Sorry for the quality – we were short-staffed at school, and I could only put things together in chunks.
NFL News:
- Overly conceived: Sean McVay says he was “over-prepared” for the Super Bowl.
- He claimed he spent the first week before the game watching every Patriots 2018 game, plus their Super Bowl games from previous years to try & gain insight into what they might do.
- Failing to take into account that Bill Belichick is an evil genius who plans based on the opponent, not the scenario.
- He claimed he spent the first week before the game watching every Patriots 2018 game, plus their Super Bowl games from previous years to try & gain insight into what they might do.
- Poorly conceived: Donovan McNabb has a “bitchy” response to people upset at his criticism of the Eagles.
- “If I’m an analyst and a question is presented to me, I’m supposed to answer the way I see fit,” McNabb said, via Philly.com.
- This is all because he said the Eagles might consider cutting Carson Wentz if they don’t make it back to the NFC title game before his rookie deal runs out.
- Financially conceived: The Seahawks are indeed considered the frontrunners to sign free agent DE Ziggy Ansah.
- He would fill the gap left by the Frank Clark trade, and his pre-existing shoulder issues means they’d be getting him at a discount.
- Which would then allow them to extend Bobby Wagner & end all this contract bullshit that dogs them each off-season.
- He would fill the gap left by the Frank Clark trade, and his pre-existing shoulder issues means they’d be getting him at a discount.
- Rem capto: Prosecutors in the Robert Kraft case want the court to sanction Kraft’s attorneys for allegedly lying in court.
- They claims Kraft’s attorneys made up accusations against a testifying officer designed to impact his credibility.
- The lawyers’ response is classic, ‘What? How DARE you impugn our credibility?!’
- “This is all an obvious and desperate attempt to deflect attention away from the illegal and unconstitutional actions of the Jupiter Police Department and the state lawyers.”
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: Game 7, Bay-Bay!
- Avalanche at Sharks – 9:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Celtics at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Game 5; Bucks lead 3-1
- Rockets at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
- Game 5; series tied 2-2
- Celtics at Bucks – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Mariners at Yankees – 6:30PM | ESPN / TSN2
- Twins at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Futbol:
- MLS:
- Atlanta vs. Toronto FC – 7:00PM | TSN4
- USL Championship Soccer:
- Nashville SC vs. Tampa Bay Rowdies – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- MLS:
I kinda wish I could watch that USL match. Otherwise, I look forward to either moar double overtime or a blowout.
Every time you wake up with shit encrusted undies and a vague remembrance of Las Vegas police a Corona gets its lime.
Shorter: Every Thursday, a Corona gets its lime.
Last 15 minutes of The Untouchables on BBC America. That was such a fucking great movie. Not even Costner could ruin it. Saw it in the theater, so I’m old, but I had good taste (may have also seen Every Which Way But Loose in the theater)
I just drunkenly (duh) bought my daughter 2 tix to see the Jonas Brothers.
Maybe I secretly wanna fuck the Jonas Brothers.
Maybe it ain’t a secret.
Also, HI EVERYBODY.
Every time a DFO’er drunkenly confesses his lust for the Jonas Brothers…. a Corona gets its lime.
At least I got no fear of scurvy.
*puts pants back on*
I thought everyone left already.
I mean, HEY!
Houston gonna Houston
It’s easy to forget that I also hate the Rockets.
I didn’t know you were Israeli
That’s easy for me to remember because I hate them motherfuckers too.
And fuck their in game entertainment coordinator.
https://giphy.com/gifs/keyboard-cat-blue-shirt-13Zdt5rMO2Ngc0
I hate the whole “try to get fouled” thing. Hated it when Wade did it 10 years ago, hate it when Harden does it now. Those 2 guys are first ballot HOFers, but I still hate it.
Every time you look around the party wondering which skank gave your boyfriend chlamydia which he then passed on to you…a Corona gets its lime.
The Buddy Life; season one, episode three
I finally got a banner?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIavZhtBXAg
Welcome to the tournament, Francis!
NERD!
Lots of cherries getting popped.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqH3uliwJY
Something about Lyme Disease.
#FearTheShears
Anybody sitting in a barber’s chair when Michael Irvin walks in.
Rockets getting back into this one? I may have to shut you off, 90 Day Fiance!
Dubs are done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIWd_2F2jJI
Out of respect for the community, I’ve flagged this post.
What is the similarity of Chris Paul and your average Home Depot shopper?
It’s someone in dire need of hardware.
Every time you need another headache with a slice of lime in it.
Corona!
Every time a spring breaker makes a decision they’ll regret… a Corona gets its lime.
BANNER MATERIAL ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
It washes down the shitty Jose Cuervo very well, then Plan B One-Step® in the morning for your hangover.
Every time a freshman pledge breaks his nose by passing out drunk on the sidewalk… a Corona gets it’s lime.
Every time a bartender says “sorry, we’re all out of Bud Light Lime-a-Rita, can I get you something else?”…a Corona gets its lime.
“Yeah, give me a shot of Jager and a Coors Light. DUDES! I’M DOING A SHOT! SIGMA CHI, BITCHES!”
Another day another Cubbies walk off home run.
This is going to be a really fun ride.
DAMN IT. Well, the professional ice hockey team based in Denver, Colorado had a great year. Better than expected.
Denver has a hockey team?
Nope, no cups there. Move along now.
Escalating crankiness means I’m going to bed before 9. Feels like the right call.
“If the gate’s not open, you go over the boards.”
Is the hockey talking guy talking about hockey or my honeymoon?
What’s the difference?
A lot more two-man advantage time on one of them.
Challenge that cowards!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-I7oZBn5q8
The NBA sucks all the butt, but, at least BAWSTAHN won’t have all four major sports titles at the same time.
Plus potentially Liverpool.
COYS!
Boston would have collapsed into a singularity of suck so complete as to rival the black hole at the center of our galaxy.
Which I’d be fine with, except I’d lose two of my favorite breweries and a really good BBQ place.
What BBQ place would this be?
I can forgive as long as the Nuggies win.
Damn glad for the Bucks. They earned that shit.
The drought is over. They got a hit! The Reds got a hit!
Seriously, this is how bad the Reds offense is. Our DH is batting ninth.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/4da27c9d5d75f8447becc24de2f95cf2/tumblr_mh96xoLy4x1r459ngo1_500.gif
I hope Basketball Game 2 is more exciting than Basketball Game 1.
Basketball game 2 is going to put me to sleep. Because it starts late and my commute sucks. This country is too big.
(Strokes engorged Manifest Destiny)
“S-say that again, baby.”
Wait so racists have not only stolen the Republican Party from me but also the sign for “asshole”?!
https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/cubs-may-permanently-ban-fan-who-used-potentially-offensive-hand-gesture-behind-doug-glanville-at-game/
And the sign where if you look at it you get punched in the arm, ppl forget that.
/But only below the waist
So upside down OK sign chest high = “asshole”, and below the waist = “I’m a white power douchebag”?
Then you get punched in the face!
I was not aware of this either.
Lying in bed, Colin Wilson ties it up for Colorado.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIZyqx83mso
Or does he?
He’ll have to do it again legally if he wants to be playing One Week from now.
What a Good Boy you are. You can Be My Yoko Ono any time.
Ice VAR is the worst.
I don’t get why Kyrie looks so sad. Now he gets to leave Boston.
I thought that’s what he wanted.
He is already packed. The Celtics are two years removed from future dynasty to being the Nets bitch for a decade.
Enjoy.
The Nuggets; the worst Conference Semifinals series leaders in the league.
The last few days have sucked, so here are some Katee Owen gifs I found
h
ttps://pixhost.to/gallery/LAGx4
Slave Leia is Caylin from Chaturbate according to NameThatPornStar.com
h
ttps://namethatpornstar.com/imagecache/NTPS9u0qhxm5ctgu.gif
Alright. Lets see if my Reds can actually get a hit this night.
Well the lights’ll work on time, that’ll help.
That would help. Normally 2:00 AM and 3:00 AM is reserved for at least the 15th inning.
Are there more bees?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J2kc4oZTVU
Amazing Race “I don’t like this person” thing. That’s what happens when they’re all apparently from other CBS reality shows.
Yeah, in its first few seasons I really liked TAR, even if only for the travel porn. Then they got carried away with stunt-casting and it got lame. I was actually thinking about checking it out again before I saw that it’s all Survivor and Big Brother alums this season apparently.
I’d like to see the Avs advance, but, Stan Kroenke doesn’t deserve good things.
I regret choosing Arsenal for my Premier League team for this very reason. I didn’t know! I DIDN’T KNOW!!!
/sobs uncontrollably
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mxOj5GKyZg&list=PLE4nDx4HUfLrMkhldBWy5WDlxm85_XLbR
This is both funny and wrong.
It’s about time we had M&M cannibalism!
Still JK Simmons best work
Beg pardon?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5G9reMt5FE
Can we get JK Simmons as J. Jonah Jameson in the MCU?
Now that the multiverse is canon for the MCU, absolutely. Not that they ever needed an excuse, but they have one now.
AVS!!!
Oh hey, they posted the 2019 season of BattleBots, uh, bots.
(discreetly goes to Googles Image Search)
I accidentally deleted the original gif. This was one of two SFW frames
h
ttp://www.mvpsportstour.com/image/2822a092a8ceb80340e5922c9f1d01fd.gif
That goes from SFW to NSFW in a hurry.
“very big tits huge tits new sex tits gif tits new sex tits 2019” is the caption I got when I less-than-discreetly went to GIS.
I mean, they’re not wrong.
Bing Image Search didn’t return one Slave Leia picture. Whose programing these Search Engines?!
It’s such a great porn search engine unless you’re using its image search function. Then it turns into 1994-era Yahoo!
I’m pretty sure that’s not a battle-bot…
Well, it should be.
Apropos of nothing else, get the goddamn chicken pox vaccine if you’ve never had it and the shingle vaccine if you’ve never had that but did have chicken pox. Shingles fucking SUCKS.
Not even joking about antivax shit.
I dunno man, the shingles are really tying the roof together.
“Shingles? Is that what those blue tarps we had FEMA give away are called en español ?”
-D. Trump, Jr
My uncle had shingles a few years ago. Nope.
Anti-Vaxxers: “I can’t have the Chicken Pox Vaccine. It was derived from the cells of an aborted fetus. What about God’s plans for that child?”
Me: “How do you know that wasn’t God’s plan for that unborn child? It gave their unborn life so others could live!”
Are you sure you’re not a liberal?
Yankees are just hanging the poor bullpen guy out to dry this inning.
She’s 26 and has a face that would have Chris Hansen in your kitchen 2 minutes after you put her name into a search engine.
Worth it
“She’s legal. Either turn off the camera and leave or stay and get weird. You’re choice, Chris.”
Why give ’em a choice?
Hanson doesn’t need to get held down, but he likes it.
Wonder who she’s jerkin’ off on the other side of that gif.
She’s riding some vibrating bike thing around 30 minutes into this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX87GJcxTFg
“26??!?!”
[stops beating off]
-Mark Sanchez
Sup.
These Mario Kart graphics keep getting more and more lifelike.
“Is it a catch?” BASEBALL EDITION! (Overturned to not a catch.)
Kamikaze pilot in training.
I knew a kamikaze pilot once.
That’s not the set up to a joke. It’s just a really cool fact (They didn’t all just dive bomb themselves to death)
Well then he wasn’t a very good one.
He was an old ass Judo master. Closest person you’ll ever meet to Yoda. Used to talk about being a kid (with his red belt) who dressed up like a sailor and then walked into the rough parts of town to go “punk hunting”
Anyway, as he tells it the rule was that you were a fighter pilot, but if your plane takes any damage, you are to inflict as much damage as possible. If not, you get to come home. “When there was a big battle, I flew away from the action. So I was a coward. But I got to live.”
You sure did, Dr. Ashida
“I knew a kamikaze pilot once. Yeah, just the one time.”
-Very Successful Kamikaze Pilot Trainer
I did exactly that once, only it was a smaller quicker loop and I didn’t turn my head.
NBA basketball is a steaming heap of shit.
NOT WHEN THE NUGGIES ARE WINNIN’S!!
Fuck ’em
https://deadspin.com/donald-trump-would-now-like-to-bring-back-policy-for-se-1834564668
DEALING WITH IMPORTANT ISSUES FACING OUR NATION!!
If your dream is playing pro football then don’t go to West Point.
Not like anyone’ll remember he took it away… no seriously, most people won’t.
I’ll bet Nick Saban is just shitting himself with terror at what this’ll do to his recruiting.
Damn, I need a hug.
“Here ya go, pal.”
“I hear you buddy.” The San Andreas Not Your Fault
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYa6gbDcx18
Brilliant
I want a 30 for 30 just on all the planning that went into this.
“That gif? I’d give it a Bee-minus.”
-Nick Cage
Every woman who saw that gif will roll their eyes, and then get madder than a Rage Against the Machine track when they see the “prank” they did with the toilet seat.
BACON MAC’N’CHEESE NINJA, FUCKERS!!!
His technique is atrocious!
WHO ARE YOU? JONFUCKINGSNOW??
MORE LIKE DELICIOUS DOUGHNUTS, MISTER!!
More like Sam Tarly, amirite?
HoT pIe ShOuLd Be On ThE IrOn ThRoNe
Bet you wouldn’t say that if you were a jug of water.
Or a Twinkie.
I don’t know that sword’s technique, but again, probably not great.
/Granted, coming from the guy who thwacked himself in the knee with a pair of nunchucks during his brown belt test. They were wooden, in case you were curious.
It looks like one of those “tactical” giant knives that is based on the Roman gladius. I think the gladius was mostly a stabbing sword given its short length and relative thinness, which would effectively make it a club halfway through a battle.
Of course, I’m probably totally wrong.
Most obscure Archer reference that you got in real time? I’m going with “Sweet Lou Dunbar Afro” in that swamp episode. I knew who he was because I read an article way back when that he could have been Magic before the latter came on the scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiy83SYgp_o
YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE, MOMMY!
Big Money is this week’s Wheel theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQgu0MpnKq8&ab_channel=RushVEVO
.
Next best General after General Public? Discuss. Ranking Roger will be doing the… you know
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XegL32Btzs
I’m going with The Dessert Fox. Montgomery always maintained that his flan was other-worldly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpsMgKwzOuE
I was going to suggest General Ennui, but I lost interest in this.
He and General Mills are gonna split the vote
General Knowledge?
Not in today’s society.
Plus, that fucker on Jeopardy will eat you alive with just “General knowledge”.
“Not so fast there, Sharkbait…” – Ajax
I haven’t seen Ajax write their own death sentence so quickly since Deadpool learned his disfigurement was unfixable.
That’s a banner.
/Tuesday
Me: [picking my nose as usual while monitoring sales]
Multi-National Corp: [via email] “We’ve heard good things about you.”
Me: “About nose-picking? I am pretty good.”
Multi-National Corp: “Ahh, no. About distributing things.”
Me: “Oh that! Whatever…” [continues digging]
Multi-National Corp: “Would you like low 7 figures in additional gross revenue?”
Me: “I guess.. I can still pick my nose, right?”
Multi-National Corp: “You realize our team can’t see you, right?”
Me: “Would you like to?”*
*ended up losing that contract. It’s really so tough in the business world!
They really needed a good illegally-harvested organ trade logistician, and we all know how hands-on you are with your work. I guess you can’t beat someone who made their bones at Planned Parenthood, though.
Scotchy goes to bed so early he’s posting from next week.
Someone associated with Kraft did something illegal and unethical?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjbPi00k_ME&feature=youtu.be&t=12
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7WYFLlxGbA&ab_channel=FrankReynolds%28BestofItsAlwaysSunnyinPhiladelphia%29
AVALANCHE SHARKS! WOO!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rvSLOop59A
It coudl be a real movie, a parody trailer, or an actual porn, I have no idea.
My reaction was the same.
You gotta be all three to make it in America in 2019.
Oh, it’s Canadian? Then you also get the American remake. The everyday hustle is fucking exhausting, but so is life.
It’s not only real, it’s a Sharknado inspired Canadian film!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avalanche_Sharks
Get’s it.*
*Mr. Ayo
Oh. We also need a History Channel series: Searching For Lost Avalanche Sharks of the North Pole
History CEO: (Looking up from giant pile of cocaine) Can you get Hitler in there somewhere? Are target demographic seems to be people desperately hoping that guy’s still alive and living with Sasquatch somewhere. (Smashes head back into giant pile of cocaine)
Oh, sure. After that Russian whale that “defected” to Norway last week, I’m sure we could link it to their more esoteric and batshit super science, whacky weapons, and let’s even throw some Thule Society occultism in there to bring Megan Fox onboard.