also, why won’t someone think of the poor ref’s lungs after blowing all those whistles!

herodotus450

I think instead of watching, I’m only going to experience this season of Game of Thrones through enraged forum/BBS posts.

litre_cola

Great idea. Score more fucking goals than St. Louis tonight.

Redshirt

“Wait. You mean its not like golf?!” – Cincinnati Reds

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

An assist man.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GAME I CALL IT A STRIPPER PAYING HER RENT BECAUSE IT IS ALL BUCKS.

Redshirt

Reds are out of players. They’re having to get a Starting Pitcher to get dressed to pitch run and possible play a position.

LemonJello

Lenin does not approve of this situation.
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Redshirt

Shhhh! If anyone equate the words Reds with Communism, they’ll have to change their team name again.

http://www.espn.com/blog/sweetspot/post/_/id/56756/tbt-when-the-reds-became-redlegs

herodotus450

So if we start referring to Commies as [*Redacted] s then maybe Dan Snyder will get the message?

Redshirt

I don’t know because Communism is good in theory, but bad in practice.

That team name of Washington isn’t good in theory or in practice.

WCS

Some obviously uber-rich dickshit had $85k to bet on Tiger winning, and gets $1.2 million as a payout.

Is rage drinking a thing?

SonOfSpam

I don’t know of any other kind of drinking, except maybe shame and/or power.

litre_cola

Power drinking was awesome 15 years ago when I could handle the repercussions. Now a days 5 drinks in and I know the next day will be awful.
I miss being young and dumb.

Redshirt

I’m not sure about drinking, but I’m an expert at rage eating.

Gratliff

I also hate Tiger, but primarily due to the fact that my timeline is full of fucking golf of all things

litre_cola

Mine is all game of thrones.

Redshirt

If you’re referring to what your Facebook friends keep sharing, Republican Propaganda. I win.

Redshirt

Yasiel Puig did a good?!

SonOfSpam

I also despise Tiger. So you’re in good company. Unless I’m not considered that. Which I almost definitely am not.

Also, my upcoming birthday trip to Chicago is looking great! Angels-Cubs were snowed out today, but what’re the odds of that happening again this week?

herodotus450

The Kuch is not loose in Columbus tonight, suspended for one game.

Redshirt

Update: The Reds are back to normal despite flirting with averageness.

Also, I did not get struck by lightning and get superpowers based on the same. However, I am told I am lightning fast in the sack, so that’s something I guess.

rockingdog

found a funny:

my vibrator really pavloved me into getting horny whenever I hear buzzing. working with old men who can’t figure out how to silence their phones got my coochie roaring during meetings

scotchnaut

Tiger is wearing a red shirt-apparently he couldn’t say ‘neigh’ to all that Brony money…

Redshirt

(looks off camera) Judges ruling…

…we’ll accept it, even though he won and is documented with getting a lot more tail than I do.

rockingdog
scotchnaut

‘Two balls close to the hole’ takes Tiger all the way back to last night and that bathroom stall at Arby’s.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have a huge bruise on my right forearm.
I do not know how I did it. But it hurts like a bitch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Ice Bombers to go down 0-3 tonight. Book it.

rockingdog

padres battling arizona…are down 3-2 in the 6th inning

rockingdog

SHIT.
just gave up a 3 run HR. Not good for padres…
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scotchnaut

Given Tiger’s eventual win, the only thing I want in this world is to be able to erase the word ‘redemption’ from the vocabulary of every sports scribe out there.

herodotus450

Yes, yes, then they’ll be forced to use the term “comeback story” instead and we can all laugh at the double entendre.

rockingdog

Hats off to Tiger Woods. Dude is legit.
“sinkin’ putts & nailin’ sluts”

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL…we should put that on a t-shirt.

herodotus450

Think of the sequel potential!: “Sinkin’ it in sluts, nailin’ butts”

theeWeeBabySeamus

You became Balls of Steel so gradually I didn’t even notice.

scotchnaut

“Suckin’ on Ambien, just like a champion”

scotchnaut

/test results come back for Tiger

Masters Official: “I’m sorry, Mr. Woods-the test came back positive.”

Tiger: “But the masking diuretic, er, umm… Really?”

Masters Official: “Yes. We have the most sophisticated equipment on the entire tour and we can say you definitely drank a blended scotch last Wednesday. Johnnie Walker Red, really? Failing to drink a single malt scotch is an automatic five stroke penalty. Good Day, sir!”

Redshirt

I am now proceeding into the Thunderstorm to cook hamburgers on the grill. If I don’t come back, thanks for the laughs and dick jokes. If I come back with lightning superpowers, I promise to use it mostly for good.

scotchnaut

Hope you stuck to the toasted Wonderbread slices as per family custom instead of brioche buns. I can imagine their response.

Hell, Redshirt! Do we look like a bunch of Kansas City faggots? GOD, JESUS!

Redshirt

My family doesn’t deserve my Brioche Buns.

scotchnaut

It’s very obvious to me that you’ve been working out recently…

yeah right

I’ll be grilling today too.
I’ll tell you what next week, although I’ll be grilling in substantially different weather than yours.

Unsurprised

Area man crosses into Balls’ lane and reviews underwear. Loses home to eminent domain.

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herodotus450

This day of NHL playoffs I call it my time at the orgy because there’s a good chance of going down 0-3

Wakezilla

I am being called a hater because I never thought there would be some sort of super syrum that would make a 40+ year old casual golfer with chronic back and knee problems look like an incredibly fit pro athlete in his 30s.

I’m sure Tiger is as clean as the $2 hooker that swears to you that she’s clean and gets tested on a regular basis and you should ignore those weird red dots down there because they’re just weird looking ingrown hair and totally not genital warts, who Tiger also recently just fucked.

herodotus450

Would you call a Canadian two dollar whore a Looker or a prostiloony?

BC Dick

I think that’s a double double

ballsofsteelandfury

THIS!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am not a Tiger Woods fan. Never have been. Hate the guy, always have. Even before his…well…ya know…
But I have to give him credit…he played his ass off this weekend.

yeah right

Indeed he did.

Gratliff

Looking forward to nodding along absently this week while otherwise decent people attempt to convince me that Boot Edge Edge is the man we need in the white house

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I also could give a fuck about this comeback narrative. Fuck Tiger.

LemonJello

Fuck Tiger.

-Note on back of several Waffle House receipts

Redshirt

(deletes Tiger Woods is awesome post)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Credit to Tiger; he actually got out there and WON it as opposed to having others crumble under the pressure (Molinari cracked, but plenty of other guys were breathing down his neck until the very end).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Tiger doesn’t like it when you do anything to his neck other than breathing on it; he’s afraid Elin will notice any marks.”

– Mistress #27, circa 2009

yeah right

Agreed. It’s a great comeback story and regardless of what you think of him golf is just plain BETTER when he’s in the hunt. The pressure it puts on the leaderboard is obvious and palpable. It was an amazing thing today.
Good for him.

ballsofsteelandfury

Bullshit. I despise the “SPORT is better when TEAM/PLAYER is good” narrative.

herodotus450

Oh yeah? Name me ONE memorable baseball moment since Babe Ruth retired.

yeah right

In all seriousness how much golf do you watch Balls? I watch every week. Every fucking week. Do you want to talk about the ratings for these events when Tiger is in the hunt.

Numbers don’t lie.

Wakezilla

I don’t know what he’s on, but I sure want whatever Tiger is having to enhance his performance physically enough to win the Master’s.

ballsofsteelandfury

Right? I CAN’T WAIT until we discover he’s been on something Tom Brady’s trainer gave him.

Redshirt

…or Robert Kraft’s therapist.

Gratliff

The correct term is “Sex Slave”