Your Hastily Conceived Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Sorry for the quality – we were short-staffed at school, and I could only put things together in chunks.

NFL News:

  • Overly conceived: Sean McVay says he was “over-prepared” for the Super Bowl.
    • He claimed he spent the first week before the game watching every Patriots 2018 game, plus their Super Bowl games from previous years to try & gain insight into what they might do.
      • Failing to take into account that Bill Belichick is an evil genius who plans based on the opponent, not the scenario.
  • Poorly conceived: Donovan McNabb has a “bitchy” response to people upset at his criticism of the Eagles.  
    • “If I’m an analyst and a question is presented to me, I’m supposed to answer the way I see fit,” McNabb said, via Philly.com.
    • This is all because he said the Eagles might consider cutting Carson Wentz if they don’t make it back to the NFC title game before his rookie deal runs out.
  • Financially conceived: The Seahawks are indeed considered the frontrunners to sign free agent DE Ziggy Ansah.
    • He would fill the gap left by the Frank Clark trade, and his pre-existing shoulder issues means they’d be getting him at a discount.
      • Which would then allow them to extend Bobby Wagner & end all this contract bullshit that dogs them each off-season.
  • Rem capto: Prosecutors in the Robert Kraft case want the court to sanction Kraft’s attorneys for allegedly lying in court.
    • They claims Kraft’s attorneys made up accusations against a testifying officer designed to impact his credibility.
    • The lawyers’ response is classic, ‘What? How DARE you impugn our credibility?!’
      • “This is all an obvious and desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the illegal and unconstitutional actions of the Jupiter Police Department and the state lawyers.”

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: Game 7, Bay-Bay!   
    • Avalanche at Sharks – 9:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Celtics at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
      • Game 5; Bucks lead 3-1
    • Rockets at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
      • Game 5; series tied 2-2
  • MLB:
    • Mariners at Yankees – 6:30PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Twins at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • Futbol:
    • MLS:
      • Atlanta vs. Toronto FC – 7:00PM | TSN4
    • USL Championship Soccer:
      • Nashville SC vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – 8:00PM | ESPN2

I kinda wish I could watch that USL match. Otherwise, I look forward to either moar double overtime or a blowout.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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yeah right

Every time you wake up with shit encrusted undies and a vague remembrance of Las Vegas police a Corona gets its lime.

SonOfSpam

Shorter: Every Thursday, a Corona gets its lime.

SonOfSpam

Last 15 minutes of The Untouchables on BBC America. That was such a fucking great movie. Not even Costner could ruin it. Saw it in the theater, so I’m old, but I had good taste (may have also seen Every Which Way But Loose in the theater)

SonOfSpam

I just drunkenly (duh) bought my daughter 2 tix to see the Jonas Brothers.

Maybe I secretly wanna fuck the Jonas Brothers.

Maybe it ain’t a secret.

Also, HI EVERYBODY.

Dunstan

Every time a DFO’er drunkenly confesses his lust for the Jonas Brothers…. a Corona gets its lime.

SonOfSpam

At least I got no fear of scurvy.

Mr. Ayo

*puts pants back on*

I thought everyone left already.

I mean, HEY!

Downfield Matriculator

Houston gonna Houston

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s easy to forget that I also hate the Rockets.

Unsurprised

I didn’t know you were Israeli

yeah right

That’s easy for me to remember because I hate them motherfuckers too.

And fuck their in game entertainment coordinator.

SonOfSpam

I hate the whole “try to get fouled” thing. Hated it when Wade did it 10 years ago, hate it when Harden does it now. Those 2 guys are first ballot HOFers, but I still hate it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every time you look around the party wondering which skank gave your boyfriend chlamydia which he then passed on to you…a Corona gets its lime.

WCS

The Buddy Life; season one, episode three

Senor Weaselo
Mr. Ayo

Welcome to the tournament, Francis!

SonOfSpam

NERD!

yeah right

Lots of cherries getting popped.

Dunstan
Unsurprised

#FearTheDeer

Something about Lyme Disease.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

#FearTheShears

Anybody sitting in a barber’s chair when Michael Irvin walks in.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rockets getting back into this one? I may have to shut you off, 90 Day Fiance!

Mr. Ayo

Dubs are done.

Mr. Ayo

Out of respect for the community, I’ve flagged this post.

yeah right

What is the similarity of Chris Paul and your average Home Depot shopper?

It’s someone in dire need of hardware.

yeah right

Every time you need another headache with a slice of lime in it.

Corona!

Dunstan

Every time a spring breaker makes a decision they’ll regret… a Corona gets its lime.

WCS

BANNER MATERIAL ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It washes down the shitty Jose Cuervo very well, then Plan B One-Step® in the morning for your hangover.

WCS

Every time a freshman pledge breaks his nose by passing out drunk on the sidewalk… a Corona gets it’s lime.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Every time a bartender says “sorry, we’re all out of Bud Light Lime-a-Rita, can I get you something else?”…a Corona gets its lime.

WCS

“Yeah, give me a shot of Jager and a Coors Light. DUDES! I’M DOING A SHOT! SIGMA CHI, BITCHES!”

yeah right

Another day another Cubbies walk off home run.

This is going to be a really fun ride.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAMN IT. Well, the professional ice hockey team based in Denver, Colorado had a great year. Better than expected.

Brick Meathook

Denver has a hockey team?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nope, no cups there. Move along now.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Escalating crankiness means I’m going to bed before 9. Feels like the right call.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

“If the gate’s not open, you go over the boards.”
Is the hockey talking guy talking about hockey or my honeymoon?

Dunstan

What’s the difference?

herodotus450

A lot more two-man advantage time on one of them.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Challenge that cowards!

WCS

The NBA sucks all the butt, but, at least BAWSTAHN won’t have all four major sports titles at the same time.

Senor Weaselo

Plus potentially Liverpool.

Sharkbait

COYS!

Horatio Cornblower

Boston would have collapsed into a singularity of suck so complete as to rival the black hole at the center of our galaxy.

Which I’d be fine with, except I’d lose two of my favorite breweries and a really good BBQ place.

Sharkbait

What BBQ place would this be?

Horatio Cornblower

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I can forgive as long as the Nuggies win.

yeah right

Damn glad for the Bucks. They earned that shit.

Redshirt

The drought is over. They got a hit! The Reds got a hit!

Redshirt

Seriously, this is how bad the Reds offense is. Our DH is batting ninth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope Basketball Game 2 is more exciting than Basketball Game 1.

Ian Scott McCormick

Basketball game 2 is going to put me to sleep. Because it starts late and my commute sucks. This country is too big.

herodotus450

(Strokes engorged Manifest Destiny)
“S-say that again, baby.”

Redshirt

Wait so racists have not only stolen the Republican Party from me but also the sign for “asshole”?!

https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/cubs-may-permanently-ban-fan-who-used-potentially-offensive-hand-gesture-behind-doug-glanville-at-game/

Senor Weaselo

And the sign where if you look at it you get punched in the arm, ppl forget that.
/But only below the waist

Redshirt

So upside down OK sign chest high = “asshole”, and below the waist = “I’m a white power douchebag”?

Senor Weaselo

Then you get punched in the face!

Mr. Ayo

I was not aware of this either.

herodotus450

Lying in bed, Colin Wilson ties it up for Colorado.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIZyqx83mso

Dunstan

Or does he?

herodotus450

He’ll have to do it again legally if he wants to be playing One Week from now.

Dunstan

What a Good Boy you are. You can Be My Yoko Ono any time.

Mr. Ayo

Ice VAR is the worst.

Ian Scott McCormick

I don’t get why Kyrie looks so sad. Now he gets to leave Boston.
I thought that’s what he wanted.

yeah right

He is already packed. The Celtics are two years removed from future dynasty to being the Nets bitch for a decade.
Enjoy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Nuggets; the worst Conference Semifinals series leaders in the league.

Unsurprised

The last few days have sucked, so here are some Katee Owen gifs I found

h

ttps://pixhost.to/gallery/LAGx4

Unsurprised

Slave Leia is Caylin from Chaturbate according to NameThatPornStar.com

h

ttps://namethatpornstar.com/imagecache/NTPS9u0qhxm5ctgu.gif

Redshirt

Alright. Lets see if my Reds can actually get a hit this night.

Senor Weaselo

Well the lights’ll work on time, that’ll help.

Redshirt

That would help. Normally 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM is reserved for at least the 15th inning.

WCS
Senor Weaselo

Amazing Race “I don’t like this person” thing. That’s what happens when they’re all apparently from other CBS reality shows.

Dunstan

Yeah, in its first few seasons I really liked TAR, even if only for the travel porn. Then they got carried away with stunt-casting and it got lame. I was actually thinking about checking it out again before I saw that it’s all Survivor and Big Brother alums this season apparently.

WCS

I’d like to see the Avs advance, but, Stan Kroenke doesn’t deserve good things.

Horatio Cornblower

I regret choosing Arsenal for my Premier League team for this very reason. I didn’t know! I DIDN’T KNOW!!!
/sobs uncontrollably

Senor Weaselo

It’s about time we had M&M cannibalism!

Ian Scott McCormick

Still JK Simmons best work

Senor Weaselo

Can we get JK Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson in the MCU?

Unsurprised

Now that the multiverse is canon for the MCU, absolutely. Not that they ever needed an excuse, but they have one now.

Unsurprised

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Mr. Ayo

AVS!!!

Senor Weaselo

Oh hey, they posted the 2019 season of BattleBots, uh, bots.

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

(discreetly goes to Googles Image Search)

Unsurprised

I accidentally deleted the original gif. This was one of two SFW frames

Unsurprised

h

ttp://www.mvpsportstour.com/image/2822a092a8ceb80340e5922c9f1d01fd.gif

Ian Scott McCormick

That goes from SFW to NSFW in a hurry.

Horatio Cornblower

“very big tits huge tits new sex tits gif tits new sex tits 2019” is the caption I got when I less-than-discreetly went to GIS.

I mean, they’re not wrong.

Redshirt

Bing Image Search didn’t return one Slave Leia picture. Whose programing these Search Engines?!

Unsurprised

It’s such a great porn search engine unless you’re using its image search function. Then it turns into 1994-era Yahoo!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m pretty sure that’s not a battle-bot…

Unsurprised

Well, it should be.

Unsurprised

Apropos of nothing else, get the goddamn chicken pox vaccine if you’ve never had it and the shingle vaccine if you’ve never had that but did have chicken pox. Shingles fucking SUCKS.

Unsurprised

Not even joking about antivax shit.

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Horatio Cornblower

I dunno man, the shingles are really tying the roof together.

LemonJello

“Shingles? Is that what those blue tarps we had FEMA give away are called en español ?”
-D. Trump, Jr

WCS

My uncle had shingles a few years ago. Nope.

Redshirt

Anti-Vaxxers: “I can’t have the Chicken Pox Vaccine. It was derived from the cells of an aborted fetus. What about God’s plans for that child?”
Me: “How do you know that wasn’t God’s plan for that unborn child? It gave their unborn life so others could live!”

Unsurprised

Are you sure you’re not a liberal?

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees are just hanging the poor bullpen guy out to dry this inning.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Horatio Cornblower

She’s 26 and has a face that would have Chris Hansen in your kitchen 2 minutes after you put her name into a search engine.

Unsurprised

Worth it

Redshirt

“She’s legal. Either turn off the camera and leave or stay and get weird. You’re choice, Chris.”

Unsurprised

Why give ’em a choice?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hanson doesn’t need to get held down, but he likes it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wonder who she’s jerkin’ off on the other side of that gif.

Unsurprised

She’s riding some vibrating bike thing around 30 minutes into this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX87GJcxTFg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“26??!?!”

[stops beating off]

-Mark Sanchez

Sharkbait

Sup.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

These Mario Kart graphics keep getting more and more lifelike.

Senor Weaselo

“Is it a catch?” BASEBALL EDITION! (Overturned to not a catch.)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Kamikaze pilot in training.

Ian Scott McCormick

I knew a kamikaze pilot once.
That’s not the set up to a joke. It’s just a really cool fact (They didn’t all just dive bomb themselves to death)

Senor Weaselo

Well then he wasn’t a very good one.

Ian Scott McCormick

He was an old ass Judo master. Closest person you’ll ever meet to Yoda. Used to talk about being a kid (with his red belt) who dressed up like a sailor and then walked into the rough parts of town to go “punk hunting”
Anyway, as he tells it the rule was that you were a fighter pilot, but if your plane takes any damage, you are to inflict as much damage as possible. If not, you get to come home. “When there was a big battle, I flew away from the action. So I was a coward. But I got to live.”
You sure did, Dr. Ashida

Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

“I knew a kamikaze pilot once. Yeah, just the one time.”

-Very Successful Kamikaze Pilot Trainer

Redshirt

I did exactly that once, only it was a smaller quicker loop and I didn’t turn my head.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

NBA basketball is a steaming heap of shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NOT WHEN THE NUGGIES ARE WINNIN’S!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DEALING WITH IMPORTANT ISSUES FACING OUR NATION!!

Brick Meathook

If your dream is playing pro football then don’t go to West Point.

Senor Weaselo

Not like anyone’ll remember he took it away… no seriously, most people won’t.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll bet Nick Saban is just shitting himself with terror at what this’ll do to his recruiting.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Damn, I need a hug.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Here ya go, pal.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“I hear you buddy.” The San Andreas Not Your Fault

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYa6gbDcx18

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Brilliant

Unsurprised

I want a 30 for 30 just on all the planning that went into this.

scotchnaut

“That gif? I’d give it a Bee-minus.”

-Nick Cage

Ian Scott McCormick

Every woman who saw that gif will roll their eyes, and then get madder than a Rage Against the Machine track when they see the “prank” they did with the toilet seat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BACON MAC’N’CHEESE NINJA, FUCKERS!!!

Senor Weaselo

His technique is atrocious!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WHO ARE YOU? JONFUCKINGSNOW??

MORE LIKE DELICIOUS DOUGHNUTS, MISTER!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like Sam Tarly, amirite?

Unsurprised

HoT pIe ShOuLd Be On ThE IrOn ThRoNe

Horatio Cornblower

Bet you wouldn’t say that if you were a jug of water.

Or a Twinkie.

Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

I don’t know that sword’s technique, but again, probably not great.
/Granted, coming from the guy who thwacked himself in the knee with a pair of nunchucks during his brown belt test. They were wooden, in case you were curious.

Unsurprised

It looks like one of those “tactical” giant knives that is based on the Roman gladius. I think the gladius was mostly a stabbing sword given its short length and relative thinness, which would effectively make it a club halfway through a battle.

Of course, I’m probably totally wrong.

scotchnaut

Most obscure Archer reference that you got in real time? I’m going with “Sweet Lou Dunbar Afro” in that swamp episode. I knew who he was because I read an article way back when that he could have been Magic before the latter came on the scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiy83SYgp_o

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, MOMMY!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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WCS

Big Money is this week’s Wheel theme:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQgu0MpnKq8&ab_channel=RushVEVO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

.

scotchnaut

Next best General after General Public? Discuss. Ranking Roger will be doing the… you know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XegL32Btzs

scotchnaut

I’m going with The Dessert Fox. Montgomery always maintained that his flan was other-worldly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpsMgKwzOuE

LemonJello

I was going to suggest General Ennui, but I lost interest in this.

Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

He and General Mills are gonna split the vote

Senor Weaselo

General Knowledge?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Not so fast there, Sharkbait…” – Ajax

Senor Weaselo

I haven’t seen Ajax write their own death sentence so quickly since Deadpool learned his disfigurement was unfixable.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a banner.

scotchnaut

/Tuesday

Me: [picking my nose as usual while monitoring sales]

Multi-National Corp: [via email] “We’ve heard good things about you.”

Me: “About nose-picking? I am pretty good.”

Multi-National Corp: “Ahh, no. About distributing things.”

Me: “Oh that! Whatever…” [continues digging]

Multi-National Corp: “Would you like low 7 figures in additional gross revenue?”

Me: “I guess.. I can still pick my nose, right?”

Multi-National Corp: “You realize our team can’t see you, right?”

Me: “Would you like to?”*

*ended up losing that contract. It’s really so tough in the business world!

Unsurprised

They really needed a good illegally-harvested organ trade logistician, and we all know how hands-on you are with your work. I guess you can’t beat someone who made their bones at Planned Parenthood, though.

herodotus450

Scotchy goes to bed so early he’s posting from next week.

Unsurprised

Someone associated with Kraft did something illegal and unethical?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbPi00k_ME&feature=youtu.be&t=12

scotchnaut
herodotus450

It coudl be a real movie, a parody trailer, or an actual porn, I have no idea.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My reaction was the same.

Unsurprised

You gotta be all three to make it in America in 2019.

Unsurprised

Oh, it’s Canadian? Then you also get the American remake. The everyday hustle is fucking exhausting, but so is life.

Mr. Ayo

It’s not only real, it’s a Sharknado inspired Canadian film!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avalanche_Sharks

scotchnaut

Get’s it.*

*Mr. Ayo

Unsurprised

Oh. We also need a History Channel series: Searching For Lost Avalanche Sharks of the North Pole

Horatio Cornblower

History CEO: (Looking up from giant pile of cocaine) Can you get Hitler in there somewhere? Are target demographic seems to be people desperately hoping that guy’s still alive and living with Sasquatch somewhere. (Smashes head back into giant pile of cocaine)

Unsurprised

Oh, sure. After that Russian whale that “defected” to Norway last week, I’m sure we could link it to their more esoteric and batshit super science, whacky weapons, and let’s even throw some Thule Society occultism in there to bring Megan Fox onboard.